Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart Back Together?

That fork in the road was almost a stake through the heart!

lovey dovey dopey

They’re back! So that should come as a relief to the millions of Twilight fans who seemed to be on the edge of some kind of collective nervous breakdown. It was rough there for a while with Kristen Stewart wearing Rob Pattinson‘s old clothes and Rob running off to hide out with Reese Witherspoon. The news that Kristy was cheatin’ with Rupert Saunders – her Snow White director – can as something of a shocker to Rob, and to the whole Twilight Netherverse!

girls just wanna have fun

There was major blow back too. Kristy got herself some major slut shaming for people who thought the idea of a 22 year old having a fling was history’s greatest tragedy. You’d think that she’d violated Sharia law by baring her ankle or something, the way twitter went into overload. Kristers was even chased down in the street, according to one report carried in the National Enquirer. She hide out in her car as a couple of young women menaced her from out side. It was a bad experience that caused her to hire a body guard.

stoned & sorry

Anyway the whole thing went onto shit overload. Kristy seemed concerned about her career future. Now you gotta understand that this is a girl who loves the whole process of acting so much that she forgets to pee – unless that’s a marijuana side effect. Kristy “allegedly” enjoys nature’s finest – so don’t go calling her Lucy Stoner cause you read something here. Anyway the idea that the fandom that supported her career might turn on her must’ve been a little unnerving. So there was plenty of incentive for sorry.

abandoned & betrayed

So it was a fascinating situation involving two otherwise low key people (when once asked what he did for excitement Pattinson replied that he liked hanging out in hotel rooms alone and getting drunk. He then went on to explain that he’s shy.). At the break of the fuss Pattinson even claimed he wanted a face to face show down with Rupert Saunders, the many who tarnished his dark gothy love. It wasn’t revealed whether Rob was gonna sort Ropert out, or maybe ask for work or something. Then the reports came about Kristy approaching a the emotional breaking point and Rob feeling lonely and betrayed. That was while the rest of the world was contemplating their career futures.

dark shadows & silver linings

So naturally the pair eventually patched it up. Who know’s why. Cynics say that this is just part of a PR stunt. Valuable studio assets need protecting. They’ll be lovey dovey for awhile. Then Pattinson will cheat. He’ll be justified cause of what Kristy did, but she’ll be off the hook too cause he paid her back. That balancing the PR books & people can go back to liking them on a “Team RPatz” & “Team KStew” basis. Meanwhile it’s reassuring to know that if the Twilight series isn’t getting anymore sequels, then at least Pattinstew is!

pathetic single men

Then there’s the possiblity that Rob forgave her so he can get some of his stuff back. In addition to some of his old dirty T Shirts it seems that when Kristy got kicked out she also took Patz’ dog Bear with her. Then there’s the possibly that Rob feared growing old single and alone in Hollywood without his one true love beside him. You know how single men can sometimes get stigmatized, like George Clooney. Who’d wanna be George Clooney? So something had to be done! That means taking back the girl who helped him become the vampire heart throb he is today! It was either that or Dancing With The Stars. Look at it this way, there’s a good woman behind every successful man so Stewie must have something going for her. if she’s occasionally a little hot to trot, mark it down to her being born in the Chinese Year of the Horse! Next time Rob, keep a firm hand on the reins!

For more on Stigmatized single men here’s The Young Turks!

If your’re in this predicament remember that it pays to have some good excuses lined up. Not the old “never met the right girl” line. Men aren’t that picky, so people will wonder what’s up. Try something more plausible and  believable like “I’ve taken a religious vow”, “New World Order nanobot technology rendered me sterile”, or even “old sports injury”. That ought’a hold ’em!

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