That’s So Wrong.

Wondertrash & Wonderflash

KnockknockknockPennyknockknockknockPennyknockknockknockPenny......If you’re and up and coming professional celebrity attention is money in the bank, and if you don’t get it you’re out of business. So the $64 000 is “what’s the easiest way to get a lot of attention fast?” There is an old saying in the business that “Sex sells“. That means that if you’re young, attractive, and of the female persuasion (Don’t ask “who persuaded you?” because if you are female it won’t be the last time you’ll get talked into something!) there’s one sure fire way to get everyone talking about you fast – flash your goodies, or come as close as you can get away with to that! With that in mind, and who doesn’t have sex on the brain at least a little bit? – it shouldn’t be any surprise that some up and coming eager beavers are giving people something to talk about. Our first case is a young lady whom we’re gonna be hearing more about as her wedding to a certain high profile TV & radio personality approaches!

Hassling the Hough

Julianne Hough (the chick who looks like Dexter’s wife – Julie Benz from the show, not his on the show sister Jennifer Carpenter who’s his real life soon to be ex) is a popular young country & western singer. She’s also engaged to Simon Cowell’s side kick Ryan Seacrest (Ryan is the Gracie Allen to Cowell’s George Burns if you will). Now the couple have a big 3 million dollar wedding planned for Paris. However life ain’t all wine and roses and April in Paris for the Hough. She’s currently embroiled in a country music controversy that’s got her on the wrong side of the Nashville establishment, and the CMT network. It all has to do with her video That’s So Wrong.

Now the video in question features Hough caterwauling about love, or something like it, while she takes of clothes and squirms around like she’s got a bad case of bed bugs. So it’s a soft core strip tease (& more tease than strip) act of the kind music video viewers are familiar with. It’s nothing that isn’t seen regularly on TV and in family viewing hours. However CMT ain’t happy about it. CMT has banned the video from their network allegedly on the basis that it’s too hot to handle. CMT likes to keep country traditional. Traditional means gals with big hair and bigger boobs wearing more grease paint than a circus clown and singing about cheating or getting cheated on. So Hough’s skanky antics have no place on their airwaves! What’s more Youtube and Truveo have followed suit and banned the video from their sites (BTW for all you aspiring Mark Zuckerberg’s out there, the domain name Youtune is currently up for grabs!)!

Hough doesn’t know what the brouhaha os about. For one thing she insists that she’s a religious gal. She’s probably as religious as any other country western chick who ever went out into a bar and got drunk while lookin’ for temporary love, so I’ll leave that alone. Anyway Hough says that she comes from a small town (Sandy, Utah) where takin’ off your clothes for money is shameful. I guess that means she just gets sexy for attention. Attention she’s getting too, though it should be said that CMT claims Hough’s Miley Cyrus routine had nothing to do with banning the video. It was a contractual thing. Contractual thing in business is the equivalent of a celeb saying that they’re suffering from exhaustion when they check into hospital from a booze overdose – a flimsy excuse.

Hough has been trying to shed the good girl image, along with her clothes, recently. She did something wear she appeared covered in gold paint. It was a mermaid shoot with Kristen Bell and Mena Suvari. She’s also booked up to play Ariel, not a mermaid, in the new Footloose flick. Hough says that the Ariel character will be pretty wild – in a modest small town religious way I guess.

bottoms up to the bottom line

The upshot is that the sex act is paying off. So Hough can’t be blamed too much for responding to encouragement. Country isn’t cool if no one watches, right? Fans are right behind her too. She’s getting tons of support on Internet message boards, where Hough Helpers point out that she wore less clothes on her Dancing With The Stars appearances. Now that’s DWTS business and DWTS has flexible standards. For instance that’s where Erin Peephole Andrews went to save face after her privacy was violated by some random pervert. You may recall that Andrews was video taped prancing around her hotel room naked. Andrews was so humiliated that she had to book on DWTS to get her esteem back, by wearing slinky clothes, flirting with her partner, and flashing herself around. Andrews wasn’t being hypocritical but making a valid point, that her privacy is her’s to violate! It’s the working principle that pro attention whores live by!

So this whole pseudo scandal is still up in the air: with CMT saying that they don’t object to the video though the won’t show Hough, and Hough saying that though she’s outwardly defiant she’s inwardly hurt and humiliated. There’s no sign of a resolution either. That’s okay though since Hough doesn’t have to rely on CMT for her bread a butter. As said she’s gettin’ hitched up to Ryan Seacrest (take that everyone who thought he was gay!). Anyone who can afford to drop 3 mill on a Paris wedding in this economy can afford to keep Hough in snake skin cowboy boots and bedazzled Stetsons. besides, I hear that Seacrest has a few connections in the music biz! So y’all can look forward to seeing a lot more Hough!

Girl Power!

Speaking of music industry attention whores Katie Perry is no stranger to sex and attention. She outs out a pretty strong sex vibe in her act. That’s got her a lot of fans and Booky Wooky author Russell Brand as her hubby. Russy’s the guy who got kicked off of BBC Radio for having sex with Andrews Sachs (Manuel from Fawlty Towers) grand daughter. In Russy’s defense Sach’s grand daughter is some kind of a burlesque artist – or a palm reader. Judging by her out fits it might be either.

Anyway marriage made Russel a changed man – he apologized to Manuel and started slapping around paparazzi like Sean Penn back in his Madonna days (Russ got out raged when a paparazzi tried to get a closer look at something Katey’s shown everyone via TV, the Internet, and the Brit tabs. While Russ insisted that he was in his rights, most were left asking “what was the point?

Sex has gotten Katie so much fan enthusiasm that when she recently mentioned that she wanted to play Wonder Woman about have the Internet said “Right on!” That’s about half as many as when Megan Fox said that she didn’t want to play Wonder Woman. Katie seems to be reinforcing that point in her public appearances too. For instance here’s a recent pic of Perry prancing around the stage in a little red one piece outfit that’s gonna look real familiar to comic book fetishists out there. Now here’s Ms Perry:


… and here’s where some of you might have seen that nifty little number before:



That’s right – Katie’s channel Diana Prince Jr, aka Wondergirl, also known as Wonder Woman Lite, Wonder Reduced, and the Economy Version. Even the sequins match the stars on Donna Troy’s red catsuit. If the microphone had a line attached then it could’ve doubled for a magic lasso! As for myself, though I was doubtful about Perry as Wonder Woman, she might be a better Wondergirl. Besides, that was the role that gave Debra Winger her start!


Socially acceptable bondage – in one form or another!

So there you have it: a couple of cases of young celebs who’ve found a short cut to top. Talent and performance aside they’ve made sex a bog part of the package. It’s paying off too. So we can expect a lot more wonderflash from the wondertrash coming soon. Just be careful if you decide to try this at home. There’s bound to be strings attached to these short cuts, and they won’t be the magic lasso of truth, either! Those ties that bind can get awfully tight if those high profile celebrity fuck ups are any indication. It seems to happen more sooner than later too!

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Celebrity Smack Down #2

Remembrance of things past


Everyone loves a sequel (unless it was that last Indiana Jones flick, in which case even Shia Labouef thought it sucked), and if you liked yesterday’s post then you’re in luck. In the last post I covered how celebrities can sometimes have a touch of loose lips – the kind that Hollywood plastic surgeons can’t tighten. IN fact you might say that one of their favorite yoga postures is “foot in mouth” pose (a shock to those of you who were gonna guess “head up ass“). One of the highest horse power yaps in Tinsel Town belongs to Megan Fox (when I say that her mouth is hi horse power I don’t mean it in the way that they say *wink, wink*). Megan’s mouth is so prolific in silly utterances that it only seemed right to do an entire post on Little Miss Mouthy. Especially since she managed to provoke the very mild ire of Lynda Carter – which is very hard to do (When Lynda begins with “I like her but…” look for the steam shooting out of her ears). Megan is by no means the only celebrity offender with a mouth loaded and ready for action. Take Keith Richards for instance.

side effects

Keith has got a lot of credibility as the heart and soul of the Rolling Stones. He’s also done an ungodly amount of drugs over the years. IN this case too much of a good thing has had side effects. Let’s just say that every so often Keith’s mind wanders and his mouth decides to follow along and see where it goes. Just like the time Keith claimed to have snorted his dead dad’s ashes (unless it was that container of Snalt he left lying around). Then he took it back. Then he took back the take back. He’s said some other stuff too, like Mick Jagger is a stuck up sell out (which is unfair – he’s no Sir Ben Kingsley!). Of course Keith is jealous over Jagger’s knighthood, and has even taken to calling him “Mike” or “Mikey” within earshot and just out of spite. He also said that Johnny Depp looks like a drug dealer – but he didn’t mean anything by that.

Striking out in Sweden

Well for a guy who can dish it out he has some trouble taking it and that has lead to the latest occurrence of Keith Richards Public Outrage Mania! The story started back in 2007 when the Stones were still touring. Back then they were in Sweden. Despite what Jessica Alba may say about the land of Ikea and sex change surgery, one particular Swede was less than neutral about the Stones. Markus Larrson covered the concert and in his review referred tot he band as amateurs. Now that’s a lot kinder than the rest of us who call them washed up years ago – but Keith took exception.

Life & the City of Light

Now you have to watch what you say because even if you trash talk from a discreet distance time & chance can put you face to face with your target. That’s what recently happened when Richards and Larrson met face to face in Paris. Keith was in the City of Light to promote his new autobiography called Life. He made a stop at a hotel to meet and greet some members of the media when lo and behold who should he find himself face to face with but Mr. Larrson.

Gothenberg a go go

At the time of the ’07 Gothenberg concert Richards had been so irate about Larrson’s review (2 out of 5 stars) that he demanded an apology. This time he didn’t recognize Larrson – well not right away anyway. It seems that time,, and years of drug abuse were on Larrson’s side since Richards was chatting amicable with him for about ten minutes before he realized what was what (Keith must be improving. He recently revealed in an interview that Johnny Depp had been dropping by the house for 2 years before he figured out who Edward Scissorhands was. “I thought he was just another drug dealer my son dragged in.” Richards explained).

Don’t worry till you see the blanks of his eyes

When the wheels finally clicked sparks started flying. Richards confronted the Swede angrily. Markus explains, “His eyes got black and he was absolutely furious. He stood up and asked if we would put out the lights and settle the disagreement straight away. At first I was just surprised, I thought he was pulling my leg, but then I realized he was serious and then I felt uncomfortable and I just wanted to get out of there pretty fast. Things didn’t get better after that. Markus then claims that the elderly rocker hit him over the head before telling him “You’re lucky to get out of here alive!!!!!! I assume that Markus added the exclamation marks. Keith doesn’t seem like more than a three exclamation mark dude at most. Still you get the point – hairy situation.

trash talking a two way street

So let that be a lesson to all you trash talkers out there. We all enjoy the good fun of talking smack about others. Especially if they’re famous. Even more so if they’re natural targets (speaking of which it has just been announced that Carrie Prejean is pregnant – so the world can look forward to the first birth of a silicon based life form!). Yet beware. Even if you’re a protected member of the media, and even if you’re safely away in the land of democratic socialism and seasonal affective disorder, your words can find you out and come back to haunt you. Or at the very least hit you over the head.

sorry Charlie

BTW speaking of celebrity trash talk Gloria Allred has opened her big toxic yap again. Now whenever Allred open that maw of her’s it must send off emissions of fallout like Chernobyl. This time the toxic cloud was directed towards Charlie Sheen, and the words were in the form of an open letter (though you have to admire her for putting her pen where her mouth is, it’s also stupid for a lawyer to put anything in writing). The letter was a sort of diatribe calling Sheen out and detailing some of the violent incidents he’s had with women over the years – you know like the time he shot John Travolta’s wife. Here’s the letter:

Dear Charlie,

You did it again. I can almost see the smirk on your face. You were involved in a scandal in New York where you damaged property and your female companion was allegedly so frightened by your conduct that she hid in the bathroom.

The resulting coverage boosted your ratings for your CBS show “Two and a Half Men”. What you did in the hotel room seemed not to faze you any more than your past criminal conduct has.

Yesterday you were quoted on Extra as saying “If a guy has one bad night everybody goes insane and panics. I’m not panicking.” I can understand why you aren’t panicking Charlie. By now, you understand that the mainstream press and the Hollywood press have their own addiction. They are addicted to celebrities and to scandal, and you are one of their favorites.

They love covering what you do, because it is good for their business as well. The fact that you have hurt women in the past and that you present a potential risk to them in the future if you do not get help seems to be of little or no concern to the press.

They either ignore it, gloss over it or minimize it. For example, last Saturday night, CNN aired what they titled “The Charlie Sheen Story”. Nowhere in the broadcast was it mentioned that a criminal case was filed against you in Malibu, CA in 1997 (People v. Sheen, Case #7MA0345) or that in that case, my client, Brittany Ashland, (photo above) alleged that she suffered substantial physical injuries because of you. Nobody mentioned that you pled no contest in that case to one count of battery with serious injuries, Penal Code Section 243D, a misdemeanor. CNN completely failed to state that your sentence was one year suspended jail time, two years probation, $2,800 fine, 300 hours of community service and 8 counseling sessions.

Elsewhere in the media, there was also hardly any mention of that case when reporters discussed your latest scandal. Instead the discussion was about you, your addictions, whether you party with prostitutes, and your ability to continue to work on your hit show. In other words, with rare exception it was all about Charlie, with minimal mention of women you have hurt in the past.

Almost nobody mentioned that in the recent criminal case brought against you in Colorado that you were originally charged with felony conduct against your wife Brooke Meuller. Almost nobody quoted the full quote of one of the responding police officers to your home in Aspen.

Valerie McFarlane (also my client) has stated “I was one of the responding police officers on Christmas day 2009 to the Sheen home in Aspen. During my investigation I interviewed Charlie Sheen’s wife. I also observed her injuries and photographed them for the record. I observed a red mark on the upper part of her neck which appeared to be as a result of a strangulation hold and red marks on her arms. I also saw older bruises that appeared to be in the healing process. A knife was recovered at the scene which Brooke alleged had been used by the defendant to threaten her. Brooke was crying uncontrollably as she described the incident to me.”

In fact, the press barely mentioned that you were convicted of misdemeanor assault on your wife, Brooke Meuller for what you did to her in your home on Christmas Day 2009.

After all, it was only the mother of your children that you assaulted in your home.

Dangerous and criminal conduct against a woman seems not to matter to most press. What really matters to them is Charlie, Charlie, Charlie.

The fact that the court failed to require you to serve any time in custody for your criminal conduct in the case involving the victim Brittany Ashland, and the criminal case involving your wife is not generally considered important enough for serious discussion. Instead there seems to be an almost secret admiration for how you get away without serious consequences for your dangerous criminal conduct.

I was in court in Aspen and noticed the smirk on your face when the court failed to sentence you to jail time. I understood why you smirked. As a celebrity you seemed to get away with what the typical person without money and power cannot. You might also have felt that the criminal justice system as well as most press stands in awe of your celebrity and appears to be seduced by it.

Charlie, I for one am not seduced by it. I don’t think assaulting and hurting women is funny. I am not one of those standing in line hoping for an interview with you, or an autograph.

Instead, I think about women you will meet in the future. Will they be at risk of harm if you do not get help?

I think about your young daughters. What kind of message are they receiving about violent criminal conduct that men like you are permitted to engage in with little or no consequence?

What if men did to them what you have done to women?

You may have a smirk on your face now, but I doubt that you would think that it was funny if your daughters were the victims of criminal acts. At this point, for the sake of your daughters and other people’s daughters I hope you and your enablers (the celebrity press) get help before it is too late.

Gloria Allred
Attorney at Law
November 9, 2010

Allred knows a thing or two about sleazy antics

Some, like the author of Crazy Days & Crazy Nights, have applauded Allred in this instance. However it’s worth remembering that Allred has an even more colourful history than Sheen. She’s currently repping Rachel Uchitel – one of Tiger Woods’ sluts, she may or may not have represented one of Charlie’s many many abused exs, and she started her career of infamy by launching a gender discrimination suit against the Boyscouts of America. Basically she’s Hollywood’s version of an ambulance chaser. It seems like Allred will do or say anything to get her name in the press – much like Balloon Boy Dad Richard Heene – though it should be pointed out for the sake of possible libel litigation that Gloria Allred has not now, nor has she ever, launched anyone in a balloon – that we know of. Whether or not she’s capable of it is something that I leave to your imaginations. Hey, you guys have been around!

PS Don’t let the trash talk go too far. Remember to mind your language. Who wants to be in need of muzzling?

wondertrash

Black Pastor calls for whites to rise up against Obama

Believe it or not President Barack Obama isn’t universally beloved. Despite the fact hat only 2 years have passed since America was teetering precariously over the edge of the abyss, some people think that Pres Obama is what’s wrong with the world today. Their not who you’d think either – half cocked FOX News firebrands or racist wing nuts like Rick Sanchez. Some of them are far out religious types, like Pastor James David Manning.

Pastor Manning is a man of the cloth and a self styled PhD who has a weekly webcast. His latest was a hum dinger. He spent about 5 minutes of air time in a mind blow anti Obama rant. Manning is a man as frightening as he is frightened. What frightens him? According to the internet rant he’s afraid that Obama is pushin’ the white folks too far. That means they’re eventually gonna rise up in arms against him. To that point Manning draws up apocalyptic images of pick up trucks with gun racks, NRA bumper stickers, and Oklahoma license plates invading the inner cities to run amok on a racially charged anti Obama rampage! He also points out that if Dick Cheney ain’t in on this, he certainly knows about it!

You might think that I’m exaggerating. No one could be that crazy on air in this day and age – unless they’re an established public personality looking to commit career suicide. Well you’ll find that I’m not exaggerating one bit. In fact I’m understating the pastor’s inflammatory commentary! Just have a listen for yourself, while viewing the following video.

http://www.viddler.com/player/ca344a21/

Wow! He says things that only occur to Don Imus in his wet dreams (or while he’s not on his medications)! The pastor clearly doesn’t care what he says or who’s toes he steps on. So he certainly has a place here @ wondertrash. To keep track, what Pastor Manning says is that the President is a Muslim, homosexual, half breeded, non citizen! To listen to Manning you’d think that Obama was the kind of man who’d steal out of the church collection plate to buy drugs for school children (typical democrat!) if he weren’t to damned heathen to attend a service.

Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds” as HL Mencken said. It’s a hobgoblin that Pastor Manning isn’t troubled with. He probably frightened it away with his hi decibel hollering. If you want to catch more of his act than check out his website. He has a daily program starting at 10 AM called the Manning Report, and we can only hope he’s always so lively on the air! He should just consider himself lucky that he doesn’t work for CNN! Although I’m sure that FOX News might have a place for him.

wondertrash

The Burning Man & the Hot It Girl

“International Burn A Quran Day”

Nothing causes more trouble than religion and politics, especially when either of these hot topics get into the hands of professional lunatics. The Koran is on everyone’s minds these days. That’s partly because we’re running up to the anniversary of 911. It’s also partly because some kooks have decided to make an issue out of it, instead of letting the whole thing drop into the past.

We are definitely trying to send the message

The kook in question this time is a fundamentalist pastor, Terry Jones, who plans to exercise his freedom of expression by burning at least 100 copies of Koran. Jones is the head of a group down in Gainesville Florida called Dove World Outreach. Every year on the anniversary of 911 Dove Outreach holds a memorial. The occasions makes them hawkish too. The usually commemorate the event with some kind of anti Islamic activity. This year they’ve planned to commemorate the date with a mass Koran burning.

you’re not gonna find back bone in stock at mamby pamby land among the Bibles!

The idea is that Jesus Christ is the one true Lord & Savior; but much more importantly, that Islam is of the devil! Now that’s not an exaggeration of their views. the put street signs up saying those very words back in June. It’s also the title of the pastor’s book. Hope he worked Jesus in their some where. You know how easy it is to get carried away in the fun of heathen bashing. You can get worked up into an apocalyptic frenzy, to the point where Jesus gets lost in the shuffle. Maybe if He’d said something more compelling than “Love thy neighbor”, He’d have better held his follower’s attention. The “America loves a winner” speech from Patton might have fitted neatly into the Sermon on the Mount!

you have the right to free speech, as long as you’re not dumb enough to actually try it

Since the pastor has been shooting off his constitutionally protected mouth in public about the minions of darkness, his been getting much more attention than a garden variety Bible thumper is used to. He’s already bagged about 100 death threats. that’s one for each Koran. That kind of reaction would discourage a sane man. However it seemed to only encourage the pastor.

ours is a peaceful mission – arm the phasers!

So Pastor Jones is planning to go ahead with his book burning as planned. After all it’s for a very noble cause. Jones wants to reach out to his poor misguided Muslim breathern. In his own words he says “The goal of these and other protests are to give Muslims an opportunity to convert. We are definitely trying to send the message that Jesus Christ is the only way.” At least he’s not trying to win them over with sweet talk. If the medium is the message the pastor’s approach comes off as inflammatory!

a funny thing happened on the way to the riot

Besides there might come some good of this. The Pastor is right about it being his constitutionally enshrined right to make an ass of himself by stirring the shot everyone else was waiting to blow over. There’s nothing wrong with a good old fashioned book burning for that matter. It brought communities together, the way hangings used to back in the days of public executions. Why it’s the sort of community spirited mayhem anyone might enjoy. I could even see myself dropping by to toss a few heavy metal albums on the bonfire. That is I would if everything hadn’t gone iTunes and MP3. There goes progress spoiling the fun again!

Jolier than thou

Besides, America’s commitment to freedom of speech allows for counter balances to people like Pastor Jones. Naturally one of the celebrity set has taken up the cause, and taken it upon themselves to defend America’s oppressed Muslim community (has anyone told them that President Barack Obama is one of them? Glenn Beck says it all the time, and if it’s on FOX News, then it must be true!). That some one would be none other that Miss Better Than You InternationalAngelina Jolie.

still cool enough to be different?

Jolie recently gave a press conference, complete with hijab, condemning the Pastor’s incendiary intentions. The statement was about as well articulated as usual for Ms Jolie “That’s so mean and disrespectful“. Not that I’m criticizing Ms Jolie’s message. It just that most of us new it already and didn’t need Jolie to tell us. Unless she can bring anything fresh and original to the table, we’ll have to assume that she’s attention seeking again (with Jennifer Aniston’s career sinking after her Switch failure and ‘retard’ remark – it’s never been a better time for Jolie to finally get the upper hand!).

this is what happens to Americans who won’t eat meat!

Anyway you can make up your own minds about this whole sorry affair by watching Ms. Jolie Voight Pitt’s statement right here, in the video below.

botox tears

Another message for the international community. No wonder the Economist is desperate to keep her as an occasional contributor. Besides, the poor woman needs something to lift her spirits. Salt lackluster box office performance was bound to be esteem deflating. She got alot of comments about how rough she looked too. Jolie looked so bad that she had to get immediate cosmetic touch ups after filming was completed.

So making public statements is sure to be a well needed ego booster. She may not be the most beautiful woman in the world anymore, but she’s still one of the most obnoxiously self righteous. BTW here’s a little pic of Ms. Jolie snapped just after Salt clued up, but before she went into the plastic surgery clinic.

The ravages of long term vegetarianism are all over her face. “Looking rough” is a harsh phrase. We’ve seen her looking worse. Still that hasn’t stopped her from getting out there and attracting some attention. Nor should anyone allow themselves to be suppressed! Now go out there an express your inner wondertrash!

wondertrash

Too Naked to Make It


So let’s say that you’re young and ambitious, but with limited talent. What’s you short cut to fame? Well there’s nothing like dropping your drawers with some intimate acquaintances while the video is running to get you on the radar fast. It worked so well for Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian that even Montana Fishburn has decided to give it a try. Let’s take a look at the sex tape fast track to notoriety in the following CNN video report:

http://i.cdn.turner.com/cnn/.element/apps/cvp/3.0/swf/cnn_416x234_embed.swf?context=embed_edition&videoId=showbiz/2010/09/03/sbt.sex.tape.careers.hln

So the moral of the story is that sex sells. So if you’re young enough to be interesting, and have some sexy friends with a video recorder then you too could have your own reality TV series in a year or too. Then the next thing you know you too could have your own highly followed Twitter account!

Just don’t go too far, like wrecking the marriage of beloved Hollywood actresses or squeaky clean sports hero, much less getting invitro’d with multiple embryos or with mail order celebrity sperm. The public might decided that they don’t want to support that degree of craziness! When you get to the point where young up and comers decide that if they get knocked up by a celebrity they can not only can sue for child support but then use the sex tape of the incident as a basis to pitch a reality series; then you’ve encouraged things too much by presenting sociopath fame seekers with a total career starter package!

Of course if you really want to cash in then just start a new social networking sight. Tailor it to suit attention seeking narcissistic types – in other words celebrities – and then add a few gimmicks smart apps specifically designed for celeb needs – like easy up load for sex vids and secretly recorded phone conversation; and you’ll have a license to print money! Then you only really need a name that sounds clever at first but less so every time you hear it – like Tweeter, or if you can find a way to run your network through video enabled Skype, possibly something like Peeper.com. The entertainment gossip community is waiting for the celebrity version of wikileaks! It could even be called Celebrileaks!

Not every celebrity bares their privates in grainy homemade porno. Some manage to get big league movie producers to pay ’em to do it in major motion pictures! Those A List celebs will be appearing in the Greater Toronto Area for the upcoming TIFF Awards, and you can get your guide to celebwatching via the following handy link! Then of course you can keep checking here – your one handy link for celebrity smut, nudity included!

wondertrash

Lily Allen Hates Simon Cowell

and she has some more complaints

The last time we heard from Lily Allen she was threatening to retire from the music business – so much for promises. She was also blaming the Internet for ruining the music industry. She made known in a number of on line rants that she believed that free on line music downloading was preventing artists – such as herself – from earning a living off of their own music. The reason artists don’t make money from their own music is because recording companies eat up the profits in dubious production costs. That’s why most major acts, including the Rolling Stones – earn their bread & butter on the concert circuit. It’s also why many bootleg recordings come from the artists themselves.

Lily might shoot from the lip, but she is capable of reassessing her opinions. For one thing she has finally realized the the Internet isn’t her enemy. Lily has come out in another online rant and announced that she knows who’s really responsible for the current state of the music industry – Simon Cowell. For one thing Lily thinks that Cowell has shifted the emphasis in the industry away from smart and original indie acts, or even performers like herself; and shifted towards amateurs doing karaoke style covers.

Allen has taken to twitter, and other electronic media previously believed to be the ruination of popular music as she’s come to know and despise it – to publicly attack Cowell. For instance Lily tweeted “X factor – FAIL. Too set up/scripted in my humble opinion. I don’t know how Simon Cowell has managed to get away with essentially copywriting (sic) the talent contest. It’s beyond me, really.” She also fielded questions from fans. In response to one the tweeted “It’s s–t. FACT! It’s everything that I detest about modern western culture. Cowell is the only one who really benefits. People like you EAT IT UP.

So what has gotten into Allen? Well her behavior is no more erratic and volatile than usual. However this might be something she picked up second hand from some one else. For one think Mick Hucknell expressed pretty much the same opinion about a year or so ago. In a very public interview Hucknell basically described Cowell as the JR Ewing (kids get your parents to explain to you who JR Ewing is – but in the meantime think George W Bush). So perhaps Allen thought that she could get herself some credit for being a thoughtful person by recycling previously expressed ideas (I do it daily here – though I’ve never gotten credit for thoughtfulness. 4 out 5 Tibetan Buddhists have described Wondertrash as mindless tripe, and warned the faithful that the time spent on this site is something that they’ll never get back. Then again that’s the nature of time and they shouldn’t need to be reminded of that!). Goodness knows that Lily needs some help formulating ideas, as she no doubt does with writing her own music.

Now some people speculate that Allen has an ulterior motive for her Cowell bashing. For one thing people claim she’s resentful about not being asked on X Factor as one of their celebrity judges. For another some insist she’s jealous about celebrity enemies like Cheryl Cole being asked on. Allen is aware of this, and has addressed the issue in her usual calm & considered manner. Allen says, and I quote (hence the inclusion of quotation marks around Ms Allen’s statements) “I’d rather actually eat my own crap, than sit next to any of those goons. Except Cheryl, obvs (obviously). I’ve better things to do with my time than feed the nation with the notion that doing cover versions will sort your life out.” I’m glad she added the “actually” into that statement though I’m not sure what it proves, unless she was considering “virtually” eating her own crap and then decided that she actually felt more strongly about the issue.

Now Lily was never one to mince words, or ever leave anyone in doubt about what she really thinks. For instance in regards to the above mention Cole, Lily once said that the singer’s husband was “horrendous“. She also described Cole’s bandmate Nicola Roberts as”the ugly one in the group“. Of course that was said during a hi profile word wars between the dueling divas. If you’re a regular Wondertrash reader then you know that a lot of shit gets said online.

So what does that say about Lily Allen. Well for one thing she knows how to get attention by shooting off her big fat mouth. She’s like Megan Fox in that way; except much more obnoxious and a lot less entertaining. Of course it doesn’t take a rocket scientist, or even a Tara Reid, to realize that if you publicly bash Cowell you’re gonna get some easy media attention. He is kind of Mr Entertainment these days.

That leads to another theory as too why Allen is shooting off her big ignorant mouth in again. She must have some new project coming out, and needs to attract the spotlight in her direction. If that’s true then the bad news is that the rumors about her leaving show business were exaggerated. That story had to be too good to be true. Besides, Allen isn’t actually qualified, or even competent, to do anything else with herself (and that includes tweeting without gorss spelling and grammatical errors). Still the cheap grandstanding is unbecoming. Lily should try to put the issue in proportion – it’s not Simon Cowell’s fault is the public finds 70’s & 80’s amateur covers more interesting than anything she does. In fact maybe Cowell could come up with e few pointers for Allen to sharpen up her already tiresome routine.

wondertrash

The Fabulous Clip Joint

liv tyler bilked out of 200 000 by celebrity hair stylistHow much does a really smart A List hair style cost? If you’re Liv Tyler it could run up to $200 000! To be clear that not only includes the cost of the hair cut, but also all the additional charges that could get run up on your credit card without your knowledge. Lovely Liv favors a salon called Chez Gabriela Studio, run by Maria Gabriela Perez. Perez boasts an A List clientele including the likes of Cher, Jennifer Aniston, and Anne Hathaway. It’s not only the glitterati that are beating a path to her door. Wednesday afternoon the Secret Service dropped by with an arrest warrant.

Allegedly Ms Perez was making free and easy with the credit card numbers of some of her celebrity clients. Ms Tyler, in particular, got hit up for 214 000 over the course of 5 months! She’s also accused of running up 68 000 in charges on the card of an unnamed jewelry designers. This is heavy shit, and could land the hair stylist in the klink for as much as 25 years!

Jennifer Aniston was a former client of Chez Gabriella, but left after a falling out. Jen says: We had a situation that was not cool, so I stopped going to her. Paid her the money and left. … I knew something like this would eventually happen. A lawyer for Perez says: At this time she is innocent of all charges. She is a legitimate business woman who provides legitimate services. We are confidant when the facts come out my client will be exonerated of all charges. Ms Perez better hope that some of her lawyer’s faith in her rubs off on the Secret Service!

Annie get your gun

In other news Sarah Palin has shown that she just doesn’t know when to keep her mouth shut. Sarah had just cracked the difficult Levi Johnston problem. According to a story in the National Enquirer Palin felt that she had no chance as a 2012 presidential run as long as Levi was running his mouth publicly about her. So she lured him into a false sense of security by urging Bristol to get friendly with him, and invite him to spent quality time with the family.

The plan worked and Levi retracted all the stuff he said. He claimed that it was merely youthful indiscretion on his part. Damned by his own retraction anything he might say in the future would be regarded skeptically. However the plan hit a snag when Bristol and Levi announced their engagement and plans for a reality TV show. Sarah didn’t see that one coming. When the news broke that Levi had knocked up another young woman – a childhood friend of Bristol’s – the engagement was off and everything was coming up Sarah.

Soon Sarah herself would put a spanner in the works. The former Alaskan governor has recently coming out voicing support for disgraced radio shrink Dr Laura Schlessinger. Schlessinger got into a heap of trouble for using the N word repeatedly on air in response to a woman calling for advice on dealing with racist in laws. That lead to a speedy mea culpa on the partof Ms Schlessinger, and eventually her retirement announcement.

Palin has taken to twitter to support Schlessinger, claiming that she believes that Dr Laura’s 1st amendment right to use racial charged language has been suppressed. Below are Palin’s tweets:

palin tweets support for dr laura schlessinger
palin tweets supprt for schlessinger

Now it should be pointed out that Schlessinger’s right to use racist language has not been suppressed. She can stick her head out the window and holler the N word at passer bys to her heart’s content if that’s what she wishes. However privately owned radio concerns don’t owe her a forum. That’s the technicality on which Dr Laura’s persecution argument falls down. To give Laura credit, she’s claiming that she will continue to voice her controversial opinions on her own time, and at her own expense, by way of youtube and the blogosphere. Freedom of speech within a free market context is as much as any conservative has a right to expect. No word yet on how this affects Palin’s presidential hopes, but I don’t think she’s planning a Mel Gibson defense or anything.

sarah palin reloads for dr laura schlessinger

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