The Celebrity Minute: 1 celebrity minute out of 15 minutes of fame

Paris says that she’ll do whatever it takes to fix her image. Glad she’s focused on the real problem. If she knew what she was saying, and meant it as sardonic humour, then everyone has radically underestimated that young woman! Of course if she knows what she’s doing then she’s a fucking genius. If Paris is famous for being famous then it’s because the medium is the message. If Hilton has consciously applied that principle then she should be teaching a class in media studies! Hang in there, Paris baby!

As for Lohan wanting her career back – to whom much is given much is asked; and sometimes everything gets taken away. Fame and fortune are perilous, so stop being a sucker.


Paris Hilton Busted for Cocaine

more hookery than usual

paris hilton mugshotSeems like Paris Hilton can’t stay out of trouble for very long. Just last night she was put cruising on the Las Vegas Strip (and outside outside the Wynn Hotel) when she got pulled over by the cops. Las Vegas’ finest observed what they thought was marijuana smoke coming out of the window of Hilton’s black Escalande. Now since Hilton probably wasn’t participating in a vote by the College of Cardinals – even online – the fuzz felt that they had could grounds to further investigate.

Further investigation revealed that Paris had cocaine on her. Not much cocaine, but just enough for her to be charged with a count of felony possession (class e). In case you’re not a regular Law & Order viewer a felony is more serious than a misdemeanor. In fact it’s a big league criminal charge! That lead to Paris and her new BFF Cy Waits to get booked into Clarke Country Jail.

Though the charges were serious, Paris skated only a few short hours later, on bail (thanks to lawyer David Chesnoff). She was busted at approximately 11:30 PM. By about 3;30 Am she was back home again and on Twitter. Now she made no Twitter mention of her recent misfortune. She just popped online long enough to tell everyone that she was home, getting ready for bed, and watching Family Guy. Oh yeah, and “xoxox, everyone” from Paris.

As for poor Cy, well he wasn’t so fortunate. Even though he’s the very man who helped Paris thwart a home invasion by a gun wielding intruder earlier in the week – he didn’t get sprung along with Paris. Cy had to wallow in prison under a charge of driving while intoxicated. So whether or not crime pays, we can say that Paris is a poor person to stand next to when lightening strikes. Though she has an excellent raincoat, she doesn’t provide much coverage to anyone else.

“the-drugs-weren’t-mine” defense

BTW Paris already has a fantastic alibi that might even make an unlikely legal defense. The coke was found in her purse, and she claims that the purse isn’t hers. This is the same defense she used earlier this year in South Africa, where she got busted for pot possession. Sources say the fact that she got released so quickly on bail is an indication of how seriously the prosecution is taking the case. The fact that her boyfriend de jour Cy Waits got held may indicate that he’s being set up as fall guy – but who knows. The drugs were found in her purse, and she was the only woman in the car at the time of the bust. Paris however insists that she had just come from a night club where oodles of women, and their purses, were present. So maybe she grabbed up the wrong purse because she was too stoned to notice. Anyone would buy that if they were on a jury, right? Perhaps, if jury duty lowers your IQ by 15 points!

Also the above mugshot of Paris shows her looking as good as ever. Hopefully she will whether this storm as she has her others. The pressures of fame can take a lot out of you. Take Sarah Palin for instance. She’s been America’s heart throb ever since John McCain discovered her as a running mate via google search (Since then Sarah has moved up in the world, and onto Twitter! She always was an ambitious girl with an eye to her future!). Though she was an attractive lady at the time, her brush with fame has left her looking the worse for wear. Just take a look at this most recent Sarah Palin picture!

sarah palin candidOf course she got herself prettied up for her big Tea Party Rally. On a totally unrelated note – for our Sunday Wondertrash matinee: here’s an example of how movies can make anything look good, especially evil – with Triumph of the Will.


paparazzi vs celebs – release the hounds

We’ve heard a lot from Mel Gibson lately; mostly drunkenly screaming vulgarities at ex Oksana Grigorieva via the series of illegal audio recordings she made. Now that everyone in the world knows Mel has a temper, it might be interesting to note that Grigrorieva has one too, especially when concerned by your friendly neighborhood paparazzi. Let’s take a look at the following little video exchange between Oxie and some members of the press:

Now what did she think was gonna happen when she unleashed the shit on Mel? Scandal is a sword that cuts both ways. At least they didn’t ask her how many times she blew Mel – which means that they’re being relatively polite, for now!

Perhaps Oxie assumed that the media would focus on Mel and leave her alone. That would be a naive assumption on the part of a woman who’s had more balls in the hoop than an NBA basket! Now that the feeding frenzy has started Oxie might do well to remember that the paparazzi will be her ever present companions for a while – until this thing eventually blows over. They’ll be following her everywhere, shooting her on the can through telephoto lens, going through her trash for leads, you name it. She’ll never be alone because she will be surrounded by free lance spies working under their own agenda!

Of course Paris Hilton might’ve have clued her in on this. Ever since that sex tape came out, ruining Hilton’s Big Fat Greek Wedding and turning her into the most infamous woman on Earth, she hasn’t had a moment’s peace or a minute to herself. On her recent vacation for instance Paris got photographed in yet another questionable situation, and has had some explaining to do. Her drawers were up this time, although it might have been better for her if they weren’t – cause she’s skating on the dangerous thin edge of celebrity racism. Let’s have a look.

Yes that’s our Paris wearing a communist type hat and giving – apparently – a Hiel Hitler style salute. Now Paris can explain her outrageous behavior. For one thing she claims she wasn’t giving a Nazi salute. She was scratching her nose while dancing. While it’s easy to believe that Hilton’s nose gets the itches – she must do a ton of blow – it’s hard to believe that she can do 2 things at once; like walk and chew gum. So many find her explanation a little dubious. BTW Hilton has gone on to point out that she herself has Jewish blood, & so can’t be really anti Semitic, only a thoughtless asshole.

Speaking of stories that take on a life of their own Angelina Jolie has courted controversy as a means to free PR for years. Back during Girl Interrupted she seemed to figure out hat insane paid of, so she started riding the crazy train with a vengeance. She couldn’t circulate enough stories about her weird ways, like her blood fetish, her heroine addiction, and her interest in hard core sadomasochism.

People have speculated about her BSMD life for years – was she on top or on bottom. Well it’s kind of a rule in the life style that the stronger you are in real life, the more submissive your are in the bedroom. It’s a ‘power transference’ thing. Jolie’s bad ass personae made it likely that she was the one wearing the ball gag in her relationships. Well now there is some proof of that.

According to Jolie’s unofficial biographer – Andrew Morton – there are some scandalous pictures out here of Ms Jolie wearing a dog collar. So that answers the question about whether her orientation os towards dominance or submission. There’s also some video of her smacked out on heroin for about 18 hours.

Now most of this stuff isn’t news. Everybody knows that Jolie likes her smack. There have been other videos of Jolie drugged out and rambling. As for the bondage stuff, well there’s a ton of photomanips out there on the Internet for anyone who has a need to see Jolie bound, gagged, and squirming for as much wiggle room as she can get.

angelina jolie gagged and bound
No one is immune either. Not even George Clooney. Now no one guards their privacy more than George. He’s even moved off continent and over to Italy just to get out of paparazzi range. Seemed like a good plan except when you’re famous you can run but can’t hide.

Scandal has found George by was of Italy – ironically – and his hot Italian girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis. Canalis is basically famous for being the latest in a series of cocktail waitress types that George likes to hang out with and occasionally get into motor cycle accidents with. However Senora Canalis’ public image is beginning to develop a life of it’s own!

Seems that a couple of years back and long before Lizzie dreamed she’d ever go steady with a A Lister she got herself in some dicey situations. This came to light recently when some Italian night clubs got busted for running a coke & whores ring. The scam involved getting VIPs in and then tanking them up on booze and cocaine. Once the better judgment centers in their brains were shut down, the gals made their sex sales pitch.

One of the chicks busted was an aspiring Paris model named Karima, and she says that Elisabetta was a good friend of hers and that they used to do blow together at the sex clubs. Karima doesn’t say that Lizzie rented out her twat space by the hour to wealthy types, but hat can easily be inferred. So now Georgie’s got to got out and find himself a less embarrassing slut. You know how fast these things can get out of hand – Mel & Oksana – and don’t think that’s not crossing Clooney’s worried mind right now!

So remember, if you have an unholy lust for attention and the perks that go with it, there’s also a major downside. You lose control of your private life and lose touch with your personal space. It’s effectively losing your soul. There’s no off switch for fame either. So before you embark on such a reckless course, make sure that your underwear is clean!


Celebrity tweet of the day – Paris Hilton

something romantic, something pedantic

No one has ever accused Paris Hilton of being a ‘rock scientist’, except for the befuddled Tara Reid. Tara might not even know what she means by a ‘rock scientist’. Ms. Hilton’s mistake is more mundane (and one that any blogger might have made). Paris makes a fairly basic grammatical error in the following tweet. Can you spot it?

That’s right, Paris uses the plural for ‘families’, instead of the possessive – ‘my family’s house’. Then again in Tinseltown it’s hard enough knowing who your friends are, let alone your family! More to the point it’s hard to know who you are in Follywood.


Paris Hilton Reveals Beauty Secrets

Just when you thought that there was nothing left to reveal about Paris Hilton, here she is to share her special health & beauty secrets!


Paris Does Push Ups

By push ups I don’t mean the exercise. We know that Paris Hilton never bothers with that, and instead relies on a high octane combo of booze, pills, and round the clock partying to maintain her ‘too rich & too thin’ figure (that’s a recipe that only needs a fuse, as in the case of Lindsay Lohan; or a match, in the case of Amy Winehouse). In this case push ups refers to the kind of bra that makes Paris look like she’s experienced a recent growth spurt. Now this is giving Paris the benefit of the doubt when she says that it’s a bra and it’s for her boyfriend Doug Reinhardt. You could be forgiven if you jumped to the conclusion that she had something done, like Carrie Prejean. Carpe squeeze’em!

her cups runneth over


Paris gets egged

So is there some kind of crime wave in Hollywood in which celebs are the victims? First Lindsay Lohan gets burgled. Police are still looking out of a person of interest who showed up on CCTV. Michael Lohan swears that it wasn’t him either (Now that statement is technically untrue so i should clarify for the sake of liability – Michael Lohan has not denied it was him, he has only said he intends to find the guy responsible, and that the guy ‘has problems’. ). Now Paris Hilton’s blue bentley gets egged up!

Seems that some calls were made to the cops about some out of hand party at the residence of Paris and boyfriend Doug Reinhardt. It was the usual complaints of loud noise. When there was no satisfaction forth coming some one took matters into their own hands and egged up and bunch of vehicles including the Bentley.
Now Paris swears that there was none of the usual hi jinks at her pad. Supposedly Doug was spending a quiet evening playing poker with some buddies. There was no loud music cause the stereo wasn’t hooked up. So the egging couldn’t be the reprisal of irate neighbors. Paris thinks that it’s probably the horde of paparazzi that followed her and Doug home from the restaurant they were at earlier – Koi (so I guess that the D List ain’t meeting at Beso anymore. Sorry Eva, but I hear that your joint has got problems). It’s an interesting theory. The paps were bound to be looking for revenge after their egging at the hands of Lindsay Lohan following her Samantha Ronson ‘break’. Then again some anti celebrity vigilantism – aside from internet blogging – was bound to happen sooner or later. My only question is “what took so long?”

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