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Have a Wondertashy 4th!

Valerie Perez wonder woman 4th of july

.. and for those neocons out there, maybe this will be your cup of tea

You remember Anne Coulter? She was the right wing’s wet dream girl before Sarah Palin came along! Image from uberblog Zaiusnation!


Jennifer Lopez & Marc Anthony close to break up

Livin la vida Lopez

Jennifer Lopez brings a lot to a relationship – like her big freakin’ ego. She also has as much impact on the guys she’s with as a meteor strike. Like remember when Ben Affleck used to have a A List career? You may remember Ben from such flicks as Pearl Harbor with some chick named Kate Beckinsale. Oh yeah, and he co stared in all of Matt Damon’s early work – you know, his good stuff, before he went Bourne Identity.

The good, the bad, but mostly the fugly

Back then Benji was Hollywood’s #1 stud. So naturally JLo figured that she was entitled (note to celebrities, if you’re gonna change your name and then change it back; then don’t change it to anything shorter or easier to spell than your original working name. Writers are lazy bastards, so if the new name is easier it’s gonna stick – like JLo!). JLo insinuated her way into Ben’s life until they became Brangelina before Brangelina was cool. They even had a nifty combination name – Bennifer!

actor loses his damon

The Bennifer moniker should give everyone who doesn’t recall an indication of what everyone at the time thought about their pairing. Matt Damon was so disgusted that he turned his back on Ben. He went on to make some remarks in interviews about it being like watching a car wreck – ‘you try to give the guy a few heads up, but then you realize that there’s nothing you can do‘. Since the industry and the fans were already through with Affleck, Damon made it unanimous. With Affleck’s image and career in shreds, the woman known as La Porca in some segments of the Latino entertainment community moved on. Not that Benji was the first damage she’d done.

Diddy diddly do!

Back in the day she used to hang with Diddy. Diddy was the guy who made her a star (she was briefly known for playing slain Texmex singer Selina in a biopic made after the sexy singer’s untimely demise; but the consensus at the time was that Lopez lacked the charisma, talent, and sex appeal to do Selina justice. Since JLo gave a disappointing performance in a disappointing film, she went away for awhile, until Anaconda.) by producing her one successful, and genuinely good, album. That w as the one that featured her “If You Want My Love” single.

the scene of the crime

Diddy was handling JLo in every sense of the word, not just career wise. So they were out and about together quite a bit. In fact JPig was on his arm that fateful night when some one got shot at a club the dynamic duo were attending. No one is quite sure exactly what happened, even though there was some kind of a trial to determine exactly what happened. All anyone is relatively sure of is that a gun got drawn, and then discharged. After that Diddy and JPig were seen beating a hasty exit from the nightclub. Some witness claimed he saw a gun get heaved out of the sun roof of Diddy’s limo as it sped away from the crime scene. While it might be unfair to say that JPig was responsible for that, or helped cause the incident, Diddy dumped her fat ass shortly after the trial clued up. Don’t make a lady angry until you’ve got her testimony on record!

JLo seemed to have mellowed with age. For one thing she had become willing to pay for companionship. While some were observing that it was the only way she could get it after her train wreck love life, her defenders maintained that it was a bad habit she picked up off of her idol Madonna. Anyway paying for love is where Marc Anthony came in.

“cash flow” spells “flash cow”

He was a back up singer for JLo or something, and Her Majesty began waving money under his nose. So naturally he went for it. A Lucrative deal it was too. JLo was worth a ton. She’d done quite a few A List movies – all of which flopped (People were so sick of Lopez by that time that they wouldn’t even pay to see her die in Jersey Girl – though it must of been tempting for many), but she still had to be paid a king’s ransom for doing them. So she had a hefty sized nut tucked away. Over $100 mill by some estimates.

booty looty

So JLo kept Marc A interested by making free with her considerable loot. She bought him a part interest in a major league sports franchise for one thing. Not that she didn’t get value for her money. Marc some how managed to went on to father twins on Lopez. Lopez went on to lavish money on them too. For one thing they were only allowed to wear designer duds, and even then each item was only worn once. Oh yeah, and she also bought a couple of diamond studded baby rattles for the tots. Since babies are two young to appreciated the value of diamonds (something to do with a state of blessed innocence), it’s safe to assume that this was another Lopez ego trip in overdrive.

What with the constant egomania JPig must’ve been a real pill to live with. If it wasn’t for her millions and millions of dollars it just wouldn’t have been worth it (and money was all that she had. Marc A’s career didn’t exactly move into overdrive – unlike JLo’s ego – since hooking up with her. Though she’s never done a guy’s career any good, these days she’s got less star maker ability than Tom Cruise. Not that I’m comparing Marc A to Katie Holmes or anything.). The trouble is that the money is running out. With the money running out the marriage is starting to crack.

putting the passion back in the relationship

Financial concerns may have been what caused JLo to take the American Idol gig. It also caused her to move to LA, which is a city Marc A hates passionately. So Marc has retaliated by booking himself out on tour for around about the time that JLo’s American Idol gig starts. So he won’t be in the audience all supportive of the little woman, like Sarah Palin during Bristol’s Dancing With The Stars spot. What’s more Marc ain’t taking the missus’ phone calls. Or when he does he yells at her and hangs up.

dues to pay

The plot thickens. Some, like Celebitchy, have called Marc ‘money hungry‘ for booking his tour dates. They have also pointed out that Marc A has some heavy duty IRS trouble in the form of millions in unpaid back taxes. Now they claim that Marc has worked out an arrangement with the IRS – probably something like “Hey guys, you know my pig of a wife is good for it“. However the key words in this are “IRS” and “millions in owed back taxes“. So this sort of thing don’t blow over easy – not even if you’re Willie Nelson or Wesley Snipes. If they filed joint returns than JLo could be in a dilly of a pickle, depending on how personally liable she is for her husband’s debts.

The upshot is that with all that pressure the two don’t talk anymore – not with out the mediation of a referee anyway. They just scramble around trying to make some cash. So JLo has her reality TV gig (AI is hoping that she can be the new Simon Cowell – while she can be just as unpleasant can she be as witty and entertaining? Probably not, but she can still get paid for it, which has been the secret of her success, up till now), and Marc Anthony is booking every gig he can line up.

That ain’t all he’s booking either. Insiders are telling tales out of school from Marc A’s tour; tales about him getting drunk and friendly with other young ladies (Now the IRS might drive anyone to drink, and JLo could drive any man into the arms of other women). Remember that old saying about most marriages cracking up over money issues? Well at this point I’m guessing that the only thing preventing an immediate divorce is that it would screw up the IRS paper work, and no one wants that right now.

Mama Mia

Speaking of Celebitchy, they’ve just done a fascinating article on the cultural impact of American reality TV overseas. Let’s put it this way, now well mannered Americans have something else to apologize for; in addition to George W Bush, and a public education system that renders young adults too retarded to compete effectively on game shows or in beauty pageants!

trashtastic – oops we did it again!

Guess who made writer of the day, again (over 12 times so far) on


RAND Corperation

Though RAND is called a corporation it’s actually a government think tank. It was assembled back at the height of the Cold War when the State Dept was so Red Crazy that they were determined to leave no stone unturned in their attempts to gain some kind of advantage over the Commies. To that end RAND funded any kind of kooky project no matter how far fetched. By kooky I mean these guys were nuts enough to research tin foil hats as a possible means of blocking telepathic transmissions!

For instance they developed games theory with Cold War super brain John von Newman.Von Newman was described by Life magazine as the most intelligent man in the world. He’s the guy ho off offhandedly described Albert Einstein as “A fairly bright fellow”. Von Newman was fascinated with probability & human behavior, so games theory became a kind of obsession for him. He sold that to RAND with the angle that it could give them some kind of strategic advantage for anticipating the Russians. Though von Newman never did translate games theory inot that winning poker strategy he was after, he did come up with The Prisoner’s Dilemma. That’s the principle which says people will rat each other out even if they don’t have to,, just out of fear that others will rat them out first. The man in the street has a more concise description of that called “Do unto others but do them first”. The man in the street wasn’t paid the fortune von Newman was though.

What else has RAND been up to? Well here’s Texas wild man Alex Jones interviewing the author of a new expose on RAND!

BTW be sure to check out Gary Bell’s broadcast on The View From Space tonight. This guy makes Alex J look like a Sunday school teacher! Bell can be found @ 640 AM, right after the hockey game!

Demi Moore hangs out on Twitter

When I say hang out I mean literally. She can get away with hanging it out cause she’s spent a fortune getting it lifted and tightened. It’s like money and fame can buy anything, even youth. Demi bought Ashton’s youth, or that’s what a lot of folk are thinking. Now with the Ashton cheating stories tearing up the tabloids, and the Twitterverse, people might start wondering whether Ashton wants a refund on that. So Demi has taken it off and then taken to Twitter to prove that she’s got nothing to prove. Just looka t the following little doozies posted up just recently.

Demi Moore Bikini Pictures From Twitter !!

Click this bar to view the full image.
Click this bar to view the full image.

So now you know what her bathroom looks like! It appears that everything is holding up. That’s good cause I hear she paid over $600 000 to get everything in that shape. She may have even racked up more PS since then, cause she’s pretty insecure about keeping Kutcher. So we can assume that Demi is well on her way to becoming a real life and literal 6 Million Dollar Woman!


BTW that leads to some interesting celebrity trivia. Jaime Murray got herself a lot of attention by playing crazy on Dexter! She also gets frequently confused with Scottish tennis player Jamie Murray. You can tell which is which because the “i” and the “m” are transposed. Now the origin of Jaime’s (the chick) name is interesting. Seems that her old man was a big fan of the aforementioned Bionic Woman back int he day. So much so that when his daughter came along he named her in honour of Jaime Summers. So that’s why Ms Murray’s first name is spelled the same way as the bionic TV character back in the 70’s. Old man Murray might also have been a fan of Lynda Carter and Wonder Woman, judging by the way his little girl fills out that role!

If looks could kill she really would be a mass murderer!

Now that’s photo action you just don’t get on Twitter! Tough luck fanboys. BTW Jaime did the Wonder Woman routine on her Brit pre Dexter series called Hustle & Flow. She played a beautiful con artist working under the tutelage of master swindler Robert Vaughn (Napoleon SoloThe Man From Uncle). Anyway Bob was so impressed when he saw Ms. Murray in her Wonder Woman gear that he got on the blower to a friend of his in LA, who was working on the Wonder Woman Movie Project (now officially picking up steam) and put in a good word for Jaime. Vaughn was so convincing that Murray got flown out to LA to audition for the role! So in her predexterous days she was almost Wonder Woman!

Incidentally the many many American Murray fans will be relieved to know that Jaime didn’t play a bad con woman. She and Bob Vaughn didn’t pull any Ponzi schemes on Hustle & Flow. In fact Murray & Vaughn were good, Robin Hood type fraudsters – who cheated the money back from the Ponzi schemers and made sure it was returned to the right people. Hustle & Flow lasted about 4 years, and the episodes are all still out there – probably on the BBC site. So look them up if you can’t get enough of the fair Ms. Murray.

BTW more Murray trivia, Jaime got her graduate degree in psych, before becoming an actress. That was an accomplishment since Jaime is one of that very rare group of women suffering from what is predominantly a male disorder – dyslexia!

For those who missed Gary Bell & The View From Space on Saturday – there were streaming issues – strap on your tin foil cap cause here’s the very latest transmission from space!


Too Naked to Make It

So let’s say that you’re young and ambitious, but with limited talent. What’s you short cut to fame? Well there’s nothing like dropping your drawers with some intimate acquaintances while the video is running to get you on the radar fast. It worked so well for Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian that even Montana Fishburn has decided to give it a try. Let’s take a look at the sex tape fast track to notoriety in the following CNN video report:

So the moral of the story is that sex sells. So if you’re young enough to be interesting, and have some sexy friends with a video recorder then you too could have your own reality TV series in a year or too. Then the next thing you know you too could have your own highly followed Twitter account!

Just don’t go too far, like wrecking the marriage of beloved Hollywood actresses or squeaky clean sports hero, much less getting invitro’d with multiple embryos or with mail order celebrity sperm. The public might decided that they don’t want to support that degree of craziness! When you get to the point where young up and comers decide that if they get knocked up by a celebrity they can not only can sue for child support but then use the sex tape of the incident as a basis to pitch a reality series; then you’ve encouraged things too much by presenting sociopath fame seekers with a total career starter package!

Of course if you really want to cash in then just start a new social networking sight. Tailor it to suit attention seeking narcissistic types – in other words celebrities – and then add a few gimmicks smart apps specifically designed for celeb needs – like easy up load for sex vids and secretly recorded phone conversation; and you’ll have a license to print money! Then you only really need a name that sounds clever at first but less so every time you hear it – like Tweeter, or if you can find a way to run your network through video enabled Skype, possibly something like The entertainment gossip community is waiting for the celebrity version of wikileaks! It could even be called Celebrileaks!

Not every celebrity bares their privates in grainy homemade porno. Some manage to get big league movie producers to pay ’em to do it in major motion pictures! Those A List celebs will be appearing in the Greater Toronto Area for the upcoming TIFF Awards, and you can get your guide to celebwatching via the following handy link! Then of course you can keep checking here – your one handy link for celebrity smut, nudity included!


Al Gore Still Gets No Respect

“… after all I’ve done for this planet!”

Al Gore emphatically denies getting secxy with a Portland Oregon masseuse according to People magazineYou have to say one thing about People magazine – they cover more than fluff pieces about celebrity weight loses and what famous folks are wearing to the prom awards shows, occasionally. For instance they’ve finally gotten around to the Al Gore story. The former next president of the United States got him self in a spot of bother about 4 years back in Portland, Oregon when he asked a massage therapist to do some work on his second chakra. Among New Agers “second chakra” is a euphemism for sexual healing.

“Hands off my sacroiliac!” Al gets touchy

the adductor muscles are situated at the top of the pelvic region and are atrouble spot for former elected officialsIt started innocently enough when Gore asked the masseuse to work on his adductors. They’re a series of muscles at he top of the pelvic region and stimulation can trigger an erection. According to the massage therapist that’s exactly what happened. It also lead to some Borat like sexy time antics. Gore started moaning and groaning. He then, allegedly, tried to seduce the therapist by singing some Pink songs and rubbing against her provocatively. The therapist was so jarred by her experience that she later described Gore as a “sex crazed poodle“. She also claims to have his pants safely stored in a bank deposit box pending the out come of further investigations & negotiations!

sometimes when we touch, the honesty’s too much

Now the National Enquirer, & Wondertrash, were right on this one over a week ago. Other media outlets remained silent. Al Gore has become something of an eco hero what with his rock star friends like Bono & Sting, not to mention his non committal efforts to reduced your carbon foot prints. So I guess that people wanted to give the Green Lantern the benefit of the doubt. Gore has made that a little more difficult by issuing an official denial – generally a bad sign. That’s where People comes in.

“I’ve got People who’ll vouch for me!”

Gore people contacted People to get some sympathetic unbiased media coverage on this sensitive and highly embarrassing issue. You know it’s the sort of thing that FOX would have a field day with; Bill O Reilly would eat Gore alive over something like that! It’s the sort of a scene that a Southern Gentleman like Gore just doesn’t need. So Kalee Krieder – a “close family friend”, got right on the hone to people to give them the official version of events that didn’t happen! Says Miss Kalee:

“Further investigation into this matter will only benefit Mr. Gore. The Gores cannot comment on every defamatory, misleading and inaccurate story generated by tabloids. Mr. Gore unequivocally and emphatically denied this accusation when he first learned of its existence three years ago. He stands by that!”

The medium is the massage

Now that’s talking like you’ve got nothing to hide! Having some one else say it for you is even more convincing! The police aren’t convinced though, ’cause they’ve reopened the investigation on the incident! They originally let it slide because of insufficient evidence, & because Captain Planet was working for the greater good. The story picked up steam when the mystery masseuse started making the rounds of down market media concerns – like the Pulitzer Prize nominated National Enquirer, and asking for a cool million in exchange for her version of events. She’s also suing Gore – surprise, surprise.

playboy of the western world

My own view is that Gore is no player. If he was a Tiger Woods caliber playboy then he would have obviously plied the masseuse with Ambien and expensive booze. He’d then have slyly waited until the drugs and booze carried her over into that “Oh why not?‘ state of mind. Then after a few cheap moves, of the kind you could pick up by watching 3’s Company reruns – he’d have been in like Flynn, & faster than you could say Jon Gosselin! Al Gore is just too big a dweeb to possibly be guilty of anything remotely like sexual misconduct! At least we can say on thing unequivocally about this incident – Al Gore doesn’t take credit for everything!

In a related story Celebitchy is doing a post on whether Adam Grenier, from Entourage, has crossed the line from sexy bad boy to disgusting douche bag. I just hope he hasn’t started peeing on people! If they make reference to atrocious BO, then you can guess the story is true. The predominant scat play fetish in Hollywood has left some of our most beloved stars smelling like uncleaned outhouses! Poor Adam – as a good looking guy with limited talent and no rep for brains he could’ve been the next Keanu Reeves!

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