Are You Ready?

Disclaimer – bullshit follows

Enthusiasm, paranoia, and other dopamine related states

The trouble with Tila Tequila is that she has no enthusiasm for paranoia! So she always sounds like she’s going through the motions or has made something up at the last minute! Of course no one else has much enthusiasm for paranoia lately. Part of the reason is that George W is no longer president – so wild explanations for what’s really going on are no longer as plausible, & so people have less patience for them. However George W ain’t solely to blame for the growth of the conspiracy movement. A drop in the quality of entertainment has also been responsible! After 10 years of Survivor, Dog the Bounty Hunter, & the Gosselins – who wouldn’t turn to conspiracy theories for some real entertainment. Even pro wrestling ain’t what it used to be – which explains Jesse Ventura’s defection from entertainment to politics and eventually into the alternative truth movement.

The game show goes on – did you remember to take your mean pills this morning?

Entertainment has been making some lame attempts to gain back ground. For instance I hear that there’s a new game show pilot based loosely on the old Truth or Consequences show.  Contestants will compete in random trails and tests for a chance to win cash and fabulous prizes like a trip to Mexico or a new car. A chance at a prize is the pay off for the contestants, and the mild risk and humiliation are the entertainment factor. It would be nice if you could find people silly enough to make spectacles of themselves for free – but most of those have been pout off by Reality TV. So there has to be some kind of a pay off to get the suckers to do it. It has a working title of “Beat the Shit” and is slotted into to replace another pilot game show series in which teams of couples compete against each other to answer questions about what their partners are really thinking, which was called “Package Deal“.

Think global play local?

That sounds like a lot of trouble just to rehash some old ideas on a retro angle. Retro is about 10 years out of date! Besides the weather is the greatest show in town now. The recent Hurricane Sandy had every one on the edge of their seats, and if they lived in New York possibly wearing a live preserver too! Weather has sparked some interest on various cable nets with shows like World’s Worst Storms, etc. Even Alex Jones recently confessed on his own very entertaining conspiracy program that he’s becoming a weather geek. So with weather becoming more unpredictable and demanding more attention why not cash in on that with a new weather network? Weather and weather girls have traditional be a min draw on local TV news.

weather jockeys and riders on the storm

Now this idea wouldn’t be the old airline stewardess in front of a green screen pointing at bad animations and talking about hi pressure systems in terms that would make the last days of Pompeii dull. This thing would be really jazzed up. First you hire some hot weather sluts who look like they’ve been tending bar at the local hot spot. Hip hot chicks with attitude! You get a real cool set with subdued studio lighting and lots of neon and fluorescent tracks running around! Then the gals can act as “weather jockeys” for independently produced weather related programing.

 weather busters

The programming would be Discovery Channel meets History Channel with a touch of MTV thrown in for good measure. There would be Mythbusters type shows on the science of weather, shows about the history of weather and warfare – that is how battles were determined as much by weather conditions as strategy and warcraft, programs on weather and gambling that show how weather conditions can give gamblers a bet edge on ball games and horse races, etc. Meanwhile these things are hosted by the usual array of hip, funny, and attractive hosts. Personality and original twists will sell it – like the old Hercules with Kevin Sorbo breathed life in to an old idea by repackaging something no one took seriously since the mid 60’s! BTW Attack of the Show just got canned so their might be a chance to pick up some personnel cheap.

When I say Oscar do you think “Award” or “the Grouch”?

This talk is depressing and must have TV fans as down. Never fear, because it’s not like they’ve announced “Twitter: the Series” yet. In fact, and by that I mean in fiction, my usual fictitious sources say that there are some promising ideas making their way down the pipe in TV land. TV execs have taken the entertainment situation in hand and are trying to steer things back towards more traditional entertainment formats. One idea involves pairing Bill Cosby and Phylicia Rashad again in a prime TV series about a husband and wife doctor and lawyer who solve crimes in the retirement! I’d have pout them in a sit com about a henpecked husband a crazy wife but no one asked me.

sit through shit

There’s also a very interesting return to the prime time soap planned by way of a mini series. It’s based loosely on those 6 month run South American soap operas, and this one is a doozy. It’s about a young woman who funds love in a coven of vampires. Every episodes involves a medical emergency and a court case! Viewers might have to sit through about 18 episodes before they find out whether the heroine stays  with her doctor boyfriend or runs away with the 300 year old vampire that sings in the goth band. Here’s a spoiler – the dishy gritty police detective is only a mild flirtation and not a serious love interest.

Angels make a come back again

It sounds pretty bad but there are some bright spots – like the new musical variety series hosted by the Victoria Secret Angels! Since these angels can’t really sing or anything I guess that they’ll fall into the variety category. Second thought maybe there are no bright spots in the current state of entertainment. There haven’t been for years.

wondertrash
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