Halle Berry Fallout

Fair lady – Stormy weather

Halle Berry‘s life has enough drama for any ten lunatics. It seems like there’s always a “Storm” brewing around her. Take just recently for example. Halle was enjoying Thanksgiving in her spacious home with her foreign lover Oliver Martinez when her ex foreign lover Canuck Gabby Aubry showed up with daughter Nahla as per court agreement. Court agreements might be some kinda sort spot at Casa del Berry what with Halle getting denied permission to take her daughter away from the horde of stalkers psychos and paparazzi she says is stalking her and over to the relatively safety & civility of la Belle France. Court said no way cause Nahla’s dad was just too important a part of the little girl’s life. So you can see how any reminder of the courts intrusions into Halle’s beautiful life might be unwelcome triggers for ballistics!

if you push my buttons I’ll pull your trigger

Ballistics is what happened because current and ex came to blows. To put it in a nut shell Martinez “allegedly” con fronts Aubry and tells him that the time has come to move on. That sets Aubry off – he and Martinez might share a version of the same language and (former & present) relationships with the same woman, but that’s where it ends. Gabriel raised his fist in anger – so we’re told – and let fly. Marty let him have the first one or two, but then nailed him and pinned him to the ground – breaking Gabby’s jaw and rib in the process (& and also causing unspecified head injuries).

What’s the big Hallebaloo?

Now men can be beasts. Fortunately Halle had it under control. While the men folk were busy trying to kill each other Halle got right on the phone and called the cops! Maybe inspired by her good example Martinez places battered Gabby under citizen’s arrest, and hands him over to official authority types when they arrive. Gabby is then whisked off to hospital to gets his injuries tended to, and then off to the pokey for booking. That’s cause Marty pressed charges. If you saw the lump on his highly photogenic knuckle you wouldn’t blame him either! Anyway Aubry got held on $20 000 bond or something – so that’s a couple of grand his Halle lawyers won’t get, and then was released.

more knuckle headed publicity

Now the think about Halle is that she’s a real trooper – as she herself will tell you in her “plain old crackers” way. Being an attractive superheroines has it’s difficulties, which she has had to struggle with her entire life! So when shit happens you don’t let it get to you. You keep clam and carry on as if you were normal. That’s just what Halle did, by getting out and about in public. It gave Marty a chance to show off his manly knuckle boo boo too! Here’s a picture of that.

Shit-ade

Sometimes life hands you a turd – count on Halle to make Shit-ade out of it! Halle however is not one to leave her Shit-ade half stirred! Life goes on! So Halle was determined to get out there and display a positive attitude. Perhaps with that in mind she took young Nahla off for an enjoyable after noon out. Mother and daughter took in something called Yo Gabba Gabba . Now that’s not something Halle takes to make her easier to live with – like an L Dopa inhibitor – and washed down with a glass of that Shit-ade. Yo Gabba Gabba is a kids show that young Nahla is wild about. So Halle thought it would be good to indulge the young girl. A thoughtful way to take her wee mind off of her father’s recent beating and booking. So off they went to the Nokia Theater in Hollywood (though it should be mentioned that Halle pronounces “theater” as “theatre” now, because she’s with a Frenchman and planning on moving to France).

Halle goes from ballistic to staging a small invasion!

Halle’s a thoughtful woman and this time she thought of everything. For instance when she went to Yo Gabba she covered the angels. That means she traveled with an armed escort. You might think that I’m exaggerating or perhaps even being sarcastic when I write that If Benazir Bhutto had traveled around with this kind of goon squad she’s be alive today! Just to show that I’m on the level in everything I write, here’s a photo of Halle & Delta Force 1!

You & what army?

The above might seem a little bit excessive but don’t blame Halle. Some mothers are over protective! Besides – you cynically suspicious celebrity gossip readers – how do you even know that the armed guard is for Halle and Nahla? It might be for Martinez. Think about it – he popped his good knuckle mangling Aubry’s face. So now he’s defenseless, while Aubry still has many other body parts to work with! What if Aubry pops out of the bushes and ambushes Marty? Why he might attack Marty’s foot with the seat of his pants or something. So naturally Martinez must be terrified. Halle, being the thoughtful woman she is, may have called out an armed guard to keep things under control, because she wants this relationship to work, for a change.

Coming soon – more of the same?

So far we’ve had a Thanksgiving Day Fist Fight, a military style invasion of the Nokia Theater, or Theatre, in addition to numerous court battles. So many of you might be now asking “What next?” If you are then you haven’t been paying attention. What comes next is probably gonna be more court battles & legal issues. The big question is how far is it gonna go, how long can it go on, and how crazy is it gonna get? To find out the answers to those question you might have to keep reading Wondertrash, the blog that gives celebrities the benefit of the doubt no matter how far fetched it might be! That goes double when they’re a super heroine!

bullshit disclaimer

Coming Soon – Shocking Scandals! 

Angelina Jolie – things are as bad as you thought!

There are some stories currently in development that could quite literally shake the entertainment world straight to it’s foundations. I can’t too much about what we’re cooking up but this picture was recently smuggled out of Angelina Jolie’s residence and confirms some worst suspicions!

In other news: though Anne Hathaway is now happily married tot he guy she was dating for several years, the sad news is that she is still a mind control MK Ultra monarch slave! That was reported right here on this blog back when she had her programming meltdown on the Conan O Brien show and broke out in rap. Anne has starred in many MK Ultra themed movies over the years starting with the Princess Diaries (hidden bloodline programming) followed up by Ella Enchanted ( Magical Power Slave script). Hopefully Anne will break free of the terrible mind control used to keep her enthralled. Meanwhile remember that you don’t get this kind of dish from Tila Tequila!

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Halle Berry’s ex takes a beating

Halle is hell

Something was bound to happen after Halle Berry lost that custody case and it has happened with a vengeance. It started innocently enough when her ex Gabriel Aubry dropped their daughter off at Berry’s home following a custodial visit. Berry’s current guy Oliver Martinez was there and friction developed.  According to reports Martinez walked up to Gabby and said something. Gabby took a swing. Martinez then proceeded to beat the living shit out of Aubry. Beat the living shit in this case means that Aubry got a busted rib, broken jaw, and other unspecified head injuries. So Aubrey had to go to hospital  Then Martinez charged him – that’s adding insult to injury! Martinez was working over time this Thanksgiving because when the cops showed up he proceeded to make a citizens arrest!

by 
Halle Berry was the unfortunate referee of a fight between ex-boyfriend Gabriel Aubry and current fiancé Olivier Martinez on Thursday morning. The fight left Aubry hospitalized and in jail. Martinez was taken to the hospital, but released.The two men got in a verbal argument that quickly escalated to a physical altercation, according to reports. The fight took place at Berry’s home on Thanksgiving morning, and the two have had known problems in their relationships with Berry. She recently lost a court petition to move to France with daughter Nahla and Martinez.Berry was the one to call the police, and Martinez issued a citizen’s arrest of Aubry in order to keep the calm until police could arrive. Aubry was first taken to the hospital, where he was treated for a broken rib and facial contusions. He was then released into the custody of the Los Angeles police and, at last report, is still awaiting booking.

They say that every cloud has a silver lining but it’s hard to find a bright spot here, except possibly the realization that some one some where is having a way worse Thanksgiving than you are, and having it in the can with their mug on the tabs (and in blogs such as this one!). That can actually be a little reassuring, depending on how bad your day has been going.

So let’s see what He does for poor Gabriel Aubry. God hasn’t dealt with Halle Berry lately.

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Never say never again

Remember how Halle Berry said that she’d never get married again? Well it’s a lady’s prerogative to change her mind and Berry has announced her engagement to Oliver Martinez. Now Halle had previously denied being engaged to Martinez. You can’t blame her for that since Oliver lives way over in France and Berry is involved in some kid of heated custody battle with her ex Gabriel Aubry right now. So there would be no use in upsetting everyone by coming out and saying something too soon. It might only give them more time to react! Timing is everything, and the element of surprise might not hurt either!

You see Halle has also recently filed to take daughter Nahla out of the country and over to France – the home of her prospective new beau. Naturally Gabby is opposed – damned opposed. He flipped a lid when Halle had to go to South Africa for a film. That was only for three months. This arrangement could be temporarily permanent. So there’s got to be some bad blood boiling up.

Gabby is fighting it but his case could be weakened by his recent alleged altercation with a former Nanny. Gabs had Nahla for the day and didn’t feel like sending daughter to school. She’s only 3 and why should he burn up a major chunk of his court appointed daddy time by sending his daughter out to Montessori school (that’s some kind of elite brainwashing programming for show business kids – the pass word is “arugula”). So he let her stay home. When nan comes to pick the kid up she demands to know the score. Gabs asks what the fuck it is to her and an alleged shoving match ensues. Then Gabs – who denied the incident took place in the way the nanny said it did – was ordered off for anger management.

After that there were tons of pap shots of Halle, Ollie, and Nahla out and about and looking like a merry little family. Not that she was deliberately trying to rub Gabs’ nose in it. Halle don’t play that way cause she just ain’t that kind of gal. Anyway something seemed to be building up and now we have it. The big plan seems to be hitching with Martinez and moving to Europe. Hopefully this whole thing isn’t some spiteful little plan to stick it to Aubry. That might turn her marriage to Martinez into an unfortunate fiasco – & that probably won’t end well.


Speaking of popularity Gisele Bundchen has been getting a lot of flack lately. That’s because she kind of blasted the Pats performance in the previous Superbowl. She said something about her husband Tom Brady not being able to throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time. She added a fuck in there probably for emphasis.


The Superbowl it a kind of sacred and semi religious event among the American Sports Fanatic. So unsportsmanlike like comments by some one not directly involved might be on the border of the acceptable. It would be like accusing a priest of stealing out of the collection plate would’ve been, back in the days before everyone found out what many of them actually did. Many people felt they were over the line and Gisele has been getting every sort of crap even and including comparing her to Jessica Simpson, accusing her of ruining Brady, and jinxing the Pats. Not that she spends night’s under a full moon summoning demons & boiling up her menstrual blood in a cauldron, so she can slip her witch’s brew into Brady’s morning smoothie. “There darling, how was that?”, “Emasculating, dear!” Though to hear the Internet posters go on it might not surprise them much if she did.

So far the only one to speak up for Gisele has been her sister angel Adriana Lima. When caught of guard and quizzed about Bundchen’s comments in a recent interview Lima respondedLeave her alone“. Gisele herself hasn’t addressed the touchy issue. She’s probably enough enough shits with her hubs and his colleagues. Besides those other players wives have never ever liked her. I heart that they’ve ostracized her from the moment she became partof teh Patriots family, and exclude her at team wive functions. The same sort of thing happened to Joey Heatherton back when she married a Dallas Cowboy, and may have eventually driven the poor woman to drink.

Anyway Bunders ain’t said anything about what she said, but she has been tweetin’. In fact one of her recent post bowl tweets involved this new add for Givinchey. Let’s take a little peep at that and remind ourselves of the Gisele that Gisele used to be back when she was admired for parading around in her underwear, instead of despised for speaking in public!

Of course some caution should be used before blaming a woman for spoiling the Superbowl. If a woman spoils the Superbowl then a woman will have to save the Superbowl, and what woman could do that?
That would create a locker room situation!

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Halle Berry’s Ex Investigated for Child Endangerment

Beautiful people get pretty ugly

Once upon a time in Hollywood

Once upon a time in an enchanted kingdom called Hollywood a beautiful movie queen met a handsome prince and swept him off his feet. Everyone carried on like the pair were the king and queen of the prom. Then they had a kid together. Then things went sour and they went their separate ways. That’s the part where the storyline diverges from Brangelina.

the couple in question

The couple in question were Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry. When they split up people were shocked but not too shocked. It’s kind of the way people felt when Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher busted up. Halle and Gabby seemed to be handling the bust up well and even agreed on joint custody. Then Halle got a film job down in South Africa.

where’s King Solomon when you need him?

Halle had to go away for 3 to 6 months and planned to take baby Nahla with her. Now Gabby wasn’t having any of that. So he suggested that Halle leave the tot with him while she clued up her movie making. Halle wasn’t any more pleased about leaving her daughter for 3 to 6 months than he was. So there was a stalemate.

father go farther

Now being mature reasonable people they managed to hit upon an ad hoc arrangement. Halle would take Nahla to South Africa and Gabby would come along for the ride. She’d pay him to be the child’s care giver – kind of like a nanny – and they’d live under the same roof. In the event that living under the same roof became unbearable then Halle would rent a near by villa for Gabby. Nahla could stay there with her father during the day while Halle did her close ups. Perfectly sensible arrangement that only required large sums of money to pull off (It might have been even more reasonable if she’d rented the villa from the start, instead of waiting to see if things became unreasonable)!

this is gonna take a while, and Katherine Heigl, so you know it’s getting nasty

So it seemed like our estranged super couple were working it out. Then some where along the way they fell out again. Just recently stories started surfacing about Halle and Gabby heading off to court for a flat out knock down drag out custody show down! Like I said, this has been building up for awhile.

On Jan 31 2011 – that’s about 1 year ago if you’re following the Halle Gabby timeline – People Mag reported that Halle was headed to court. Her objective was full custody of daughter Nahla. She was so serious that she dropped out of the lead in New Years Eve. That was good news for Katherine Heigl, who got to replace her. Halle was determined because in the words of her reps and lawyers –

“Halle has serious concerns for her daughter’s well-being while in the care of her father for any extended period of time and is prepared to take all necessary steps to protect her. She has attempted to resolve these custody issues amicably with her daughter’s father, Gabriel Aubry, directly, but given his lack of cooperation, Halle has no choice but to seek swift judicial intervention. Halle has always made the needs and safety of her daughter her first priority and, both while Halle and Gabriel were a couple and since their break-up, Halle has only acted in her daughter’s best interest.”

the cruelest month & Kim Kardashian included!

Now to you or I that might sound like the kind of half baked statement that comes out of the usual PR cookie cutter. However it preceded and interesting back and forth between Halle & Gabby. At 1st Gabby, by way of People Mag, claimed that the allegations were untrue & irresponsible. He claimed that he was being maigned, and tat he didn’t wanted to be dragged into some dispute over one of Halle’s films. Then D Listed & TMZ got in on the act. Basically the story that came out through those outlets was that Halle had issues. While she was dating Olivier Martinez, to whom she is now engaged, Aubry claimed that she was not over him. She was possessive & objected to him dating other people, and would even phone him up in a rage. Halle responded that Gabby was crazy and jealous. Needless to say Gabby was disappointed by Halle’s response. Feb 2011 was a rough month for them. There was even a Kim Kardashian angle. Here’s brief recap:

From People: Team Berry says that Halle got mad when Gabriel started dating amateur porn star and role model to our youth Kim Kardashian, because she didn’t want a reality star in her daughter’s life. Meaning Halle was afraid that the cameras that constantly follow Kim would catch her daughter and she’d end up on TV. Yes, because Nahla can sign her own releases. However, Team Aubry says that Nahla never laid eyes on the twin warthogs clinging to Kim’s ass.
1 point for Team Aubry

From TMZ: One of Gabriel’s ex-girlfriends has put a white cone on his head by saying that he’s bi-racist and always used racial slurs against black people. Gabriel’s ex, who dated him for 2 years, says he never beat her ass, but he treated women like shit.
2 points for Team Berry

From TMZ: Team Berry is going hard on this one. Sources close to Halle have added possible “child abuse allegations” to Gabriel’s rap sheet by saying that Nahla always hysterically cries when he picks her up for visits. Halle constantly has a “something in the milk ain’t clean” moment whenever she sees Nahla with Gabriel. Nahla seems scared of her own father and Halle thinks something wrong is going down. The child touching and/or child whoopin’ seed has been planted.
1 point for Team Berry

From Radar: Because this whole disaster is the second coming of OctoSana & Mad Mel, Team Gabriel says he has recorded tapes of Halle RAGING at him in her crazy bitch voice. Team Gabriel says that since he’s an upstanding moral man of integrity (served on a bed of lukewarm sarcasm noodles), he’s not going to release the tapes to the media. Gabriel is saving them just in case shit gets really real REAL in their custody fight.
1 point for Team Aubry

From Radar: So much for that “no leaking” rule. Radar magically got a hold of an e-mail Halle allegedly sent to Gabriel during one of her jealous meltdowns. Halle’s e-mail reads, “You were only good for one thing…Thanks for the donation.” Hey, that’s the same thank you note I get in the mail whenever I put a dollar in the tithing basket at my mom’s Catholic church. Team Gabriel also adds that he did call Halle a “fucking bitch” when she “provoked” him, but he’s never thrown a racial slur at her. In fact, Team Gabriel swears that he kept calm and quiet whenever she screamed at him on the phone.

history repeats it’s self in current events ‘here we go again’ agony

Luckily they got through Feb and the rest of the year. There were a few minor court skirmishes but things carried on as if they were normal. That brings us to current events. 3 year old Nahla was visiting her father when things took an odd turn. Seems Nahla didn’t want to go to school that day and Aubry let her off the hook. When nanny Alliance Kamdem showed up she wanted to know what the deal was and things got heated. Nanny claims that Aubry pushed, while she was holding Nahla. So naturally that lead to child endangerment charges.

Nanny Alliance

It lead Halle, with her nanny, back to court. She’s asked a judge for a restraining order. The order is to prohibit Aubry from any contact with Nanny Kamden until the child endangerment issue is resolved. That could be tough to resolve since nanny Kamden is making allegations about Aubry yelling and screaming and Nahla, which causes her to cower in fear. Kamden also claims Aubry makes young Nahla sit in a corner in his condo. To that end the L.A. County Dept. of Children and Family Services is also conducting a child endangerment investigation. Kamden claims she fears retaliation from Aubry.

“insufficient and speculative” – just like a blog!

As of now the restraining order is out. The judge called the petition “insufficient and speculative.” One further development, Kamden has quit her hi profile nanny job with Berry.

“The thing that attracts people to “The Sopranos” is the family element. It shows that America still has a longing for that traditional upbringing.” Christine O’Donnell

photo from the skull cave

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