heartbreaking new Megan Fox photo

Megan Fox is in bad shape lately

Remember when Megan Fox was the hottest girl on the planet? That was back during the first Transformers flick. That was in 2007 when she had the role of Mikaela Banes, Shia Labouef’s unlikely girlfriend. Though Shia was the star Megan was the girl people came to see.

Back then Hollywood thought that they had lightening in a bottle. Execs and producers figured that they could just point a camera at the chick and people would pay to watch. Since sex sells Megan was a license to print money. That gave her an unlimited future. Then, as often happens in show business, things went wrong.

Did I say that shit or just think it out loud again?

Megan’s mouth got out of control and went on a rampage. Before studio executives could have her fitted for a bridle Megan had started saying all sorts of things, like actresses are whores but she’s really a man, or maybe only a tranny (that lead to the rumors that she was born a man named Mitchell Reed Fox who was later surgically converted to the female persuasion). She also claimed that women have power because they have pussies sand men are afraid of that but that all people are basically bisexual. Then she said that her boss Michael Bay was Hitler and his boss Steven Spielberg had her fired. Maybe he wasn’t sure how seriously to take her – like the rest of us (She had ony run through half her material and was just getting around to men being latent homosexuals!).



Any Bay in a storm

Anyway Bay needed a hot chick who couldn’t necessarily act for his 3rd film. So he got that Victoria’s Secret model. She was used to walking around in her under wear in front of an audience so she might have what it takes to be an actress. The transplant didn’t take so he might as well have just gone for Adriana Lima. She’s good enough for multiple Superbowl ads (that’s how you know which one is the archangel)!

from loose lips to loose ends

That left Meggers at loose ends. She wasn’t working much since Jennifer’s Body bombed. She was doing some B stuff that no one talked about, or saw. The Internet wasn’t even keeping track of her latest verbal diarrhea attack. It’s hard to keep a major Hollywood career afloat when people are forgetting about you.

“I can do Wonder Woman now – or even some Esurance commercials!”

She tried to keep herself busy. She married longtime boyfriend BAG. She did a few adds. She waited for Comic Con to ask her back. That leaves a lot of slack in the schedule, and you can only fill up so much time playing Guitar Hero! So your probably wondering “how’s Ms Megan is handling early semi retirement?” The answer is worse than Erin Esurance! This heartbreaking recent pic of Megan tells the whole sad story.

There have been some scary celebrity crashes but this takes the cake!

a funny thing happened on the way to rehab

There’s just no rehab for that! Many of us have done that door stopper thing – though in most cases it was because of Asperger’s Syndrome. When otherwise normal people get there things are bad. So bad that I hear Megger’s has been asking around to find out if the Wonder Woman part is still available. Look at it from her point of view – it’s a rough spot for a chick who used to be the next Angelina Jolie and is now lower than Al Gore. So send some good vibes out her way and tell her Wondertrash sent ’em! Also be sure to see her in The Great Dictator with Sacha Baron Cohen! You really need to support her in this cause her door stop routine is getting ont he neighbors’ nerves.

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Curious George & Dimpled Chad

the President is still allegedly American
conspiracy theories and the “other” Mrs. Obama

President Barack Obama has been getting some grief from conspiracy theorists since he was elected. The most notable theory but by no means the only one is that Barack Obama was born in Kenya, and so is ineligible to be President based on not being native born. It’s not the only one. Other theories say that Obama is a Muslim, and atheist, a socialist, and a Vulcan from Krypton. One theory even purports that Obama is not actually black – but an attractive white woman who began impersonating a black man when she first decided to position herself for the presidency. The idea was that since Hillary Clinton had the chick vote sown up, an another angle was needed. While that is an intriguing theory, I think that it was probably dreamed up by someone who watched White Chicks too often while stoned.

A good offensive defense

The sad thing is that the President, if I may call her that, has felt the need to start addressing this issues; which by her own words are unworthy of comment. Barack Obama, with Michelle at his side, appeared on Oprah a little while ago to assure the American People that he is in fact an American, and that Donald Trump was no better than reality TV’s version of a carnival barker. Though Donald was much gratified by the mention.

I can’t tell the difference – these faked alien birth certificates are just as good as our real earth ones!

Though Oprah never once doubted him, I guess he felt that others needed reassurance. Not everyone is a graduate in The Course in Miracles, like Oprah; so their faith might need support. Just like the Apostles on the Sea of Galilee. To that end Obama also produced evidence of himself – not in the form of bread and fishes, but in the form of a Hawaiian birth certificate dated Aug 5 1961. Not that any one believed it. It was quickly picked apart on the Internet where some of the more committed among the lunatic fringe quickly analysed it for evidence of improper extra terrestrial tamper. Of course the birth Certificate came out clean. Since the aliens are years ahead of the human race technologically (they only lag behind us in bloody mindedness, which built this planet; and along with our atmosphere is our best defence against space invaders) this doesn’t prove anything. Maybe we just aren’t advanced enough to detect the signs of their technological interference in much the way that we’re still trying to decipher the hidden meaning of crop circles using the Enigma Code, with pi as a key (Steven Spielberg did suggest that they use music as a possible basis for decoding “Just like my ET!”, but the scientific community didn’t take him too seriously. The idea would’ve had more credibility coming from former physicist James Avatar Cameron).

Coming Soon

The probably with going on the defensive that way is that you never know when to stop until you’ve past the point of no return. In public figures that can be bad. Tom Cruise was off the couch and on the way home without realizing the damage he’d done to his image on Oprah (Some one should’ve got the President to watch that episode when he decided that appearing on Oprah would clear things up). First Obama’s showing his birth certificate, next he’s peeing in a cup on Livestream – like Charlie Sheen. What would come next? Perhaps some lively Sheen’s Korner type channel on youtube, featuring the President directly addressing the American People with frequent updates on his personal life. Since his personal life is no where near as colourful as Charlie’s he should skip that. The closest thing he has to a goddess is wife Michelle and she’s been camera shy ever since she got shit for touching the Queen. “Come here and say ‘hi’ Michelle.” “Barry no.” “Oh go, on we’re on youtube!” Of course if the Pres starts addressing the Vulcan Muslim atheist issue, or pulling down his pants to prove that he is in fact a man then we’ll know that he’s gone too far; though become way more interesting!

The Nobel Award for outstanding motion picture achievement in sanctimonious high mindedness!

In this one thing at least Obama would’ve done well to have taken a page from the Book of Bush. If you’ll recall Bush was never supposed to be President either – but you didn’t hear him defending himself. He was never supposed to be pres because he stole the election – allegedly. It happened down in the state of Florida where George stole about 300 votes from Al Gore (the democratic Party’s Dan Quayle and way too interested in rain forest frogs to be relevant to tax payers, though the Motion Picture Academy and the Nobel Prize Committee liked him well enough – give those two esteemed bodies something in common!), and he did it with the help of some one called Dimpled Chad.

the Ballad of Dimpled Chad

Now I’m not sure who Dimpled Chad is, but I gather that he’s a kind of gay G Gordon Liddy. His secret identity as a gay adult film star made him a highly valuable CIA asset (like John Erik Hexum on Cover Up!). It may have been in his capacity as a spy, and not as a gay porn star, that he first got in touch with the Bush clan. Although there are those who say that he first ran into Bush family members at Bohemian Grove, during one of that club’s “no girls allowed” annual naked wing dings. The Bush Family quickly found him handy for dirty work of various kinds, and Dimpled Chad found himself on the way up in the world. However after the Florida Election Caper he found himself in too compromising a position. As daytime talk show hosts clamoured to get a piece of him, he disappeared into obscurity before he had fully emerged from it.

Bush whacked!

No one is quite sure what ever happened to Dimpled Chad. Some say that he had become too dangerous. George had him whisked away to CIA HQ for some Stan Smith American Dad style brainwashing/reprogramming. That didn’t work out and Chad had to be hospitalized long term after cracking up and starting to go “Andrew Cunanin”. Others say that George had him sold to Indonesia organized crime, as a horse collared gay sex slave. Others say that he was reprogrammed with top secret technology and is now a straight Mormon elder with no recollection of his previous life (except for that brief flicker he gets every time some well established Mormon says he’s seen him some where before, “on TV or something right?”). Still others say that Bush just had him whacked!

Deep dimpled cover

Now I’ve heard that the actual story is that Bush didn’t have him whacked – for old times sake. Though it would’ve been safer to whack him Bush retained a soft spot for the sexy young man who helped him rig an election and become both the most powerful & the most dangerous man on planet earth! Besides, sine Chad was instrumental in setting in motion a course of events that lead to the execution of Saddam Hussein, or at least a buck toothed imposture in the place of Hussein, the world owned Chad. So he had him spirited out of the country. No one is sure where Chad went. Some say South America, while others swear he’s on the Mediterranean. The stories do agree that he’s kept in grand style. George set him up with a Villa and a checking account courtesy of the American Taxpayer (and there by finding more worthwhile usages for the funds than saving rain forest frogs!).

A loose lipped old dumpling

Chad has been warned to keep his mouth shut about who he is and what he knows. If he talks too much then he could wind up as an anonymous gay male Marilyn Munroe! Since all he’s material needs are more than adequately met there’s really no reason for him to show his face. As long as he’s smart he can go on living like gay royalty! Yet having started life as a young up and comer Chad can’t help letting the story slip from time to time. That’s allegedly how the rumour has started coming to light. Chad knows he shouldn’t repeat this stuff but he likes the attention! Attention is harder to come by these days too, now that he’s been sequester from the rest of the world, and made so fat and complacent that he’s more Dumpy Chad than dimpled. The loose talk could be embarrassing, but even when it does get back to Big George, he refuses to do anything about it, except cut him another check. So the moral of the story is that if George W can overlook all that, then Barack Obama really shouldn’t feel any need to defend himself on the birth certificate issue, let alone the whole transvestite communist Vulcan Muslim thing! Although if he wants to it would make for some fantastic gossip!

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Momma Mia

a little tittle tattle


http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash2/hs307.ash2/58739_132335120146509_100001100654747_168261_7982493_n.jpgThe Gawker has caught everyone’s attention with a salacious bit of tittle tattle posted earlier today. According to their blind gossip item a major celebrity – barely an A Lister in their words – is a very sick customer. When they say sick they mean well beyond the usual Hollywood standards. This guy isn’t just content with anal sex, or to crap in chicks’ mouths, like the rest of those Walk of Fame perverts. This guy’s into a whole other ball of wax!

Don’t take my word for it. The exact piece posted went like this:

He calls his mates “mom” and sucks his thumb after sex. This famous ladies’ man’s girlfriend got knocked up to snag him and this pregnant celeb is having a test tube baby. Everyone has mommy issues!

1. “According to an ex-girlfriend of this A list movie actor (barely A list by the way), our actor likes to call the person he is having sex with, “mom” and also sucks his thumb after sex. Can you say disturbing?” [CDaN]

Man that’s some awful stuff! Though we might have expected this kind of stuff from Ronald & Nancy Reagan, we expect something more dangerous and exotic from our professional actors! Strangely not many people are asking who it could be. It’s as if folks already have some pretty strong ideas about who the Hollywood Mama’s Boy might be. Now Hollywood is spoiled for choice when it comes to selecting among deviants, however there’s just one name that shoots ahead of the rest when it comes to these sort of shenanigans.

The name of course is David Arquette and he was vocal on Howard Stern’s Sirius Radio about the mommy angle in his Courtney Cox relationship. He told Howie that Courts dumped him because she was tired of being his “Mommy“. Now we all took that to be figurative. You know the sort of thing; Dave was an immature and irresponsible oaf – like Homer Simpson – and Courts got tired of playing Marge. However as the following CNN video confirms, he did cry after sex.

http://i.cdn.turner.com/cnn/.element/apps/cvp/3.0/swf/cnn_416x234_embed.swf?context=embed&videoId=showbiz/2010/10/27/sbt.arquette.prenup.hln

No wonder Courtney dumped his sissy ass! That must’ve just gotten way too creepy after awhile. That’s so far beyond creepy that waking up post coitus on Dexter’s dissection table would be a relief in comparison to the crying and thumb sucking. Many people cry after sex, and even during and before. Also sucking is not an unknown occurrence. However what if this points to some kind of deeper issue. There’s a very short step from crying to thumb sucking. So could Mr. Arquette by the Gawker Mystery Weenie? Like we say here @ Wondertrashcelebrities are fucked up people!“. I wonder if Dave made Courtney spank him during sex, and if this sis something he picked up off of Brit Celebs? I hear that they’re all into that shit over there! Why couldn’t he be into normal kinky stuff, like every other pervert not on a sex offenders’ registry?

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Mischa Barton Steps Out

Mischa Barton is out and about. In fact she was recently spotted at the Larchmont Bungalow in Los Angeles to have dinner with a friend of the male persuasion. What really got attention though was Mischa eccentric and downright whimsical fashion statement. The DailyMail has described it as Alice In Wonderland. I don’t know how they explain the combat boots, ’cause that’s sheer Beverly Hillbilly!



Now here’s the answer to a question that’s been bothering celebrities, and ordinary folk, for ages, perhaps even decades! The question is “Can we change, or are we doomed to be ourselves?” The answer is that change is possible, but it’s very difficult. Even worse change involves a 5 point plan. The good news is that the plan is a series of over simplifications – you know like on Star Trek, where they’d overcome the greatest challenges by reversing the transporter beam, or linking the ship’s sensors to the universal translator. Let’s take a look at the following encouraging video about how you can become the person you’ve always wanted to be, or at least become some one new and different!

I hope that this doesn’t involve regular exercise!

http://www.viddler.com/player/e3f35c7f/

Wow – that sounds like hard work! In fact changing your personality sounds even harder than changing your diet; and you are what you eat! So maybe real change isn’t possible – apart from the kind of self sacrifice that went out with Lent, but the good news is that you can change the way you look! It’s good enough for celebrities, and 9 out of 10 cosmetic surgeons will say that it’s totally worth the money. However I’d recommend that you make this sort of life altering alteration slowly, and by stages. Start with a fabulous make over, then move on to losing weight and changing your wardrobe. Then one day, when you’re an Oprah Winfrey success story, you might be ready to go over board on the nips & tucks!

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Messing With Milla

cruel to be kind ’cause it’s easy to be hard

It would be easy to be hard on Halle Berry for driving another man out of her life. It would be easy because it’s her fault. If she can’t be blamed she’s probably still responsible. Yet she and Gabs were trying to make it in a town and an industry that isn’t organized around relationships and families so much as it is around 24 hour ego tripping. Even the most level headed can get ground down a bit. Like Milla Jovovich. Milla burst onto the scene at 18 with the release of her 1st album. Music was her first love and it showed – critics compared her to Tory Amis.

Milla flunks the 3rd temptation of Christ

Something else showed too, and that was that Milla was one of the few truly beautiful women in the entertainment business. So the sex sells crowd thought that there should be a way of making money off of that, Perhpas by getting Jovo into modeling and movies. Though Jovo has said that she never took modeling seriously, except as a way of paying the bill, she got herself talked into it.

ride her cowboy!

Eventually she got hooked up with 2nd husband Luc Besson. He envisioned an entire career of prestige pix with Milla in the lead and him holding the riens. Giddyup Go! Only problem was that Luc took to cheatin’ and Jovo wisely realized that the relationship wasn’t going to get any better and split.

She’s Milla inspite of herself

The Messenger 5th Element parts dried up as Jovo found herself busted down in rank to the B list. Still she was a serious actress who gave her roles everything that she had to give. Though her performance in Dummy was a little bit laboured at times, it’s still the best thing in the indie flick. It’s also the most memorable part.

Still Milla after all these years – She ain’t perfect, but she’ll do!

Other roles were to come as she won the respect of her collegues. Finally one fateful day she met curretn husband Paul Anderson after attenting a casting call for his Resident Evil project. The rest as they say is history. The couple are currently on their 5th instalment in the franchise. Milla also is managing the balancing act between mother wife and professional admirably, and inspite of where she lives and works!

stay hungry – just don’t ever get fat!

How ever things were bound to catch up with her sooner or later. She’s no spring chicken anymore. She gained and lost a ton of weight during her pregnancy. She also learned a little through that. People who used to be in awe of her – while she was beautiful, were giving her a hard time when she’d packed on the pounds. Milla herself has spoken in interviews about how sales ladies wound give her dirty looks when she’d go into the smart shops and then ask for sizes that they didn’t carry.

Resident Milla

She’s also burning the candle at both ends. She’s juggling a marriage, a child, and a career while in her mid 30’s. That’s bound to take it out of you. Maybe that’s why some of the advance posters for the next RE show Milla looking a little different then you might remember. In fact she`s no longer the girl you’ve seen in the movies! Let’s have a look see:

the pressure must be messing with Milla!

residentmilla

Evil Women: Milla Jovovich 2.0 & Resident Evil – TNG

Yikes! No lets not jump the gun and blame the work load. Hanging around with the comic con crowd was bound to rub off and nerd her up (Hear that Megan Fox!). So maybe it’s time to bring some one else into the franchise. Now where would Anderson & co. find a drop dead grogeous chick with brains, enthusiasm, and some action experience? Well Julia Voth has starred in Bitchslap. She was the scan/model the programmers based the Jill Valentine character on in the Resident Evil video games. Plus she has an uncanny resemblance to a young Milla. Taking her on in a supporting role – side kick capacity might give Voth the apprentice work she’s looking for & cut Milla some needed slack. She looks like she needs it. Get well soon Milla!

Julia Voth & Milla Jovovich

julia voth is milla jovovich 2.0

Now here’s more of Ms. Voth – go on and grab a closer look. You know you want to!


BTW don’t let those Follywood types have you thinking that there are no such things as zombies, ’cause that’s what they want you to think. It keeps you off guard. In fact Follywood is full of them, and even worse creatures of the imgaination!

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