Lovey dopey

Weekend whispers had celebrity couple Seal and Heidi Klum going their separate ways. Apparently recent ski trip to Aspen wasn’t as lovey dovey as might have been hoped. Some sources said that there was screaming and fighting, and described the couple as having hit a rough patch. By Sunday there were more rumours that the split might not be official, and even only a short break. The couple were under the same roof at that time.

Now it’s official. Heidi Klum has released the following statement:

“While we have enjoyed seven very loving, loyal and happy years of marriage, after much soul-searching we have decided to separate.

“We have had the deepest respect for one another throughout our relationship and continue to love each other very much, but we have grown apart. This is an amicable process and protecting the well-being of our children remains our top priority, especially during this time of transition.

“We thank our family, friends, and fans for their kind words of support. And for our children’s sake, we appreciate you respecting our privacy.”

No one is coming right out and saying what busted them up; scuttlebutt makes Seal out as a hard partier with a temper. Who knows, that might just be divorce talk. Divorce talk is advance spin in anticipation of a showdown or in other words “the blame game“.

Just because Heidi and Seal are splitsville now doesn’t mean things can’t work out. Take Chris Brown and Rihanna for instance. They had a bad bust up. By bad I mean there were pictures, particularly that one of Rihanna’s battered and bruised face. People ever thought that they would ever get back together again, what with Chris being an in human monster and everything.

However sometimes these things are a little more complicated than we like to believe. According to the Superficial they are back together again. Back together means in the same place at the same time. The place was Greystone Manor in West Hollywood. Both came and went separately: Rihanna in her car and Chris in his with his current girlfriend. However there have been rumours of them secretly hooking up for about a year. Then there’s the Twitter evidence. If Riri has pulled this kind of shit then it might be bye bye for her career, cause the public might want a refund on the support.

That’s one confirmed bust up and one alleged reunion so far. Simon Cowell evens the scrore. Simon was hanging around with some broad recently named Mezghan Husseiny. They even made their arrange legit by way of an engagement. That engagement is now off.

Cowell met Hussenity – a make up artist – back in 2010. He blurted out that she was “the one” on a talk show. Cowell later regreted the statement, and said

“I have been pretty good about not talking about my private stuff, but I got caught up in the moment,” he said of his declaration of marriage-mindedness. “I don’t really know where I am at the moment, and that is why I don’t talk about it.”

Cowell also hints that the relationship might not be completely over –

“It is quite a complicated relationship,” he told the Daily Mail. “We have had a break from each other, and we are still incredible close.It’s not on, it’s not off, it’s somewhere in the middle. I don’t know if I will ever get married, but I am happy.”

Someone else who has complicated relationships is Kim Kardashian. Kim is most definitely not happy though. That’s odd because she reportedly bagged about 20 mill in various payoffs for her 72 day marriage. The late great Anna Nicole Smith would’ve been doing cartwheels over a deal like that. In Kimmy’s case her inner emotional turmoil may have something to do with everyone hating her. They cynical public things that Kim’s marriage may have been some kind of money making publicity scheme! When did America lose faith in their entertainers?

Anyway Kim Possible felt the need t set the record straight in some weepy recent co hosting gig with Kelly Ripa. She claims that she never dreamed that she could get herself into so much shit just by following her heart. In fact she said “ ‘I really didn’t think following my heart would create this much backlash.’She insisted she ‘tried everything’ to make the relationship work, adding: ‘I want that forever love, and if I feel in my heart this isn’t right, then why wait years to have the same results?’ She then went on to talk in terms of “rewriting my fairytale“. I don’t think insulting people’s intelligence is gonna help her cause any.

Kim was lucky to get that co hosting gig. She’d probably love to make it permanent because she could use every break that she can get. However don’t worry about her – Kardashians always come through. Why I hear that Team Special K are working on several fall back plan B’s to ressurect their group image right now. They’re coming up with great stuff too like launching Khloe up in a home made weather balloon from their back yard, and then posting video of panicky Kardashians calling 911 to youtube. If that doesn’t work Kim does know a nice doctor, one who can shoot her more of more embryos than Octomom ever dreamed of! Now here’s that Kelly meets Kimmy video!

BTW the Kelly Ripa thing wasn’t the one where Kimmy actually allegedly broke down. That was the interview in which she did on Kourtney and Kim Take New York.

So the moral of the story seems to be that romance can be a challenge even when you got looks and a whole lot of money, and maybe even more of a challenge with the rest of the world watching. Don’t give up hope, there are still wonders to behold!


“What’s up, Doc?” – Dr Phil bugs out over bunny

Crystal Harris is a bothersome bunny and best known as “the one that got away”. She’s an ex Playmate who was engaged to be married to Hugh Hefner. That relationshit went down the toilet when Harris ditched Hef at the last minute – actually 5 days before the wedding. An aging millionaire paired up with an ambitious young silicone blonde seemed like a match made in reality TV. Harris only had to bide her time, and not too much of it. Then who knows what she might’ve been in line for. So no one was sure what went wrong. Harris made some comments about Hef’s endurance not being everything she hoped for, so maybe the old boy’s Viagra prescription ran out. Perhaps she just had unrealistic expectations about 85 year old men.

There’s also the rumours that another and much younger guy was involved. In this case the other guy is Jordan McGraw. If the last name sounds familiar it’s because Jordan’s dad is teleshrink & OWN mainstay Dr. Phil McGraw. Jordan and Harris had been working together on her new album for months before the Hefner marriage tanked. There were some stories going around about them too. That’s why the couple felt the need to clear the air and maintain that the relationship was strictly professional. Some might assume that most of Harris’ relationships have a more or less “strictly professional” quality to them.

Anyway Harris was down and out in Beverly Hills, what with being out of the Playboy Mansion. She was a poor lost bunny loose in the Hollywood Hills. So Jordan has moved the rogue bunny into his dad’s home. That has Phil hopping mad. Hitting the roof might be an over statement, but from the sound of it McGraw is going up the wall. For instance he thinks that Harris is merely using his son to break into the music business. So that raises a trust issue. He’s concerned about that ‘strictly professional’ thing mentioned earlier. Then there’s Harris’ sleazy background – you know posing nude and hooking up with decrepit millionaires. It’s Anna Nicole Smith type shenanigans. Phil feels that runaway bunnies might be fine in the right context, in magazine centerfolds or even as guests on his show, but he doesn’t want that kind of ‘low life’ as a member of the family.

So that has the atmosphere at Casa del McGraw a little strained. Phil wants that wascally wabbit off the premises in the worst way. Adding to the pressure is that Jordan’s mom Robyn – other wise known as Phil’s long suffering spouse – has taken her son’s side. Robyn has given the couple her blessing, and that has her and Phil at logger heads. Of course this isn’t the first time that a bunny has caused trouble in the family. Jordan’s older brother Jay got involved with a Playmate named Erica Dahm back in 2006. Phil wasn’t thrilled about that either. Eventually he warmed to the idea. Maybe he just stopped giving a Dahm. Today Jay & Erica are married. So Robyn is hoping that Phil will eventually warm up to this relationship too. In the meantime he’s about as keen on this bunny as Elmer Fudd is on “varmits”!

That leaves Phil with the ticklish problem of bunny proofing his son and home. He could call Hefner and find out how he managed to put Harris off. Hopefully he won’t resort to any cartoonish booby traps to rid his house of pests. The sight of him pictured in the National Enquirer laying spiked ACME carrots out around the grounds would be disgraceful! He’d be much better off using a spring loaded boxing glove discreetly hidden inside one of those designer swag bags bunnies love so much. “Oh look – it’s from Rodeo Drive! What’s inside?” – POW! Then the next thing Harris would know she’d be surrounded by stars and tweeting birds! A zany sit comish scheme to reunite her with Hef might be much more sophisticated. That could be pulled off by locking them in a bank vault together, perhaps after hypnotizing one or both of them. It’s either that or introduce her to Charlie Sheen! Bringing the Tasmanian devil into the picture would be a last resort. As for Jordan, hopefully he will eventually find a bunny who will love him for his thick juicy carrot, and not his father big green roll of lettuce!

Today’s Wondertrash post brought to you courtesy of Canadian Classic Pizza, 102 Albro Lake, Dartmouth Nova Scotia. Go ahead and like them on Facebook, and tell ’em Wondertrash sent ya!


Sarah Palin split Up Shocker!

If Arnold Schwarzenegger has shown us anything it’s that there’s a fine line between celebrity and politics. Of course many caught on to that when Ronald Reagan became the first Hollywood actor to play a president on TV, officially. Another thing Schwartzy has shown us is that there’s a fine line between politics and celebrity gossip. That’s a point Anthony Wiener recently underscored by way of Twitter. It’s one thing to underscore it, but Sarah Palin has made a livelihood out of it by way of her reality TV series, her frequent & tiresome public appearances, and the persistent threat that she may run for high office.

Sarah has kept us periodically entertained and frequently irritated with her family’s over the top antics; like such as teen aged pregnancies, illegitimate children, rogue son in laws, and the like. That’s when she’s not hunting caribou from helicopters with high powered rifles or dodging her numerous stalkers. With a powder keg personal life like that it was only a matter of time before the fireworks started, and if recent rumors are to be believed – and who doesn’t like to give them an ear – the match is in the tinder box!

What’s started tongues wagging was Sarah’s recent purchase of a pricey new pad. The pad in question is down in Scottsdale, Arizona. So she’s once again abandoned her beloved Alaska! The spread cost a bundle too. The mansion is estimated to be worth some where in the neighborhood of $2 million. That sounds like it must be some neighborhood! I guess inane antics must pay off!

Anyway the upshot is that Palin’s better half, hen pecked hubby Todd, seems to have no plans to move. He’s firmly rooted up north in Alaska. So this has everyone talking about some kind of secret split up. Now there have been rumors about bad news in the Palin marriage for awhile. Like the story going around that Sarah was having an affair with a local Wasilla snow mobile dealer named Brad Hanson. Brad is Todd’s partner in the dealership, and in more than that, according to the local tittle tattle.

It gets worse. Sources say that Sarah has thrown away her wedding ring in some sort of a huff. Further more she’s kicked Todd out of his coveted place in her bed. So basically the marriage is over. What’s more a secret Bill and Hillary type arrangement has been hammered out between the pair. Todd is to appear at Sarah’s side during important public occasions. Meanwhile everything from property division to child custody has already been agreed on. The idea is that Sarah’s gearing up for a 2012 presidential run, possibly with Donald Trump as running mate, and doesn’t want any nasty divorce ruining whatever chances that she has. She wants to keep all the family values FOX News viewers firmly in her corner. Hence the pretense. Sounds like a tense pretense!

This isn’t the end of Sarah’s machinations either. She placed daughter Willow under house arrest. Willow is a loose cannon and lightening rod for bad news. She was the but of one of David Letterman’s misdirected jokes. David made a crack about Willow getting it on with ARod during a trip to NYC. When the brouhaha broke out Dave backpedaled, claiming he meant to take a jab at older sister Bristol, but get’s all those little Palin sluts mixed up. Who doesn’t? Willow also got involved in some kind of homophobic rant on Facebook. Sarah put the clamps down on that. Even though she believes that marriage is something between a woman, a man, and possible his snowmobile dealership partner; she doesn’t want to antagonize anyone with a vote. Probably very wise. The upshot is that Willow has been pulled out of school and is being home schooled. Those little Palin sluts are just too damned dangerous to be let out in public and Sarah ain’t taking any chances!

All this grape vine rumor mill gossip leads to one very disturbing conclusion: Lucy Ricardo is actually serious about running for America’s highest office! Since republicans figure that Obama is invincible this time round – he did finish off Osama Bin Laden, which their diabolical hero George W made such a big deal about so they’re not in a position to say much, though they never shut up, at least on FOX – she’ll probably get the nomination. No real contender wants to waste the one shot at the brass ring. So the heavy weights are gonna wait until 2016. You’ll probably say “So what? She’ll never get it.” except that’s what everyone said about Ronald Reagan.

So that leaves President Sarah as a worst case scenario. That’s enough to set a tingle in the guts of even the least nervous among us. however you ought not to worry too much. If history repeats it’s self, as it is doomed to do, then if elected she’ll probably bail out half way through her term, perhaps to pursue a motion picture career in Hollywood. So that leaves us with only 2 yaers of mischief to worry about. Those two zany mad cap years could resurrect the careers of political satirist like Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert.

Have you ever wondered why Hollywood celebrities seem be off their rockers on a regular basis? Well the answer to that is easy and straight forward. According tot he work of Fritz Springmeier it’s because they’re a pack of brain washed zombies. The poor little dears have been programmed using some pretty harsh mind control techniques developed by the CIA, in cooperation with the Illuminati, called Project Monarch. This is also why celebs, like Drew Barrymore, run in families. It’s because the predisposition to be brainwashed – which depends on be able to enter a disassociative state – is hereditary. The trouble is that the brainwashing has side effects, and every so often one of the beautiful people goes ca ca cuckoo! Don’t take my word for it though – here’s part one of a 28 part video documentary made by the good folks over @ pseudo occult media. You probably would’a though that this mind control stuff was crazy, before Charlie Sheen that is.


Bad Grammer

Kelsey Frasier Grammer had been married to Real Housewives Camille Donatacci for 13 and had 2 kids: Jude and Mason. Then their marriage exploded in allegations of cheating and cross dressing. The cheating allegations proved true, we can only guess about the cross dressing.

We know that the cheating stories were true because Kelsey side piece came out fo the wood work claiming to be knocked up by the TV star. The sides piece was a British airline hostess fresh from the friendly skies and named Kayte Walsh. She was 30 and Grammer was 56.

Kayte miscarried, but Frasier claimed that he wanted to marry the woman anyway, causing some to wonder whether he had alcohol related brain damage or something. So some nuptials got planned. Before they could get followed through on a divorce had to be planned – it’s just like a fairy tale! So Frasier and the missus went at it. Housewives fan saw that play pout on Camille’s reality TV show!

Lawyers were hired and blame was assigned. It could’ve dragged on and on and on, but Kelsey was eager for the beaver, so he coughed up 50 mill to get it over and done with quickly, if not painlessly. The ideas was that Camille would take the hefty windfall and go off to do what ever Hollywood ex wives do: live happily ever after in a wold of plastic surgery, colonic therapy, and New Age self exploration. Maybe she’d write a book about reinventing herself.

This is where the hangover starts. Seems that Kelsey’s plans to get everything clued up quick hit a snag when he and Camille started bickering over the kids. According to Camille, who has given her side to the National Enquirer, she was only too happy to share joint custody with Kelsey. But then Grammer got greedy and demanded total sole custody of the kids. That would’ve cut Mom out of the picture. So the pair went to war – funny how unavoidable war is even in our present enlightened age. Must be a human nature thing I guess.

According to Camille Grammar has no right to full custody. After all he’s the one who selfishness ruined his marriage by knocking up a stewardess. That left the children confused and traumatized. He abandoned his parental rights when he abandoned his parental duties, and you can’t have it both ways, even if you’re Dr Frasier Crane!

Frasier did some other bad suff to. Frasier has been introducing the kids to the new Mrs Grammar. That’s awkward but unavoidable. However something he might have avoided doing was introducing her to the kids as “your other mother”. I guess that makes Camille “the starter mom”. Naturally Camille saw red, hit the roof, and then went ballistic, after hearing about Kelsey’s grammar! Now any farm boy fresh off the back of the pick up could’a told him that was a bad idea. Maybe he was being spiteful. You know how adversity brings out the best in people, unless adversity is a divorce, in which case the devil might go running for shelter.

“Just say ‘yes!’ – If we can separate image from self, then we can get rid of awareness, and that will make reality obsolete!”

Kelsey Grammar’s sleazy antics once again raise the question of “Why do the beautiful people engage in self destructive behavior?” That’s a question at least as old as the self help movement. So we can date it as far back as the 60’s. It’s lead to the whole self awareness movement, which evolved into New Age, and eventually Oprah Winfrey! Now self awareness is a long involved process and that takes both time and effort. Why make a long haul commitment when you can fly now and pay later? That’s the $64 000 question that helped self help evolve into what it’s become today – what ever that is.

Now it shouldn’t surprise you to know that the whole self help movement was invented back in the early 60’s by a plastic surgeon named Maxwell Maltz. He’s reputed to have done way more than 60 000 nose jobs before he got wise. He discovered somewhere in the process of bobbing those noses that you could make a woman look like a princess but she’d still feel like a loser.

So Maltz decided that the problem was self image. That’s when he made the switch from plastic surgery to pop psychology! He decided that what you had to do to make people whole healthy and successful was to do some reconstructive surgery on their self image. Then you could crack out winners as if by assembly line. He called it working on the person from the circumference in, instead of from the center out! So you can tell it was invented by a plastic surgeon. In a way you could say that he invented the make over – which is what self help has become (though that’s not a 64 000 question, or at least I ain’t gonna get anything for that answer!).

hear now!

Here now is an audio of the book that made Maltz an obscure household name. So set your servo mechanism towards personal growth and tune into Psycho-cybernetics! Your self image will thank you for it! Actually it won’t. That shallow selfish nob will move on and lose your phone number!
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Hello Larry Taylor was not only one of Hollywood’s true movie stars; She got around. She married Eddie Fischer just months before she ran off to do Cleopatra with Richard Burton. Eddie – like poor Nick Lacey with Jessica, had no idea what was what until Richie and Lizzie were exchanged expensive stones and other more personal forget me nots, By the time the show was over Liz decided that she wanted a Greek Hero, even if that mean a Welsh actor playing a Roman. So there was no room for a little Jewish singer in her life.

Now that’s fine and well. People expected Taylor to run around like a cat with liniment on her arse, except that in this case the was a twist. Lizzie had stolen Fischer away from Tanny. Now Tammy was the wholesome Mountain Dew Elli May Clampett time who innocence appealed to horny adolescent boys. Innocence was a big part of her appeal. So when Taylor – who was the vamp of the day – moved in for the kill. Spectators viewed it as something a wolf goring Bambie in one of those morbid Disney films,

To put it in modern perspective – it was the same as when Angelina Jolie stole Brad Pitt from Jennifer Aniston. People decided that she’d gone a little too far – but since she was an oversexed bitch that they couldn’t blame her as long as she meant it. So Eddie and Lizzie lived it up for a few mothers and then Lizzie’s hot sexy bitch instincts took over.

As mentioned she went off to do Cleopatra with Richard Burton. Burton played Marc Anthony – a proud, intelligent brave; and even more than that – the last of the Greek Heroes. Lizzie as Cleopatra had to seduce Marc -Ricard Anthony, because they’re passionate doomed love affair formed the basis of the story. That meant that Richie and Lizzie had to do plenty of scripted sexy time pulls lots of emotionally charged scenes! soon it was bye-bye Tammy.

There’s been a lot of talk about who was to blame int his. Tammy was the beloved image of innocent youth, and Liz was the voracious man eating vagina dentata. Since those were the parts that they were supposed to play then no one could really blame Lizzie too much. It didn’t go down well and the vox populi (they phrase vox populi is handier than “they” since interlocutors will then get cute and asked you who “they” are. Now one will defy the vox populi.), who decided that she’d get a pass if Lizze was serious. That was the Brad Angelina Jennifer scenario of their day.

Well Lizzie buggered that up by dropping Fischer like a hot potato when she went after Burton. Liz had that Jolie” I do what ever the hell I want because I’m a wild crazy fuck!‘ attitude. So she may not have been well aware of the seriousness of the situation when she embarked on her affair wit Burton. When she dropped him after a few months to go after Burton – the public turned and never quite forgave her.

That’s a paralleled to today’s Bragelinsten arrangement to – where the public has decided they’ll let jolie get way with this, but they can’t expect anymore from them just because she’s hers. So her picture shave flopped even though Anstion has a steady A List career. Jolie may be shying away from dropping Pitt because she’s afraid of a little of the Hollywood voodoo that hit Lizzie, in the form of failed career, ruined looks, failing health, etc. She needn’t worry in this case because the American public is now aiting for the opposite result and are earnestly hoping that Jolie will drop her Mattell Ken Doll, and go back to the half schizophrenic potential serial killer that they fell in lover with that (Shame that no one ever explained that to Jolie).

Anyway this brings us back to the living Legend Elizabeth Taylor. After ditching Eddie and irking the American Movie Public her life started to go down hill. I don’t know whether that was coincidence or the will of the movie gods, but her life started to get screwed up. She started playing tramps in films. She started to gain weight and lose her special appeal. She also rebounded off of Richard Burton and to an American politician which proved to be the worst marriage of her life. In fact she never totally took off the weight she gained during that unhappy union.

That left Liz in her post motion picture carer. Since she had some charisma she got by. She appeared in Dynasty, she designed a few perfumes, she may ever have done a few cartoon voice overs (she was considered for a voice in the Flintstones with John Goodman). You might say that Taylor’s career was heading in a direction that so many and event he most famous careers go – straight in to the crapper!

Taylor has one way of getting into the media again and aging. She just kept marrying and divorcing, This was once again either a case of Taylor’s flagrant disreguard of the unwritten rules of Hollywood – or that her twat was too hot to stop. So she went on her well know post movie star career as a serial marrier. IN fact the roster of Lizzie’s conquest is listed below and are as follows:


Taylor has been married eight times to seven husbands:

  • Conrad “Nicky” Hilton (6 May 1950 – 29 January 1951) (divorced)
  • Michael Wilding (21 February 1952 – 26 January 1957) (divorced)
  • Michael Todd (2 February 1957 – 22 March 1958) (widowed)
  • Eddie Fisher (12 May 1959 – 6 March 1964) (divorced)
  • Richard Burton (15 March 1964 – 26 June 1974) (divorced)
  • Richard Burton (10 October 1975 – 29 July 1976) (divorced)
  • Note: between 1975 and 1976, Taylor was the “companion” to the Iranian ambassador to Washington, Ardeshir Zahedi. They were dubbed “the hottest couple”, and both divorced their significant others during their relationship. Taylor even traveled with him to Tehran for a time. Shah Reza Pahlavi convinced Zahedi to end his relationship with Taylor.
  • John Warner (4 December 1976 – 7 November 1982) (divorced)
  • Larry Fortensky (6 October 1991 – 31 October 1996) (divorced)

You should notice two things right away: 1.marrying Conrad Nickey Hilton gives her a Paris Hilton connection; 2, she’s been married 8 times over the past 45 years! That’s an enormous amount of emotional baggage to carry around with you! Now where you’ve got that much karma following in your track and waiting for an inconvenient moment to pounce, then it’s only a matter of time before something very inconvenient lands on you.

In this case inconvenient comes in the form of Larry Fortensky. Now if you’ll recall Liz meet Larry when they were both banged up in the Betty Ford Center – America being what it is the Betty Ford Clinic draws a real cross section of America society from washed up teen pop singers to laid of steel workers. Drugs are a great equalizer. Anyway Lizzie & Larry hit it off and next thing you know and as quick as a wink, the former Hollywood sex goddess is hitched up with a recovering alcoholic unemployed bricklayer. Just call him the original Kevin Federline.

They seemed to get along for a while. Larry doted on Liz constantly & following her around with shawls that he could suddenly toss them over her if a paparazzi was spotted lurking int he bushes. This was supposed to present the image of Larry as a caring husband, rather than what everyone thought that he was. What they thought he was is what you would think of the 40 year old man who goes after a 70+ woman with millions of dollars. Apart from dubious media stunts the pair actually seemed to get along and Larry seemed to know his place.

Now this kind of celebrity hook ups almost never ever last unless you’re James Garner or something. So naturally the Larry & Lizzie arrangement started growing apart. They divorced and Larry got a very a generous settlement (ever get the impression that Liz doesn’t kid herself?), They went their separate ways, Larry to what ever nice blue collar home that struck his fancy, and Liz to other male companions who could give her what she needed in her declining years.

Now the thing abut these amicable split ups is that they’re like dormant volcanoes waiting to erupt with destructive fury at any moment and without warning. That’s what happened to Liz later over that last man she ever married – Larry Fortensky. Seem that Lucky Larry ran into some fiduciary problems.

Now these fiduciary problems of the third degree.Mainly Larry is in default on some major loans and now is in danger of losing his home. So he’s sent out the SOS to his sugar mommy to cut him a check and keep a roof over his head, Hitting up the ex to keep you in your new home might sound like a helluva nerve – especially when too was already taken care of – except that Liz has steeped in and done this kind of thing before.

In fact Liz has repeatedly bailed Larry out of one financial jam after another. One fo the most serious was after Larry seriously injured himself falling down the stairs drunk, and was never able to do an honest days work after! Liz paid up his mortgage and then chipped in which some living money.

Once again Larry is in arrears. Since that his house has been foreclosed on. Unless he gets some immediate help, he’s gonna be out on the street. Once again he’s turned to old reliable except hat this time there’s a twist. Liz is in very frail health. By frail think Mr. Burns from the Simpsons before his regular morning defibrillation. So Lizzie isn’t actually non compete memphis to go writing out checks to some dead beat she used to screw 20 years ago when she was emotional vulnerable. So this looks like Larry might have to make it on his own. Give him the benefit of the doubt though, if he can hook up with Taylor at Betty Ford, then he jut might have what it takes to jump start his career with a spot on Celebrity Rehab, & if not that then Dancing With The Stars!


Jesse James threatens to write book – anti climax expected!

running out of tiger blood!

After taking a few days off to mourn Charlie Sheen’s gradual return to sanity – God that man came up with some interesting shit! – I’m back to dish, though with much less inspiring shit to work with. For those of you afraid that it has something to do with Justin Bieber’s hair, or Kim Kardashian revealing she has had silicone injections but won’t say where, don’t worry. I can offer livelier fare, but it ain’t much liver.

who’s who

Today’s offering involves a gal more sympathetic than Jennifer Aniston. IN fact she’s only slightly less sympathetic than Rihanna! This chick would be none other than America’s Sweetheart – well one of ’em anyway. The whole America’s Sweetheart deal is kind of like the Heavy Weight Boxing Championship: there’s about a half dozen belts on the go and the public has lost interest. She’s also one of the reining Queens of Romcoms; I guess that’s kind of like the Heavyweight Sweetheart deal. Anyway it’s not Katherine Heigl, but poor humiliated Sandy Bullock.

if you can’t find fresh freaks then send in the clowns

If you’ll recall about a little over a year ago Sandy was on top of the world. She had a blockbuster film career, a skeezy tattooed husband with a pick up truck for the kind of ‘real people‘ credibility Angelina Jolie hasn’t had since she stopped wearing billy Bob Thornton’s blood around her neck, real affection from the movie going public, oh yeah and she had that Oscar in her hot little hand too. It looked like everything was coming up Sandy, until the shit hit the fan.


The shit hit the fan in the form of her husband’s sleazy mistress Michelle Magee. Magee was nicknamed Bombshell – at least that was her working name, and she was the sort of greasy bitch that Tiger Woods wouldn’t have touched with a shitty stick wrapped in an asbestos condom. Not unless he was on his usual Ambien & Viagra cocktail anyway. What Bombshell worked at was stripping and posing for fetish websites. By fetish think vomit and dog shit. It’s all about what don’t wash out! So the chick had a serious career she was working on, with white power and home wrecking as a sideline. All work and no play will leave people asking “why is there stale vomit in your hair?

Vanilla Gorilla makes a monkey out of Bullock!

The shit couldn’t have hit the fan at a worse time either, since as I mentioned people had just watched Sandy pick up her shiny chrome celebrity validation award in a highly televised ceremony. Sandy had been waiting for this moment for a very long time – ever since she wanted to be an actress when she grew up – so she made a big deal out of it. Unfortunately she made a big deal out of the Vanilla Gorilla too. She made some public comments about how real he was, how he’d made her more real, and how he was charming the pants off of Morgan Freeman (although hopefully not with some cooked up scheme that involved getting him to bend over!). In short she said he’d made a Hollywood actress a better person – which is no small feat. Then it got too real.

who’s Ricky Gervias?

Hot on the heels of this all these scuzzy photos of Bombshell licking dog vomit up in her under wear while baring her swastika tattoos to the world came up. Apart from maybe Mel Gibson no one was impressed. It made Sandy look lower than all those mentioned at the intro of the last Golden Globes (almost forgot about that since Charlie Sheen’s wild over the top media blow out didn’t you?). The difference was that this shit actually stuck, and for days and days after. What was sticking was a question: If Jesse was really a bad piece of shit, like we’re finding out; and he was really the most important person in Sandy’s life, like she said; then how could she not know about any of this nazi shit? Something smelled rotten, and it wasn’t just the leftovers from some fetish sex orgy; though that might have been part of it.

there’s more to outrage than pretty pretty dresses

Well then if this question has been plaguing your mind, then you’re as socially aware and conscious as Natalie Portman on a pre Oscar clothing spree. So you might also be interested to know that Vanilla Gorilla has a new book coming out. Normally no one would dignify that book with the purchase price. They’d simply wait for the National Enquirer to give them the gist of it, or borrow it from the public library. However this time there’s a very good reason to put our high minded outrage aside and indulge our morbid curiosity. The reason is that Jesse addresses the Sandy question.


According to Jesse in his new book Sandy probably had no idea about his fringe interests in nazism and fetish sex. For one thing she was never really that interested in any part of his life. That included their time in bed together. Jesse claims that bed with Sandy involved books, newspapers, scripts – the kind of shit grease monkeys with Hitler tattoos hate, and as much as 6 dogs. The dogs didn’t even figure in the way he liked either – they were lying affectionately at the foot of the bed, instead of licking fresh maggots out of her vagina! Now Jesse hasn’t come right out and said that she drove him into the arms of sex offenders because she was too damned boring in bed. Gentleman Jesse just left that to be inferred. However some are saying that he has come right straight out and implied that the ex is a lesbian or something, allegedly! Here’s some excerpts of what he did say.

“Jesse would always say that Sandra went to bed with a book or script and five or six of their dogs, leaving little room for him in bed and no chance to have sex,” the source said.

“He also told friend that he and Sandra had zero physical attraction, and they hadn’t had sex for months before they split. Sandra is on edge because Jesse could justify his cheating by creating the false impression that she withheld sex from him or is a lesbian.”

Publishing insiders say that Jesse’s book royalties are tied to how much he reveals about Sandra. She’s agonizing over the possibility that Jesse will spill heartbreaking details of her failure to conceive, and even accuse her of condoning his Nazi fascination.

“Jesse owns a large collection of Nazi memorabilia, including a surfboard with a life-size Hitler doing the Nazi salute that he kept in his office at the garage. He also had swastikas, helmets and Nazi uniforms at the home he shared with Sandra. While Sandra wasn’t a fan of his Nazi stuff, did she turn a blind eye to it? If Jesse tells the world she was OK with his collection, that could come back to haunt her, especially since her late mother was German.”

put the titillate back in tittle tattle!

So that should clear everything up, unless it makes everything a lot more confusing. That’s the problem with tell alls, especially when they tell you nothing. I say if you’re gonna tittle tattle than have the guts and basic honesty to rat out the bastards like a mafia fink trying to get into the witness protection program! That means all bets off, no holds barred, and the Marquis of Queensbury rule book gets tossed right out the window! If not, then don’t waste everyone’s time by getting their hopes up and then pussy footing around ’cause your lawyer told you to be careful and Bullock’s business a manger said “don’t worry something can be worked out!” You’re just taking precious work away from Andrew Morton. At least Jesse’s people are still making some noises about a possible Jesse James ‘alleged‘ sex tape. Though it should be said that the alleged tape doesn’t involve Sandra Bullock, but Miss Tila Tequila and a German Sheppard named Shitler! That ought fill some attention in the post Charlie Sheen celebrity outrage vacuum!


Big Time Weird

Celebrity Götterdämmerung: Twilight of the little glitter gods

hate literature, links, soft porn, and other filth!

continued the redefinition of celebrity. Once stars were regarded as gods walking amongst us. The Internet seems to have helped blow their covers. As more and more info got out, people began to discover what their favourite stars were really like. That made image management impossible. People knew that Tom Cruise was into Scientology, and that he had some strange relationships with the women in his life; they also learned that Mel Gibson was an anti Semite with some odd relationships of his own. The result was that the heroes became zeroes and and celebrity was redefined interns of buffoonery. Fame became a circus and the celebrities were the clowns.

Biggest Little Moments of 2010

Some embraced that role. Paris Hilton certainly made it as a celebrity 2.0. With her tongue in her cheek it was obvious that she never intended anyone to take her seriously. Sarah Palin wasn’t interested in being taken seriously either. She seemed content if people bought her books, watched her series, voted for her daughter on Dancing With The Stars, and possibly keep her in mind as a future presidential candidate. So she was free to play the clown all the way to the bank. If her New York Times best seller record is any indication she might not need to be taken too seriously to get in. Politics isn’t immune to celebrity 2.0.

If Sarah Palin didn’t prove that single handedly then one of the big scandals of days past surely did. It involved a slick little operator who was a pretty good lawyer. He was also an attractive a personable fellow with bog time aspirations! The man was John Edwards. Though he looked full of promise – he was to deliver more than anyone bargained for.

John Boy loses innocence, runs for President

John Boy Edwards ran for the Democratic Party’s presidential nom against Hilary Clinton and Barack Obama. So he was a long shot from the word go. With his good looks and charm he wasn’t much of a long shot and some folk really thought that the little prick had a chance. Plus he had his wife Elizabeth Edwards to back him to the hilt. That ran into a snag when Elizabeth developed terminal cancer. While pundits speculated whether or not Edwards might drop out of the race to share Elizabeth’s last days with her, John Boy announced that he was still in it to win it. Winning the presidency was important to Elizabeth, Edwards informed the public, so he was gonna follow through “win one for the Gipper” style. He left the American Public to infer that not voting him in would destroy a dying woman’s last wish.

The man who would be king and his palace balls worker

Sure enough more started emerging about John Boy. Like he had a flaky mistress called Rielle Hunter. Hunter looked like a younger version of Camilla Parker Bowles, and was a failed actress turned yoga instructor! When she met John Boy she determined to win him over with flattery and by playing to his ambition. She told him that he had a hot aura in person that didn’t show up on TV. She added that since she worked in the media she could help him with that. That night was the first time they made love. Only goes to show that she had his number! Some people are just standing around waiting to be lead astray.

Schiavo scenarios

As time went on Rielle groomed John Boy to be president by giving him astrological and spiritual guidance, as she positioned herself to be another Nancy Reagan. They also made love in Elizabeth’s bed, talked shamelessly about how great it would be once she kicked off – so they could finally live it the way it was supposed to be, and conceived a love child. If John Boy wasn’t as bad as those mother’s who kill their own children so that they can go out and party (Susan Smith & Casey Anthony) then it was only because he was a low key psychopath. In spirit he was just as eager for his wife to die, but just wouldn’t get around to pulling the trigger. Still I wouldn’t trust him in a Terri Schiavo ‘do not resuscitate’ scenario!

“I’d like to take responsibility for my mistakes because that’s what people do when there’s no other way to get off the hook.”

Well once his phony little cover got blow so did his presidential aspirations. He’s so radioactive right now that he wouldn’t make it on reality TV! Some others profited from his mistakes though. Like the National Enquirer. Making up for dropping the ball on the Tiger Woods’ story (they knew years ago but instead of publishing it bargained to get Tiger on the cover of an associated mag) they broke the Edwards’ Affair with a vengeance. They got a Pulitzer Prize nomination for that too. Now in fairness it should be said that they nominated themselves, but he committee did accept the nomination. So it’s official (as official as Megan Gale as Wonder Woman, anyway.).

shitty politti

Some one else made out like a bandit too. That would be John Edwards’ right hand man. This guy had been with him through the early years of teen aged ambition, and right through to his fall from grace. As he tells it he knew right off that John Boy was going places and he intended to ride along on his coat tales. In an ABC interview he talks candidly about Edwards being his ticket to the big time, as his Shania Twain lookalike wife sits supportively at his side. He also says that he knows exactly where every one of the bodies are buried. Now that John Boy ain’t in no position to be helpful anymore there’s no more reason to keep mum. In fact spilling the beans could even have it’s rewards (like how much did he get paid for the interview and when is the inevitable book coming out?).

Nostalgia for what never was – once and future Kennedys

In the following video the man himself speaks with ABC news about how bad Edwards really was. You may find yourself shaking your head repeatedly during the video. Just remember that though the guy was in a position to know more than anyone about all this sleazy monkey business (Referencing Gary Hart! The dems have gotta stop taking these TV dinner versions of JFK seriously. Camelot is gone – get over it. Trying to recapture the magic has only lead to mischief!) he probably has an angle. So you might have to ask yourself how credible he really is. One thing about politics is that it really brings ’em out of the wood work! Think of this as more food for thought than credible edibles.

Oh yeah and finally a special Wondertrash New Years to Lindsay Lohan up in the Betty Ford Clinic. It really sucks to have to spend the year’s No 1 party day locked up in a semi institutional setting. Especially when you’re Hollywood’s No 1 party girl! So keep your chin up kid. Remember that there’s worse off than you, like the poor buggers who have nothing better to do on NYE than read Wondertrash (or lower yet, write it!). That also raises the question of what we can expect from celebrities in the year to come. I’m playing the percentages and predicting more of the same.


Jesse James and Kat Von D Split?

Remember when Jesse James went with Kat Von D? That was after he humiliated his ex wife – America’s Sweetheart and Oscar Winner Sandra Bullock. Jesse cheated on Sandy with a bevy of tattooed white power sex fetish chicks. Naturally people were disgusted and wanted Bullock to dump James ass, and the rest of him, asap. They didn’t have to wait long to get their wish.

So when Kat Von D announced her hook up with rebounding James people were ambivalent. ON the one hand they thought that the gruesome twosome were a perfect match. KVD is heavily tattooed. She has also had a brush with white power. During her reality TV days she sent her Jewish boss a hate filled racially charged e mail, which she later denied sending, and even later admitted to bu claimed that she didn’t mean it. The back story on that is KVD was working for a guy called Ami James on Miami Ink. James is off the Jewish persuasion – although it’s not clear who persuaded him. He and Kat had a falling out, so Kat left to do her own think. however she left James a little something to remember her by:

That’s Kat – thinking with her heart instead of using her head. Anyway the combination of racism and body art, not to mention the general sleaze factor, seemed to make her the Jesse James dream girl. They did seem to have so much in common what with being fringe culture border line personality types.

On the other hand they didn’t think that it was appropriate for James to be bouncing back into the arms of love, or whatever, so soon. He seemed to have skipped the whole penance period. It’s not that anyone considered Kat Von D to be any great prize, except for those who never out grew their heavy metal stage. It’s just that people objected to JJ being happy so soon after making everyone else so uncomfortable and Sandy Bullock so unhappy. After all he basically ruined her Oscar night!

Well never fear. Things seemed to have worked out – if not for the best then at least ‘worked out”. KVD seems to have moved on from JJ. She’s recently been spotted out and about with other fringe types with borderline personalities (Not Mel Gibson – recent bad experiences have left him gun shy). That doesn’t mean that she and JJ are dunzo. Kat gets around and there’s plenty to go around. However it doesn’t look good for the love birds. Now that the publicity factor has worn off there’s not a lot that JJ can do for KVD. He’s a failed reality TV star and presently fading too fast to even be worthwhile tabloid fodder. So KVD has every reason to move on. If it can happen to Dave & Courtney it can happen to anyone (Arquette might have been more interesting if he’d cheated with tattooed neo nazi porn stars then revealing that Cox just got tired of being his mom – the mom fetish might have been fun in Mrs. Robinson with Anne Bancroft and Dustin Hoffman, but in real life it’s a creepy drag!). Anyone except Demi & AShton – they’re in love and they don’t care who knows it!

So that should provide closure for almost everyone. Everyone except those anticipating an eventually JJ – KVD reality TV show, and poor Sandra Bullock. However even she might be getting a second shot at love. If the rumours are true Sandy is considering hooking up with the one person with whom she shares so much in common: public image, career trajectory, and unfortunate love life – none other than Jennifer Aniston! Naw, that last part ain’t true – but imagine if it were!

Gordon Ramsey – Hot Potato

“Joe was a brilliant chef, and our thoughts go out to his family, friends and staff”

Now everyone who’s watched high intensity TV chef Gordon Ramsey knows he brings the heat into the kitchen. Some people are now saying that the loud mouthed celebrity chef is too hot too handle. The somebody is his fellow Hot Potato TV judge Eric Ripert. Ripert lashed out at Ramsey via social networking site Twitter following the death by suicide of their colleague Joseph Cerniglia.

“Your business is about to f–king swim down the Hudson”

Cerniglia has his problems. His restaurant was 80 000 in debt. To make matters even worse he’d recently gotten busted for cocaine. The bust took place in his restaurant. Now that leads to a whole other bag of trouble. In addition to jail time, he could’ve wound up losing the business, depending on whether or not prosecutors felt like making a federal case out of it. So Cerniglia decided to beat them to the punch by jumping the gun. He jumped off of a bridge into the Hudson River.

Though Cerniglia had plenty of personal problems not everyone is willing to let Ramsay off of the hook. Ramsay’s co judge on his latest reality TV chef show, Eric Ripert, took to Twitter to give Gordo a blast. Said Ripert via the social networking site:

“Nothing personal against Gordon Ramsay but he is a poor inspiration for
professional chefs in his shows,” Ripert tweeted. “I have my bad days to but
always try to improve. TV or not – its no excuse! Ultimately I believe in the
goodness of Gordon but he is very wrong.”

Ramsay can be hard to take. On one episode he made reference to Cerniglia’s personal troubles by telling him that his business was about to swim down the Hudson. Nor is this the 1st Ramsay chef to cash in their chips. In 2007 a Hell’s Kitchen chef, Rachel Brown, shot herself in her Dallas home. There’s another Ramsay connection – the chef’s brother is a long term heroin addict. For the uninitiated, heroin is a major pain receiver. So some are speculating that Ramsay is a hard man to deal with. At the very least he’s probably not the guy to call if you’re standing on the George Washington Bridge thinking about jumping and looking for some one to hand you a life line.

Success stories & shit news

This kind of casual, cool realism has given the new British films easy ascendancy. Room at the
Top features the new cool realism. Not only is it not a success story, it is as much an
announcement of the end of the Cinderella package as Marilyn Monroe was the end of the star
system. Room at the Top is the story of how the higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of his
backside. The moral is that success is not only wicked but also the formula for misery. It is very
hard for a hot medium like film to accept the cool message of TV. But the Peter Sellers movies I’m
All Right, Jack and Only Two Can Play are perfectly in tune with the new temper created by the
cool TV image. Such is also the meaning of the ambiguous success of Lolita. As a novel, its
acceptance announced the antiheroic approach to romance. The film industry had long beaten out
a royal road to romance in keeping with the crescendo of the success story. Lolita announced that
the royal road was only a cowtrack, after all, and as for success, it shouldn’t happen to a dog.

~Marshall McLuhan, Understanding Media


Paris Hilton Busted for Cocaine

more hookery than usual

paris hilton mugshotSeems like Paris Hilton can’t stay out of trouble for very long. Just last night she was put cruising on the Las Vegas Strip (and outside outside the Wynn Hotel) when she got pulled over by the cops. Las Vegas’ finest observed what they thought was marijuana smoke coming out of the window of Hilton’s black Escalande. Now since Hilton probably wasn’t participating in a vote by the College of Cardinals – even online – the fuzz felt that they had could grounds to further investigate.

Further investigation revealed that Paris had cocaine on her. Not much cocaine, but just enough for her to be charged with a count of felony possession (class e). In case you’re not a regular Law & Order viewer a felony is more serious than a misdemeanor. In fact it’s a big league criminal charge! That lead to Paris and her new BFF Cy Waits to get booked into Clarke Country Jail.

Though the charges were serious, Paris skated only a few short hours later, on bail (thanks to lawyer David Chesnoff). She was busted at approximately 11:30 PM. By about 3;30 Am she was back home again and on Twitter. Now she made no Twitter mention of her recent misfortune. She just popped online long enough to tell everyone that she was home, getting ready for bed, and watching Family Guy. Oh yeah, and “xoxox, everyone” from Paris.

As for poor Cy, well he wasn’t so fortunate. Even though he’s the very man who helped Paris thwart a home invasion by a gun wielding intruder earlier in the week – he didn’t get sprung along with Paris. Cy had to wallow in prison under a charge of driving while intoxicated. So whether or not crime pays, we can say that Paris is a poor person to stand next to when lightening strikes. Though she has an excellent raincoat, she doesn’t provide much coverage to anyone else.

“the-drugs-weren’t-mine” defense

BTW Paris already has a fantastic alibi that might even make an unlikely legal defense. The coke was found in her purse, and she claims that the purse isn’t hers. This is the same defense she used earlier this year in South Africa, where she got busted for pot possession. Sources say the fact that she got released so quickly on bail is an indication of how seriously the prosecution is taking the case. The fact that her boyfriend de jour Cy Waits got held may indicate that he’s being set up as fall guy – but who knows. The drugs were found in her purse, and she was the only woman in the car at the time of the bust. Paris however insists that she had just come from a night club where oodles of women, and their purses, were present. So maybe she grabbed up the wrong purse because she was too stoned to notice. Anyone would buy that if they were on a jury, right? Perhaps, if jury duty lowers your IQ by 15 points!

Also the above mugshot of Paris shows her looking as good as ever. Hopefully she will whether this storm as she has her others. The pressures of fame can take a lot out of you. Take Sarah Palin for instance. She’s been America’s heart throb ever since John McCain discovered her as a running mate via google search (Since then Sarah has moved up in the world, and onto Twitter! She always was an ambitious girl with an eye to her future!). Though she was an attractive lady at the time, her brush with fame has left her looking the worse for wear. Just take a look at this most recent Sarah Palin picture!

sarah palin candidOf course she got herself prettied up for her big Tea Party Rally. On a totally unrelated note – for our Sunday Wondertrash matinee: here’s an example of how movies can make anything look good, especially evil – with Triumph of the Will.

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