Gossip Roundup

Blood & the Honey

So what have those celebrity rascals been up to over the past week? Angelina Jolie has found a new cause celeb. That would be Ugandan warlord Joseph Kony. Jolie has been very vocal and outspoken about him since he started making the radar via twitter and facebook. Killer Lips had this to say:

More than just big lips – she keeps her best foot forward!

You heard her – he’s an extraordinarily horrible human being and she works in Hollywood. Almost everyone she knows is an extraordinarily horrible human being (whether they are more horrible or extraordinary is not our place to judge – it’s for award shows to decide)! So she knows where of she speaks!

More on Kony, cause if you run into a celeb, say at Starbucks (Yonge & Bloor Toronto is usually good for some random run ins – just make sure the restraining orders have expired!) you’ll need something trendy – if not relevant – to talk about!

Does this mean if Angelina Jolie gets a star on the Walk of Fame she’ll have to use her other foot for the sidewalk impression?

So let no more be said about “the leg”! Although I hear the Leg has been doing it’s own thinking on the Kony issues. On the one hand the Leg thinks Kony is bad, on the other it’s far more concerned with what kind of pumps it looks good in, and whether the Oscar stunt would’ve gone over better had it been freshly tattooed! The Leg seems to be developing a life & personality of it’s own. So you don’t speak for the Leg, Angelina.

Remember that this blog is not suggesting that Kony is not a horrible person. The world is full of horrible people – so odds are he is one of them!

… and now on to the ordinarily horrible

Michael Madson may not be horrible but he might’ve been taking parenting lessons from the Ryan O Neal School of Fatherhood. Michael Madson isn’t Kony, but he has played tough guys in those creepy Quentin Tarantino flicks. Madsen was recently arrested – & by recently I mean 10:30 PM last night (give or take a few secs either way for you nit pickers and sticklers out there) for getting into a fight with his teen aged son. The fight got physical so the police had to intervene and Madsen got slapped with a child endangerment charge. Madsen – who was allegedly drunk at the time – got booked into the Lost Hills sheriff’s station and is being held on $10 000 bond. Meanwhile the Special Victims Bureau are investigating.

Not that Madsen is a horrible person. he just did a bad thing. in fact I won’t even go so far as to say it was bad – merely possibly criminal. That’s for the Special Victim’s Unit, & the courts to decide. Personally I blame society, ’cause as Mad Men star Jon Hamm recently said in regarding Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian and those other we love to hate, & we do love to hate don’t we (part of the ‘rich emotional spectrum’ that makes us ‘human’), –

‘Being a f***ing idiot is a valuable commodity in this culture because you’re rewarded significantly.’

Don’t blame me, ’cause Hamm said it ELLE UK magazine. I’d say that’s an over generalization cause Octomom and Balloon Boy Dad are still waiting for their significant rewards; unless learning you’re lesson and escaping intact are significant rewards. Except that Octomom didn’t escape unscathed.

Jerking Kirk

Speaking of horrible people this was the week that Kirk Cameron got himself in trouble for sharing some views with the world. When asked by Piers Morgan what he thought of homosexuality. Cameron is a well known Christian and Piers has been around so he could probably guess what the answer would be. Giving him the benefit of the doubt by assuming he didn’t have a clue would be insulting!

Kirk replied that he was opposed personally. Actually he called it “unnatural” and “destructive” to civilization (whereas marriage was as old as dirt). The ancient Greeks knew a thing or two about civilization. A few other civilizations – historically speaking, seemed okay with it. So that might be another one of those over generalizations, but you gotta admit that Kirk has a way with words. That “old as dirt” line wasn’t bad! It was bold, direct, and down to earth!

there ought’a be a law – but when we do it it’s cute!

Anyway Kirk’s big sin seems to have been in principle, rather than in practice. If you keep your gay slurs casual it’s not quite so bad. Like Khloe Kardashian! Those Kardashian girls are magnets for shit and can’t put a foot right these days so we have to keep the following in proportion (wonder how the Kardashians feel about Kony??). For instance maybe the stress was getting to Khloe when she recently interviewed Scott Disick on her radio show. When she found out in the course of the conversation that Disick carries a bag, Khloe retorted “What kind of homo are you? Seriously? A straight man doesn’t carry a Birkin Bag.” Disick is familiar with hot water himself, and went on to chide Khloe about her choice in words – “Listen to me. First of all, you shouldn’t say homo on the radio. It’s not a bad thing to be a homosexual. You’re making it sound like a negative thing. Third I’m not a homosexual. Fourth, I didn’t come out of the closet. It’s a man bag.

Khloe wasn’t going to sit there and get lectured, so she replied – “I am the queen of my gay community which I love and adore. And I promote doing the tranny look-alike contest. I am queen bee over here so don’t even try it.” That sounds like Dog the Bounty Hunter saying he could use the “N” word cause he had street cred and was down with black people. So ya hear that Disick – she promotes a tranny contest, so her heart is right out there on her sleeve. If only Kirk had kept it to the school yard malice level then it might have been more forgivable. Children never grow up, they only learn how to behave, more or less – so you can’t ban school yard malice!

High crimes & misdemeanors

Then there’s the small time bastardry – like Mario Batali. Batali is best known as an American chef, writer, restaurateur and media personality. He’s also a friend of Gwenyth Paltrow. He recently made some comments about those corrupt bankers no one likes, and wasn’t afraid to use strong language about then. Batali said “So the way the bankers have kind of toppled the way money is distributed and taken most of it into their own hands is as good as Stalin or Hitler.” “As bad as” might’ve been better choice in words but give him a break. We know what he was trying to say. He was coming out and declaring himself so people would know he’s on the right side! Even if he had to use the kind of language that got Megan Fox fired to do it.

Anyway while Batali was concerned about Hilters and Stalins (Stalin was on our side against Hitler but let’s not get bogged down in moral ambiguities) he was also lawyers. So he’s a tireless warrior against the world’s evils! Apparently some of his employees are less than pleased with their progressive right thinking employer. Seems that they’ve been somehow deprived of tips. That caused them to fall in with a bad crowd – namely the lawyers. According to the law suit Batali and his partner Joseph Bastianichunlawfully confiscated a portion of their workers’ hard-earned tips in order to supplement their own profits.” According to the New York Post:

The suit alleged that Batali and Bastianich “misappropriated” 4 to 5 percent of each shift’s wine and drink sales from the workers’ tip pool, took an unlawful “tip credit” that pushed pay below minimum wage and failed to pay extra for shifts lasting more than 10 hours.

Since Batali’s banker bashing was at a Time Magazine sponsored panel, the law suit was just plain embarrassing, even if kept in proportion. Being a small time Dickensian heel doesn’t make you Hitler or Stalin, but doesn’t qualify you for the Nobel Peace Prize either (back in Henry Kissinger’s day you had to kill tons to get one of those! So even Kony has a way to go before he’s in Peace Prize contention.).

The good news is that the case has finally been settled. The thing got resolved last Wednesday and Batali had to pay out $5.25 million to atone for his misdeeds. That means he can now go on to offer mildly socially conscious, mildly hypocritical statements for public consumption without worrying about what could come back to bite him on the ass! Huuraah! You’re not Hilter, Batali, & you ain’t too big to fail either – so cheer up.

faction action

Speaking of Nobel Peace Prize winners the Stop Obama faction are still in action.

Celebrity mayhem – witness the demonstration of superpowers you’ve never even dreamed of!

So it’s been a busy week. Evil walks among us but it’s hard to recognize, especially if some optical illusion like a mirror, for instance, gets in the way. Maybe it recently had a face lift, or some other work done. It’s important to work on yourself because that’s what self improvement is all about. Looking good is half that battle and when you won half the battle then you can go out and make all sort so of mischief! You only need the right wardrobe – maybe some eye catching skin tight spandex and latex super gear and you’ll be ready to rush out there and save the world – no matter how much of it you might mess up in the process. Breaking things is besides the point ’cause you can’t make an omelet without breaking eggs. The point is that it’s a fun mean little game that you can’t be afraid to play. It’s called Superdickery – and that leads to more wondertrash!

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