Religion, Politics, & Mila Kunis

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There’s no business like showbusiness – that goes double for poltics


JFK – more conspiracy than you think

With the American Presidential elections coming up on us hard and fast it might be time to look at that other form of show business called democracy! So let’s take a look at how the electoral process discovered that there was more to political success than bags full of unmarked bills and stuffing ballots. There was also make up, bright lights, and television cameras!

when eyes lies is seeing is deceiving?

Conspiracy has become a dirty word these days and synonymous with tin foil hats and “off his meds”. Yet conspiracies are an everyday occurrence. When an eager job applicant shows up at an interview spit shined & smiling, he’s trying to present his best image to his prospective employer. He might even add a padded out resume. Should he get some references to back him up, then he’s arranged a minor conspiracy. Image counts and a basic part of a conspiracy is presenting an image to hide the truth.

Sweating the sweet talk

When the stakes are higher than getting hired for some 9 to 5 job, then a lot more effort goes into building a cover. Like in politics. American democracy is like a turbo charged popularity contest where issues get blurred out by personalities. When a candidate can get enough people to like and trust him, he can translate that into support at the polls. So a lot of effort goes in to coming off looking good. These days they use neurolinguistic programming tech to befuddle voters with double talk (It’s the art of getting some one to focus on what they think they’re hearing instead of what you’re trying not to say). Even as far back as the Clinton era – remember the good times? – PR was hi tech. The Clinton staff used to run every speech through a focus group before it was put out for public consumption. Listener response to each word was charted, and if the response was negative, the word got yanked. By the time Slick Willie got up in front of the cameras his speech was streamlined and fine tuned to make the best possible impression.

Slack Jack gets a make over

Slick Willie wasn’t the first American Pres to sweet talk Joe Blow into co operation. One of the most notable examples of image management was the late John F Kennedy. His father bragged that he was gonna sell young John to the public like soap suds. So in addition to ballot stuffing and pay offs there was a lot of emphasis on JFK’s image. By the time he got to the debates he was all polished bronze. In comparison Tricky Dicky came of pasty and weaselly. There was no question who was gonna win class president, and it wasn’t the head of the chess club.

Candidate may be smaller than he appears in ads

Now Handsome Jack didn’t start life as James Bond. JFK had many health issues. For one thing one leg was shorter than the other (& that’s and example of NLP right there. Short is a loaded term. Describing one leg as shorter – instead of the other leg as longer, makes him sound jumped up. He’s either taller or shorter than he seems, depending on which leg you put the weight on!). That’s what caused his back trouble. He had to play football at Harvard and all that tearing around the field with uneven legs eventually wrecked his lower back.

When there’s no warranty you’d better check under the hood

He also had Addison’s Disease. Addison’s is a malfunction of the adrenal glands that can cause much grief. Like immune disorders. So Jack was always a sickly and skinny youth. In fact he spend much of his boyhood on the sick bed. At that time it wasn’t an issue since his older brother Joe Jr was being groomed for world domination. When Joe died tragically in World War 2, either on a heroic suicide mission that would look great on his future political resume, or trying to scale the electrified fence of a German POW camp – depending on which story you listen to, Jack inherited his family’s great expectations. So vibrant good health became an issue. Especially when he got to the presidential campaign.

The glandular president

In the run up to the 1960 election the family decided something needed to be done about JFK’s persistent poor health. So they tried a new treatment. It involved injected JFK with cortisone to make up for his deficient adrenals. Cortisone is what’s called an androgen. In plain language it’s a male sex hormone or a steroid. It worked like a charm. That lad who’d always been scrawny and spend much of his life in a sick bad suddenly filled out and got athletic. With the extra dose of macho and consequent added weight he became virile looking and handsome. Even the Addison’s came in handy. One of the symptom of the disease is that when you have it you’re very sensitive to sunlight. Any exposure and you turn as orange as Lindsay Lohan. So it didn’t take much to turn Jack all bronzy. By the time he showed up for the debate with Nixon he looked as hale and hearty as if he’d some from a month on the Riviera with a stop off at the gym on the way.

as seen on TV

The debate is considered a crucial moment in the election. Up to that point JFK was seen as a light weight rich kid with no experience. Nixon had tons of experience under his belt – what with dealing with the Soviets as Eisenhower’s strong right arm. People who heard the debate on radio came away thinking that Nixon had won, and that JFK didn’t show much substance. People who saw it on TV thought JFK won, because he looked so much more capable and manly. Let’s face it, Jack was the kind of guy you wanted to hang out and have drinks with.

Developing chemistry with the voters

So image won the 1960 presidential elections, with a little help from the Chicago mafia – allegedly. Without his macho injections JFK might have come off like some pale skinny kid who couldn’t to stand up to the school bully, let alone Nikita Kruchev. With his magnetism switched on the nation fell in love. So he got to take Jackie to the Presidential prom while Nixon had to go muttering and complaining back to California to plot his revenge. People will argue about how much image had to do with that. After all he did get a lot of help winning that race. Bobby, as recounted in Seymour Hersh’s The Dark Side of Camelot, bribed every sherif in the south at $50 000 a pop, to insure support. Lyndon Johnson was an excellent choice of VP, since there never was a more colourful scoundrel in American politics; with the possible exception of Huey Long. If there was a guy to get results it was him.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression

Still when people look back on that it’s the debate they talk about, and the dramatic contrast between sweaty nervous Nixon and cool Handsome Jack. It made an impression. That impression was the result of a conspiracy to conceal JFK’s weak health from the voters, and to get him boosted up for the race. Arrangements had to be made to present him to the public as some one they could place confidence in, if not exactly trust. Of course the public couldn’t be let in on the deal. That would take the fun out of it, as well as ruin the whole effect. So JFK was more than the first pres to compete using performance enhancing drugs – that we know of. He also proves that conspiracies are more than just tin foil and untreated mental illness! Whenever two or more get together to project the right image, that by definition is a conspiracy.

PS. The Kennedy lesson wasn’t lost on PR managers. When Reagan ran he was made up like a corpse in a funeral parlor. His hair was always dyed jet black, even though it was doubtful that it was his natural colour, or by that age that the hair was even his. It became an open joke and Reagan never denied the dye job. He just wouldn’t own up to it. He was too savvy to insult the intelligence of a now cynical public. He simply didn’t talk about it and hoped people would go along with what they saw, even if the knew different.

It’s interesting to think that one leaked photo of a greyed out Reagan going into the White House barber shop for his dye job might have blown his cover, and America’s confidence in him. It might’ve accomplished what his liberal opponents were so eager to achieve – piercing his Teflon. Even if the photo was doctored people would stop and think it was probably what he really looked like, and the damage would have been done. Oddly, though they pride themselves on being image savvy, the left didn’t think of that one.

PSS. Mr 60 Minutes Andy Rooney has passed away at the age of 92 and after a long distinguished career as a journalist. Here now are a few more miunutes with Andy Rooney.

http://www.youtube.com/get_player

Curious George & Dimpled Chad

the President is still allegedly American
conspiracy theories and the “other” Mrs. Obama

President Barack Obama has been getting some grief from conspiracy theorists since he was elected. The most notable theory but by no means the only one is that Barack Obama was born in Kenya, and so is ineligible to be President based on not being native born. It’s not the only one. Other theories say that Obama is a Muslim, and atheist, a socialist, and a Vulcan from Krypton. One theory even purports that Obama is not actually black – but an attractive white woman who began impersonating a black man when she first decided to position herself for the presidency. The idea was that since Hillary Clinton had the chick vote sown up, an another angle was needed. While that is an intriguing theory, I think that it was probably dreamed up by someone who watched White Chicks too often while stoned.

A good offensive defense

The sad thing is that the President, if I may call her that, has felt the need to start addressing this issues; which by her own words are unworthy of comment. Barack Obama, with Michelle at his side, appeared on Oprah a little while ago to assure the American People that he is in fact an American, and that Donald Trump was no better than reality TV’s version of a carnival barker. Though Donald was much gratified by the mention.

I can’t tell the difference – these faked alien birth certificates are just as good as our real earth ones!

Though Oprah never once doubted him, I guess he felt that others needed reassurance. Not everyone is a graduate in The Course in Miracles, like Oprah; so their faith might need support. Just like the Apostles on the Sea of Galilee. To that end Obama also produced evidence of himself – not in the form of bread and fishes, but in the form of a Hawaiian birth certificate dated Aug 5 1961. Not that any one believed it. It was quickly picked apart on the Internet where some of the more committed among the lunatic fringe quickly analysed it for evidence of improper extra terrestrial tamper. Of course the birth Certificate came out clean. Since the aliens are years ahead of the human race technologically (they only lag behind us in bloody mindedness, which built this planet; and along with our atmosphere is our best defence against space invaders) this doesn’t prove anything. Maybe we just aren’t advanced enough to detect the signs of their technological interference in much the way that we’re still trying to decipher the hidden meaning of crop circles using the Enigma Code, with pi as a key (Steven Spielberg did suggest that they use music as a possible basis for decoding “Just like my ET!”, but the scientific community didn’t take him too seriously. The idea would’ve had more credibility coming from former physicist James Avatar Cameron).

Coming Soon

The probably with going on the defensive that way is that you never know when to stop until you’ve past the point of no return. In public figures that can be bad. Tom Cruise was off the couch and on the way home without realizing the damage he’d done to his image on Oprah (Some one should’ve got the President to watch that episode when he decided that appearing on Oprah would clear things up). First Obama’s showing his birth certificate, next he’s peeing in a cup on Livestream – like Charlie Sheen. What would come next? Perhaps some lively Sheen’s Korner type channel on youtube, featuring the President directly addressing the American People with frequent updates on his personal life. Since his personal life is no where near as colourful as Charlie’s he should skip that. The closest thing he has to a goddess is wife Michelle and she’s been camera shy ever since she got shit for touching the Queen. “Come here and say ‘hi’ Michelle.” “Barry no.” “Oh go, on we’re on youtube!” Of course if the Pres starts addressing the Vulcan Muslim atheist issue, or pulling down his pants to prove that he is in fact a man then we’ll know that he’s gone too far; though become way more interesting!

The Nobel Award for outstanding motion picture achievement in sanctimonious high mindedness!

In this one thing at least Obama would’ve done well to have taken a page from the Book of Bush. If you’ll recall Bush was never supposed to be President either – but you didn’t hear him defending himself. He was never supposed to be pres because he stole the election – allegedly. It happened down in the state of Florida where George stole about 300 votes from Al Gore (the democratic Party’s Dan Quayle and way too interested in rain forest frogs to be relevant to tax payers, though the Motion Picture Academy and the Nobel Prize Committee liked him well enough – give those two esteemed bodies something in common!), and he did it with the help of some one called Dimpled Chad.

the Ballad of Dimpled Chad

Now I’m not sure who Dimpled Chad is, but I gather that he’s a kind of gay G Gordon Liddy. His secret identity as a gay adult film star made him a highly valuable CIA asset (like John Erik Hexum on Cover Up!). It may have been in his capacity as a spy, and not as a gay porn star, that he first got in touch with the Bush clan. Although there are those who say that he first ran into Bush family members at Bohemian Grove, during one of that club’s “no girls allowed” annual naked wing dings. The Bush Family quickly found him handy for dirty work of various kinds, and Dimpled Chad found himself on the way up in the world. However after the Florida Election Caper he found himself in too compromising a position. As daytime talk show hosts clamoured to get a piece of him, he disappeared into obscurity before he had fully emerged from it.

Bush whacked!

No one is quite sure what ever happened to Dimpled Chad. Some say that he had become too dangerous. George had him whisked away to CIA HQ for some Stan Smith American Dad style brainwashing/reprogramming. That didn’t work out and Chad had to be hospitalized long term after cracking up and starting to go “Andrew Cunanin”. Others say that George had him sold to Indonesia organized crime, as a horse collared gay sex slave. Others say that he was reprogrammed with top secret technology and is now a straight Mormon elder with no recollection of his previous life (except for that brief flicker he gets every time some well established Mormon says he’s seen him some where before, “on TV or something right?”). Still others say that Bush just had him whacked!

Deep dimpled cover

Now I’ve heard that the actual story is that Bush didn’t have him whacked – for old times sake. Though it would’ve been safer to whack him Bush retained a soft spot for the sexy young man who helped him rig an election and become both the most powerful & the most dangerous man on planet earth! Besides, sine Chad was instrumental in setting in motion a course of events that lead to the execution of Saddam Hussein, or at least a buck toothed imposture in the place of Hussein, the world owned Chad. So he had him spirited out of the country. No one is sure where Chad went. Some say South America, while others swear he’s on the Mediterranean. The stories do agree that he’s kept in grand style. George set him up with a Villa and a checking account courtesy of the American Taxpayer (and there by finding more worthwhile usages for the funds than saving rain forest frogs!).

A loose lipped old dumpling

Chad has been warned to keep his mouth shut about who he is and what he knows. If he talks too much then he could wind up as an anonymous gay male Marilyn Munroe! Since all he’s material needs are more than adequately met there’s really no reason for him to show his face. As long as he’s smart he can go on living like gay royalty! Yet having started life as a young up and comer Chad can’t help letting the story slip from time to time. That’s allegedly how the rumour has started coming to light. Chad knows he shouldn’t repeat this stuff but he likes the attention! Attention is harder to come by these days too, now that he’s been sequester from the rest of the world, and made so fat and complacent that he’s more Dumpy Chad than dimpled. The loose talk could be embarrassing, but even when it does get back to Big George, he refuses to do anything about it, except cut him another check. So the moral of the story is that if George W can overlook all that, then Barack Obama really shouldn’t feel any need to defend himself on the birth certificate issue, let alone the whole transvestite communist Vulcan Muslim thing! Although if he wants to it would make for some fantastic gossip!

wondertrash

Dirty Sexy Politics

innocent gossip

Many people say “celebrity gossip” with a smirk and a role of the eyes. It’s as if they think there were more serious things to talk about. Things like politics, for instance. Now the more frivolous minded among us, like myself, hear “politics” and think “oh right, go on and be a pain in the ass if you want to and see if I care“. While they prattle on about amendment whatever I’ll be over in the tabloid section of the newsstand reading about OJ Simpson’s love child with Lindsay Lohan (BTW Lindsay has failed her most recent drug test taken during her house arrest. She tested positive for alcohol. I like the way she stays positive even during continued adversity. Hang in there kid!).

tabloid memories

If you’ve been hanging around the shit rags in an attempt to avoid hard news then you’ve probably noticed something disturbing: the encroachment of politics into the wold of celebrity gossip. Once upon a time you were safe between the pages of a super market tabloid. There, among Bigfoot, UFO’s, and Doris Day’s Hollywood memories you didn’t have to worry about to much reality. It was good campy fun with a sly measure of social satire.

politics sleazes up a good thing again

Suddenly and insidiously stories about high powered politicos started creeping in. Suddenly you couldn’t avoid reading about Arnold Schwarzenegger’s numerous love brood in an article featured near a picture of Anthony Weiner in women’s underwear. Desperate and betrayed Washington housewives gazed out weepily from among the gossip articles as if competing for space with Charlie Tiger Blood Sheen. Would Maria Schiver and Huma Abedin seek closure together on Oprah? Oprah might be working on it!

scandal is where politics meets gossip!

So when did politics become as much fun as show business? Certainly the whole John Edwards fiasco helped it along. When it gave the National Enquirer a credibility boost by putting them in the running for a Pulitzer Prize it was just the sort of encouragement the gutter media needed! It goes back farther than that though. Maybe it started back when Ronnie Reagan became the first B Actor to really play President on TV. Though it seemed like a lame idea at the time it worked out so well for the republican servants of evil (if you don’t know about the Republican Party’s link to Satanism & the occult then you really ought to check out our sister blog Area 51. Let’s just say that the back room boys like to worship a demon called Mollech down at Bohemian Grove.) the politics as show bis began to catch on in a way it hadn’t since Kennedy turned the 1960 presidential debate into some kind of a beauty pageant. Everyone knew that Richard Nixon just didn’t have a chance when it came to the swim suit competition, and had probably already blown it by the evening gown section.

Sarah Palin- Ronald Reagan in lipstick?

Anyway the upshot is that in the age of reality TV – which makes some nostalgic for the good old days of infotainment – celebrity politics has caught on with a vengeance. No one seems more poised to be come Ronald Reagan in lipstick than Sarah Palin! With her I Love Lucy sex appeal and her zany sit com antics she’s taken America by storm. Though she burst onto the scene as John McCain’s running mate, people seemed to be more interested in her colorful personal life than any policies she might have. People wanted to know about her children’s bizarre names, or about the time she was a beauty queen. When she feuded with David Letterman it was news and when she finally had her daytime summit with Oprah Winfrey it was an event. Then there was her teen age daughter Bristol.

Bristol Palin: Abstinence is great as long as it doesn’t interfere with your sex life!

Now at first glance it seems that there would be a lot more interesting folk about than Bristol the Pistol. She was a kind of average looking high school student. She didn’t seem to have many serious political views other than a support of abstinence in theory if not in practice. She was more likely to be behind the bleachers than at a protest. Her big claim to fame, besides her mother, was that she’s gotten knocked up. So that made her a celebrity in her own right. She did Dancing With The Stars, & she has a biography out Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far (if Britney then why not Bristol). By the title I assume that it’s one of those inspirational bios like Denise Richards has just penned. She probably stole it from the song title of some American Idol competitor. When did being full of shit become with it?

not so far – rites of pissage

Bristol’s journey so far ain’t slowing down either. The young lady has just marked another important rite of passage; like getting knocked up in high school and doing reality TV. She’s had her first hi profile public catfight – feud. Bristol has made some unflattering remarks about Meghan McCain. Meghan is the daughter of John McCain, who was Sarah’s running mate and nominal mentor before she went rogue.

Sarah plain and all

Now if you’ll recall those heady days of the last presidential election – John picked out Sarah as his vice presidential candidate after a 2 hour search on Google because after 6 years in a Vietnamese POW camp he apparently didn’t want to be president and thought that Sarah Palin was just the dingbat to blow the election for him. John had been trying to dodge the bullet of big ideas, usually imposed on him by his family, since his days in naval academy. Back then he tried to get out of things by crashing jets, they way John F Kennedy used to through dangerous sex with “strange pieces of ass“. Since his dad was some kind of an admiral or something calls got made and strings got pulled. John graduated naval academy in spite of himself and his best efforts. After that it was on down his life path like grain through a goose’s gullet. To whom much is given much is asked and all that – Oh how the other half lives. Anyway it wasn’t until Sarah came into his life that he successfully dodged the call to glory. It takes a woman’s touch and as far as that goes Ms. Palin is a real winner!

maverick or rogue – the old grey mare is the same old nag

So McCain and Palin had to be friends now for awhile, since the were running for public office together. It’s kind of like dance partners on DWTS – “we might start screwing each other in real life” McCain intro’d his new dance partner as a “maverick”. I don’t know whether that means Sarah is accustomed to wearing a saddle and bridle bit, but the idea seemed to catch on in an irritating sort of way. It also required the McCains to make a trip to the barren wilds of Alaska – where the climate is as frosty as the female McCains’ snotty demeanor. Bristol picked up on that right away. Having been around the block once or twice makes you more perceptive.

“Think of me as like a knocked up out of wedlock Laura Ingells”

Bristol paid Cindy McCain, John’s wife, the sort of back handed compliment of say that she was like a Queen, or at least like some one who played one on TV. The real Queen is actually much frumpier. As for McCain’s daughter Meghan, well Bristol didn’t take to her one bit. You’d think that two young women with parents in politics would be glad to pal around, but that stuck up Meghan came off like Nelly Olson to Bristol’s jumped up town tramp let whomever. In fact Meggers made such a foul impression that Bristol couldn’t help forming some very definite opinions. Those opinions are stated in Bristol’s aforementioned inspirational memoir, but will be reposted here for readers’ convenience:

Palin writes that the first time she met the 26-year-old daughter of Sen. John McCain, she “ignored us during the entire visit.” This was just before Senator McCain introduced Sarah Palin as his running mate. Palin adds that she “had a sneaking suspicion I might need to watch my back.”

“Every time we saw Meghan, she seemed to be constantly checking us out, comparing my family to hers and complaining,” she writes. “Oh the complaining.”

“I’d never seen people with so much Louis Vuitton luggage, so many cell phones, and so many constant helpers to do hair and makeup,” Palin writes.

not so fast – a folksy chimp who’s been around the block

Bristol might not like little snobs but she knows the better brand names! I’m sure she’s seeing even more Louis Vuitton since she got out of caribou country and took the world by storm. I’m not sure what her utterances are doing for her mother’s 2012 political aspirations. Maybe it makes her look like a folksy chip off of the old block. Sarah will be hungry for publicity in the next 18 months so Bristol might come in handy. The way Moma Palin’s been tearing around in her tour bus, riding Harley’s through the streets of Chicago, and tet et teting with The Donald (“I really like the way you shook Obama up and maybe I could use you in my campaign!“); then she ain’t to fussy about how she gets it. So a teenage pregnancy autobio combined with some public mouthing off might seem like a good idea.

Rogues and wild cards

However Sarah might want to think twice for once. These publicity stunts sometimes have a way of backfiring, especially when unpredictable young women are involved – remember the short lived reality TV project Bristol had in mind with ex sperm donor Levi Johnson (and don’t think that the liberal media ain’t gonna drag him up in time to derail the Palin bandwagon – so he’s some one else we’re gonna be seeing more of). After all going rogue does run in the family – at least among those zany Palin womenfolk. If the shit hits the fan then whatever chances Sarah’s got could go up in a puff of sound bites and late nite monologue zingers. While that might make politics a lot more gossipy, it would make gossip a lot sleazier. There’s been too much of that already!


Now here’s some more of that Hollywood mind control series:

http://www.viddler.com/player/e4905013/

wondertrash

Sarah Palin split Up Shocker!

If Arnold Schwarzenegger has shown us anything it’s that there’s a fine line between celebrity and politics. Of course many caught on to that when Ronald Reagan became the first Hollywood actor to play a president on TV, officially. Another thing Schwartzy has shown us is that there’s a fine line between politics and celebrity gossip. That’s a point Anthony Wiener recently underscored by way of Twitter. It’s one thing to underscore it, but Sarah Palin has made a livelihood out of it by way of her reality TV series, her frequent & tiresome public appearances, and the persistent threat that she may run for high office.

Sarah has kept us periodically entertained and frequently irritated with her family’s over the top antics; like such as teen aged pregnancies, illegitimate children, rogue son in laws, and the like. That’s when she’s not hunting caribou from helicopters with high powered rifles or dodging her numerous stalkers. With a powder keg personal life like that it was only a matter of time before the fireworks started, and if recent rumors are to be believed – and who doesn’t like to give them an ear – the match is in the tinder box!

What’s started tongues wagging was Sarah’s recent purchase of a pricey new pad. The pad in question is down in Scottsdale, Arizona. So she’s once again abandoned her beloved Alaska! The spread cost a bundle too. The mansion is estimated to be worth some where in the neighborhood of $2 million. That sounds like it must be some neighborhood! I guess inane antics must pay off!

Anyway the upshot is that Palin’s better half, hen pecked hubby Todd, seems to have no plans to move. He’s firmly rooted up north in Alaska. So this has everyone talking about some kind of secret split up. Now there have been rumors about bad news in the Palin marriage for awhile. Like the story going around that Sarah was having an affair with a local Wasilla snow mobile dealer named Brad Hanson. Brad is Todd’s partner in the dealership, and in more than that, according to the local tittle tattle.

It gets worse. Sources say that Sarah has thrown away her wedding ring in some sort of a huff. Further more she’s kicked Todd out of his coveted place in her bed. So basically the marriage is over. What’s more a secret Bill and Hillary type arrangement has been hammered out between the pair. Todd is to appear at Sarah’s side during important public occasions. Meanwhile everything from property division to child custody has already been agreed on. The idea is that Sarah’s gearing up for a 2012 presidential run, possibly with Donald Trump as running mate, and doesn’t want any nasty divorce ruining whatever chances that she has. She wants to keep all the family values FOX News viewers firmly in her corner. Hence the pretense. Sounds like a tense pretense!

This isn’t the end of Sarah’s machinations either. She placed daughter Willow under house arrest. Willow is a loose cannon and lightening rod for bad news. She was the but of one of David Letterman’s misdirected jokes. David made a crack about Willow getting it on with ARod during a trip to NYC. When the brouhaha broke out Dave backpedaled, claiming he meant to take a jab at older sister Bristol, but get’s all those little Palin sluts mixed up. Who doesn’t? Willow also got involved in some kind of homophobic rant on Facebook. Sarah put the clamps down on that. Even though she believes that marriage is something between a woman, a man, and possible his snowmobile dealership partner; she doesn’t want to antagonize anyone with a vote. Probably very wise. The upshot is that Willow has been pulled out of school and is being home schooled. Those little Palin sluts are just too damned dangerous to be let out in public and Sarah ain’t taking any chances!

All this grape vine rumor mill gossip leads to one very disturbing conclusion: Lucy Ricardo is actually serious about running for America’s highest office! Since republicans figure that Obama is invincible this time round – he did finish off Osama Bin Laden, which their diabolical hero George W made such a big deal about so they’re not in a position to say much, though they never shut up, at least on FOX – she’ll probably get the nomination. No real contender wants to waste the one shot at the brass ring. So the heavy weights are gonna wait until 2016. You’ll probably say “So what? She’ll never get it.” except that’s what everyone said about Ronald Reagan.

So that leaves President Sarah as a worst case scenario. That’s enough to set a tingle in the guts of even the least nervous among us. however you ought not to worry too much. If history repeats it’s self, as it is doomed to do, then if elected she’ll probably bail out half way through her term, perhaps to pursue a motion picture career in Hollywood. So that leaves us with only 2 yaers of mischief to worry about. Those two zany mad cap years could resurrect the careers of political satirist like Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert.

Have you ever wondered why Hollywood celebrities seem be off their rockers on a regular basis? Well the answer to that is easy and straight forward. According tot he work of Fritz Springmeier it’s because they’re a pack of brain washed zombies. The poor little dears have been programmed using some pretty harsh mind control techniques developed by the CIA, in cooperation with the Illuminati, called Project Monarch. This is also why celebs, like Drew Barrymore, run in families. It’s because the predisposition to be brainwashed – which depends on be able to enter a disassociative state – is hereditary. The trouble is that the brainwashing has side effects, and every so often one of the beautiful people goes ca ca cuckoo! Don’t take my word for it though – here’s part one of a 28 part video documentary made by the good folks over @ pseudo occult media. You probably would’a though that this mind control stuff was crazy, before Charlie Sheen that is.

http://www.youtube.com/get_player

wondertrash

Crimes and Misdemeanors

http://i.cdn.turner.com/cnn/.element/apps/cvp/3.0/swf/cnn_416x234_embed.swf?context=embed_edition&videoId=showbiz/2011/06/09/conan.monologue.wednesday.tbs

Looks like it’s hard times for politicians. Public personality Anthony Wiener is recently catching some flack over his impromptu Twitter appearance. seems that he was texting some pictures of his little namesake to some random floozy he connected with when he hit the wrong button and the pix went public. You know how these things can happen in the excitement of the moment. Tony originally said that his twitter account had been hacked into, probably be political enemies, but that came clean and admitted that he was in fact himself the culprit!

Now this bad news couldn’t have come at a worse time since Tony’s lil wifey is preggers! They got hitched up about a year ago this July. That wedding made some headlines at the time since Tony’s Jewish and his lovely bride is Muslim. So the Islamic internet message boards kept saying that this is what happens when you let go Muslim gals go west!

Not that Mrs Wiener is any stranger to controversy. She was formerly known as Huma Abedin back in her pre Wiener days. What makes that significant is that she was Hilary Clinton’s No 1 personal aide and trusty staffer back during the Democratic Primaries! Huma was so dedicated to her job that she seldom left Hilly’s side. In fact it was aid that if you tried to call Clinton late at night Abedin picked up the phone. Same deal early in the morning. That little arrangement had tongues wagging – maybe even Hilary’s! Anyway when she married Wiener she was consider de lesbo’d – officially anyway. So the up side of this is that Hilly’s a daddy, sort of.

So that leaves Wiener assessing his politically future as FOX News howls for his resignation, and possible castration, on the grounds of his being a dirty liberal who got caught at something so let’s make the most of it. Howling over John Edwards might be an easier sell if folk weren’t sick to hell with hearing about him. That’s a dang shame to since things are just coming to a head for that good ole country boy.

Edwards has just recently been indicted on some very heavy charges. Charges like violating federal campaign finance laws. There are 6 charges – one involving conspiracy, four involving illegal payments and one involving false statements. If guilty he could get a maximum of 30 years fed time! That’s in addition to the possible 1.5 million dollar fine! When it rains it pours!

So how did a bright, successful, good looking fellow like John Boy get himself into this mess? Well that had something to do with a professional yoga teacher and full time bitch named Rielle Hunter. She apparently picked him out after a chance meeting and started filling his head with shit. Shit like “You’ve got rock star charisma” and “You’re gonna be president at least – you just need me to guide you“. Guiding him meant having a torrid affair while Edwards wife was dying of terminal cancer. in fact John Boy and Hunter often got it on in Edwards marital bed. Then they’d daydream about how good it would be when Edwards wife finally kicked off, John Boy got the White House, and they could live they way they knew they should.

This is where things get ugly, and allegedly illegal. Naturally John Boy and Hunter couldn’t be up front about their hot psychopath love since John was married, running for president, and the public wouldn’t understand – even though Dexter Morgan and Leila Torney have paved the way for this sort of thing. Not everyone is as enlightened and open minded as professional yoga teachers! That meant Rielle had to be kept out of sight. That meant money had to be spent to protect the delicate flower of their love. So John Boy went to some wealthy friends – like banking heiress Rachel Melon and Fred Barron to get some help. Mellon helped tot he tune of 750 000 and Barron coughed up 200 000.

Now here’s the catch. An individual can only donate 2300 to a campaign. 750 000 is way more than that. It’s over by a couple of decimal points in fact. Edwards claims he’s in the clear. He says that it wasn’t for the campaign, it was for his mistress. The prosecutors say that it was in fact for his campaign since if word about Rielle got out, the campaign would be over. So Edwards is basically claiming that he’s a crook but didn’t break the law, so he should be in the clear. The courts are claiming that there’s a fine line between crooked and criminal and Edwards might have lost track in the excitement and desperation of the moment. It’s a Law & Order question of intent that’s due to go to trial on June 11. So stay tuned for that one. It’s bound to get juicy!

wondertrash

"I can explain…"


http://www.eonline.com/static/videoplayer/platform_players/swf/CEGDynamicPlayer.swf

Donald Trump tries for ultimate “You’re Fired”

Who ever said that it’s only celebrity gossip hasn’t been paying attention top the prez lately. Barack Obama recently begrudgingly took time away from important issues like the economy and bombing the middle east to address the latest conspiracy theory coming from celebrity nuisance Donald “What’s wrong with your hair?” Trump. Trump is planning on making some kind of half assed run at the presidency in 2012, although the job of half assed Republican presidential runs should already have been filled by Alaska Annie! If Trump were really serious about making a run at the White House then starting as Sarah Palin’s VP running mate might’ve been a more serious way of doing it. It would allow Don to concentrate on getting publicity – which is what he’s really all about; and it would take attention away from Sister Sarah’s short comings as America would try to figure out which one of the two was the flaky one. In other words which one is playing the rear end of the horse? That kind of arrangement covers the angles.

Is the Pope Catholic? That depends.

To get back at the story at hand: the pres took time out from his super busy schedule to address some of the shit Donnie’s been talking about in public. Stuff like the President not really being an American (it’s a “is the Pope catholic?” variant). That’s in addition to the president really being a Muslim, a terrorist, a robot, and possibly an extra terrestrial – depending on which conspiracy radio shows you listen too (and I listen to all of ’em!). This puts the pres in the awkward position of having to occasionally dignify this stuff with an answer – which immediately takes away some of his credibility.

Sunday Morning Feeling

Like the time Obama had to make his statement about faith. Now people had been questioning his religious beliefs ever since he got caught napping in church back in Chi-town. That’s was in the church with the radical pastor. The preacher had some odd ideas, especially about white people. So people started asking how the pres felt about the whole race relation thing. As the pres explained, he only went to the damned place to network with Oprah; and never really paid attention to what the guy was saying since he used his pew time to catch up on some well needed rest – or Transcendental Meditation as Obama calls it. Sunday Morning sleep in can be very spiritual if you have the right state of mind!

radio free tin foil

Anyway Obama had to come out and say that yes he is a Christian, yes he does pray regularly, and that his faith has seen him through the tough spots in life. Now people should’ve have been satisfied but weren’t. For one thing 21st century secular types got disturbed about the pres speaking on faith publicly. Most thought it was great that he felt that way, but that talking about it on TV in the 21st century was neither the time or the place. Before the poor beknighted man could explain that he only brought it up in response to persistent rumors about him being some kind of cultie who was sacrificing neighborhood pets to Aqua Buddha, the fringe media was on about him being an Illuminati mole sent to infiltrate Islam. Whatever ever else tinfoil hats keep out, they work like a charm against common sense!

What made Reagan the Great Communicator? Taking the media out of the equation.

What Obama should have learned from that incident is that you shouldn’t explain cause you just can’t win. When the Donald began riding the conspiracy theory wave, Obama should’ve just taken that in stride. If you diginfy those klind of rumours with an answer then you give them crediablity at your own expense. So Obama should’ve set the agenda, like Reagan did back in the old days, by deciding what he wanted to talk about and then engaging sympathetic journalists in conversation; and not responding to what everyone else was saying. That’s how leaders create consensus when everyone disagrees with them (and in the Reagan Era it used to drive the left nuts). Instead Obama just released the long form of his birth certificate to prove that yes he is an America, yes he is legally president, and yes it did count when he voted himself in the booth.

Tabloid President

This leaves the president complaining about having to deal with carnival barkers and lunatic fringers as if they were serious people. That’s no one’s fault but his own. As President he’s like a conductor in front of the media orchestra. he can set the tone, by deciding what he wants to talk about. The media will follow that be cause he’s the pres and what ever he says is news. Meanwhile that takes the attention away from his connection with UFO’s and his involvement in cattle mutilations! Like Obama says, there’s a lot more important stuff going on, though it might not be half as intersting as his “alleged” summit with time travelers at a top secret Antarctican stargate to negotiate Earth’s entrance into The Federation! Now that’s not even considering his frequent ‘vacations’ to Atlantis! Suffice it to say that it’s not my job to tell him his job; and speaking as one of the carnival barkers, I’m happy with the extra cred. Thanks big guy, for helping me wear my tin foil ‘thinking cap’ with an unaccustomed feeling of dignity!

PS: The sad truth of that matter is that the American voter is a pretty complacent specimen. The fact is that he probably does think that Obama wasn’t born in the USA, and that he probably doesn’t care. George W Bush stole an election with the help of a gang of dimpled Chads, probably some of his Bohemian Grove buddies (I hear that thing get funky with that group!!), but that didn’t stop him from getting a second term with an unquestioned majority. So Obama wouldn’t be the first guy who wasn’t supposed to be pres that the people decided should be pres. He won’t be the last. Rules are made to be broken and that’s what makes America great, or at least No 1. Superman and Wonder Woman weren’t born in America either, but no one’s gonna kick them out of the Justice League!

wondertrash

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