you had Catherine Zeta Jones all wrong!

About 12 years back, when Michael Douglas started going with Catherine Zeta Jones, a lot of people raised their eyebrows. She was a young beautiful actress on the make and he was an influential and very much older self confessed sex addict (Douglas later recanted his confession). So everyone jumped to the obvious conclusion – he was taking advantage of a woman out to cash in on youth and beauty.

The partnership paid off pretty good for Zeta Jones too. She got cast in a bunch of big budget block busters, one of which – Traffic – Douglas produced for her. He stated somewhere that he wanted Traffic to do for CZJ what the Godfather did for Al Pacino. She also bagged an Oscar along the way. Based on the cui bono principle some cynical types felt that this confirmed CZJ had married for fun and profit. It even had some waiting for cheating/divorce rumours to break.

Well 12 years and 2 kids later CZJ and Michael Douglas are still very much a couple. What’s more CZJ is putting her film career on hold. Actually she put that on the back burner for awhile, and spend time with her husband and kids down in the Caribbean. However since Michael Douglas has been diagnosed with throat cancer she’s put it on the back burner with a vengeance.

My Week With Marilyn

Zeta Jones has recently been offered some interesting film roles. One of them is in a flick based on the making of the Prince and the Showgirl. That was the Marylin Munroe flick done at Pinewood Studios and co starring Larry Olivier. An all star cast has already been lined up too! Marylin will be played by Michelle Williams & Olivier by Kenneth Branaugh. The whole story will be told from the point of view of a fly on the wall – studio gofer Colin Clark – who will be played by Eddie Redmayne. Judi Dench and Emma Watson will also be participating in the flick.

That only left some one to play Olivier’s aging and mentally unstable wife Vivien Leigh. Leigh had been a movie goddess back when she played Scarlett O Hara in Gone With The Wind. Things took a bad turn for her while playing Blanche Dubois in A Streetcar Named Desire on the London stage. Streetcar was the story of an aging southern belle who cracks up when faced with the prospect of growing old, combined with a tumultuous Stanley Kawolski relationship. Leigh was getting on at the time – which probably made producers think that she’d be perfect for the role. However her husband Olivier was a notorious philanderer so the combination of personal issues combined with the pressure to doing a ‘too close to home’ project 8 times a week for 2 years lead to Leigh having a mental breakdown (she was diagnosed as schizophrenic).

For some reason when the producers thought about casting Leigh they thought of CZJ. They’re both Brit gals who conquered Hollywood so it seemed natural enough. Plus CZJ is getting on – though to give her credit she’s in far better condition than the significantly younger Pamela Anderson. Since it covers a significant episode in Hollywood history, this might be a prestige part for CZJ.

There is a fly in the anointment. Michael Douglas has recently been diagnosed with a severe case of throat cancer. In fact recent reports say that it’s much worse than originally thought. So Catherine Zeta has passed on the role so she can spend more time at home with her husband. Movie commitments would take up far too much time, and CZJ wants to stay close to home during the crisis period. That’s uncharacteristic behavior for a woman on the make and motivated by ambition. So maybe now all those nay sayers will have to own up and admit that the couple has something!


Bertinelli Finishes Boston Marathon

Bertinelli Finishes Boston MarathonLife is good for Valerie Bertinelli these days. She’s dropped some serious weight in the form of boozed out washed up ex husband Eddie van Halen. She’s also managed to slim down with Jenny Craig. JC are the good people who replaced Kirstie Alley with Val, and then featured her in a series of commercials with ex Seinfeld funny man Jason Alexander.

Those are some of the most enjoyable TV ads since James Garner tried to explain the Polaroid One Step Camera to a prickly Mariette Hartley! Jimbo did manage to get through those spots without smacking Hartley, (though he must’ve been sorely tempted and no one would’ve blamed him if he did),however the poor man had a triple bypass or something shortly afterward.

Jenny Craig now officially more effective than Scientology!

So what’s left? Bertinelli has recently finished the Boston Marathon! Now that’s okay if you’re Katie Cruise – in other words a brainwashed fembot running on a hi octane mix of Scientology purification barley broth and L Ron Hubbard motivational cassettes. Bertinelli managed to do it without relying on performance enhancing affirmations, or even the barley broth.


Bombing In Style

Loony twonies

It seems like the Oscar after parties are getting more talked about than the Oscars. Today on the View Sherri Sheppard bragged that she had been to two Oscar parties. The second one had cost 25 000 per admittance ticket. Sherri went on to reassure the audience that “I didn’t pay for that”. I guess that Barbara Walters really does have some deep pockets! Ordinary people too were either hosting or attending Oscar Parties. I even had my own personal Oscar Party Celebration. I won’t say how it went but I will say that this morning I tried to pay a shop keeper for a $4.15 purchase by asking if I could give him 3 twonies and 15 cents he could give me back a twonie in change. Why don’t you just give me 2 twonies and 15 cents?” he replied.

Loony Town

As for the main event, the verdict is in on last night’s Academy Awards ceremony, and that is that they sucked. Opinion is vaguely approving of Sarah Jessica Parker’s dress & hair. People also seem mildly pleased that the smug James Cameron got taken down a peg or too. In this case schadenfreude may seem justified since only his ego got damaged, and he has 100’s of millions to console him. Apart from that the award show was bland and inoffensive, though very slick. Sacha Baron Cohen’s Avatar sketch was taken out, since James was gonna get his comeuppance in due course. Also Tiger Wood’s jokes were explicitly forbidden. Follywood is packed full of philandering husbands who don’t want o be reminded what drain their hard won lucre is eventually going to disappear down. So the affair was bland and unentertaining.

Is the cracker factory running out of cheese?

Entertainment didn’t always used to be this way. Long ago, back in the days when the industry still lacked anything like production values people gathered around their TV to watch fare they seemed to enjoy. It was often offensive and more than occasionally entertaining. It’s tempting to say that part of the charm of the period was that the entertainment business had still retained some innocence, but that business has never been innocent. Not since the days when the snake offered to make Eve a star by putting her in a movie about an apple (The snake was either Cecil B Demille or Louis B Mayer, and Eve was either Greta Garbo or Ingrid Bergman and had to work briefly as an escort to gasngsters – accounts vary.). Let’s just say that it was still genuinely and unintentionally cheesy, & they don’t make stuff like that anymore unless they do it on purpose. So here now is a blast from that past, from the days when entertainment didn’t advertise that it had lost it’s soul. Perhaps it hadn’t yet realized that.

  • Calendar

    • July 2020
      M T W T F S S
  • Search