Michael Lohan Arrested for Felony Domestic Violence

Michael Lohan: Fame is an octagon

It’s seems like trouble is the Lohan family business. On that score Lindsay seems to be the main bread winner with her frequent legal run ins and rehab stints. Papa Mikey is no slouch when it comes to rowdy hell raising himself. Mike has this problem which is that he occasionally likes to go ape shit on what ever woman is brain damaged enough to be dating him at the time. Like Kate Major. Kate was some kind of reporter or something with Star Magazine who got hooked up with and then dumped by Jon Gosselin. She rebounded on to Mike Lohan. I’d call that a case of sloppy seconds except that Major hasn’t qualified as ‘seconds‘ for many many helpings. She’s more like that thing festering in tinfoil at the back of the refrigerator.

Anyhow they were getting along famously and Kate was saying Lohan was the great love of her life, just the way she was saying Jon Gosselin was the great love of her life. It’s a lady’s perogative to change her mind – so Kate might as well try it too. Things were going along hunky dory until some one got drunk, we’re not sure who but it could have been both of them, and then the shit hit the fan. The story that trickled down to the public via twitter, the internet, and supermarket tabs, was that Mikey got home all liquored up and found Kate drunk and out cold in an arm chair. one thing lead to another as such situations often do and soon Kate was sprawled on the floor and the cops were on the way. This couldn’t have happened at a worse time for Mikey since he only had 2 weeks left on his probation for some previous domestic assault type incident.

Some guys never win. In Mikey’s case it’s more like some guys never learn. That’s because it appears lover boy has pulled another one of his patented shit for brains stunts. The details are so far sketchy, but it goes something like this:

“Mr. Lohan was arrested after we received a call around 9 p.m. regarding a domestic dispute. He was detained after he was spotted walking on the street near our station. He showed no signs of intoxication that I’m aware of and has been cooperative.”

At least that’s the version Lt. John Ratto gave People Magazine. Maybe Lt Latto is some kind of celebrity liaison officer. The slightly more detailed version as Lohan assaulting an unnamed victim. Lohan thens tarted complaining about an “unrelated medical condition” – I’m guessing chest pains. So he was rushed over to Cedars Sinai Hospital. He’s currently laying low there while he contemplates his next move.

That next move better involve a way to raise a hughnomous wad of cash, ’cause this time the police are holding him on 200 000 bail. It’s gonna be tough for Mikey to pull in those kind of funds since Lindsay is the oly one in the family with any kind of income. Her income is currently tied up in rehab bills and lawyers fees, stemming from her own particular brand of mayhem.

So look on the bright side – Japan may be about to go nuclear, the mid east may be dissolving in turmoil, Charlie Sheen is threatening to unleash violent torpedoes of truth on the nation in the form of a cross country stand up tour, and Donald Trump may be poised to run for office on a Sarah Palin presidential ticket; but at least Michael Lohan is off the streets and in some kind of supervised environment for an indefinite period of time. Every once in a blue moon the system works! There could even be an up side to this. Mikey might eventually earn his own living by pitching a reality TV concept where he fights other D List celebs! They could call the show Michael Lohan’s Starwhackers! It’d beat American Idol to hell!

Firecrotch Redhanded

As for the second most troubled member of the Lohan clan, Lindsay is set to pull a Mel & plead no contest to her jewelry stealing charges. Her mother Dina emphasizes that o contest is not the same as guilty – it’s completely different in the way that not guilty doesn’t mean innocent. She then goes on to call LA a fucked up town – that’s not news but saying it won’t make her any friends, and talk about some imaginary film projects she’s considering for her daughter.

Personally I’d recommend a few whacked out calls to Alex Jones (make sure to frequently mention starwhackers) followed by a Lindsay Lohan nation wide stand up tour. They could call it “Sticky Fingers“, or if the Rolling Stones get pissed over that then maybe “Firecrotch Red Handed“. Read about that over @ Zimbio!


Paris Hilton prosecutor busted in coke deal

https://i1.wp.com/img2.timeinc.net/people/i/2011/news/110404/david-schubert-320.jpgParis Hilton is a gal who gets in and out of trouble. Like Lindsay Lohan she usually gets away with it. Usually it’s because she always lands on her feet. Sometimes one of her 9 lives comes in handy. Then there are those other occasions when her deal with darkness must be responsible. Like lately.

Paris has a fondness for the kind of party favours that you can’t get at your local 5 & dime variety store – not unless there’s a twitchy homeless guy standing right outside the door. These are the kind of party favours that can get you in a bit of trouble with the law. Trouble is what Paris got when she got nabbed with a significant amount of cocaine in a purse she later claimed wasn’t hers – even though it had all her ID in it. Naturally Paris had to go off for another one of those smashing mugshots of hers. She was then set free to continue with her own special brand of celebrity mayhem!

As usual when Ms. Hilton is involved things can take strange and unexpected turns. Like in this case. Paris was tried for her hard partying ways by a Las Vegas prosecutor named David Charles Schubert, 47. In fact he’s more than a prosecutor – he’s a chief deputy DA. He’s no stranger to publicity either since he also threw the book at Bruno Mars over his cocaine related misdoings. So he’s had some previous experience with drug busts and the kind of bad PR they can bring. No previous experience could’ve prepared him for what was about to happen – though he really should’ve known.

Seems that Dave was out and about, on the street as it were, when he ran into an old acquaintance. Never one to breeze past one of the little people Dave stopped to pass the time of day. One thing lead to another and pretty soon the chief deputy DA was making a drug deal. By drug deal I mean that the dude was buying crack.

Now there’s no shame in that. Chief Deputy DA is a rough job high on demands and with tons of pressure. You’re only as good as your last win because those hungry jaws poised just above you on the food chain are expecting results and not excuses. So sometimes having something that gives you a little added edge – like Popeye with his spinach – makes everyone happy. Everyone except for the poor buggers who get sent to the klink!

It’s a victimless crime and if no body sees it then no body gets mad. However in this case the aforementioned David Charles Schubert made a whopper of a mistake – he did let some one see him do it. The person who saw this dirty little deed go down was probably the worst person in the world to be standing near by when you’re buying dope off of a street dealer – and that’s and undercover cop! According to the Las Vegas Review Journal

Schubert was arrested by a Las Vegas police patrol officer about 4:51 p.m. near Desert Inn Road and Maryland Parkway.

The patrol officer saw what he thought was a drug transaction and stopped Schubert’s vehicle near Sierra Vista Drive and Cambridge Street, police said.

The result was that Schubert was whisked off to the very same facility that Hilton and Mars were taken to, and for much the same treatment: finger printing, mugshot, and I assume strip search followed by anal cavity exam. Officers of the court need to be held to higher standards so we don’t want anyone thinking he got off easy by slipping something up his sleeve, or up anything else!

So far Schubert is being cooperative – a really aggressive anal cavity exam will to that to you. However that attitude is a little after that fact. Since he got caught red – or white -handed, the prosecutors are going at him. His boss DA David Roger is particularly disappointed. He expressed his disapproval in the following terms:

“It’s disheartening to know the individual who I assigned to prosecute high-level drug cases is allegedly using rock cocaine. His future is bleak with the district attorney’s office.”

I haven’t heard such strong language since the last time I brought home a report card! The fact that Schubert was named to a high level Las Vegas anti drug task force probably heightens the disappointment. No one wants to think about a fox guarding the hen house scenario!

Not everyone is appalled and disgusted with this so called law enforcement officials sleazy shenanigans. Schubert’s erstwhile adversary – the Red Baron to his Snoopy – has spoken out in support of the disgraced, and by now tweaking like crazy, prosecutor. David Chesnoff is a hi profile Vegas attorney who’s crossed words with Schubert in both the Hilton and Mars cases. Chesnoff had this to say about his fallen adversary!

“I’m a big believer in the Constitution. I believe everyone is innocent until proven guilty. And I always root for the underdog. I will say this: David’s always been a real professional and always treated me with respect, so I wish him the best.”

Well there you go – trouble comes when you least suspect it and you find friends where you never thought to look. That ought’a do as a moral to this sad and sorry cautionary tale. That is unless you wanna make something out of it like – LEGALIZE DRUGS ALREADY! Then again others like a more traditional moral like “Men who live in glass house better not throw rocks – even if they’re rocks of cocaine“. As for myself, I’ll go for something more common sense and nonjudgmental, like “Make sure that your own nose is clean before you go sticking it into other people’s business!. Unless you’re an entertainment blogger that is – then go for it!


More Trouble for Earl Girl

7 Simple Dares to fuck up your wedding

https://i2.wp.com/www.radaronline.com/sites/radaronline.com/files/imagecache/350width/jami2A57.jpgIf you’re halfway serious about entertainment gossip, then you’re familiar with the antics of My Name Is Earl girl Jaime Pressly. By antics I mean stunts like pissing in the street and driving around loaded. Now this ain’t stuff she did on the show we’re talking about, but some wacky real life stunts. Her street pissing got caught on camera during her bridal shower. Before anyone could ask whether Bridezilla was marking her territory in an pre wedding estrogen frenzy, Jamie explained that she wasn’t really peeing, it was from a water bottle placed beside her and out of camera range. Oh yeah and it was dare #7 on her bridal party dare list. Since that marriage is currently defunct I guess it wasn’t worth the public urination stunt.

flyin’ high & DUI

As for the DUI – that involved Pressly blowing a 2.2 on the breathalyzer. That’s Boris Yeltsin level drunk (Remember Boris? He was such an alchy that he got caught naked in a Moscow river after a bender – back when he was still running for Pres of that country. He claimed that it was an assignation attempt by his political enemies. Everyone in Moscow split their guts laughing at that – though some in the West almost took it seriously.). So she probably had no business behind the wheel of a car. She was so hi – allegedly – that she could’ve flown without benefit of a plane. Upshot is she got busted and of course plead not guilty. She’s current out on $15 000 bail.

look out for an attack of the Starwhackers!

Well looks like Ms. Pressly has more to worry about then police spot checks. Word is out now that Jaime is in trouble with the IRS. Her trouble stems from about $600 000 in unpaid taxes. The bill breaks down to this: there was some confusion about Ms Pressly’s 2008 taxes, so the IRS filed a $281,699 lien against her back in Sept. 2008. That didn’t get paid (her stylist was handling it *wink*), so another lien of $260,370 got added to that back in Dec. Another lien of $95,080 got tacked on in June 21 (solstice day – do you smell the foul hand of the Illuminati at work?), perhaps just for cheesing of the IRS with her tardiness and giving everyone a hard time. Add those liens up and the total is trouble!

you know you’re in shit when: Pressly’s publicist could not be reached immediately for comment

https://i0.wp.com/comicrelated.com/graphics/solicits/dc/nov09/4DCU/WW%20Cv38.jpgIt’s hard to say (but easy to guess) what Ms. Pressly’s personal problem is (next stop – rehab), beyond drunk driving and public urination; except to say that Pamela Anderson took more than a decade to get herself fucked up that far in arrears (and then she began screwing the electrician just to get her renovations done!). Besides Pam had a genuinely successful career on an international hit TV show – not a supporting role on a TV comedy (though she started out that way – Tool Time), which gave her more rope to hang herself with. Pressly has done this on a shoe string, in comparison.

following Jessica Simpson down the path of blond perdition

Whatever her personal problems, Pressly has a serious financial problem. Her tax beef is on both state and federal levels. Federal is as bad as it gets. No matter how she’s gotten there, though, she is in deep shit this time. The IRS has taken down celebrities before – Wesley Snipes and Willie Nelson; so they’d have no compunction about tossing a TV supporting actress from a defunct show into the slammer. They nailed Martha Stewart for less. Add that messy divorce from entertainment lawyer Simran Singh (divorce a lawyer and the next thing you know you’re in shit with the government – go figure) – since they’ve only been married for a few months it can’t be amicable, no matter what publicists say – and this could be one humdinger of a year for the Earl Girl.



Andrew Cunanan was a mafia patsy!

some days

July 17, 1997 started out a good day for fashion king pin Gianni Versace. His ear cancer was in remission and his latest AIDS test was negative. However life was to go from good to bad to dead quick enough. As Versace opened the gates to his Miami spread he was shot from behind in the head and neck. Witnesses on the scene found the designer lying in a pool of his own blood with his face blown off. A dead pigeon was near by, and a well known young man was spotted fleeing the scene.

“I’m so mad I could go on a 5 state killing spree!”
~Cunanan’s favorite expression when mad

The young man was infamous serial killer Andrew Cunanan. Cunanan was a bright and ambitious young man who chose the life of a gay escort as a short cut to the top. By servicing the rich, famous, and gay he got admission to a world it might ordinarily have taken him years if not decades to get to on his own merits (Cunanan was a border line genius with a 149 IQ – so he probably might have got there on his merits eventually). So Mr Cunanan was often scene in the comapny of wealthy older business and political types. Some where along the way the life of wine and roses went off the rails, and when the world learned of Cunanan he’d ‘gone ballistic’ and was wanted for the deaths of 4 men. This was prior to the Versace killing – by the time Versace was killed the public had already been asking “who’s next?’

Miami Vice

No one is sure what Cunanan’s motive for killing Versace might have been, except that the two vaguely knew each other. They’d attended some of the same parties together – Versace was well known around the Miami hot spots and used to solicit companions for the evening by going into gay strip clubs and learning at the dancers. When they turned up their noses at the older man, he’d point at himself and mouth “Versace“. After that they’d line up and Gianni could have his pick!

the day the shit hit the fan

As said Versace and Cunanan seemed to have known each other in some way. So the working theory is that when the shit hit the fan Cunanan went in search of some one to help him, like Versace. Versace had a boat and tons of bucks so he was the go to guy if you needed to get out of the country quick. Now folk think that Versace told Cunanan to fuck the hell off when asked for help. That set Cunanan off his pretty little head and provoked another killing, followed by Cunanan’s suicide. Though most folk belive that, some others think different.

that’s a morte

Others in this case is Italian journalist Gialuigi Nuzzi. He’s the author of a new book on the infamous Versace killing, and has pointed out that there were some irregularities in the case. Like that dead pigeon. A dead pigeon left at the scene of a day time killing, according to Nuzzi, is the traditional calling card of the Mafia. in fact it’s where we get the phrase “stool pigeon” from. So the dead pigeon would seem to poitn to some one other than Cunanan as the killer.

low friends in high places

Now Nuzzi should know a thing or two about the mafia ’cause he’s got plenty of friends in the business. Friends like Giuseppe Di Bella. Di Bella is a sort of godfather figure in the Italian mob with a reputation for veracity with the authorities. In fact Italian coppers say that he ain’t steered ’em wrong yet! Di Bella’s says that Versace got mixed up with a bad guy named Franco Coco Trovato. Trovato’s bag was laundering money for South American drug lords. He’d take a trip down south, pick up some cash, find a semi legitimate business to invest in, then leave said business a piece of the action before spreading the wealth around.

strange bedfellows

According to Di Bella that’s how Trovato knew Versace. Versace was, allegedly, a business associate of Trovato. That association is said to include pumping money into Versace’s business for laundering and eventual return to South America. The fashion industry would come in handy for a South American connection. Now things went wrong, according to informant Di Bella, and corroborated by another mobster – Filippo Barecca -when Versace started skimming. Since Trovato had some very ruthless dudes to answer to, that could be tolerated. So shit happened. The dead pigeon was just the mob’s way of confirming that the job had been done!

vulgar favors

Di Bella insists that Trovato knew Versace well. Trovato was a fashion freak and loved to show off his Versace originals – gifts that had been signed by the man himself. Di Bella also goes on to claim that this arrangement went as far back as 1983-84, when the pair would take vacations,or business trips, together to such exotic locales as Majorca and Brazil! Di Bella also gives Versace the benefit opf the doubt, claiming that the designer may not have realized trovato was amob boss, and so didn’t know where the money came from. Versace may merely have got cute with the wrong guy.

Blood & money down at the bookstore!

In an interesting side note the boat where Cunanan was found dead – allegedly suicide – was owned by a mafioso. Now the authorities didn’t make too much out of that. They had their man, who was dead – so they didn’t even have to go to the trouble & expense of a trial. That’s a big incentive to close the case without asking too many awkward questions. However Nuzzi goes on to hint in his book that Cunanan was set up by the mob as a fall guy, to take the blame for the killing. Nuzzi’s book is called Metastasi, A Chronicle of Blood & Money. That book deals with the Calabrian gang known as N’drangheta – in which Versace allegedly some how got himself mixed up with. For the record Versace’s surviving kin Donatella and Santo vehemently deny this. They even went to court in Sydney, Australia to have a similar book – The Spying Game by Frank Monte – banned. They won that case so who knows how much there is to this beyond a good story. However Nuzzi’s book hasn’t been banned so you should be able to get your hands on it and decide for yourself!

Wondertrash: America’s Most Wanted!


Lucky Stiffs

Fame is like being the stiff at your own funeral

Remember when Randy & Evi Quaid went off their heads and sought refugee status in Vancouver? They claimed that organized bands of “starwhackers” were targeting the rich and famous, like themselves, for death. The motive was money. The Quaids maintained that with unpredictable and flighty stars out the way, unprincipled business types in three piece suits could gain control of their royalty streams in perpetuity. They could then cash in! Naturally everyone laughed. Sensible folk assumed that the Quaids had gone off their flighty little Hollywood heads, perhaps with the help of crack, meth, or some other substance that required a stint in Dr Drew’s Celebrity Rehab!

Now there is some validation for the Quaids flaky theories. In a story unrelated to the Quaids, 60 Minutes recently covered the new phenomenon of dead earners. A dead earners is a dead celebrity, or “delebrity” as their handlers call them, who continues to make a mint even after passing from this veil of tears.This was made possible by some innovations in law that allow the celebs’ estates to continue marketing the celebrities’ images even after the celebrities themselves have parted company with them. Before that once a famous person died their image, likeness, voice, etc were up for grabs. Any shrewd marketer could stick James Dean or John Wayne on a T shirt or lunch box and cash in to their hearts content. Once the law got changed the estate could put the image etc to work earning money for an indefinite future in a kind of postmortem indentured servitude. To think that they laughed when Scientology offered adherents billion year contracts. Those billion year contracts proved to be decades ahead of their time!

Now milking dead celebs of their residual fame has become a lucrative and even multi billion dollar business on par with developing social networks for the Internet. The agent interviewed in 60 Minutes brags representation of some 250 show business and sports figures the majority of whom lost their vital signs many years back – celebs like Marilyn Munroe, James Dean, Elvis Presley, and the mother of all lucky stiffs Albert Einstein! That has made him, his colleagues in the deleb business, and the estates of the dearly departed wealthy beyond the dreams of avarice! How wealthy you might ask? Well as an indication Michael Jackson earned more last years than her highness Oprah Winfrey!

Jackson has had a real career resurgence since dying. While he lived the poor man was dogged day and night by pedophilia rumours. Nor was that the only image damage he had incurred. He was easy tabloid fodder as stories emerged of him hanging around Bahrain dressed as a Muslim woman, and their were frequent references to the poor man’s freaky plastic surgery. It was believed that he’d had skin bleaching to deblack himself, and that he’d lost his original nose some where long the way. The nose was believed to have been replaced with a paraffin prosthesis which was uncomfortable and could start to melt at high temperatures. So Jackson began leaving the schnoz at home and wore a surgical mask on his infrequent but hi profile jaunts out into the real world. That sort of alleged behavior earned him the moniker of Whacko Jacko and made him unmarketable. His last live venture was a series of performances in London which bombed hard. At the time of his death the Prince of Pop was in debt bad.

Once he died everything changed. Whacko Jacko wasn’t about to mess anything up anymore. So his image was due for some rehabilitation. The Jackson 3 where trotted out at the memorial to proclaim that Jackson was the best dad ever. That kind of killed the pedo stories. Also Jacko got a promotion from Prince of Pop to King – just like his late but still lucrative father in law. A few weepy testimonials from ex wife Lisa Marie Presley and the deal was sealed. Jackson was cleaning up with a vengeance! No one is quite sure where the money is going since the Jackson clan, including his beloved mother, claim that they haven’t seen one thin dime out of the estate handlers. Yet no less an authority than Forbes Magazine declared him the top earner of the year.

So with all these death benefits racking up that brings us back to the Quaids. The whole dead earners angle seems to add even more validity to their flaky story. That validity comes in the form of one of the strongest principles of the lot – quo bono. Quo bono is a fancy Latin legal way of saying “who benefits?“, and in effect means that when there’s a ton of loot to be made there will be some pretty unprincipled operators maneuvering around like sharks on chum to take advantage of the wind fall. If that sounds pretty far fetched then remember that the more decimal points you add behind the dollar sign the less far fetched the scheme seems. Besides, considering how all those corrupt wall street bakers carried on, would you put anything past an executroid in a suit? Now here’s that 60 Minutes piece that puts it in perspective with a lucidity and relevance that Gary the Spaceman Bell might envy!


That was unintentionally convincing wasn’t it? In fact it might have some of the more conspiratorial minded among you asking “who’s next?” It’s very doubtful that there will be any kind of organized mass cull of celebrities though. Business doesn’t work that way, only power politics. It’s probably closer to the truth that Mark Zuckerberg, in collaboration with Bill Gates and the Rand Corporation are even now developing complicated ‘personality simulator‘ algorithms for computers. That way the current crop of delebrities can be made to do even more with out the need to add to their ranks. They would continue to annoy and irritate ordinary people much the way hologramatic prat Arnold Rimmer did with average guy Dave Lister on Brit com space parody Red Dwarf.

Lively lately – Making the transition to suspended animation

So Walter Cronkite might come back to host the CBS News again, should Katie Couric finally be encouraged to leave. Or Johnny Carson could be conjured up and help NBC with the Leno problem. Since their response parameters would be programed in to some control program; they would make the same remarks, tell the same jokes, and use the same stock phrases as when they were alive. In fact even careful observers wouldn’t be able to tell the difference from the hologramtic delebrity’s performance, and their rote routines performed back in life. That is unless some hot shot programmer tweaks the algorithms for charisma, intelligence, emotion, or independent thought. Then the jig would be up when viewers began noticing that their favorite entertainment personalities seemed to lively lately! Let’s face it, 80% of popular entertainment is the art of repetitiveness.

Speaking of freaky conspiracies here’s the latest full broadcast of Gary Bell & the View From Space!

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When Bunnies Attack

Bunny Bummer

https://i2.wp.com/images.eonline.com/eol_images/Entire_Site/2010920//300.victoria.cm.102010.jpgAt 66 Angela Dorian has had a long and varied career int he entertainment industry. You may remember her from bit parts and guest roles on series like Hogan’s Heroes, Star Trek, Perry Mason and Bonanza. She was also in Rosemary’s Baby (man the RB curse has claimed so many!). She perhaps best known as a former Playboy Bunny.

It’s been a while since Dorian the Bunny has been anything like a celebrity, but that doesn’t mean that she still doesn’t have it in her! For one thing she ain’t some blue haired granny playing bingo and settling into a Momma’s Family existence of crusty impatience and falling stockings. This broad has still got herself a man! More than that she still got what it takes to keep him in line too. Maybe she’s even got a bit too much!

By a bit too much I mean that Dorian went from laying down the lay to facing the music herself. On Saturday at about 7PM it became evident that Dorian was a bad bunny when she got hauled off to jail for shooting her unnamed boyfriend. That poor man wound up with a hole in his chest that crafty Dorian – that wascally wabbit! – claimed was put there by drug dealers.

However it later emerged that drug dealer had nothing to do with it. Dorian herself had shot the hapless man. That lead to a charge of attempted murder, and a million dollar bail. It also lead to her being incarcerated in Century Regional Detention Facility, in Lynnewood. That’s housed such hi profile ne’er do wells as Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Ritchie. So after a long hiatus from fame it looks like Dorian has finally made it into the winner’s circle and the exalted company therein! It just goes to show that it’s never to late, if you’ve still got some life in you! Naturally Dorian has pleaded not guilty.


Salahi’s get sued & Mothers Against Mel Gibson

celebrity gate grashers the salahis get into more legal troubleWhat kind of people are the Salahi’s? Well they’re the kind of people who can get high powered Washington operators like Desiree Rodgers fired. Desiree was the White House social director who got canned after the Salahi’s gate crashed an Obama event. They can also get things heated up on The View. After the White House stunt some View resident liberals (that’s everyone except Elizabeth Hasselbeck – but she might be coming around) made some strong statements like the Salahi’s are criminal and should be locked up. Even though this seems obvious, even without the White House stunt, the Salahi’s took exception and decided to sue. They also claim that Whoopee Goldberg roughed them up, verbally that is.

The Salahi’s are also the kind of folk who can get sued by they former manager Mahogany Jones. The gruesome twosome owe Jones a significant amount of money and that’s let to a law suit of it’s own. That’s also started Mahogany’s tongue wagging. Mahogany describes the Sahali’s as soulless sociopathic grifters who can seem nice at first but who will stop at nothing to get what they want – and what they want is publicity. At least that’s what she told Geraldo:

Now that’s some pretty strong language, especially there towards then end. It seems like the Salahi’s have a way of getting folk hot and bothered. So then it’s unfortunate that they have an insatiable desire of publicity. Maybe they should try taking the sage advice that TV Mom Shirley Jones gave to Mel Gibson by way of Hollywood TV:

BTW Hollywood TV seemed to be stalking TV moms that night. Shortly before pouncing on Shirley Jones they surprised Meredith Baxter. They pounced on her out side the Geffen Playhouse in Westwood:

Meredith’s advice and response was fairly sensible. Then again she’s been out of the business for a while, maybe long enough to return to her senses.

Meredith wasn’t the only TV Mom – Florence Henderson also had some compassionate words!

She has a heart! Well God bless her. Looks like Hollywod TV tracked down every TV Mom except Marge Simpson on this. In case you’re wondering what they’e all doing out side the Geffen theater, Dick Van Dyke was performing there.

Good ole Dick can still pack ’em in. What’s more he had some genuinely useful advice – “Hide out!“. Sooner or later fame comes to that.

They Salahi’s aren’t hiding out, but are getting a bit much with their series of annoying poses and their constant publicity hounding. It also seems like there aren’t too many lines that they wouldn’t cross to get to the top of the Celebrity D List ladder. At least no one has gotten hurt yet, except possibly Desiree Rodgers – who lost her White House job after the Salahi’s pulled that infamous stunt. It might be worth while to remind them that fame isn’t much of a game since there’s no challenge at all to getting attention. Just take the ladies of Comic Con for instance. They can turn the world on with just their smile, & some eye catching co play gear.

BTW for the many Gary Spaceman Bell fans – here’s his latest show.


Now that’s conspiracy theorizing! Let’s see Tila Tequila top that!


Celebrity War Crimes

naomi campbell suspected of perjury in war crimes trialEven a casual follower of celebrity gossip must be well aware that celebrities are great ones for breaking rules. Usually the rules are of the mundane variety like drinking and driving , drug possession, or occasionally sexing up an unwilling recipient. Sometimes a celebrity rises well above the set expectation of scandal. Someone like Naomi Campbell.

For those not in the know Naomi is a British supermodel best known for repeated assault charges and occasional rehab stints. Ms Campbell has recently risen well above her scandal expectation. The Brit beauty is currently participating in a war crimes tribunal.

It all goes back some years when Ms Campbell was the guest of a notorious African Dictator. The dictator in question is accused of using ‘blood diamonds’ to fund guerrilla activity. The guerilla activity has been linked to some things that have caught the eye of the international community. NOw the dictator in question has alway denied not only involvement in the alleged war crimes, but also trading in blood diamonds.

This is where Ms Campbell comes in. A few years back when she was a guest of said dictator, along with such international luminaries as Nelson Mandela., she received a unique gift. According to Ms Campbell she was awakened in the middle of the night by a messenger who presented her with a blood diamond.

Now Ms Campbell claims that she didn’t know who it came from. In fact she didn’t even know that the diamond was a diamond. She claimed she received something that like like a dirty little pebble. The was no word on who the diamond was from or what it was for. Nomi must be in the habit of getting strange gifts from anonymous admirers!

Anyway Naomi took the stand in an international war crimes trial to swear to just that. IN breif her testimony boils down to “I got something from some one I didn’t know and I wasn’t sure what it was.” Since Naomi is a model and they’re not normally Mensa material that was believable enough (especially to a group of people who were hoping that Naomi would go away and that we wouldn’t have to hear anymore about her). However there has recently been some contradictory evidence.

Actress Mia Farrow – best known for getting dumped by long time companion Woody Allen in favour of one of her numerous foster children – has taken the stand to swear that Campbell is full of it. Farrow claims under oath and threat of perjury, that Campbell met her at breakfast and showed off the muddy little trinket. Further more when the model was asked where she got it from, she indicated the dictator. If this is true then Campbell knew exactly what she was getting and who she was getting it from.

So if Mia’s sworn testimony can be believed then Campbell committed perjury. So that a load of legal woe a good site more than she’s used to. Since it’s a war crimes trial it’s a good dsite more trouble than 30 days in rehab can get you out of. However Campbell’s testimony is crucial. If it can be determined that Campbell got the blood diamond from her dictator friend, then it undermines his testimony that he doesn’t deal in the forbidden stones. Furthermore it links him to the activities of the guerrillas that he has disavowed any knowledge of. So Naomi is the weak but crucial link in a chain of evidence. That could make her perjury extra complicated. So is Naomi war criminal by association? This story is still developing – check back soon


Lindsay on the Loose

Lindsay Lohan Goes Free


Lindsay finishes sentence – she’s had longer hangovers!

Those who were hoping that Lindsay Lohan might be getting a major dose of justice might be in for a major disappointment. The actress was recently incarcerated in Lynnwood Rehabilitation Facility for violation of her probation. The probation stems back to a 2007 incident involving a car and intoxicants. The powers that be cut her some slack on that, and ordered her into an alcohol awareness program. Lindsay is already pretty alcohol aware, and so decided to skip most of the program. Perhaps she was waiting until they got to the sobriety awareness part?

Anyway Lindsay’s continued defiance lead to more court dates, more recommended 12 step programs, a scram bracelet – the newest rogue celebrity accessory – and finally getting banged up in the poky! Though she screamed and cried during sentencing, and promised to be good this time – the miniature “fuck off” inscribed into her nail polish called her sincerity into question!

Well just a short time ago Lindsay began serving what was supposed to be a 90 day sentence. Stories coming out of Lynnwood had Lohan behaving as a model prison: quiet, compliant, and cooperative. There were a few hitches: Logan wasn’t eating – though she’s never been one for solid food and usually prefers a liquid diet; and she’d stopped drinking – anything. Maybe she wasn’t used to water as a main beverage instead of a mixer. However word was that the water in the facility is as filthy as anything seen since the days of cholera.

Lindsay’s otherwise model behavior seems to have paid of. The sometime actress and tabloid mainstay (God bless her – what would we do without her?) was sprung loose earlier today. Prison officials declared severe overcrowding combined with the non violent nature of Lohan’s offense as the reason for her early release. With so many rapists and serial murders running amok in the Land of the Free it just didn’t make sense to blow tax payers’ money on a celebrity. With America coming out of a recession the argument has validity. Of course if they made the wealthy pay for their own imprisonment it might go along way towards furthering the cause of American Justice. Since the USA has a two tiered health care system, why then not opt for the best penal system too?

BTW Lindsay maybe free from captivity but isn’t being reintroduced into the wild just yet. The actress has been transferred from prison custody into a 90 day treatment program. If this 90 days lasts as long as her last 90 day sentence it’ll be over before her hangover!

Good Luck Chuck – Charlie’s devils

Charlie Sheen gets 30 days in Promises Rehab for Chrsitmas DAy Knife Fight with wife Brooke MuellerIn an unrelated but parallel story Charlie Sheen is off the hook over his domestic assault beef. The actor got into some trouble over allegations that he threatened his wife – Brooke Mueller – with a knife during a Christmas Dinner altercation. Things looked bad for Chuck until it was revealed that Brooke was even more drunk than he was at the time. Plus she had a colorful cocaine past- including an alleged stint in rehab while preggers!

The fact that Brooke’s story kept changing didn’t help her credibility much. First she claimed that Charlie had held a knife to her throat. Then she said that she made it up. Then her lawyer said that she only said that cause she had Battered Woman Syndrome or something. Cynics thought that she was keeping her options open while trying to figure out which side of the 20 million a year (which Chuck gets for 2 1/2 Men) she fell on. If he divorced her she’d burn him, but if he let her keep riding the gravy train then she wouldn’t screw up his pay check.

Denise Richards even spoke out in Charlie’s defense. She claimed that Charlie was a great father who never physically abused her (similar to what Mel Gibson’s ex Robyn is currently saying about Mad Max via court depositions). Considering that this is the woman who as much as accused him of pedophilia during their ultra nasty divorce (Denise publicly claimed that Charlie enjoyed looking at “borderline porn” on the Internet. Then she brought her kids into the judge for an emergency closed door session following a return from a visit with Charlie. She claimed they were acting oddly. The judge examined the kids and then laughed Denise out of his office.) and people began thinking that money must talk or something. So considering the skanks and ho bags that seemed drawn to Sheen, the public started giving him the benefit of the doubt.

That only left the courts to deal with. Now Charlie’s crack legal team were working overtime to get everything banged down to the minimum. They worked out a plea bargain where Chuck could do some minimal jail time and be back on the loose in time for the next season of his highly rated show. There was even a work release during the day so Sheen wouldn’t get too cooped up. Charlie liked the idea of that since it gave him a chance to keep up on one of his favorite hobbies- chain smoking. However when it turned out that prison no smoking laws applied to the work release as well so the deal went out the window.

Now finally some closure has been reached in this sordid affair. Charlie was sentenced earlier today. He managed to avoid jail time too. Chuck will get the usual celebrity slap on the wrist – 30 days in rehab. He’ll be checking into Promises Rehab Center – a facility with a track record of failure where celebrities are concerned (they failed with Lohan a couple of times and have had a few other hi profile losers pass through their gates including Hollywood’s answer to Jerri Blank, Tara Reid!) sometime soon. No word on what Promises smoking policy might be. As for Chuck – next stop, divorce court.

So the moral of today’s story is – in the words of Jerri Blank – you should always take responsibility for your actions, unless you don’t have to!


Wonder Woman Not Guilty!

Though it’s been years since Lynda Carter was Wonder Woman she still manages to get into the spotlight from time to time. She recently released that easy listening CD, that made it to No 10 on Billboard jazz charts. She’s done some stage work. Oh yeah, and she’s had her brushes with the law.

Now Wonder Woman is no stranger to brushes with the law – she did lead a life of crime on prime time TV. However her scraps went well beyond the campy antics of the beloved 70’s superhero series. In the 80’s her husband Robert Altman, Clark Clifford’s law partner – not the Hollywood producer, was implicated in some misdoings involving the BCCI. BCCI was an Arab fronted paper tiger bank that consisted mainly of sub corporations and pyramids schemes, but no actual assets. Altman was eventually found not guilty – much to Carter’s public delight. Cynics felt that the verdict was due mainly to hi powered Washington connections, an ace legal defense team that could’ve gotten OJ Simpson acquitted and then elected pope, and the fact that even forensic accountants couldn’t decipher what the hell was going on at BCCI. Still it never hurts to have a wonder woman in your corner!

Lynda settled back into the quiet life of a full time Washington power wife and part time singer/performer. She developed her cabaret act. She gave occasional interviews about her alter ego, and then, about 2 years ago she had another legal incident. That was when she discovered a dead body while punting on the Potomac. After first determining that there was no knife in the back & that it wasn’t anyone she knew – they play a rough game in Washington DC – she whipped out her handy dandy cell phone (the one accessory that DC Comics might have added to Diana’s recent couture shock costume change in issue 600 – so much more useful than a magic lasso!) and called the authorities. Though Lynda insisted that she only did what any one would do, the papers insisted on headlining the story as “TV Wonder Woman Real Life Hero!” Does the mainstream media think we’re stupid, or are they just really lazy?

Life is never dull for long for Lynda because she’s had yet another brush with the law. When she’s not entertaining the assorted movers & shakers in DC, Lynda likes to lead a more laid back life in Maryland. Part of the laid back life is having a really great dog at her side. Lynda likes big active dogs so she got herself a black lab.

“Ok, you got my attention!”


Now Labs can be noisy. That’s where the trouble came in. One of Lynda’s neighbors, Chrissellene Petropoulos – either some old biddy who never watched a single episode of Wonder Woman in her life, or else some one seething with jealousy – phoned the cops and filed a barking dog complaint. That was after frequent complaints to Lynda through phone & email; plus complaints with animal services. Well Lynda had to go to court on that one – Montgomery County District Court. Fortunately her luck held up and the case was dismissed. Had Ms. Petropouilos been a more attentive viewer of 1970’s TV she might have realized that you don’t mess around with Wonder Woman cause you just won’t win!

Wonder Woman’s Just a Little Bossy

BTW enjoy more Wonder Woman @ Cover Browsers Wonder Woman! So indulge your Wonderlust by dropping by for a closer look. You know you want to!

Wonder Woman – Classical Ass!

“Why do people keep giving me a hard time about being wrong all the time just cause it’s my job to be accurate or something?” – The Adventures of Blunder Broad

Contessa Brewer MSNBC talks human breast cheese with guest

BTW she might be more of a Blunder Woman than a Wonder Woman, but Contessa Brewer is pretty hot. She’s also pretty hot under the collar, about bloggers mostly. She’s peeved because we in the alternative media keep pointing out her numerous blunders. Now it’s not like were making her out to be some kind of Ted Baxter or anything. It’s just that Contessa does have her moments (“breast cheese“!). Here’s Contessa sounding off about pesky bloggers and turning gaffs into networking opportunities!


Brewer’s balls up – Contessa has ’em & they’re in the air!

Love her ‘journalists against journalism’ angle – those bloggers reporting on her as she does on others, & preserving her many gaffs in perpetuity. Not that’s not true. We don’t preserve them, ’cause there are so many fresh ones on the way! My advice to Contessa – “Get over it babe!” You’re hot, you’ve got a great job, and no one expects you to solve world hunger or anything. We don’t even expect our elected officials to do that. Besides, you don’t see me getting hot & bothered when my many spelling and grammatical errors are pointed out, do you?

contessa brewer is a blunder woman

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