Curious George & Dimpled Chad

the President is still allegedly American
conspiracy theories and the “other” Mrs. Obama

President Barack Obama has been getting some grief from conspiracy theorists since he was elected. The most notable theory but by no means the only one is that Barack Obama was born in Kenya, and so is ineligible to be President based on not being native born. It’s not the only one. Other theories say that Obama is a Muslim, and atheist, a socialist, and a Vulcan from Krypton. One theory even purports that Obama is not actually black – but an attractive white woman who began impersonating a black man when she first decided to position herself for the presidency. The idea was that since Hillary Clinton had the chick vote sown up, an another angle was needed. While that is an intriguing theory, I think that it was probably dreamed up by someone who watched White Chicks too often while stoned.

A good offensive defense

The sad thing is that the President, if I may call her that, has felt the need to start addressing this issues; which by her own words are unworthy of comment. Barack Obama, with Michelle at his side, appeared on Oprah a little while ago to assure the American People that he is in fact an American, and that Donald Trump was no better than reality TV’s version of a carnival barker. Though Donald was much gratified by the mention.

I can’t tell the difference – these faked alien birth certificates are just as good as our real earth ones!

Though Oprah never once doubted him, I guess he felt that others needed reassurance. Not everyone is a graduate in The Course in Miracles, like Oprah; so their faith might need support. Just like the Apostles on the Sea of Galilee. To that end Obama also produced evidence of himself – not in the form of bread and fishes, but in the form of a Hawaiian birth certificate dated Aug 5 1961. Not that any one believed it. It was quickly picked apart on the Internet where some of the more committed among the lunatic fringe quickly analysed it for evidence of improper extra terrestrial tamper. Of course the birth Certificate came out clean. Since the aliens are years ahead of the human race technologically (they only lag behind us in bloody mindedness, which built this planet; and along with our atmosphere is our best defence against space invaders) this doesn’t prove anything. Maybe we just aren’t advanced enough to detect the signs of their technological interference in much the way that we’re still trying to decipher the hidden meaning of crop circles using the Enigma Code, with pi as a key (Steven Spielberg did suggest that they use music as a possible basis for decoding “Just like my ET!”, but the scientific community didn’t take him too seriously. The idea would’ve had more credibility coming from former physicist James Avatar Cameron).

Coming Soon

The probably with going on the defensive that way is that you never know when to stop until you’ve past the point of no return. In public figures that can be bad. Tom Cruise was off the couch and on the way home without realizing the damage he’d done to his image on Oprah (Some one should’ve got the President to watch that episode when he decided that appearing on Oprah would clear things up). First Obama’s showing his birth certificate, next he’s peeing in a cup on Livestream – like Charlie Sheen. What would come next? Perhaps some lively Sheen’s Korner type channel on youtube, featuring the President directly addressing the American People with frequent updates on his personal life. Since his personal life is no where near as colourful as Charlie’s he should skip that. The closest thing he has to a goddess is wife Michelle and she’s been camera shy ever since she got shit for touching the Queen. “Come here and say ‘hi’ Michelle.” “Barry no.” “Oh go, on we’re on youtube!” Of course if the Pres starts addressing the Vulcan Muslim atheist issue, or pulling down his pants to prove that he is in fact a man then we’ll know that he’s gone too far; though become way more interesting!

The Nobel Award for outstanding motion picture achievement in sanctimonious high mindedness!

In this one thing at least Obama would’ve done well to have taken a page from the Book of Bush. If you’ll recall Bush was never supposed to be President either – but you didn’t hear him defending himself. He was never supposed to be pres because he stole the election – allegedly. It happened down in the state of Florida where George stole about 300 votes from Al Gore (the democratic Party’s Dan Quayle and way too interested in rain forest frogs to be relevant to tax payers, though the Motion Picture Academy and the Nobel Prize Committee liked him well enough – give those two esteemed bodies something in common!), and he did it with the help of some one called Dimpled Chad.

the Ballad of Dimpled Chad

Now I’m not sure who Dimpled Chad is, but I gather that he’s a kind of gay G Gordon Liddy. His secret identity as a gay adult film star made him a highly valuable CIA asset (like John Erik Hexum on Cover Up!). It may have been in his capacity as a spy, and not as a gay porn star, that he first got in touch with the Bush clan. Although there are those who say that he first ran into Bush family members at Bohemian Grove, during one of that club’s “no girls allowed” annual naked wing dings. The Bush Family quickly found him handy for dirty work of various kinds, and Dimpled Chad found himself on the way up in the world. However after the Florida Election Caper he found himself in too compromising a position. As daytime talk show hosts clamoured to get a piece of him, he disappeared into obscurity before he had fully emerged from it.

Bush whacked!

No one is quite sure what ever happened to Dimpled Chad. Some say that he had become too dangerous. George had him whisked away to CIA HQ for some Stan Smith American Dad style brainwashing/reprogramming. That didn’t work out and Chad had to be hospitalized long term after cracking up and starting to go “Andrew Cunanin”. Others say that George had him sold to Indonesia organized crime, as a horse collared gay sex slave. Others say that he was reprogrammed with top secret technology and is now a straight Mormon elder with no recollection of his previous life (except for that brief flicker he gets every time some well established Mormon says he’s seen him some where before, “on TV or something right?”). Still others say that Bush just had him whacked!

Deep dimpled cover

Now I’ve heard that the actual story is that Bush didn’t have him whacked – for old times sake. Though it would’ve been safer to whack him Bush retained a soft spot for the sexy young man who helped him rig an election and become both the most powerful & the most dangerous man on planet earth! Besides, sine Chad was instrumental in setting in motion a course of events that lead to the execution of Saddam Hussein, or at least a buck toothed imposture in the place of Hussein, the world owned Chad. So he had him spirited out of the country. No one is sure where Chad went. Some say South America, while others swear he’s on the Mediterranean. The stories do agree that he’s kept in grand style. George set him up with a Villa and a checking account courtesy of the American Taxpayer (and there by finding more worthwhile usages for the funds than saving rain forest frogs!).

A loose lipped old dumpling

Chad has been warned to keep his mouth shut about who he is and what he knows. If he talks too much then he could wind up as an anonymous gay male Marilyn Munroe! Since all he’s material needs are more than adequately met there’s really no reason for him to show his face. As long as he’s smart he can go on living like gay royalty! Yet having started life as a young up and comer Chad can’t help letting the story slip from time to time. That’s allegedly how the rumour has started coming to light. Chad knows he shouldn’t repeat this stuff but he likes the attention! Attention is harder to come by these days too, now that he’s been sequester from the rest of the world, and made so fat and complacent that he’s more Dumpy Chad than dimpled. The loose talk could be embarrassing, but even when it does get back to Big George, he refuses to do anything about it, except cut him another check. So the moral of the story is that if George W can overlook all that, then Barack Obama really shouldn’t feel any need to defend himself on the birth certificate issue, let alone the whole transvestite communist Vulcan Muslim thing! Although if he wants to it would make for some fantastic gossip!


Tom Cruise on life with Katie Holmes "Our Love Story is a Conspiracy Theory!"

2 questions you should ask any celebrity

Not long ago a Mocksure field agent ran into one of Hollywood’s most interesting leading men. So they got a chance to ask them all sorts of up close and personal questions, like “What the fuck is going on?”, and “Are you for real?” So I am pleased to be able to post the gist of that unauthorized interview. I am also pleased to tell you that the star was Tom Cruise!

Truth or dare: Cruise patrol & confidence games

Our Mocksure agent met Mr Cruise recently while out on patrol. After gaining Cruise’s confidence, our operative then posed some deeply personal questions in an attempt to get at what’s on Mr Cruise’s mind. This is what Tom Cruise had to say:

Mid Life Crisis

“The thing that bugs me most is my marriage. You can’t believe what it’s like. I sat down and wrote this whole beautiful love story for Katie and me, and then you people go and turn it into a conspiracy theory. I thought it was pretty straight forward: a middle aged man gets tired of his high strung bitchy wife and goes off to find comfort in the arms of an attractive and friendly young woman. Just like Last Tango In Paris!”

I need a script revision!

“Suddenly I start hearing all this talk about secret societies, aliens, mind control, etc. Friends are asking me if I have a transporter beam in my house! The worst, most insulting thing is when total strangers walk up like they know me, and then ask me “Is your wife a robot?” Can you imagine asking some one that “Did you marry a robot?” It’s like they thing I’m some kind of a freak! Finally I got so pissed of that one day I told one guy “Yes, my wife is a robot. The real Katie Holmes is in Japan working for the Church of Scientology under a slave contract. David Miscavige says that unless I publicly represent the Church, I’ll never see the real Katie again!”

don’t take it lying down!

“The result is that our marriage just isn’t working out anymore. Katie’s pissed because I’m doing Mission Impossible, while she’s not doing anything. Mission Impossible is gonna be out soon; and if you managed to sit through SALT, and The Tourist; then you should certainly be able to stand sitting through this!”

stay out of our marriage!

“So this is a hard time for Katie. So the whole conspiracy trip isn’t helping. Believe it or not Katie has feelings. She’s not a robot, so when she herself referred to as that, it hurts! Even my agent is getting nervous. He says “If you really want to sell this whole straight guy image then you gotta get caught cheating on your wife! Only straight guys cheat on their wives!” I told him “Scientologists never cheat on their wives!” Besides, the lawyers told me that it would violate a no cheat clause in our pre nup and entitle Katie to a long visit at my bank.”

what it may lack in love, it makes up in story!

So the upshot is that Tom Cruise is not the simple fellow he portrayed in his films. For instance he’s a smooth operator who’s fallen into some troubles that haven’t been resolved by him finding himself. Also he’s married to a beautiful young leading lady, but she’s a robot, allegedly. Then, even though gadgets have played as much a part in his films as in the James Bond series, and even though tech has crept into the story in the form of his robot is wife, the only gadget Tom has to defend himself with is an E Meter! In fact he’s an indication that a life filled with drama can also be filled with complications! I just hope he manages to rescue Katie from Japan, and over come the evil David Miscavige. I’ll see that movie when it comes out, too.

Disclaimer: The above was written as humor, and not the basis of a discussion with Tom Cruise. No such discussion ever occurred.

Latest Gossip = Slap Egotists

Comeback kids

‘Wound modern, aged band-waggon.’

Yesterday’s post covered the sad strange tale of Randy and Evi Quaid. They are the former B List entertainers who ran afoul of a Hollywood business cult called the Starwhackers, and wound up having to run to Canada to seek political asylum, and to speak out freely on organized crime in Hollywood. It’s sounds funny when you put it that way. That’s probably why everyone laughed about it. Though people laughed, they couldn’t help paying attention. The tale just kept getting weirder with accusations that starwhackers in suits had killed Heath Ledger and others for the bottom line. They even produced a hit list of names like Britney Spears (currently being black mailed by her bodyguard) and Lindsay Lohan (currently being held against her will in rehab, but being charged with the bill for treatment!). People laughed, but we also believed Balloon Boy’s dad, and that chick who splashed her own face with acid outside Starbuck’s and then claimed a black woman attacked her.

running a shit treadmill – not literally, figuratively!

Since people didn’t believe a word of this, and since the Quaids kept on talking and talking and talking about it; their credibility kept tumbling farther and farther down the toilet. That’s bad since the Quaids allegedly owe a lot of money, and are gonna owe even more in legal fees. Randy last worked seriously in Brokeback Mountain, but turned around and sued the producers for a bigger piece of the action when the film did better than expected. Perhaps that’s when he first antagonized the Starwhackers. Short answer is that with nothing coming in and plenty going out Randy is gonna need some kind of good paying work lined up and soon. However with his current image troubles the only plausible line they could get into would be reality TV. “On The Lam” with Randy and Evi Quaid – think of it like Dog the Bounty Hunter but from the other side of the looking glass.

IN Hollywood you can recover from anything – even TV!

Still you can’t count anyone out. About 5 years or so ago Robert Downey Jr was considered a done deal. Like many troubled performers of today, Downey’s then substance issues left him unreliable and unemployable. This even though the talented actor had earned an Oscar nomination for his brilliant work in Chaplin. A brief stint on Alley McBeal didn’t help his creditability either; since for a former A List movie star to resort to TV is the equivalent of hitting the skids! “I sold the mansion, I asked friends for money, and God help me I even took some TV work!” – “Oh my! I had no idea that things were that bad!” Yet that was back in the days when Tom Cruise was the #1 action hero and Mel Gibson was Hollywood’s most beloved leading man. A lot can change in a relatively short time!

‘Burned, goddamned wonga-wonga’

Some times things don’t change in any time. In fact the remain more the same than ever and yet things turn out OK (a thought on tonight’s American elections?). This would be the case with Charlie Sheen. Now Sheen has had so many brushes with serious trouble that it’s a wonder how he managed to stay off of the Starwhackers’ celebrity hit lists. In fact far from being on nay hit lists Charlie is so waterproof that you’d think he made a deal with darkness or something.

bad trips and strange bedfellows

Charlie has had a long history of booze, pills, hookers loose women of ill fame, and brushes with the law. His split with ex Denise Richards was one of the ugliest that Hollywood had seen, and it’s seen some doozies! They have since made up but now Charlie has gone on to divorce his current Brooke Mueller. IN fact Charlie had violated his probation from a previous incident with Mueller (The Christmas Day Knife Fight) – with 8 days left – during his current misadventure.

laughing all the way to the nut house

That misadventure occurred while Sheen was out for a date with his ex and the two kids. Being Charlie Sheen he invited a hooker/porn star to meet him during this family time. Not that Charlie let the worlds collide in some seamy mess. He took the hooker to the Plaza Hotel for some fun time. Fun time included booze, drugs, a flip out, $7000 in damage to the hotel room, a trip in a police car, and a detention in a psych ward. Oh yeah, and he also violated his probation with 8 days left on the clock – as previously mentioned!

So you’d think that Charlie’s goose was nuked by now. Well if that’s what you’re thinking then you can stop. Charlie is out of the nut house, complete with supportive words of confidence from Denise RichardsCharlie’s one in a million, who makes 20 million a year!” What’s more he’s back on the set of his hit TV series Two and a Half Men!

winning the numbers game

Now if that sounds amazing then just stop to think about it. Last week, when Charlie’s personal life went into full tilt, his TV show registered a 13. 6 million viewers, which is an increase of 7% in that very important 18-49 male demographic! What does that statistical gobbledygook mean in plain English? Last year it meant $155.1 million in ad revenue for CBS, and it also made Charlie Sheen the highest paid actor on TV.

Charlie has standards “I’m no Andy Dick!”

So as long as Charlie can keep the number up he can flip out as much as he likes. Just as long as no one gets hurt. Or if anyone does get hurt that they were asking for it. The industry does have standards, in a Dexter sort of way. I just hope that Randy & Evi Quaid can live with that. If they can then they might have a professional future. If they can really get with it then they could have a professional future well after their personal future runs out! That’s fame for ya baby!

BTW anyone really can make a come back in Hollywood. Remember when Lynda Carter did Wonder Woman back in the 70’s? Well not only did Lynda make a tremendous comeback from alcoholism and scandal (her husband was implicated in the BCCI banking scandal back in the 80-‘s along with his law partner Clark Clifford. Some of you might have heard of that guy but to brief the rest, he was the guy who ran the Democratic Party back in the days when Sen Joseph Kennedy used to call him “sir”), but Wonder Woman is poised to make a come back too.

Over 30 years since a live action Wonder Woman series first came to TV producer David E Kelley – creator of Ally McBeal (Calista Flockhart owes him so much; she wouldn’t have Harrison Ford without him!) plans to bring the comic book warrior princess back tot he small screen. He announced the intention a few months back. Now there’s even a name associated with the part – Tanit Pheoenix. She’s a South African model that isn’t half bad looking, but no Wonder Woman. Never mind, the rumours help build interest in the project. While it gains more and more support Kelley can go on to find some one better suited to the part, like Julia Voth!


Momma Mia

a little tittle tattle Gawker has caught everyone’s attention with a salacious bit of tittle tattle posted earlier today. According to their blind gossip item a major celebrity – barely an A Lister in their words – is a very sick customer. When they say sick they mean well beyond the usual Hollywood standards. This guy isn’t just content with anal sex, or to crap in chicks’ mouths, like the rest of those Walk of Fame perverts. This guy’s into a whole other ball of wax!

Don’t take my word for it. The exact piece posted went like this:

He calls his mates “mom” and sucks his thumb after sex. This famous ladies’ man’s girlfriend got knocked up to snag him and this pregnant celeb is having a test tube baby. Everyone has mommy issues!

1. “According to an ex-girlfriend of this A list movie actor (barely A list by the way), our actor likes to call the person he is having sex with, “mom” and also sucks his thumb after sex. Can you say disturbing?” [CDaN]

Man that’s some awful stuff! Though we might have expected this kind of stuff from Ronald & Nancy Reagan, we expect something more dangerous and exotic from our professional actors! Strangely not many people are asking who it could be. It’s as if folks already have some pretty strong ideas about who the Hollywood Mama’s Boy might be. Now Hollywood is spoiled for choice when it comes to selecting among deviants, however there’s just one name that shoots ahead of the rest when it comes to these sort of shenanigans.

The name of course is David Arquette and he was vocal on Howard Stern’s Sirius Radio about the mommy angle in his Courtney Cox relationship. He told Howie that Courts dumped him because she was tired of being his “Mommy“. Now we all took that to be figurative. You know the sort of thing; Dave was an immature and irresponsible oaf – like Homer Simpson – and Courts got tired of playing Marge. However as the following CNN video confirms, he did cry after sex.

No wonder Courtney dumped his sissy ass! That must’ve just gotten way too creepy after awhile. That’s so far beyond creepy that waking up post coitus on Dexter’s dissection table would be a relief in comparison to the crying and thumb sucking. Many people cry after sex, and even during and before. Also sucking is not an unknown occurrence. However what if this points to some kind of deeper issue. There’s a very short step from crying to thumb sucking. So could Mr. Arquette by the Gawker Mystery Weenie? Like we say here @ Wondertrashcelebrities are fucked up people!“. I wonder if Dave made Courtney spank him during sex, and if this sis something he picked up off of Brit Celebs? I hear that they’re all into that shit over there! Why couldn’t he be into normal kinky stuff, like every other pervert not on a sex offenders’ registry?


Rick Sanchez Fired From CNN – The Damned Jews Got Another One!

the following is written in conspiracy theory form, as a satire of ideas that are becoming more apparent in our society

News, views, and Jews!

Rick Sanchez used to be an on air personality with CNN. Nowadays he’s hotter under the collar than George Dubya in a burqa. So what’s got Rickie’s hijab in a twist? Well Jon Stewart doesn’t like him and only gets away with it because the media is controlled by Jews! That puts guys like him at a disadvantage. Guys like Sanchez, are in his words guys whose parents worked hard, who were never quite white enough (“white enough” is WASP as defined by the ruling secret Jewish kabal!), and who never had anything handed to him.

Didn’t Carroll O Connor used to sing this song at the beginning of All In The Family?

Guys like Stewart, on the other hand, are guys from the college educated middle class. Their father’s have degrees, while their mothers have part time jobs of choice that allow them to maintain their dignity and afford pretentious off season vacation packages. Their parents send them to prep schools where they wore penny loafers with dimes in them just to be assholish, and learn to stick their nose in the air by thinking that everyone else is stupid.

a couple of teabags shy of a pot, or just thought no one was listening to Sirius

So naturally there’s an ‘animosity’. That animosity spilled out last night during an astonishing Mel Gibson type radio rant out featuring Sanchez on Pete Dominick’s Sirius XM show. Rick was pissed off about getting replaced as CNN anchor in favour of an Elliot “Quagmire” Spitzer Show (The Jews again! When will they leave this man in peace?), and to promote his perhaps ironically titled new book “Conventional Idiocy“. Sanchez was mighty steamed about getting the ax, so he had a full head of steam to work off.

Guys like the snob on MASH, not the drunks on Cheers!

Now he had the explanation for CNN. The guys there just don’t get it. They don’t get it because they don’t get where he’s coming from. Where he’s coming from – in more or less his own words – is an ‘off white’ background of hard knocks where dads did real jobs for chicken feed and their sons didn’t get into Ivy League colleges with a letter from the bishop or local state senator. So when they see him they just see some ‘latino’.

“It’s not just the right that does this. ‘Cause I’ve known a lot of elite, Northeast establishment liberals that may not use this as a business model, but deep down, when they look at a guy like me, they look at a … they see a guy automatically who belongs in the second tier and not the top tier … White folks usually don’t see it, but we do, those of us who are minorities … Here, I’ll give you my example, it’s this, ‘You know what, I don’t want you anchoring anymore. I really don’t see you as an anchor, I see you more as a reporter. I see you more as a Jon Quinones.’ You know, the guy on ABC. That’s what he told me, he told me he saw me as Jon Quinones. Now, did he not realize that he was telling me, ‘when I see you I think of Hispanic reporters?’ ‘Cause in his mind, I can’t be an anchor, an anchor’s what you give the high profile white guys.”

Rickie has some ‘splainin’ to do

Now what Rickie actually says is that when he sees when he looks at Jon Quinones is a Hispanic reporter. Though “Jon Quinones” are fighting words, let’s not get sidetracked on side issues when there are bigger fish to fry. Fish like that little know it all Jon Stewart. Stewart is similar to those North Eastern Bean Towner types except more so. More so means raised in New Jersey with over educated parents and a temperature controlled silver spoon up his ass (that probably came with batteries & a remote control – you know what ‘those people’ are like with science & gadgets). That’s why the little snot boy just has no respect for anyone who isn’t a member of his little junior chamber of commerce clique of privileged, uptight, smugness. However let’s let Sanchez say it for himself:

“It happens all the time. I think to a certain extent, Jon Stewart and Colbert are the same way. I think Jon Stewart’s a bigot … Yeah, I think he’s a bigot … I think he looks at the world through his mom who was a schoolteacher and his dad who was a physicist, or something like that.

“Great, I’m so happy that he grew up in a suburban, middle class New Jersey home with everything that you could ever imagine.”

Jon Stewart thinks he’s a big man – a regular Jerry Lewis!

Now bigot is a strong word. When Dominick asked Sanchez to be more specific – that’s supposed to be his job as a serious journalist, Sanchez comes up short. It was as if he were just throwing the word around for effect. Just to prove he’s serious though, he reiterates:

“I think Jon’s show is essentially prejudicial … against anybody who doesn’t agree to his point of view, which is very much a white, Liberal establishment point of view. He can’t relate to a guy like me, he can’t relate to a guy whose dad worked all his life. He can’t relate to somebody who grew up poor,” Sanchez said.

Dominick, who was previously the “Daily Show’s” warm-up comic, continued to press Sanchez for specific examples of bigoted conduct by Stewart.

Sanchez ended up attempting to back off the comments slightly. “I’ll take the word ‘bigot’ back. I’ll say prejudicial — uninformed,” he said.

Rick Sanchez’s minority report

Now Sanchez may not have all his facts straight – which as a serious journalist makes him a prime target for satirists like Stewart – but he does have a point. Jewart does seem to pick on Sanchez for some reason. Maybe it’s because he’s intimated by Sanchez’s macho. Maybe it’s because he resents Stewart’s – supposedly – up tight upper middle class Jewish American upbringing. It’s the kind of angst non Jews feel every time they see Biloxi Blues: “If only I’d grown up a whiny little momma’s boy then I could be funny too!“. Then again Stewart picks on almost everyone. So how does he keep getting away with it since he’s not that funny?

The appeal of the Daily Show is lost on me. It seems awkwardly satirical with some downplayed PC ass kissing thrown in. It’s hardly good enough to justify the fuss. In fact it’s barely better than Bill Maher (though much less obnoxious!). Once the genuinely funny and genuinely clever Stephen Colbert came along with some genuine satire, Stewart should have been obsolete. Rick Sanchez has an answer for that one too.

those kind? “Nose” kind!

You see There are a lot of guys like Jon Stewart at CNN. There are a lot of guys like that at other networks to. Whether by consensus of mutual interest or deliberate, nefarious design – these no gooders control the media! When I say a lot of guys I don’t mean Freemasons, though they control freemasonry (and Hollywood, Las Vegas, & the Vatican! That’s part of their insidious plan to control the world by controlling America, and to control America by controlling the entertainment, the gambling and the religion. Although America doesn’t identify it’s self as a Catholic country, a disturbing number of American’s are, and even one President was, Catholic! You dirty mics no who you are! The fact that they managed to get a Catholic elected president, but managed to keep their boys behind the scenes by not getting a Jew elected president should tell you everything about how these types operate! As of this time Disneyland is still in pretty good shape, but it’s getting Jewed up with a vengeance!). They don’t have secret handshakes – though then again they might for all we really know. These guys are Jews, and they like to look out for each other. Kind of like a mafia! Here’s exactly what Sanchez had to say on that:

“Yeah, very powerless people. [laughs] He’s such a minority. I mean, you know, please. What are you kidding? I’m telling you that everybody who runs CNN is a lot like Stewart and a lot of people who run all the other networks are a lot like Stewart. And to imply that somehow they, the people in this country who are Jewish, are an oppressed minority?”

That was both concise and lucid! He summed it up admirably! Now the powers that be, and I shouldn’t have to tell you who that is *winkstein* *winkstein* are trying to shut him up! As of posting time CNN had made an announcement that Sanchez was no longer working with their channel. I guess he must’ve violated some of their little Nazi thought crime rules or something.

Dirty Sanchez, or was Mel Gibson right?

Anyway they made this announcement way in advance of any announcement by Sanchez about his future. They didn’t want to give the man a chance to step out with dignity! Not that those kind understand dignity. You’d think that they pushed Sanchez because they were afraid that Rickie wouldn’t do the honourable thing and jump! So if there’s been no official statement from Sanchez on this, it’s because one is no longer necessary now that the deck has been stacked! So when attempts to reach Sanchez for an official comment on why he went Mel Gibson on the radio repeatedly went unanswered, it’s not because he’s gutless or anything. Let’s just say that the Jews got another one! Besides I’m sure that Rick is taking some needed time off to catch up on reading the Protocols of the Elders of Zion. Did you know that reading that thing is like reading today’s news! It’s like it was written by Nostrodamus or something!

BTW since my eyes first started opening to the shadow world behind this one I’ve learned some amazing things. Here’s the most important things you have to know about the World Zionist Conspiracy!

1. Einstein stole the Theory of Relativity while still working as a patent clerk. The thesis was included as part of some guy’s perpetual motion invention!

2. “High profile white guys” mean Jews. The ‘white elite‘ are the front people, like Rockefeller was for the Rothschilds when he created the Federal Reserve by sinking the Titanic!

3. Jews have suppressed evidence of an alien crash at Area 51 to maintain faith in an Old Testament god, which is their lock on Western Culture. Of course they also try to undermine tradional values, but that just the Hegelian Dialectic in operation!

4. Jews have been spreading the rumour that Jesus Christ was Jewish for centuries!

5. The Jewish didn’t build Stonehenge, but repeatedly tried cheating Stone Age Briton’s out of it!

6. Every time you pay your cell phone bill portions of the money go to sponsor Israel!

7. The Jews not only started Hurricane Katrina, but then tried to blame it on black people!

8. Bill Clinton is secretly Jewish!

9. Jews killed Princess Diana because they feared the influence that Dodi Al Fayd might gain!

10. Some of your best friends might be Jewish. Even worse, you might not know it! They routine anglicize their names, Like Bernie Schwartz to Tony Curtis. This way they can inveigle themselves into society and work it’s ruin. It’s like a kind of Fifth Column right here in our midst. So be on guard, lest they come for you too! My advice – never trust a guy who’s been circumcised, or a woman who’s had a nose job!

Now a little more of Mr Sanchez and some borderline comments about the pres. Wait for it cause it’s about 1 minute into the video.

Well I guess Sanchez’s goose is cooked, and rightly so. His career looks like it’s going the same way as Mel Gibson’s, Michael Richard’s, Don Imus’, etc. Who knew that world was still such a racist place? Still, if Sarah Palin has shown us anything it’s that just because some one has no business having a career doesn’t mean that the public has heard the last of them.

Maybe Sanchez will get onto reality TV via race rehab. Now that’s not a bad idea since at the rate celebs are fucking up in public the powers that be – Jewish or otherwise – are gonna have to do something or their won’t be a celeb left that isn’t racist, drug addicted, a sex offender, or otherwise retarded (I can still say that because the retarded aren’t a race, right? Or are they?). Who knows, maybe inflammatory FOX News can do something for him. They’ve aired more extreme, equally insane views on their network. Glenn Beck, with his chalk board and greasy finger of Vick’s, is already running his news show on an X Files basis! FOX is America’s No 1 source for news related information, just like The Daily Show is America’s No 1 source for news related commentary.


Oh My Stars

Stars are huge unstable balls of explosive energy which generate so much gravity that they suck in everything near by, and make escape nearly impossible. They also have the ability to solve some of the world’s most serious problems; the kind that scientists and politicians have been struggling with for centuries. If you don’t believe me then just watch the following short but informative video on harnessing star power for the general good of humanity!

Now on from those stars to the kind of stars that are useless to everyone especially including themselves – Follywood stars!

Catherine Zeta Jones was spotted out and about in public recently. Now there’s nothing odd in that. What was encrusted around the bridge of her nose might be called peculiar. It was a mysterious white powder similar to the kind that has gotten Lindsay Lohan into so much trouble. Let’s have a peep by way of Dlisted!

Send In The Coke
That’s either coke or old man Douglas has become dangerously dehydrated and is shooting powder!

There have been some blinds going around about a high powered Hollywood ‘coke mom’ but I’m sure that can’t be Cat. For one thing if she went out in public with cocaine smeared on her nose and her dress, then that would be damned sloppy. Sloppy is one word you don’t associate with CZJ! So I’ll give her the same benefit of the doubt that I would give Lindsay Lohan: perhaps Cat was applying foot powder & missed! You know how easily that can happen and especially when you’re coked out of your mind!

BTW there’s plenty more of those pix over @ DListed, including ones of Cat’s powder smeared dress. So hit the link and head over. DListed would be Dlighted so see you!

If Megan Fox thinks it’s a bad idea then maybe there’s something to it after all

BTW This just in from the unsubstantiated rumor dept – Kristen Stewart has been approached to play Wonder Woman in an adaption of the DC Comic. She hasn’t said no either. In fact unnamed sources say she’s seriously considering doing the role if she can bring some Joan Jett edge to the part. She’s also cited Megan Fox’s flat out refusal to consider the role and her subsequent career slump commenting that sometimes the obvious choice isn’t necessarily the smart one.

kristen stewart wonder woman


Al Gore Personality? Personality Galore!

was next

Since Al Gore and wife Tipper announced the end of their long time political partnership, & their marriage; folk have been wondering “Why now?” Since it couldn’t have taken Al this long to realize his political future was past him “I was the next President of the United States“), people are speculating about what wild stories could lie behind the split. While Al Gore ain’t the man his boss is, Tiger Woods has shown what unsuspected extremes Mr Clean Cut types can be privately going to.

This is Al Gore – he doesn’t have a scandal in him

So while the world anticipates some unexpected scandal from Al Gore, and perhaps also the unexpected pleasure of feeling that they’ve underestimated him, I’d just like to caution everyone not to get their hopes too far up. This is Al Gore we’re talking about. Though it’s possible that he might have been carrying on illicit affairs with tattooed porn actresses and fugitive South American strippers all along and under Bill Clinton’s nose (not to mention our noses), I’d like to remind you that their are other reasons for a marriage to bust up besides illegitimate offspring and years of drug abuse.

Still on the waiting list for a personality transplant

For instance Tipper may have become jealous of the other woman in Al’s life: Mother Gaea. He’s always running off with U2 to save the planet concerns and yet doesn’t catch as much as a case of charisma off the rock singers. Or he’s out in the field showing his integrity by hugging trees instead of Tipper. By the time she got him every birch in the wood has had him. All she got in return would be a mouth full of twigs and a few burrs. Now sleeping with Al on some nights must be like bedding down with a stalled lawn mower!

“The last time I got to meet a rock star was when I tried to get music banned back in the 80’s!”

Maybe Tipper got tired of the constant save the planet talk. Now no one is gonna deny that the planet is important, even the last ones to admit it. However when a topic develops such a narrow focus that it lasers out everything else, then that can be a bit of a bore. In fact it can suck the life out of everything else.

Say you’ve got Bono and the Edge over for granola and organic greens. You’re a bored Washington political wife and you’re not Lynda Carter so you’re desperate for a little excitement. Before you can ask the boys how bad they carry on out on tour, you’re husband has hi jacked the conversation by bringing up some tree frog down in the Amazon. Next thing you know Edge and Bono are keenly involved in the conversation because they’re silly enough to think that it gives them credibility. It couldn’t do that even if there were TV cameras there to record it!

Love is never having to say “Shut up about the environment already!”

Finally Tipper may have just gotten sick of living with Mr Spock for these 30 odd years. Al does claim that he personally was the inspiration for Preppy in his Yale classmate Erich Fromm’s Love Story. Well him and Tommy Lee Jones. Originally he hinted that Tipper was the inspiration for Jenny but later recanted on the basis of Tipper not being interesting enough for Mr Fromm to use. He also claims to have been the guy who invented the Internet, discovered Love Canal, charted the 4rth corner of the Bermuda Triangle, and fathered Oprah Winfrey on Phil Donahue. He say a lot of things and even that doesn’t make him more interesting. He’s a man who’s primary personality trait is Asperger’s Syndrome. So maybe Tipper just got sick of it. Let’s face it, the nation and the world know how Al Gore is. If you need a reminder, then see for yourselves:

Blogged with the Flock Browser
If the car is off the road it’s because he took his eyes away from the wheel long enough to look at the road map!

If that’s Al Gore’s idea of a celebration – and we’ve seen his idea of a presidential campaign, then the man might not have the imagination for a scandal. So we can guess what his idea of a divorce is: what he said, an amicable split. Al Gore is the most famous anti celebrity in the world, & for that I give him credit, sort of. However I’d have to caution people about slowing down a the scene of an accident. Ned Flanders probably just wants more time to spend writing books. So move along folks, cause there’s nothing here to see. What did you really expect.

Lots of Lost

Get Lost: Took My Money, Took My Car; Told Her Startled Friends She’s Gonna Be A Star!
Where Am I? On the Island. What do you want? Entertainment! – The Prisoner Meets Gilligan’s Island finally over.

Lost is the show that made Canadian Evangeline Lilly a star by breaking up her marriage to super supportive 1st husband Murray Hone. It did this by making Lilly realize how little they had in common now that she was a star. Of course Lilly was star material from the word go: she’s a fresh faced Canadian babe with a name that rhymes with Angelina Jolie. So Hone was gonna have to get used to disappointment sooner or later.

and now for something not quite completely different

Lost made Lilly a star in another way two: by stringing along the American public week after week for about 6 years. So much so that I really expected last night’s big grand finally to be merely a lead up to LOST: The Motion Picture, due out sometime in 2112. They’d answer all the questions by raising more questions – just like Sex And The City. So not having begun watching LOST I was inclined to pick it up just for the sake of the season finally. Still I had to wonder what the fuss was about.

In fairness No 2 was a little on edge in that episode because Nanny Harris had been over feeding HG, plus Karen & Ann had been working at that awful strip club again!

Hey everyone – it’s Big Bunny!

When giant bunnies create havoc in your life then either you’re trapped in a Britcom, or you’re having the DT’s again!

know your memes: new situations old complications

So that lead me to my own search for answers via Internet message boards, chatrooms, and of course Facebook. Now there was some kind of crypto-spiritual mumbo jumbo brought up with a lot of sly humor. So I begun to think that LOST was just a collection of TV tropes and cliches cleverly rearranged so that the whole package looked new and original – maybe even ground breaking. For instance here’s what some cyber folk had to say about the phenomenon that was:

Tammy Nan LOST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Barbara Wheel I have never seen The Lost. Is it any good?

Jeremy Wright he dies in the end


Jeremy Wright oh yeah and Vader is his dad.

Dennis Jones Spoiler: Pam wakes up and it was all a dream!

Jim Dunn They’ve been “Lost” how long and Hurley hasn’t lost any weight? Umm, I think someone has a giant stash of Twinkies.

Brad Penney but what happened to Gilligan & the Skipper too, the millionaire & his wife? Oh yeah, wrong castaways. I will say one thing for LOST, Gilligan’s Island was funnier, barely.

Gilligan’s Island was barely funnier but no less the pop cultural phenomenon. Evangeline Lilly came close to madness during her difficult “Don’t call me Mary Ann” stage. She was always Ginger in her heart. You know how actors can get when the professional demands of the job interfere with pretending and play acting. Fortunately LOST has run it’s course (for the present), and Lilly’s career too probably. She can now escape the fame of which she has been so un appreciative (or over appreciative depending on how sincere an actress can be). She might even get back to those Liveleak commercials!

Little Miss Vixen and the Long Kiss Good Bye

Speaking of actresses at loose ends Megan Fox has got canned off of Transformers 3. Now everyone suspects that this was un account of her disparaging remarks about her boss Michael Bay. She said he was like Hitler on the set, which he let pass; and and that his movies weren’t really masterpieces of Shakespearean drama, which he took exception too.

So I guess Megan proved her point about the egomania. Now proving that kind of point is like winning the battle and losing the war. In this case it means losing your job. Since Meggers ain’t exactly a Stratford on Avon caliber actress (here @ Wondertrash we don’t care who’s toes we step on, so we’re free to make all kinds of points with impunity!) that leaves the young hottie hard up for work.

Now Meggers had got some irons in the fire. She’s thinking of marketing a new fragrance. She also might or might not be working on a reality TV deal, that might or might not involve multiple test tube babies. A sex tape with BAG might or might not be about to be released. An alcoholic breakdown followed by a rehab stint might also be a career booster! Meanwhile Meggers is making ends meat meet, usually not a problem for her, by releasing her own line of BRATZ dolls. They’re called, appropriately enough Little Miss Vixen, and here they are!

Well the similarity is just striking. The dolls look just as life like as Meggars too – well at least since she had the plastic surgery. So here’s to Meg for taking one of life’s lemons and making some really cheesy lemonade out of it! Stay the course Wondergirl, cause you’re doing super. We’re laughing at gilded butterflies already (though laughing at gilded butterflies is a daily thing here @ the Trash. Probably something to do with the DT’s!).

Remember Megan that Transformers has given you a whole world, and then taken it back again. You were a little young to learn so trashtastic a lesson but they play mean games in your chosen profession. My guess is that your Shakespeare tat kinda set ’em off and provoked ’em.

Joaquin sez – “Let your fingers do the talking”. Then feet do your stuff!

When you play a crooked game then the only way to win is cheat, and lay it down before you’re beat. Then take the money & run!


Justin Bieber is a member of the Illuminati!

Illuminated Assholes & other public enemies

How do you go from being one of about 100 000 kids posting their videos onto youtube, into being the biggest singing sensation since Susan Boyle? Well if you’re Justin Bieber then you’ve got friends in high places, like Usher. If you are you, or me, then you might want to know how to make those friends. Joining some of the many secret societies favored by celebs, like such as Scientology, Kaballah Inc, and the Illuminati, can be a go was to start. Once you’re in good with them they can open up all kinds of doors for you.

Take Betty White. Since joining the Illuminati she went on to become the 1st woman ever to host a TV show. She then went on to work in TV for more than 40 years, covering a variety of roles from Rose on the Golden Girls to Sue Ann Nivens on the Mary Tyler Moore Show. She recently went on to host Saturday Night Live, despite not having being relative for 15 years (Betty I mean, not SNL; though coincidentally the same applies). So what’s the secret to Betty’s success and survival? Well Betty reveals that herself in the following picture!

Well there we are – hidden in plain sight! Betty is a member of America’s best kept open secret – The Illuminati! So I assume she landed her SNL gig by getting Pres Barack Obama to making a phone call on her behalf. One hand washes the other -especially when both of those hands know the secret handshake (your thumb to the root of the other’s index finger, then a little gentle pressure to prove it’s not an accident. At higher levels in free masonry you have to press with the thumb a number of times to show your rank!).

Now that you know what to look for you’ll be surprised at how often it keeps appearing. Actually it’s appearing about as much as ever. You just didn’t notice when you didn’t know what you were seeing. That lack of vigilance could lead to you missing Justin Bieber’s little acknowledgment of his Illuminati master Usher int he following picture.

That kid is starting to look like Damien in the Omen movies. Still it’s nice that he has the loyalty to respect his Illuminati master. Sweet kid really. BTW Bieber, Usher caught your hand signal and just wanted to pass on a “Shelloc Melloc” to you!”

It’s a little disconcerting to know that ordinary people are surrounded by schemes and invisible enemies. That’s why here @ Wondertrash we like to do a little service now and then for our few faithful readers! Below are some of the more common Illuminati hand signals. Memorize them. If you’re ever surrounded by reptilians bent on world domination one of this gestures might save your life. If you’re just going in for an audition or something, try flashing them and see what happens. You never know! Just stay away from the 2 on the far right. Last time I used them I woke up on a large serving tray with an apple in my mouth. I only just got away before the entree arrived!

Good vs Evil – Orange Volvo,t=1,mt=video
Deleted User | MySpace Video


Messing With Milla

cruel to be kind ’cause it’s easy to be hard

It would be easy to be hard on Halle Berry for driving another man out of her life. It would be easy because it’s her fault. If she can’t be blamed she’s probably still responsible. Yet she and Gabs were trying to make it in a town and an industry that isn’t organized around relationships and families so much as it is around 24 hour ego tripping. Even the most level headed can get ground down a bit. Like Milla Jovovich. Milla burst onto the scene at 18 with the release of her 1st album. Music was her first love and it showed – critics compared her to Tory Amis.

Milla flunks the 3rd temptation of Christ

Something else showed too, and that was that Milla was one of the few truly beautiful women in the entertainment business. So the sex sells crowd thought that there should be a way of making money off of that, Perhpas by getting Jovo into modeling and movies. Though Jovo has said that she never took modeling seriously, except as a way of paying the bill, she got herself talked into it.

ride her cowboy!

Eventually she got hooked up with 2nd husband Luc Besson. He envisioned an entire career of prestige pix with Milla in the lead and him holding the riens. Giddyup Go! Only problem was that Luc took to cheatin’ and Jovo wisely realized that the relationship wasn’t going to get any better and split.

She’s Milla inspite of herself

The Messenger 5th Element parts dried up as Jovo found herself busted down in rank to the B list. Still she was a serious actress who gave her roles everything that she had to give. Though her performance in Dummy was a little bit laboured at times, it’s still the best thing in the indie flick. It’s also the most memorable part.

Still Milla after all these years – She ain’t perfect, but she’ll do!

Other roles were to come as she won the respect of her collegues. Finally one fateful day she met curretn husband Paul Anderson after attenting a casting call for his Resident Evil project. The rest as they say is history. The couple are currently on their 5th instalment in the franchise. Milla also is managing the balancing act between mother wife and professional admirably, and inspite of where she lives and works!

stay hungry – just don’t ever get fat!

How ever things were bound to catch up with her sooner or later. She’s no spring chicken anymore. She gained and lost a ton of weight during her pregnancy. She also learned a little through that. People who used to be in awe of her – while she was beautiful, were giving her a hard time when she’d packed on the pounds. Milla herself has spoken in interviews about how sales ladies wound give her dirty looks when she’d go into the smart shops and then ask for sizes that they didn’t carry.

Resident Milla

She’s also burning the candle at both ends. She’s juggling a marriage, a child, and a career while in her mid 30’s. That’s bound to take it out of you. Maybe that’s why some of the advance posters for the next RE show Milla looking a little different then you might remember. In fact she`s no longer the girl you’ve seen in the movies! Let’s have a look see:

the pressure must be messing with Milla!


Evil Women: Milla Jovovich 2.0 & Resident Evil – TNG

Yikes! No lets not jump the gun and blame the work load. Hanging around with the comic con crowd was bound to rub off and nerd her up (Hear that Megan Fox!). So maybe it’s time to bring some one else into the franchise. Now where would Anderson & co. find a drop dead grogeous chick with brains, enthusiasm, and some action experience? Well Julia Voth has starred in Bitchslap. She was the scan/model the programmers based the Jill Valentine character on in the Resident Evil video games. Plus she has an uncanny resemblance to a young Milla. Taking her on in a supporting role – side kick capacity might give Voth the apprentice work she’s looking for & cut Milla some needed slack. She looks like she needs it. Get well soon Milla!

Julia Voth & Milla Jovovich

julia voth is milla jovovich 2.0

Now here’s more of Ms. Voth – go on and grab a closer look. You know you want to!

BTW don’t let those Follywood types have you thinking that there are no such things as zombies, ’cause that’s what they want you to think. It keeps you off guard. In fact Follywood is full of them, and even worse creatures of the imgaination!

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