"Catwoman, an alien and a pirate"

What would Wondertrash be without a daily dose of celebrity superhero madness? Fortunately or not today is not the day when you have to answer that question, cause there’s superhero madness on tap! It seems that very recently – a that means last night – there was an incident outside the Hollywood Kodak theater that had everything going for it except possibly a sequel. The incident involved celebrity lookalikes, and even a costumed crusader!

It seems that on the night in question a group of street performers were out and doing there thing – which involved dressing up like the famous and iconic. There was an Ozzy Osbourne impersonator, and Jack Sparrow wannabe, and even a Catwoman. Somewhere along the line things took a weird turn. According to reports some drinking started and that’s when Catwoman’s claws came out.

Catwoman got riled up and pepper sprayed Capt Jack, along with Ozzy, and another performer dressed as an alien. Then – true to her criminal nature – the felonious feline of comic book infamy fled the scene. While police were busy trying to find everyone involved – and since no arrests have yet been made we can assume that they’re searching with out the aid of Batman – NBC4 cracked the case by getting an exclusive interview with Catwoman. Catwoman explained that she let her fellow performers have it cause they’d been drinking all day and were getting obnoxious. Erotica Villainess’s story was confirmed by a Willy Wonka impersonator.

Now here’s some footage of the weirdness!

http://media.nbclosangeles.com/designvideo/embeddedPlayer.swf

Anne Hathaway is skin tight tonight!

Speaking of Catwoman here’s Anne Hathaway debuting her new skin tight cat suit! BTW she hasn’t pepper sprayed anyone that we know of – but she did give a Dark Knight stunt man a black eye in a fight scene. Then she gave him a silver commemorative pen.

http://embed.5min.com/517168179/

While Dreamboat Annie is a knockout she seems more of a Hawkgirl than a Catwoman.

Down around the Kodak Theater celebrity impersonator street performers must’ve been getting passe. However if they keep up with the reality TV antics they just might boost their business – assuming that their business is attracting attention from passing gawkers! If they keep it up they might even be on the fast track to super hero rehab! As for you non professionals out there – remember that it doesn’t pay to mess with a chick in a cat suit (unless she’s that poor pathetic Erin Esurance who’s more or less out of work now and may even be resorting to porno!) – not even at Comic-con!


Celebrity Astrology – if you have a birthday this month then you have at least one thing in common with Sarah Palin and Paris Hilton (and I can’t wait for their eventual and inevitable reality TV show together, just as soon as they can decide which one is gonna run as VP candidate and which will take the lead)! Just don’t overdo the Aquarius connection cause one thing in common with those two might be more than enough!


PS. As mentioned former cartoon vixen Erin Esurance is in a sorry state. Once upon a time she was the hottest thing in online car insurance. There were even talks of spy girl spin offs. That was a while back. Since then she’s been sidelined and out of work. The long dry spell may be starting to get to the once indefatigable super heroine too, as her latest tweets sound kinda desperate, with mentions of insanity creeping in.

That rumored part time security guard gig really seems to have broken her spirit! Stay strong Erin, and stay out of rehab!

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Miranda Kerr as Wonder Woman on Grazia Magazine

I think you’re gonna love this, Miranda Kerr as Wonder Woman! – cause those satin tights are the down undies you like!

Now here’s Miranda in a short video to explain how she got herself into this super heroine-ish predicament!

In other news Seal fills Ellen DeGeneres in on the Heidi Klum situation.

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Wonder Woman Not Guilty!

Though it’s been years since Lynda Carter was Wonder Woman she still manages to get into the spotlight from time to time. She recently released that easy listening CD, that made it to No 10 on Billboard jazz charts. She’s done some stage work. Oh yeah, and she’s had her brushes with the law.

Now Wonder Woman is no stranger to brushes with the law – she did lead a life of crime on prime time TV. However her scraps went well beyond the campy antics of the beloved 70’s superhero series. In the 80’s her husband Robert Altman, Clark Clifford’s law partner – not the Hollywood producer, was implicated in some misdoings involving the BCCI. BCCI was an Arab fronted paper tiger bank that consisted mainly of sub corporations and pyramids schemes, but no actual assets. Altman was eventually found not guilty – much to Carter’s public delight. Cynics felt that the verdict was due mainly to hi powered Washington connections, an ace legal defense team that could’ve gotten OJ Simpson acquitted and then elected pope, and the fact that even forensic accountants couldn’t decipher what the hell was going on at BCCI. Still it never hurts to have a wonder woman in your corner!

Lynda settled back into the quiet life of a full time Washington power wife and part time singer/performer. She developed her cabaret act. She gave occasional interviews about her alter ego, and then, about 2 years ago she had another legal incident. That was when she discovered a dead body while punting on the Potomac. After first determining that there was no knife in the back & that it wasn’t anyone she knew – they play a rough game in Washington DC – she whipped out her handy dandy cell phone (the one accessory that DC Comics might have added to Diana’s recent couture shock costume change in issue 600 – so much more useful than a magic lasso!) and called the authorities. Though Lynda insisted that she only did what any one would do, the papers insisted on headlining the story as “TV Wonder Woman Real Life Hero!” Does the mainstream media think we’re stupid, or are they just really lazy?

Life is never dull for long for Lynda because she’s had yet another brush with the law. When she’s not entertaining the assorted movers & shakers in DC, Lynda likes to lead a more laid back life in Maryland. Part of the laid back life is having a really great dog at her side. Lynda likes big active dogs so she got herself a black lab.

“Ok, you got my attention!”

GIFSoup

Now Labs can be noisy. That’s where the trouble came in. One of Lynda’s neighbors, Chrissellene Petropoulos – either some old biddy who never watched a single episode of Wonder Woman in her life, or else some one seething with jealousy – phoned the cops and filed a barking dog complaint. That was after frequent complaints to Lynda through phone & email; plus complaints with animal services. Well Lynda had to go to court on that one – Montgomery County District Court. Fortunately her luck held up and the case was dismissed. Had Ms. Petropouilos been a more attentive viewer of 1970’s TV she might have realized that you don’t mess around with Wonder Woman cause you just won’t win!

Wonder Woman’s Just a Little Bossy

BTW enjoy more Wonder Woman @ Cover Browsers Wonder Woman! So indulge your Wonderlust by dropping by for a closer look. You know you want to!

Wonder Woman – Classical Ass!

“Why do people keep giving me a hard time about being wrong all the time just cause it’s my job to be accurate or something?” – The Adventures of Blunder Broad

Contessa Brewer MSNBC talks human breast cheese with guest

BTW she might be more of a Blunder Woman than a Wonder Woman, but Contessa Brewer is pretty hot. She’s also pretty hot under the collar, about bloggers mostly. She’s peeved because we in the alternative media keep pointing out her numerous blunders. Now it’s not like were making her out to be some kind of Ted Baxter or anything. It’s just that Contessa does have her moments (“breast cheese“!). Here’s Contessa sounding off about pesky bloggers and turning gaffs into networking opportunities!

http://c.brightcove.com/services/viewer/federated_f9/57408845001?isVid=1

Brewer’s balls up – Contessa has ’em & they’re in the air!

Love her ‘journalists against journalism’ angle – those bloggers reporting on her as she does on others, & preserving her many gaffs in perpetuity. Not that’s not true. We don’t preserve them, ’cause there are so many fresh ones on the way! My advice to Contessa – “Get over it babe!” You’re hot, you’ve got a great job, and no one expects you to solve world hunger or anything. We don’t even expect our elected officials to do that. Besides, you don’t see me getting hot & bothered when my many spelling and grammatical errors are pointed out, do you?

contessa brewer is a blunder woman

wondertrash

Mel Gibson more mama drama

Mel in the Family

If they still had those classic boozy celebrity roasts rife with crude humour and clumsy sarcasm, like the kind Dean Martin used to specialize in back in the early 70’s; then Mel Gibson would’ve been the superstar most likely to have been roasted, up to the past few years. He was a superstar of almost Rat Pack proportions. Nowadays he’s the celebrity most likely to get slow roasted over hot coals. Some of that has to do with his ex girlfriend/baby momma Oksana Grigorieva; and a lot of it has to do with the awful stuff Mel was caught saying on tapes that Grigorieva illegally made.

Hey Mel, Jesse James would like to thank you for getting the heat off of him!

Back in the days when Mel was still enjoying his booze fueled fling with the Plastic Russian, they’d fight all the time. Stuff that would make Britney & KFed look like Sunday school kids. Oksana often like to record these fiery exchanges; perhaps for sentimental value, or maybe it has some thing to do with her being Russian (you know how they were for secret recordings, especially back in the old days). Anyway a lot of stuff got said and recorded, usually while Mel was drunk of his head. Stuff like Oksana’s “a pig in heat who should be raped by a pack of niggers“.

stupid like a fox

Naturally the tapes were source of concern for Mel (He was concerned that the tapes existed, not that he’d actually said the stuff – big difference. Mel might make movies about Jesus Christ but he “ain’t stupid, if you know what I mean” Savvy men of the world are always more sorry about getting caught than about what they’ve done.). Similar comments made by Sandra Bernhard about then vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin effectively ended the mediocre comedienne’s successful career (without in any way impacting on Sarah Palin’s momentum). So Mel went to court and had the tapes banned.

Well some how the tape got leaked to the media sources – radaronline and TMZ. That’s how we know about he ‘pig in heat’ comments. Reps of both outlets listened to the tapes in their entirety. Though they wouldn’t publish them, fearing their own legal liability in posting tapes that had been banned by the court; reps of the agencies did vouch did vouch for the content, with plenty of quotable quotes.

TMZ would like to ask if you’ve stopped beating your girlfriend yet?

The latest bombshell, which might be the one that decisively sinks Mr. Heartthrob’s battle ship, was one recently referred to by the usual Internet sources. The bombshell is an admission by Mel, on tape, that he beat Grigorieva. On the tape a teary Grigorieva is asking Mel how he can strike a woman holding a child twice in the face. Mel responds “you fucking deserved it!” It seems to be the ‘you fucking deserved it‘ comment that has many of Mel’s former female fans ready to break out the razor blades on iodine on his sorry hide.

Braveheart – from heart breaker to face breaker

It get’s worse. This argument was the one during which Oksana supposedly got her front teeth knocked out. Mel’s people are denying that any kind of violence ever took place. However there is supposedly a DVD out there some where floating around like a mine at sea, which shows Oksana’s bloody and bruised face following a Mel Gibson attack. Mel’s people are supposedly desperately trying to verify the existence of the tape, locate it, and then terminate it’s potential as a threat. Sounds very CIA doesn’t it? Can’t really blame him. As Chris Brown could tell him, pictures speak much louder than words!

Oksana Grigoreiva has officially denied through TMZ & Radaronline, that she leaked the tapes. She did say that she began making them after Mel made repeated threats on her life.

Michael Lohan: Dining out on bad parenthood

Mel isn’t the only celebrity in a world of grief these days. Lindsay Lohan has finally got sentenced to 90 days in jail, plus 90 days in rehab. While Dina broke down in court, shrieking “Why, why, why?” – because you’re daughter is a drug addict who endangers the lives of others every time she gets behind the wheel of a car – and insisting that this was “so not fair to my child” & that’s true cause it should’ve happened years ago; Michael Lohan hit the bars, Hours after the sentencing he was pictured living it up @ The Saddle Ranch. That’s reputedly the wildest bar on Sunset Strip! I’m sure that Michael just needs to blow off some grief so that he can keep up his hectic schedule of media conferences & press releases.

michael lohan lives it up at the Saddle Ranch on Sunset Strip hours after Lindsay Lohan's sentencing

irresponsible combinations

As for Lindsay, she’s been getting some help keeping it together. Lindsay had some dental work a little while back. It was a wisdom tooth procedure. Now you know how risky these things can be with celebrities. It was a wisdom tooth extraction that allegedly sent Mischa Barton to the psych ward on a 5150 hold order (filed by her mother?). Lindsay is a sensitive soul, so her dentist made sure that she was loaded up on goodies to see her through the trying weeks ahead, namely Dilaudid & amphetamines. Dilaudid is 3x more powerful than morphine!

Dilaudid & amphetamines seem like an irresponsible combination to give to a desperate and unstable woman at the time of her sentencing, but give the dentists a break. Lindsay is too old for a lollipop, unless it’s a Fentanyl lolli. Just keep you fingers crossed for Lindsay during the next few weeks, cause Dilaudid + amphetamines is a recipe for an overdose!

BTW a heads up to Olivia Munn fan’s. Olivia, occasionally featured int his very blog, has her new book out soon. This after getting a walk on in Ironman 2 (she was the reporter at the Stark Expo), and after being the rumoured choice to play Wasp in the upcoming Batman! She’s a busy gal. She also regularly makes the men’s mag’s 100 hottest chick lists! Keep appraised of Munn’s book news through her twitter account Oliviamunn!

Had DC only realized what a rich vein of subtle self parodying humour could be found in Wonder Woman (like Superman back in the golden days when the comic was basically a situation comedy instead of a graphic novel narrative!), then they might have avoid the recent issue 600 major overhaul!

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Trainwrecks in training or celebrities of tomorrow today?

http://www.viddler.com/player/a20696d1/

addictive behavior + borderline personality = celebrity personality disorder!

The bizarre behavior of celebrities is well documented. In fact some one should probably do a book on celebrity & aberrant psychology. They could even coin a new diagnostic classification: Celebrity Personality Disorder. The disorder would be marked by pronounced tendencies to narcissism, risk taking, self destructive behavior, and of course monomania and the standard delusions of grandeur.

up up and away; make room for the crowd

These qualities aren’t restricted to household names. The would be famous exhibited the same disturbing characteristic. Take Balloon Boy’s Dad Richard Heene, or Octomom Nadya Suleman. They both went a long way to trade for their 15 minutes of fame: Octotwat getting PS to look like a bargain basement Angelina Jolie, then moving on to rent out her womb for convention space; and Heene who claimed to have lost his child in a UFO shaped weather balloon after discovering that sending the boy off in an actual UFO would be unfeasible.

Fame American Style – I’ll drink to that

As a matter of fact these tendencies may not be a side effect of celebrity but basic to the condition. People with over the top, too close to the edge personalities tend to attract attention. When they do it’s just a matter of cashing in. It’s child’s play – as in the case of the most famous American toddler in the world. Let’s have a look as the following clip featuring some one who might one day be a major celebrity – God forbid – Beer Drinking Baby!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32545640

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32545640

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Milkoholics and beer babies

Is this the next Lindsay Lohan? The world’s already watching and that’s a bad start (According to Cosby). The world might be watching you to, if you’re foolish enough to film your own crime spree, or next sexual encounter; and then post it to youtube. Wouldn’t it be even better if you didn’t, though? So if you have an impressible urge to express yourself, especially around the lime light, and a head full of issues, who knows. You might find yourself in a wondertrash way of life!

BTW Speaking of Lindsay Lohan her scram bracelet went off during the recent MTV Awards. There’s no word on whether this was a false alarm, a deliberate attempt to get Lohan in trouble by say spelling a drink on her leg, or whether Ms. Lohan had a moment of weakness. You’ll be hearing more about his fast developing story soon, probably from Lindsay’s publicist, or lawyer. Which one will depend on how much shit she’s in.

You read it here first!

Regular readers will remember that Wondertrash posted, a few days back, that Twilight’s Kristen Stewart was seriously considering the role Megan Fox was too good for – Wonder Woman. Well now there’s some serious confirmation on that by way of UGO.com & Comic-con!


It might be only 5% actually happening, but it’s 50% virtually happening & with 65% “Twilight Breakout Actress” starring – that’s good enough for any rumor!

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"children of superheroes rise up to average among their peers"


celebrities are super wonder people

Most gods have the manners and morals of a spoiled child.
Robert Heinlein

We’re always more concerned with some one else’s manners than with our own.
~Boguszen

Gary Coleman’s death comes as the most recent wave in a long series of hi profile celeb kid fuck ups. Now the famous young and the young of the famous seem to start out with one foot over the finish line: important parents, wealth, connections etc. Yet they’re usually in shit before 18. If a celeb kid grows up to be a average sensible person then other people are impressed. “So you’re not in prison or rehab – wow!'” So what’s going wrong? If celeb kids start out with one foot over the finish line then it’s as if the other foot is caught on something. There’s the rub.

rich kids & star babies

It points out something that we don’t like to face about success. We like to believe all that glitters is gold. So when celeb kids go haywire we blame them for fucking up. It couldn’t be a problem with success – as we define success, which is pretty narrowly. Yet the incidence of rich kid & star baby messes is too frequented for there not to be some kind of relationship.

thought experiment theater

Maybe this can be made more acceptable if put in the form of a ‘thought experiment’. How many of you wanted your dad to be Superman, when you were young? It’s seems like a great deal. No one will ever pick on you cause no one can whip your pappy. Plus you get to participate in the adventure and heroism. You’re Jimmy Olson – Superman’s pal!

Strangers without candy

Yet imagine, for the sake of our thought experiment that Superman had a child by Wonder Woman. Would that not be the most fucked up person on the planet or what? You can almost imagine them as an unemployed 30 something slacker bitching and whining in their support group. It might even sound something like this:

the adventures of XRay!

I grew up with everyone telling me how lucky I was to have my parents. It was like I couldn’t get it through to them that maybe they were better off. I mean you just try sneaking a girl into the house when your 14 and your dad has X-Ray vision. “Mamma come here! I saw the boy sneaking a girl into his room, but he’s hidden her some where and now he’s denying it!” “Don’t worry Pappa. This is a job for the lasso of truth!” The next summer I was in regular therapy. Not that I blame being tied up by my mom in front of my girlfriend is what triggered that! That tends to happen when you Mom’s an Amazon.

Or just try getting away with anything behind their back. For instance when our class had the big party I wanted to go. Mom and Dad forbade it. I tried explaining that all the other kids were going. That’s when Dad replied, “Oh yeah – all the other kids? Well what if I use my super speed to create a low pressure vortex directly above the town? The resulting rain storms will make sure that “all the other kids” aren’t going!”

The first thing I heard in class next day was “Way to get your father to screw up our party Fail Out Boy!” After that I wound up eating lunch every day alone in the washroom locked in a toilet stall. Of course I was never what you’d call popular before that.

“Diana please stop making a scene or this is the last time we visit your mother!”

celebrities are super wonder people

Superman Family Values

I guess the only question left for the therapist to ask is whether Super Wonder Boy ever got laid? That’s the same question that people are asking now about Gary Coleman. So whatever we may or may not think about the advantages that money and trouble can bring, I might just say that “Crystal Bowersox dodged an enormous bullet last night & in spite of herself!”

Wondertrash goes boguszen:

Money can’t buy happiness, but allows a choice of misery

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
–Albert Einstein

Some people think they are worth a lot of money just because they have it.
–Fannie Hurst, writer (1889-1968)

Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
–Erma Bombeck, humorist (1927-1996)

She lacks confidence, she craves admiration insatiably. She lives on the reflections of herself in the eyes of others. She does not care to be herself.
–Anais Nin

I’d rather be a failure in something that I love than a success in something that I don’t.
–George Burns

Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
–Winston Churchill

A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience.
–Miguel de Cervantes

Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is writing a book.
-Marcus Tullius Cicero, statesman, orator, and writer (1066-43 BCE)

The mind covers more ground than the heart but goes less far.
–Chinese Proverb

What are you so shocked about? Can’t you listen to chords without knowing their status and destination? Where do they come from? Whither are they going? What does it matter? Listen: that’s enough.
–Claude Debussy, French composer

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
–Albert Einstein

Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex and more violent. It takes a touch of genius and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.
–Albert Einstein

Einstein’s three rules of work:
1. Out of clutter, find simplicity.
2. From discord, find harmony.
3. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
–Voltaire

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Wondertrash has a brush with Britney?

Britney Spears & bogus zen

A few days ago a friend of mind posted a Britney Spears liveleak video to his youtube account, so that I might use it on my blog. It was the What Britney Spears Really Sounds Like On Stage.flv video. Well my friend informs me that sometime last night he received a terse response on the comments section of the video – simply “liar”. It was posted @ about 1 AM and is listed as from

QueenPopBritneyTv. That’s Britney’s official youtube presence.
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