Nadya Octomom Suleman’s Stripper Past!

The Nadya Suleman story continues to unfold with bizarre new twists and turns – so to speak. After a former acquaintance claimed that she and Octomom performed a stripper act together for two years, the controversial mother of 14 felt she had to some forward and set the record straight.
Nadya comes clean – ‘I can explain’
By her own admission Nadya was a stripper, or as she prefers to call it ‘a topless exotic dancer’. However she wants the public to know that it’s not as bad as jealous former colleagues are making it out. Nadya reveals, with plenty of mitigating spin, that she was only 19. It was an impressionable and experimental time in her life. It started innocently enough with a lingerie contest!
It was very sweet and innocent, in a dirty sort of way
Now everyone can understand the need to feel some pride in our appearance. Most of us accomplish this through exercise, grooming, diet, personal hygiene, and a thoughtfully selected wardrobe. Nadya attempted to boost her self esteem by parading around in her undies. If you’ve been paying attention to the story so far you know that Nadya has her own way of doing things.
performance enhancing nudity
Nadya quite proudly reveals that she came in second. The girl who won, Nadya states, only beat her by performing “some disgusting lesbian act” that Nadya “could never do“. I guess that’s Nadya’s way of denying the girl on girl act allegations, though it may not make any friends in the gay community. Never mind, she can handle that later. 
Hey doc, what’s up?
2nd place was good enough to get Octomom a job offer to perform in what she describes as a ‘gentleman’s club‘. Nadya makes it sound very up scale. Just to be clear these are the kind of gentlemen who like to stuff bills down ladies g stings, and may have a ‘rabbit fetish‘. Though flattered by the offer, and seriously considering it, she backed out after she realized the whole deal might not be so genteel. Nadya claims that when she noticed other topless exotic dancers giving clients lap dances, she was back out through the door like a shot! Just because they were gentlemen didn’t mean that Nadya was going to think of herself as anything less than a lady.
A consummate, mad loony
So where are we after hearing Nadya’s side off the story? Well she only admits to this after a former colleagues claims that they did a racy act together for 2 years (and performed at bachelor parties!). She makes a point of denying the worst of the allegations repeatedly through out her story – “I was merely an innocent girl who enjoyed taking her close of for nice men. Nothing kinky whatsoever!” She does however admit to being afraid that some photos from her experimental days might come to light. Perhaps this is why she’s owning up now. We’ve also learned that Octomom has some talent as an amateur spin doctor: “I was crazy; but crazy interesting, not crazy scary!” She has been following Angelina Jolie’s playbook! Oh yeah, and we know that Octomom sure like attention, and she’ll take it however she can get it!
Speaking of rabbit fetishes, singer Andrea Corr first came to public attention playing a character called Sharon Rabbite (who thinks these names up?), in the film The Commitments. That was back in the early 90’s. By 2000 she was voted the world’s most beautiful woman, until ousted by Aishwarya Rai. In fairness to Ms Corr, Rai didn’t get the title by vote, but was proclaimed such by Julia Roberts. Andrea also toured with her brother and sisters in the popular singing group The Corrs. The Corrs split up and Andrea went onto a solo singing career, releasing an album called Ten Feet Tall. At 5’1″ we might assume that Ms Corr has some height issues.
The album wasn’t really a chart buster. Andrea had deglammed her image, Perhaps she was tired of being seen as a pretty girl, and wanted to see if she could be taken seriously on her music alone. Questionable choice since the music industry is full of talented people who never become household names. Packaging counts!
So what has Ms Corr been doing with herself lately? Well Corr fans will be happy to know that Ms Corr has scored big time. Her boyfriend Brett Desmond proposed to her on Christmas of last year. He layed a $100 000+ diamond ring on her while they were vacationing in the Bahamas. Now Bret can well afford lavish gifts and Caribbean vacations because his dad is billionaire Dermot Desmond. So it looks like little Andrea has bagged big game. This guy should be able to keep her in tin whistles for life! 


Latest Gossip = Slap Egotists

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Joaquin Phoenix – now officially Hollywood’s Most Interesting Celebrity!

There’s more trouble for rogue hip hopper Joaquin Phoenix. Director of Phoenix’s last film Two Lovers, James Gray, is hip hopping mad! Two Lovers, which co stared Gwyneth Paltrow, has only made $1.63 million after 5 weeks of limited release. The movie has gotten critical acclaim, and picked a Gold Palm nomination at Cannes, but you can’t eat prestige. Considering that the film had an A List cast, the returns are an extreme failure.
So some one’s got to be to blame. Gray has a pretty clear idea of who’s fault it is too. he blames original gangsta Joaquin. The director wasn’t impressed with Phoenix’s David Letterman appearance, for one thing. JP showed up to hype the film on  Latenight looking like he’d spent the past few hours panhandling for loose change. While Letterman took repeated pot shots, Phoenix sat there looking bewildered and getting agitated. When Phoenix was asked what the film was about he replied “I dunno, I haven’t seen it“. He was unable to introduce a promotional clip that Latenight had set up.
Gray has some ideas about Pheonix’s recent personality change too. Rumours are that this is some kind of elaborate Andy Kaufman style hoax. The fact that Phoenix’s brother in law Casey Affleck is following him around with a camera seems to confirm this. Gray doesn’t know what the whole Affleck angle is, but has called him to say that it’s in very poor taste (After the returns on 2 Lover’s, Gray should consider himself lucky that Casey took the call). Gray also reveals that Phoenix has a full recording studio in his house. “If it’s a hoax then it’s an elaborate one,” Gray says, and then goes on to state “but even if it’s not he still needs help“.
Now Gray might be a little harsh in his judgements. Phoenix’s colourful late night antics may have actually peaked interest in an other wise bland film. I can imagine some people going just to  see if they can spot the exact moment when Phoenix started to crack. As for lack luster returns, no one has been interested in paying money to see Paltrow in some time. Even Gray’s assessments of Phoenix’s sanity might be out. Phoenix has probably had that recording studio for some time. Though rap is a recent development, his interest in music goes way back. So is Phoenix crazy, or crazy like a fox? The jury’s still out on that, but I won’t believe he’s nuts until I hear complaints about his hygiene and body odor!


Latest Gossip = Slap Egotists

Katie Homes – surviving the process, so far

“If you get too famous you will go straight to hell,” a Japanese Zen Master had warned… Zen hell is this world right here and now, in which you see life around you but can’t participate in it. You’re forever a stranger from your own life because there’s something in your life that holds you back. You see others bathing in the life all around them while you have to drink it through a straw, never getting enough.


You would think that fame and fortune would bring a sense of closeness to other people, but quite the opposite happens. You split into two people, who they think you are and who you really are, and that produces the Zen hell. …
~ Robert Pirsig

demanding perfectionist allows wife out of the house looking like shit

Katie Holmes was once vibrant young woman. During her Dawson’s Creek days she was America’s Crush, and a sort of ladder day Valerie Bertinelli. Of course that was before love, and Scientology found her. Whether she and husband Tom Cruise are star crossed lovers or love crossed stars; his image took a beating in the collision, and so did her appearance! Tom had recognized the strong amazing woman with in the sweetness, and now was determined to bring that woman out, even if he killed her in the process.
She wanted fame, she became half of America’s most bizarre celeb marriage – post modernism??
We should’ve known what was in store when Tom made Katie run the New York Marathon. Amazingly she finished, and after cleaning herself up was off to some gala function that evening. She was seen grinning painfully like the other guests, so that you might never suspect she’d completed a 26 mile run that morning. An impressive achievement, but could the bionic woman keep up the pace.
Do you love me for who I am? I love you enough never to let you settle for that!
Well it appears that even the energizer bunny will eventually run out of juice. As Tom kept the pressure on Katie to never settle for being anything less than strong and amazing, America watched her wilt under the strain. She went from being an attractive and vibrant woman in her mid twenties to losing weight and looking aged. In fact poor Katie had begun to look so haggard that you’d think she were in preparation for a role as Nancy Reagan during the White House years!
No one will hear you scream – Surviving purification and other amazing challenges!
Odd stories began to emerge too – more odd than Katie having to wear a special birthing gag during delivery. There were rumours that Tom had her on strange Scientology purification regimes. Some were saying that she had to go days without solid food, subsisting only on L Ron Hubbard approved barley water and iodine mixtures. This was to rid her body of thetans and other unwanted contaminants both chemical and spiritual; and eventually to make her ready for the birth of space baby No 2. Observers feared that if Katie managed to survive purification, then she might not be strong and amazing enough to actually carry a baby. As Katie began to take on the appearance of a 50 year old the phrase “the operation was a success but he patient died” kept springing to mind.
If he were deliberately trying to kill her then this would make more sense
Well Katie watchers will be happy to know that things appear to have changed. Mrs Cruise has recently emerged in Japan at the side of her husband and looking unusually good. As a matter of fact she showed up at the Tokyo premier of Valkyrie looking almost healthy! What could’ve caused this shocking change? Was the purification paying off? Had Tom come to his senses and called off the 12 hour sauna and cup of gruel a day routine?
The good news about purification is that there is a cure!
Well something was paying off but it wasn’t purification. It has now been revealed that Katie geared up for the premier with a 2 day long, $75 000 intensive make over! According to the story Katie holed up in the Tokyo Ritz Carlton where a team of image experts gave her a thorough over haul. Her new thick shiny hair, a change from the dull lifeless bob we are used to seeing her with, is the result of $5000 hair extensions (harvested from the heads of virgin teens in the Philippines no doubt!). In addition there was a trip to the dentist for $50 000 veneers. Now that’s not quite a million dollar smile but in this challenging economic times close enough! Then there was 20 000 in spa treatments. Once Katie started to look remotely human again there was 3000 in premium make up, to cover the ravages of self improvement. once the process was complete Katie emerged looking astonishingly presentable!
Passing inspection
However a closer look at Ms Cruise reveal that she is not the fresh young flower that she once was. In fact she looks like a derelict house that has had a coat of shellac hastily slapped on to improve it’s appearance for an appraisal. The new windows and siding don’t really hide the signs of structural damage, and a foundation that has cracked. Once the premium make up is wiped of, the same dull eyed, slack jawed zombie we’ve come to know will be found still lurking timidly underneath. Tom has learned that by splashing out enough money he can temporarily undo some of the long term damage he has undoubtedly done to his wife. That’s shows some degree of awareness.
She looks no worse than any celebrity!
The question is: has he learned that if he has to spend $100 000 just to undo the effects of his even more expensive self development program, then the whole deal was probably a bad idea from the word go? Or will she go back on the spartan regiment of bilge water and steam baths once the cameras are pointed away, perhaps to get new aluminum siding in the unlikely event that Tom has another premier to drag her out for? Never underestimate the determination of a Thetan on a mission of mercy. If Tom had the sense to know when to quit then he’d have called off this whole sad sorry charade some time after the shit hit the fan on the Oprah Winfrey Show. Instead he’s played this out farther than any sane man and most lunatics would’ve dreamed of doing. In other words expect Katie to go back to looking like something the cat dragged in some time soon. At least Tom has confirmed America’s faith in the power of the make over – and they say no good has come out of Scientology! Still it could be worse. At least she’s not Mischa Barton, or Lisa Rinna.
Daily dharma – To live for some future goal is shallow. It’s the sides of the mountain that sustain life, not the top.

Robert M. Pirsig



Latest Gossip = Slap Egotists

Suffering Sappho – pix from the scene of Lohan’s weekend flip out!

It’s pop o matic trouble!

By now everyone has heard about Lindsay Lohan’s rumble with Ronson last week end. This occurred during what proved to be a wild Lohan style week end that only Lindsay could pull off. There were late night drinking and drugging binges (allegedly), trips to visit Jack Nicholson in the wee hours of the morning, and online Twitter freak outs! 
Beware the Ides of March!
The whole thing was set off when a warrant was issued for Ms Lohan on March 13 – other wise known as Friday the 13th. Apparently Lohan wasn’t complying with some court order over some arrest for some  hit and run that happened a year of so back. There have been so many that you can’t really blame Lindz for losing track. Besides her recall (and grammar too, if some online messages are any indication) is not everything that it could be. When Lindz heard about the warrant she completely lost it. She whipped off a missive to Perezhilton, full of spelling errors, claiming that the warrant story was fabricated and could blow every deal she’s got going. I doubt that she’s got anything going, and what ever she’s got can’t be worth going ballistic over.
Anyway that sent La Lohan into a weekend long tail spin. During the way she had a 5 alarm blow out with Samantha Ronson. That was on Saturday morning, about 11 AM. She’d returned from her special tete e tete with Nicholson several hours previous (the English phrase might be heart to heart, but the French are just so much more knowing about these things. It’s their legendary savior faire). The source of the argument seemed to be some DJ engagement that Ronson had. Ronson couldn’t get out of it, and Lindsay could go with because she wasn’t allowed to leave the state. So the lid blew straight off.
Between 11 AM & 12 PM the neighbours phoned the police. They got alarmed when they heard the sounds of ‘something’ hitting the walls. Plus stuff was flying out of the windows, and that was leaving glass scattered around everywhere. Then there was the obscene yelling. By the time the police showed up everything was calm, and no one answered the door. So they had to go away empty handed. However we know that World War 3 went down on the premises (although I suppose that we really have to say World War 4 in our post Bush era, just to be accurate), because there are plenty of picture from ground zero – and here they are!
Hunting for beaver, loaded for bear
It looks like they had the SWAT team out. Then again from what the neighbours are saying, the frightful sounds emanating from the premises made them fear that Chris Brown might be beating Rihanna with OJ Simpson inside! As it turned out, it was only a couple of scared, coked up, boozed out lesbians. Still it would’ve be a good idea to bring along the riot gear and tear gas, just to be on the safe. At least some pepper spray.
You might be glad to know that Lohan’s madcap weekend has ended well enough. Ronson managed to get off to her gig, so some one will be bringing money into the household. 3 or 4 kind ladies with AA Blue Books showed up after the cops left, and stayed until Lindz could get it together (though that alone might have driven many of use to drink!) Lindsay and Sam are still together, because at this point who else would have either of them?? As for the warrant that started the whole commotion, well that’s been dropped. Seems that the courts are describing it as no big deal. So Lindsay won’t be going to jail, or not just yet (though she may give rehab another try). Jack Nicholson must have some clout in that town!! So it this Happily Ever After, or To Be Continued
Remember, when life hands you a lemon, throw in some club soda and whiskey – then shake violently!!
I never give you my pillow

I only send you my invitations
And in the middle of the celebrations
I break down


Latest Gossip = Slap Egotists

Anna Nicole Smith is back with a vengeance & Howard K Stern is in the soup

Stern & doctors slapped with felony charges – bail is 20 000

By now everyone has heard the news that long time Anna Nicole Smith ‘companion’ Howard K Stern has turned himself in, and is under arrest. Stern, along with a pair of ANS doctors (Dr Khristine Eroshevich and Dr Sandeep Kapoor are accused of illegally supplying the troubled starlet with a plethora of prescription medications. At the time people believed he may have deliberately offed his companion. Though they did have a rocky relationship, they had just had a ‘commitment ceremony’, and Stern had been named guardian of her infant daughter Dannilynn. Smith was also still quarrelling fort about 500 million from her late husband – the 90 year old oil billionaire. So the was plenty of motive for Stern to do something nasty.
Who’s your daddy?
When Anna Nicole Smith died unexpectedly just shy of her 40th birthday, the finger of suspicion pointed fairly directly at Stern. Smith’s son Daniel had died only months before at he age of 19. An autopsy indicated that he’d died from a prescription medication reaction – excepted some of those meds were believed to have been supplied by Stern. Stern was even witnessed flushing pills down the toilet while young Daniel was in hospital. Even Smith her self at one point accused Stern of ‘killing’ her son. He was now next in line to the loot, after Anna herself and the girl who Anna herself had legally declared his daughter. Although she may have meant accidentally. Stern could be pretty free with the pills. 
‘conspiracy’ among the charges – the bail is low, but the prosecutors seem loaded for big game
That’s what’s led him in to trouble this time. The question isn’t whether Stern wanted her dead, but whether he is legally responsible for her death through illegal activities. The exact nature of the charges is that the pair of doctors – who are also under arrest – knowingly misprescribed meds for Anna Nicole, and that Stern procured them illegally, under his own name, and then passed them on to Smith (Many of the pills found after her death were actually prescribed in his name). Since this is illegal, and resulted in Smith’s death, Stern is facing some pretty heavy charges. Those charges may have nothing to do with whether Stern deliberately killed her to get the loot – although their are many people who believe that her helped her on her way with money in mind. They seem merely based on the fact that Smith died as a result of Stern’s illegal actions. That can lead to a range of charges like manslaughter, criminal negligence, and one of the lesser homicide charges.  Depending what kind of a package prosecutors put together against him, and what they can make stick, that can result in just as much time behind bars as if he held a gun to her head, while holding her check book in the other hand. Of course we know that the doctors will provide some very cooperative testimony, to get themselves off the hook. That further points the finger of culpability at Mr Stern. It looks like that fellow is in a world of trouble. 
Now for Howard K, Adnan Ghalib, Bernie Madoff, and all those other hi profile lawbreakers – whether accused or convicted, here’s a little music video dedication done on location at San Quentin Prison.
… and here’s another litle one, a true classic.
Some bad news and some good news for our little jail birds: I hear that prison’s are switching back to black and white stripes for their uniforms (see CBS 48 Hours’ “Picture Perfect” episode), the good news, the art of the escape tunnel is coming back with a vengeance.


Latest Gossip = Slap Egotists

Mind Your Language – Something romantic, something pedantic

Regis Philbin’s Son – Game show host ignores Pentagon retiree who served America

Regis strikes out as a dad

Regis Philbin doels out the dough on his Who Wants to Be a millionaire, but in real life he can be tight fisted. He also won’t be getting any father of the year awards. His daughter came to public attention when the National Enquirer reveals that she was a crack addict and circling the drain. Now Philbin’s son is in some serious trouble. His son Danny also managed to get himself into the pages of the National Enquirer, after a much publicized suicide attempt, and here’s the insider story:
son goes ‘batty’
Though a double amputee, Danny still managed to hold down a job with the Pentagon. His condition did put a strain on his marriage. According to his estranged wife Judy Philbin, Danny kept insisting that he could no longer function as a complete man and husband to her. His suggestion was that she find a man to have an affair with, to fulfill her sexual needs. Whether out of malice, or naivety, Judy took him at his word. When Danny found out, he went nuts. Armed with a baseball bat he went on a destruction spree, and broke everything in the house – including Judy’s prized Waterford crystal! he then capped the incident off with an attempted over dose on Darvron and Xanax. That’s when friends intervened and took him to Loma Linda Medical Center. After treatment with a stomach pump, he was then confined to the psych ward. 
Regis swings into action…
Now Regis may have his short comings but one thing you can say is that he’s there for his kids; once the situation gets critical and is leaked to the press. Judy notified the Enquirer about the sad state of affairs, and Regis announced that he had swung into action. If another e mail of Danny’s is any indication however, Philbin’s support seems to be more of the moral variety (the kind that don’t cost you anything but allows you to tell some one what to do and gets you off the hook with the public – “Well if he won’t follow my advice what can I do for him??”) Danny claims that he was informed by his father’s business managers that his 5000 allowance was being cut back. Danny further goes ion to reveal that they never actually visited him to access his situation. They have no idea what is required by a retired wheel chair bound retiree” he says.
… but will he get on the ball?
So it looks like a bleak situation for Danny Philbin. Even more so since Danny ends his letter with some pathetic revelations delivered in the 3rd person: “The son in the wheel chair now lives alone with no real means of protection, but sleeps with a baseball bat next to his bed“. I can only hope that Regis gets on the ball, for the sake of his public image if nothing else. Celebrities are having image malfunctions left, right, and center these days, so it pays to stay on your toes. Besides, having one messed up kid might be bad luck, having two makes you look like Ryan O Neil! Then again Regis didn’t make it rich by throwing around a lot of money – oh yeah, in fact he did, it just wasn’t his money. Maybe Nadya Suleman could do something for Danny Philbin? If the rumours about her checking out million dollar mansions are any indication she seems to be doing OK!
News from the Mother Ship – this just in!!
What’s Tom Cruise up to these days?? About 5’7″, and he’s gearing Katie up for another pregnancy! Rumour has it that Katebot is on a strict detox regime to make her womb Thetan ready! That’s why she’s looking even more lobotomized than usual lately! Tom hasn’t forgotten about the bright lights of Hollywood though. He has a master plan to restore his popularity with a project based on a little known 1970’s TV Sci Fi drama, and he’s begging President Barack Obama to co star in it with him – click here for the gory details! Good luck, Major Tom, and I hope that the Obama Effect pays off for you! Oh yeah, and “Free The Home World!
Now how’s that for a Spaced Out Sunday? Well then what about this?? It’s life, but not as we know it.
More head cases with a plan for the future – where have we heard that before??
People don’t change; they only become more so.
Theirs is a peaceful mission, thought I’d feel more reassured if their phasers weren’t locked on
Ever hear the old phrase ‘the road to hell is paved with good intentions’? Well it seemed like a good idea at the time. In this case the good idea is called The Venus Project – Though it sounds like a lost Star Trek episode, it actually refers to a world where there is nothing we can’t accomplish, armed with the weapons of mass creation! It only requires a complete collapse of the world around us. Apart from noting that ‘weapons’ is an odd choice of word to apply to the instruments of creation, I can only mention that the high minded visionaries forgot to reckon with the fact that we’re still inside the obsolete institutions that they’re so eagerly knocking down! Their commitment to improve world conditions at the expense of the inhabitants reminds me of HAL 9000 in 2001 A Space Odyssey, and makes me feel like an occupant of the World Trade Center on 911! At least they’re not telling us that this is gonna hurt them more than it hurts us. There’s no need to insult people’s intelligence while you’re inflicting your vision of the future on them. That would be adding insult to injury!
A Habitat for Humanity or more mad men with a plan – just like Hitler!
They have plans for your future, that don’t include you. It’s a truly frightening dystopian vision of the world to come that might well have frozen the blood of Aldous Huxley or George Orwell solid in their veins! Faced with this technocracy, I think that the only question any post modernist can ask is “How can I stop this??” … and they say there’s no Illuminati. I like their idea of creating a better world through expressing contempt though. It’s what Mocksure is about! As for political vandalism, that’s best left to the high minded idealists. As for foiling super villains planning a new and better world, that’s really more of a job for James Bond.
PS. Even though the Venus Project claims to be the thinking of analytically minded techies, they have no clear plan about how they’re gonna accomplish their brave new world. Their rosy future seems to be encompassed by the catch all phrase ‘technology’. They have some very clear and specific ideas about how they plan to tear everything down, like you quiting your job. I guess they’ve given that more thought. To put it in practical terms you might well ask them “how many people do you plan on killing to get this thing off the ground?” Certainly any one who disagrees with them for a start. Well sacrifices will have to be made, like your jobs; and you can’t make an omelet without breaking eggs. There in lies a fundamental problem with utopias.


Latest Gossip = Slap Egotists

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