US hockey in Sochi – what happened?

When it comes to entertainment sports is a main event. When it comes to hockey America is usually a pretty strong contender (Unless you’re talking about those southern franchises from states where they don’t have ice, sow hat can you expect?). Of the original 6 NHL teams 4 are American franchises. So in Olympic competition the USA can usually be counted on for a medal, and are usually a gold medal threat.

So what the fuck happened to them at the Sochi Winter Olympics? They blew their bronze medal game and went away without a medal, or a goal! Basically they lost 5-0. This is where expert analysis comes in. In this case the expert analysis comes from FOX Sports, and a seasoned respected hockey veteran. Let’s have a brief look at the following FOX video and try to glean a little insight into exactly where the American Hockey Train left the rails.

Alec Baldwin is leaving New York – what happened?

This never ever would’ve happened to them if they’d had Charlie Sheen on board. He whipped the Mighty Ducks into shape!  BTW it’s not only a bad day for American hockey. Things ain’t looking too good for Alec Baldwin either. He managed to offend some people with some impulsive remarks that he may or may not have made. Basically he was accused of using a homophobic slur against a photographer whom he felt was harassing his then pregnant wife. Alec said he didn’t say it and that he didn’t mean it,  but the brouhaha didn’t quite blow over. So that has Alex saying he’s getting the fuck out of New York – which he says has lost it’s soul anyway (according to a recent interview he says NYC’s soul has moved to Brooklyn). He also took the opportunity to deliver some tongue lashings, like:

“Morning Joe” co-host Joe Scarborough “is neither eloquent nor funny,” Baldwin wrote. He called MSNBC star Rachel Maddow “a phony who doesn’t have the same passion for the truth off-camera that she seems to have on the air.” He called CNN’s Anderson Cooper “the self-appointed Jack Valenti of gay media culture,” referring to the late motion picture association president who created the film ratings system.

Nothing personal. Alec has it in for the media these days:

“I loathe and despise the media in a way I did not think possible,” Baldwin writes. “This is the last time I’m going to talk about my personal life in an American publication ever again.” He also denies that he used a homophobic slur during the confrontation with the photographer. “Do you honestly believe I would give someone like TMZ’s Harvey Levin, of all people, another club to beat me with?” he writes.


and

“If MSNBC went off the air tomorrow, what difference would it make?”

Alec used to work with MSNBC, but his show got pulled followed his alleged controversial comments.

You can read more about Baldwin’s fare well & go to hell goodbye to New York @ Page 6. & USA Today.

Now the $64 000 dollar question is what is Alec gonna do to redeem himself? He could go on Dancing With The Stars. That’s the usual celebrity rehabilitation route. If he picks a same sex dance partner it would not only send out a positive message, but wife Hilaria could also rest assured that no hank panky is going on. That is unless Alec takes his rehabilitation really seriously. The problem with that is it’s totally overdone.

I’d suggest finding a Hollywood mentor to help him negotiate this difficult period. Now when it comes to handling himself in public few are in George Clooney’s league. That’s cause Clooney is as smooth as he is cool. The man never ever says one word out of place. He’s also got out of the USA and over to Lake Como Italy before anything untoward ever had a chance of happening. That’s very good planning. So with GC’s sage guidance Alec might be able to avoid unfotunate public gaffs inthe future. That only leaves the question of what to do aboutt he exsisting fallout.

Naturally there’s only one man for that job. Charlie Sheen has weathered more storms than Alec Baldwin has gotten around to yet. Any one of Charlie’s crisis might’ve finished lesser men. Yet Charlie not only survives but comes out stronger. He’s not reached the point where he’s accepted for who he is and so can live by his own rules. Let’s face it, the man’s a bona fide warlock! So he might be the very one tot each Baldwin how to ride the mercury surf board across the stormy shit tsunami now threatening to engulf his life. With Charlie to show him the way Baldwin might turn this whole thing around and come out bigger, stronger, and better than ever before. Let’s put it this way, it’s either that, or move to France. April’s coming up so it might be a nice time for Paris.

In the meantime hang in there Alec. Keep a low profile. Don’t say anything more than you have to. Maybe catch up on some long neglected hobbies. Sooner or later, and more sooner than later if experience is any indication, some other celebrity is gonna do or say something so outrageous that your current problems will be forgotten like a back page new item. There’s just no shortage of disgraced celebrities in the Internet age, and we’re getting more all the time.

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This Week from the National Enquirer

It’s a new week and the National Enquirer has some new old news for you. Tom Cruise is falling apart on the cover. The NE Claims that he’s being dragged into a gay sex phone scandal. Plus a new book is threatening to tell all on his “twisted” love life. What’s more he’s being torttured over the new Suri custody battle!

Tom Cruise ain’t the only one having some marital issues.The Kris Kardashian divorce is heating up. Now nothing gets the presses running like a Kardashian divorce and this time Bruce Jenner is threatening Kris that he can “destroy” her. We’ll have to wait for the inevitable reality TV sereis based on the divorce to find out whether or not there’s any fire behind that smoke though.

It’s not all bad news on the love front though. Tiger Woods is allegedly offering ex Elin Nordgren a cool $200 million to take him back. Tiger used to be the greatest golfer in the world. That’s what allowed him to bag a bevy of hotties on the side. Then he got caught. That surprised his faithful wife Elin. It also surprised the world. Many people weren’t aware that successful golfers could bag more groupies than rock stars. The 1980’s was a decade that continues to shape us in so many ways. it also seemed to surprise Tiger who got nervous, then lost his nerve. After that he couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn with a shovel. So maybe he really is trying to woo Elin back, in some attempt to put his life back the way it was, The NE says that you won’t believe her answer.

There’s more to the NE than titillating cover stories. They claim that President Obama is involved in an ugly cheating scandal with a 35 year old Hollywood star. it’s so bad that the crisis has trigger 49 yr old first  lady Michelle Obama to have an extreme make over in her bid to save her marriage by looking just like her young rival! The NE promises to reveal who the actress is and what’s really going on in the President’s marriage!

Even celebrity cook Rachel Ray isn’t immune as the NE reveals she’s got caught up in a sex club scandal. Now before you get too upset it’s not Rachel who’s making the rounds but her husband John Cusimano who is allegedly a frequent flyer at New York‘s exclusive Checkmate Club. So I guess that you can infer that they play more than chess there. Anyway a former employee is writing one of those tell alls about celebrity participation at the club and Ray’s hubby has got named.

So the NE is working to a theme this week – love on the rocks. So at least give them credit for not covering the latest Robert Pattinson Kristen Stewart break up! Now go on and admit it – you want this for more than wrapping fish in! You’ll have to read if only to find out what really happened to Natalie Wood. Remember that the National Enquirer is the paper that isn’t afraid ot give you the shitty side of success. It’s a dirty job but some one’s gotta do it!

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Are You Ready?

Disclaimer – bullshit follows

Enthusiasm, paranoia, and other dopamine related states

The trouble with Tila Tequila is that she has no enthusiasm for paranoia! So she always sounds like she’s going through the motions or has made something up at the last minute! Of course no one else has much enthusiasm for paranoia lately. Part of the reason is that George W is no longer president – so wild explanations for what’s really going on are no longer as plausible, & so people have less patience for them. However George W ain’t solely to blame for the growth of the conspiracy movement. A drop in the quality of entertainment has also been responsible! After 10 years of Survivor, Dog the Bounty Hunter, & the Gosselins – who wouldn’t turn to conspiracy theories for some real entertainment. Even pro wrestling ain’t what it used to be – which explains Jesse Ventura’s defection from entertainment to politics and eventually into the alternative truth movement.

The game show goes on – did you remember to take your mean pills this morning?

Entertainment has been making some lame attempts to gain back ground. For instance I hear that there’s a new game show pilot based loosely on the old Truth or Consequences show.  Contestants will compete in random trails and tests for a chance to win cash and fabulous prizes like a trip to Mexico or a new car. A chance at a prize is the pay off for the contestants, and the mild risk and humiliation are the entertainment factor. It would be nice if you could find people silly enough to make spectacles of themselves for free – but most of those have been pout off by Reality TV. So there has to be some kind of a pay off to get the suckers to do it. It has a working title of “Beat the Shit” and is slotted into to replace another pilot game show series in which teams of couples compete against each other to answer questions about what their partners are really thinking, which was called “Package Deal“.

Think global play local?

That sounds like a lot of trouble just to rehash some old ideas on a retro angle. Retro is about 10 years out of date! Besides the weather is the greatest show in town now. The recent Hurricane Sandy had every one on the edge of their seats, and if they lived in New York possibly wearing a live preserver too! Weather has sparked some interest on various cable nets with shows like World’s Worst Storms, etc. Even Alex Jones recently confessed on his own very entertaining conspiracy program that he’s becoming a weather geek. So with weather becoming more unpredictable and demanding more attention why not cash in on that with a new weather network? Weather and weather girls have traditional be a min draw on local TV news.

weather jockeys and riders on the storm

Now this idea wouldn’t be the old airline stewardess in front of a green screen pointing at bad animations and talking about hi pressure systems in terms that would make the last days of Pompeii dull. This thing would be really jazzed up. First you hire some hot weather sluts who look like they’ve been tending bar at the local hot spot. Hip hot chicks with attitude! You get a real cool set with subdued studio lighting and lots of neon and fluorescent tracks running around! Then the gals can act as “weather jockeys” for independently produced weather related programing.

 weather busters

The programming would be Discovery Channel meets History Channel with a touch of MTV thrown in for good measure. There would be Mythbusters type shows on the science of weather, shows about the history of weather and warfare – that is how battles were determined as much by weather conditions as strategy and warcraft, programs on weather and gambling that show how weather conditions can give gamblers a bet edge on ball games and horse races, etc. Meanwhile these things are hosted by the usual array of hip, funny, and attractive hosts. Personality and original twists will sell it – like the old Hercules with Kevin Sorbo breathed life in to an old idea by repackaging something no one took seriously since the mid 60’s! BTW Attack of the Show just got canned so their might be a chance to pick up some personnel cheap.

When I say Oscar do you think “Award” or “the Grouch”?

This talk is depressing and must have TV fans as down. Never fear, because it’s not like they’ve announced “Twitter: the Series” yet. In fact, and by that I mean in fiction, my usual fictitious sources say that there are some promising ideas making their way down the pipe in TV land. TV execs have taken the entertainment situation in hand and are trying to steer things back towards more traditional entertainment formats. One idea involves pairing Bill Cosby and Phylicia Rashad again in a prime TV series about a husband and wife doctor and lawyer who solve crimes in the retirement! I’d have pout them in a sit com about a henpecked husband a crazy wife but no one asked me.

sit through shit

There’s also a very interesting return to the prime time soap planned by way of a mini series. It’s based loosely on those 6 month run South American soap operas, and this one is a doozy. It’s about a young woman who funds love in a coven of vampires. Every episodes involves a medical emergency and a court case! Viewers might have to sit through about 18 episodes before they find out whether the heroine stays  with her doctor boyfriend or runs away with the 300 year old vampire that sings in the goth band. Here’s a spoiler – the dishy gritty police detective is only a mild flirtation and not a serious love interest.

Angels make a come back again

It sounds pretty bad but there are some bright spots – like the new musical variety series hosted by the Victoria Secret Angels! Since these angels can’t really sing or anything I guess that they’ll fall into the variety category. Second thought maybe there are no bright spots in the current state of entertainment. There haven’t been for years.

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NYC’s Cannibal Cop – "Hey good lookin’, what’s cookin’?"

Rob Pattinson Dating Sienna Miller’s Sister, Savannah

Despite reports that Robert Pattinson is back with Kristen Stewart, a new report suggest that he’s dating a mystery girl. Rob was spotted at Electric room in NYC with his new girl which is rumored to be Sienna Miller‘s sister.

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French Orgies, Strauss-Kahn Questioned In Prostitution Case

Politics would be way more interesting if it were a little more like show business. Not that politics is show business for boring people – only that it could use some more pizzazz. That’s they way they do it in France. Over there things get wild. At least they do for Dominic Strauss Kahn. He got in some trouble a while back ofr allegedly assaulting a made in New York. Eventually the charges got dropped when it turned out that she was unsure of her testimony and that started everyone talking set up.

DSK wasn’t gonna be staying out of hot water for long though, cause he’s back in the middle of another big sloppy sex scandal. This time there’s more than enough evidence to keep him busy worming his way out of tings for awhile. For instance there’s talk about strippers, and wild French sex orgies! It’s just the kind of over the top scandal American politics could use right now to shake of some of the grey pin strip blandness that’s dogging the Republican primaries (those of you who’d been hoping Newt Capt. Moonbase Gingrich would liven things up have been disappointed)! Let’s face it, when it comes to show business style politics Strauss Kahn is a Rat Packin’ Frank Sinatra of a rogue who makes the American politicos look like a pack of limp eyed armless children. You’re a totally bitchin’ rock star from Mars dude! Just tell those Gnarly Gnarlintons to lighten up and fuck off! If the bitches don’t like that then go out and trash a hotel room!

Latest Gossip = Slap Egotists

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Macaulay Culkin looks bad

You probably remember him as the kid who foiled the crooks in those cartoonish Home Alone movies. These days Macaulay Culkin looks rough. Here’s a recent pic that surfaced.


Naturally when people saw that they got concerned. My first thought was “Who is that old geezer?” He looks way older than 31. Anyway that picture generated so much consternation that Culkin’s rep has had to issue a statement insisting that Culkin is in perfectly good health.




Latest Gossip = Slap Egotists
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