This Week from the National Enquirer

It’s a new week and the National Enquirer has some new old news for you. Tom Cruise is falling apart on the cover. The NE Claims that he’s being dragged into a gay sex phone scandal. Plus a new book is threatening to tell all on his “twisted” love life. What’s more he’s being torttured over the new Suri custody battle!

Tom Cruise ain’t the only one having some marital issues.The Kris Kardashian divorce is heating up. Now nothing gets the presses running like a Kardashian divorce and this time Bruce Jenner is threatening Kris that he can “destroy” her. We’ll have to wait for the inevitable reality TV sereis based on the divorce to find out whether or not there’s any fire behind that smoke though.

It’s not all bad news on the love front though. Tiger Woods is allegedly offering ex Elin Nordgren a cool $200 million to take him back. Tiger used to be the greatest golfer in the world. That’s what allowed him to bag a bevy of hotties on the side. Then he got caught. That surprised his faithful wife Elin. It also surprised the world. Many people weren’t aware that successful golfers could bag more groupies than rock stars. The 1980’s was a decade that continues to shape us in so many ways. it also seemed to surprise Tiger who got nervous, then lost his nerve. After that he couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn with a shovel. So maybe he really is trying to woo Elin back, in some attempt to put his life back the way it was, The NE says that you won’t believe her answer.

There’s more to the NE than titillating cover stories. They claim that President Obama is involved in an ugly cheating scandal with a 35 year old Hollywood star. it’s so bad that the crisis has trigger 49 yr old first  lady Michelle Obama to have an extreme make over in her bid to save her marriage by looking just like her young rival! The NE promises to reveal who the actress is and what’s really going on in the President’s marriage!

Even celebrity cook Rachel Ray isn’t immune as the NE reveals she’s got caught up in a sex club scandal. Now before you get too upset it’s not Rachel who’s making the rounds but her husband John Cusimano who is allegedly a frequent flyer at New York‘s exclusive Checkmate Club. So I guess that you can infer that they play more than chess there. Anyway a former employee is writing one of those tell alls about celebrity participation at the club and Ray’s hubby has got named.

So the NE is working to a theme this week – love on the rocks. So at least give them credit for not covering the latest Robert Pattinson Kristen Stewart break up! Now go on and admit it – you want this for more than wrapping fish in! You’ll have to read if only to find out what really happened to Natalie Wood. Remember that the National Enquirer is the paper that isn’t afraid ot give you the shitty side of success. It’s a dirty job but some one’s gotta do it!

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