Curious George & Dimpled Chad

the President is still allegedly American
conspiracy theories and the “other” Mrs. Obama

President Barack Obama has been getting some grief from conspiracy theorists since he was elected. The most notable theory but by no means the only one is that Barack Obama was born in Kenya, and so is ineligible to be President based on not being native born. It’s not the only one. Other theories say that Obama is a Muslim, and atheist, a socialist, and a Vulcan from Krypton. One theory even purports that Obama is not actually black – but an attractive white woman who began impersonating a black man when she first decided to position herself for the presidency. The idea was that since Hillary Clinton had the chick vote sown up, an another angle was needed. While that is an intriguing theory, I think that it was probably dreamed up by someone who watched White Chicks too often while stoned.

A good offensive defense

The sad thing is that the President, if I may call her that, has felt the need to start addressing this issues; which by her own words are unworthy of comment. Barack Obama, with Michelle at his side, appeared on Oprah a little while ago to assure the American People that he is in fact an American, and that Donald Trump was no better than reality TV’s version of a carnival barker. Though Donald was much gratified by the mention.

I can’t tell the difference – these faked alien birth certificates are just as good as our real earth ones!

Though Oprah never once doubted him, I guess he felt that others needed reassurance. Not everyone is a graduate in The Course in Miracles, like Oprah; so their faith might need support. Just like the Apostles on the Sea of Galilee. To that end Obama also produced evidence of himself – not in the form of bread and fishes, but in the form of a Hawaiian birth certificate dated Aug 5 1961. Not that any one believed it. It was quickly picked apart on the Internet where some of the more committed among the lunatic fringe quickly analysed it for evidence of improper extra terrestrial tamper. Of course the birth Certificate came out clean. Since the aliens are years ahead of the human race technologically (they only lag behind us in bloody mindedness, which built this planet; and along with our atmosphere is our best defence against space invaders) this doesn’t prove anything. Maybe we just aren’t advanced enough to detect the signs of their technological interference in much the way that we’re still trying to decipher the hidden meaning of crop circles using the Enigma Code, with pi as a key (Steven Spielberg did suggest that they use music as a possible basis for decoding “Just like my ET!”, but the scientific community didn’t take him too seriously. The idea would’ve had more credibility coming from former physicist James Avatar Cameron).

Coming Soon

The probably with going on the defensive that way is that you never know when to stop until you’ve past the point of no return. In public figures that can be bad. Tom Cruise was off the couch and on the way home without realizing the damage he’d done to his image on Oprah (Some one should’ve got the President to watch that episode when he decided that appearing on Oprah would clear things up). First Obama’s showing his birth certificate, next he’s peeing in a cup on Livestream – like Charlie Sheen. What would come next? Perhaps some lively Sheen’s Korner type channel on youtube, featuring the President directly addressing the American People with frequent updates on his personal life. Since his personal life is no where near as colourful as Charlie’s he should skip that. The closest thing he has to a goddess is wife Michelle and she’s been camera shy ever since she got shit for touching the Queen. “Come here and say ‘hi’ Michelle.” “Barry no.” “Oh go, on we’re on youtube!” Of course if the Pres starts addressing the Vulcan Muslim atheist issue, or pulling down his pants to prove that he is in fact a man then we’ll know that he’s gone too far; though become way more interesting!

The Nobel Award for outstanding motion picture achievement in sanctimonious high mindedness!

In this one thing at least Obama would’ve done well to have taken a page from the Book of Bush. If you’ll recall Bush was never supposed to be President either – but you didn’t hear him defending himself. He was never supposed to be pres because he stole the election – allegedly. It happened down in the state of Florida where George stole about 300 votes from Al Gore (the democratic Party’s Dan Quayle and way too interested in rain forest frogs to be relevant to tax payers, though the Motion Picture Academy and the Nobel Prize Committee liked him well enough – give those two esteemed bodies something in common!), and he did it with the help of some one called Dimpled Chad.

the Ballad of Dimpled Chad

Now I’m not sure who Dimpled Chad is, but I gather that he’s a kind of gay G Gordon Liddy. His secret identity as a gay adult film star made him a highly valuable CIA asset (like John Erik Hexum on Cover Up!). It may have been in his capacity as a spy, and not as a gay porn star, that he first got in touch with the Bush clan. Although there are those who say that he first ran into Bush family members at Bohemian Grove, during one of that club’s “no girls allowed” annual naked wing dings. The Bush Family quickly found him handy for dirty work of various kinds, and Dimpled Chad found himself on the way up in the world. However after the Florida Election Caper he found himself in too compromising a position. As daytime talk show hosts clamoured to get a piece of him, he disappeared into obscurity before he had fully emerged from it.

Bush whacked!

No one is quite sure what ever happened to Dimpled Chad. Some say that he had become too dangerous. George had him whisked away to CIA HQ for some Stan Smith American Dad style brainwashing/reprogramming. That didn’t work out and Chad had to be hospitalized long term after cracking up and starting to go “Andrew Cunanin”. Others say that George had him sold to Indonesia organized crime, as a horse collared gay sex slave. Others say that he was reprogrammed with top secret technology and is now a straight Mormon elder with no recollection of his previous life (except for that brief flicker he gets every time some well established Mormon says he’s seen him some where before, “on TV or something right?”). Still others say that Bush just had him whacked!

Deep dimpled cover

Now I’ve heard that the actual story is that Bush didn’t have him whacked – for old times sake. Though it would’ve been safer to whack him Bush retained a soft spot for the sexy young man who helped him rig an election and become both the most powerful & the most dangerous man on planet earth! Besides, sine Chad was instrumental in setting in motion a course of events that lead to the execution of Saddam Hussein, or at least a buck toothed imposture in the place of Hussein, the world owned Chad. So he had him spirited out of the country. No one is sure where Chad went. Some say South America, while others swear he’s on the Mediterranean. The stories do agree that he’s kept in grand style. George set him up with a Villa and a checking account courtesy of the American Taxpayer (and there by finding more worthwhile usages for the funds than saving rain forest frogs!).

A loose lipped old dumpling

Chad has been warned to keep his mouth shut about who he is and what he knows. If he talks too much then he could wind up as an anonymous gay male Marilyn Munroe! Since all he’s material needs are more than adequately met there’s really no reason for him to show his face. As long as he’s smart he can go on living like gay royalty! Yet having started life as a young up and comer Chad can’t help letting the story slip from time to time. That’s allegedly how the rumour has started coming to light. Chad knows he shouldn’t repeat this stuff but he likes the attention! Attention is harder to come by these days too, now that he’s been sequester from the rest of the world, and made so fat and complacent that he’s more Dumpy Chad than dimpled. The loose talk could be embarrassing, but even when it does get back to Big George, he refuses to do anything about it, except cut him another check. So the moral of the story is that if George W can overlook all that, then Barack Obama really shouldn’t feel any need to defend himself on the birth certificate issue, let alone the whole transvestite communist Vulcan Muslim thing! Although if he wants to it would make for some fantastic gossip!

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Dr Laura: Livin’ on the air

Disclaimer: The following story was given to me by an unnamed source, so it’s probably untrue, which is to say false.

strong opinions & sharp wit

Once upon a time and on your local radio station Dr Laura Schlessinger was the biggest deal in AM talk radio. She’s a bright energetic woman, not shy about her strong opinions, and articulate enough to match wits with the best. She got herself a major audience quick. That got her some major success in life. Success brought a lot of opportunities, like the chance to publish her numerous, preachy self help type books based on the kind of thinly disguised moralizing that she became famous for. “Who ever said ‘judge not’ should’ve asked me! I could’ve set them straight!”

from the mountain top to Sirius by way of the far side of the moon – The Dr is in & out

As her radio show became a bully pulpit, Dr S. got even less shy with those strong opinions. Sometimes the higher up the mountain you climb the better the view is. Other times it leads to a hard fall. A hard fall is what Dr Laura took when she flipped out on the air and said some stuff she shouldn’t have. After that she left the mountain top and took a detour from the promised land into the wilderness of Sirius satellite radio. She used to enjoy the kind of command and control that Capt Kirk would’ve envied. These days she’s down to about 6000 Twitter followers.

Traits of highly effective reptilians

A reversal of fortune can be hard to take. Especially when you’re used to having your own way. In willful people this can have some strong reactions. They can lapse into defensiveness, paranoia, or develop odd obsessions. Dr S is particularly strong willed, so the sudden change in the winds of fortune have blown particularly ill for her. In fact it’s lead to a strange consolation. Dr Laura has become a WKRP fan.

“It could happen to anyone so why don’t they understand?”

It’s not that unusual since the show is about radio and Dr S has spent a major part of her highly effective career in the medium. There’s more to the story however. Dr Laura used to be at the top of her game. Then she got in trouble for saying shit on the air. After that she was exiled from mainstream broadcasting. Friends reminded her that this is an occupational hazzard in radio. It’s happened to people like Don Imus. Somewhere along the way some one joked that it even happened to Dr Johnny Fever. That’s where things started to go down hill for Laura sanity wise.

Dr Laura & the parallax view

Dr Laura started watching the show on DVD. Maybe the humour gave her some release from the strain. However she also began identifying with the Dr Fever character. She saw a strange parallel between her own situation and that of Dr Fever’s. He’d been LA’s top DJ and then got banished to Ohio after saying “booger” on the air. After that he was left to waste away playing elevator much in the lowest rated station in Cincinnati. “Just like me!” Dr S has been overheard to say, when discussing the show with her friends (Since it’s the only thing she talks about some days friends are tired of hearing about it). “We’re both Dr’s!” she’s even blurted, in some of her more confused moments.

Livid on the air – those were the days

This has lead to her present sad and sorry state. When Dr S isn’t fielding callers on her Sirius show – often the same caller brought back for two or three days in a row to make up for the lack of fresh callers – she’s holed up in a small room of spacious mansion, alone in the dark watching & WKRP with a bottle of gin beside her. Of course her hero is Johnny and she brightens up whenever he appears on screen. “Booger booger booger!” she will some times drunkenly mutter to herself and then giggle mischievously.

Laura loves Johnny – she’s got the fever!

This is peculiar to say the least. It’s got friends worried. At first they led it slide. She was in the dumps and they cut her some slack. They started to get worried when she began writing and emailing Howard Hessman – the actor who played Johnny. First she told him how much she enjoyed the show, how much it helped her, and what a great actor she thought he was. Then the letters got creepier. Dr Laura began asking him to appear on her radio show as a guest. She even started inviting him to her home. When she began telling him that he was one of the few people that could understand exactly what she was going through, and that it’s like they were soul mates, the alarms bells went off. Friends began worrying about ‘cyber stalking’ & discussing an intervention.

a slim chance of lime light at the end of the shit tunnel – it’s slime light!

Some of Dr Laura friends even took the step of reaching out to Dr Drew. They thought that he might be able to help her. He’s an ambitious & hi profile teleshrink so he would be able to relate. Besides the chance to appear on celebrity rehab might perk her up a bit. Dr S is used to the lime light and misses it desperately. So appearing on reality TV might get her out and talked about again. Plus the slim chance of possible career revival might boost her sagging spirits. It could be a glimmer of light at the end of the shit tunnel.

a dose of reality for sympathetic bitches

Dr S herself even warmed to the idea after friends explained that it was like Heather Mills on Dancing With the Stars. “Well, if it could make that bitch sympathetic imagine what it could do for me!” Laura beamed. Alas it was not to be. When Dr Drew eventually got back to Laura’s people his terse response was “I wouldn’t be in the same room with that over bearing pushy broad if we were both Judging American Idol!” So maybe he is enough like Laura to relate – though I never said it takes one to know one.

wastin’ away again in Margarita-ville

Anyway the rejection has Laura in an even worse way. She’s hitting the gin bottle harder than ever. She spends her days holed up in her TV room watching her favourite shows as the garbage pills up higher around her. The once stylish room is rapidly turning into a dank snake pit. She refuses to see or talk to anyone except he pizza delivery boy, & lives life out through her shows and through booze.

From Fever to Nessman! “There’s a reasonable explanation for this – I’m a conspiracy victim!”
 Wonder Woman is a tin foil hat wearing conspiracy victim

Friends do say there is some sign of change, if not hope. She’s cooling on Dr Fever. Though friends are glad to see the emphasis shift, unfortunately it’s in the direction of conspiracy theories. Dr. S’s new fair haired boy is Texas wild man Alex Jones, and she spends most of the day listening to his on line radio show, down loading his material on line, and posting on his Infowars message board under an assumed identity. She’s even working up the nerve to approach Alex about a possible tet e tet. “He’s into celebs,” she says, “so he’ll talk to me! We can help each other!” (Dr Laura still speaks in exclamation points, so she’s not too far gone) Hopefully she’s not riding for another fall, or the next stop will be UFO and Comicon conventions! I prefer to see the bright side. Look for Dr Laura to re emerge as the host of a conspiracy related radio program sometime in the not too distant future! I can hardly wait for her next “Habits of Highly Effective Reptilians” book!

BS. Now Dr. Laura did say some bad shit on the air. It wasn’t cleared by her excuse either. The fact is that a woman called in looking for help and Laura used it as an opportunity to make some kind of ‘free speech’ political point. Whether or not you believe that her point was valid, wrong, or somewhere in between; it was neither the time nor the place. That’s especially true when she’d tell anyone else in a similar predicament that you have the right not to have anyone in your home who’s ‘crazy, dangerous, or seriously annoying‘ – her standard line.

Still it’s worth considering that from time to time stuff happens. When you work in the media it’s your job to talk. when your mouth is open that much sooner or later your foot’s gonna find it’s way in there. That’s just the law of averages. To illustrate let’s take a look at this amusing news blooper reel!

Embarrassing mishaps are the typo’s in the blog of life!

PS. Now here’s a little something for Calvin’s Canadian Cave of Cool. Wondertrash gets a fair amount of traffic via the Cave of Cool, so it’s only fair.

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Dreamboat Annie is a knock out!

actress reverts to feral state!

Annie Hathaway’s most recent role is as Catwoman in the up coming Batman. She’s taking the role very seriously too. In fact it might be bringing out the young lady’s feral steak. Anne was sparring with one of the stunt men a got so involved in her erotica villainess role play that she shoved the but of a gun right into the poor man’s eye. Naturally that gave him a headache and a hell of a shiner! Anne seemed rattled by her sudden surge of enthusiasm and of course tried to make nice. Being gracious to the hired help is part of what makes her the class act that she is. The guy reassured her that it was okay, too. however Annie felt the need to go the extra mile. She bought the injured fall guy a silver pen complete with an engraved inscription -“remember no one packs a punch like Anne Hathaway“. It’s a little keepsake to remember her by, after the swelling goes down!

feral cats & repeat offenders!

Trouble is that this isn’t Anne first incident. back when she was doing Bride Wars with Kate Hudson (member her?), there was an altercation on the set. The pair were filming a fight seen and Anne got a little carried away. Apparently she smacked Hudson a little harder than the script called for. Now the gossip rags wrote this up as an amusing incident that was only a part of the scripted scene. Ting is that Kate had been riding Anne pretty hard about her ‘loser boyfriend’ at the time Raffaello Follieri (a name Anne probably hopes that she’ll never hear again, and probably won’t as long as the poor sod is rotting away in his 8 x 12!)! “Loser boyfriend” were Kate’s words.

Catwoman’s life of crime

By way of back story, though everyone still remembers, Raf was a high flying Italian entrepreneur who was making a mint off of naive American business men by telling them that he was selling Church real estate on the sly for the Vatican. One of the folks he cheated was Ron Buckle, a billionaire who runs some kind of dept store chain. in addition to that he was also a good buddy of Bull Clinton, and sank a ton into both Bull’s campaign and that of his wife Hilary. In fact when Bull hang’s out in LA he’s stays at the Buckle estate, when he’s not crashing with David Geffen! The Buckle connection got Raf and Annie invited to many White House to do’s before everything went horribly wrong!

a brief history of catfights

Anyhow Kate was teasing Anne about this, as girls are wont to do. Next thing you know there was smack across the kisser with plenty of snots and tears following! Though everyone said that it was a stunt gone wrong, when you have estrogen and boy talk and then punch comes to shove, who can say? You’ve all been through high school so you know how it is. Many people figured that Anne might have deliberately hauled off and nailed her. Since Kate was the hot young actress of the day, and getting so carried away with that she was strutting around like her shit didn’t stink, most people were willing to give Anne a pass on it. Believe me that the blind eye came with a friendly wink and a smile!

violent femmes – “It was my PMS, I swear!

The thing is that the most recent occurrence makes this Anne’s second, that we know off. Fact is that we don’t know how many people she may have clobbered that we’ve never heard about! As far as we know pretty Annie might be prowling around hoped up on Starbucks, Red Bull, and who knows what, until she’s like Britney Spears channeling Mike Tyson. Before you know it she’s crazier than Bjork at the airport check in line!Meanwhile the whole thing gets covered up – as usual – to protect a major Hollywood asset, and MK Ultra monarch slave (Anne is currently being programmed with kitten scripting – see Fritz Springmeier!). Though that keeps the carpet from getting pulled out from under her career, as Linda Hogan would put it; it prevents her from getting the help she needs. That’s just what happened to Megan Fox with her Tourette’s Syndrome, and both Mischa Barton and Heather Locklear with their secret drinking. Now you might say that I’ve got my tin foil hat on too tight, but you’ve got to admit that it looks like Annie has some impulse control issues. Let’s put it this way – don’t piss her off or Annie will knock you the fuck out!

wondertrash

Shannon "Tweed off" with Gene Simmons


http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32545640

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Jon & Kate didn’t make it. Neither did Hulk Hogan & whatshername – you know, that greedy old bitch who looks like Dog Duayne Chapman’s wife and screwed a 23 year old pool boy – She Hulk. So has reality TV claimed another marriage? Looks like that Family Jewels couple Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed might be hitting a rough patch. Or at least that’s what they’re saying publicly. With their son and daughter pretty much grown and out of the house Shannon has pretty much had enough of Gene’s constant fucking around philandering ways. Though she knew he was a rock star with a 12 inch tongue when she didn’t marry him, she claims that she’s your average wide eyed, naive, ex Playboy bunny, and thought that some how marrying a satanic rock star would be a fairy tale come true. In what Monarch mind controlled brain washed delusion baby?

TV Bunny gets hopping mad on camera

Apparently it was some pictures of Gene out with younger prettier bunnies that has Shannon’s tweed (since she’s from Newfoundland I assume that her tweed is herring bone) rubbed the wrong way. As you could see in the above clip Shannon is pretty worked up and maintained her pique for the reality TV crew that follow the couple everywhere. Shannon also managed to appear on the Kathy Lee & Hoda (Hoda sounds like one of those banned diet aids) with her despised common law significant other – partner I believe is the accepted term for some one you’re doing long term but not formally committed to – to promoted their reality TV show and impending potential bust up. They traded some cute barbs too. So Shannon ain’t exactly sharing a Kleenex box with Huma Abedin over their respective wayward wieners. IN fact the lady seems all business!

full disclosure or plausible deniablity?

So that has folks of the cynical variety – like Internet bloggers between UFO disclosure posts – speculating about the reality of this reality TV. Could Shannon and Gene really be on the outs after 20 odd years – and odd they must have been – of a fairly stable and highly successful partnership?? Could some pictures of Gene-O out and about with a couple of random floozies but not pictured in any incriminating positions really have gotten her goat? Maybe with the kiddies grown and flown she’s ready to pull the usual maneuver of pulling the plug on a relationship that’s outlived it’s usefulness, then cashing in on alimony and community property as a show biz bride’s retirement package! Any of these options might be plausible, if reality TV wasn’t as scripted and staged as pro wrestling!

Sounds like a publicity stunt

The consensus among the skeptics is that this is just some ploy to hype up their already popular and well liked series. For one thing marital domestic fireworks might be a gimmick to get folk to keep watching. For another it take s a couple on pretty firm ground get on TV and pretend to jab at each other. If there were any real friction there then the sparring could well bleed over into unmanageable animosity. Besides, Gene is fresh of playing a concert down in Newfoundland. As stated that’s Shannon’s birth place, and rumors on the rock was that he did the show as a favor to the missus. So I’m calling bullshit on the dog & pony act, unlike Sarah Palin’s hotly denied separation. If those two are still together now then I doubt that either is going anywhere. At least it’s entertaining bullshit. With a couple as likeable as those two, viewers will probably play along with the corny play acting.

Bogus bust ups

P.S. Here’s a hint about how you can tell when a bust up is bogus or for realz. When German adult film actress Xenia Seeberg -best known from Lexx and some widely view porno type flicks, separated from her husband Sven Martinek the shit came to blows. Xenia is a black belt in Tae Kwon Do. So when the pair showed up at the Berlin premier of Inglorious Basterds they not only showed up separately, but Sven showed up wearing sun glasses and an eye patch! Apparently Xenia got riled a beat the snot out of the poor man while in one of her kung fu fits! Now if violence ain’t for real then it certainly gets points for realism!

Dave knows a creepy thing or two

Now here’s part 2 of Hollywood & MK Ultra. Betcha didn’t know that the real reason Joaquin Phoenix went cuckoo was because his brain washing backfired. That’s when they sent him to Dr. Dave. Letterman knows a thing or two about handling slaves, that is if the blackmailer’s stories can be believed!

http://www.youtube.com/get_player
proceed at your own risk!


BTW this won’t need pointing out to the observant among you, but in the above Gene Simmons Shannon Tweed simulated fight video, Gene is shown flashing the Illuminati hand sign at one point. Now that hand sign has been seen everywhere lately and everyone from George W to Betty White to Justin Bieber to Prince William has been seen making it. Just for your information the technical name of that particular occult gesture is the Baphomet Sign.

“Hello Princess – Brown Levi 2003 11A!”

More on the occult: a helpful hint for those of you trying to pick up a little action is that Monarch sex slaves, such as Paris Hilton, can sometimes be triggered using the code phrase “Hello Princess“. This activates their Monarch Mind Control Brain Programming. Once the trigger phrase is used, princess, whomever she may be, will have the bit in her teeth and be ready to go to the races. You may then have your will of your hot to trot hottie.

in my mind and in my car, we can’t rewind we’ve gone too far – entertainment & entrapment!

However unless you know the appropriate follow up trigger phrase there can be some strange side effects; like the lady can suddenly seize up and go ridged on you. That’s a precaution the slave handler programmers put into to make sure no one messes with their action. It can be damned inconvenient too if it happens at the wrong time and in the wrong place! I know a guy who says he once had a hell of a time trying to get a half naked Liv Tyler out of a phone booth, and eventually had to leave her there. He was afraid the cosplay costume she was wearing would start attracting unwanted attention! Of course that could be just shit you hear a the conspiracy conventions!

julia voth as wonder woman

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Sarah Palin split Up Shocker!

If Arnold Schwarzenegger has shown us anything it’s that there’s a fine line between celebrity and politics. Of course many caught on to that when Ronald Reagan became the first Hollywood actor to play a president on TV, officially. Another thing Schwartzy has shown us is that there’s a fine line between politics and celebrity gossip. That’s a point Anthony Wiener recently underscored by way of Twitter. It’s one thing to underscore it, but Sarah Palin has made a livelihood out of it by way of her reality TV series, her frequent & tiresome public appearances, and the persistent threat that she may run for high office.

Sarah has kept us periodically entertained and frequently irritated with her family’s over the top antics; like such as teen aged pregnancies, illegitimate children, rogue son in laws, and the like. That’s when she’s not hunting caribou from helicopters with high powered rifles or dodging her numerous stalkers. With a powder keg personal life like that it was only a matter of time before the fireworks started, and if recent rumors are to be believed – and who doesn’t like to give them an ear – the match is in the tinder box!

What’s started tongues wagging was Sarah’s recent purchase of a pricey new pad. The pad in question is down in Scottsdale, Arizona. So she’s once again abandoned her beloved Alaska! The spread cost a bundle too. The mansion is estimated to be worth some where in the neighborhood of $2 million. That sounds like it must be some neighborhood! I guess inane antics must pay off!

Anyway the upshot is that Palin’s better half, hen pecked hubby Todd, seems to have no plans to move. He’s firmly rooted up north in Alaska. So this has everyone talking about some kind of secret split up. Now there have been rumors about bad news in the Palin marriage for awhile. Like the story going around that Sarah was having an affair with a local Wasilla snow mobile dealer named Brad Hanson. Brad is Todd’s partner in the dealership, and in more than that, according to the local tittle tattle.

It gets worse. Sources say that Sarah has thrown away her wedding ring in some sort of a huff. Further more she’s kicked Todd out of his coveted place in her bed. So basically the marriage is over. What’s more a secret Bill and Hillary type arrangement has been hammered out between the pair. Todd is to appear at Sarah’s side during important public occasions. Meanwhile everything from property division to child custody has already been agreed on. The idea is that Sarah’s gearing up for a 2012 presidential run, possibly with Donald Trump as running mate, and doesn’t want any nasty divorce ruining whatever chances that she has. She wants to keep all the family values FOX News viewers firmly in her corner. Hence the pretense. Sounds like a tense pretense!

This isn’t the end of Sarah’s machinations either. She placed daughter Willow under house arrest. Willow is a loose cannon and lightening rod for bad news. She was the but of one of David Letterman’s misdirected jokes. David made a crack about Willow getting it on with ARod during a trip to NYC. When the brouhaha broke out Dave backpedaled, claiming he meant to take a jab at older sister Bristol, but get’s all those little Palin sluts mixed up. Who doesn’t? Willow also got involved in some kind of homophobic rant on Facebook. Sarah put the clamps down on that. Even though she believes that marriage is something between a woman, a man, and possible his snowmobile dealership partner; she doesn’t want to antagonize anyone with a vote. Probably very wise. The upshot is that Willow has been pulled out of school and is being home schooled. Those little Palin sluts are just too damned dangerous to be let out in public and Sarah ain’t taking any chances!

All this grape vine rumor mill gossip leads to one very disturbing conclusion: Lucy Ricardo is actually serious about running for America’s highest office! Since republicans figure that Obama is invincible this time round – he did finish off Osama Bin Laden, which their diabolical hero George W made such a big deal about so they’re not in a position to say much, though they never shut up, at least on FOX – she’ll probably get the nomination. No real contender wants to waste the one shot at the brass ring. So the heavy weights are gonna wait until 2016. You’ll probably say “So what? She’ll never get it.” except that’s what everyone said about Ronald Reagan.

So that leaves President Sarah as a worst case scenario. That’s enough to set a tingle in the guts of even the least nervous among us. however you ought not to worry too much. If history repeats it’s self, as it is doomed to do, then if elected she’ll probably bail out half way through her term, perhaps to pursue a motion picture career in Hollywood. So that leaves us with only 2 yaers of mischief to worry about. Those two zany mad cap years could resurrect the careers of political satirist like Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert.

Have you ever wondered why Hollywood celebrities seem be off their rockers on a regular basis? Well the answer to that is easy and straight forward. According tot he work of Fritz Springmeier it’s because they’re a pack of brain washed zombies. The poor little dears have been programmed using some pretty harsh mind control techniques developed by the CIA, in cooperation with the Illuminati, called Project Monarch. This is also why celebs, like Drew Barrymore, run in families. It’s because the predisposition to be brainwashed – which depends on be able to enter a disassociative state – is hereditary. The trouble is that the brainwashing has side effects, and every so often one of the beautiful people goes ca ca cuckoo! Don’t take my word for it though – here’s part one of a 28 part video documentary made by the good folks over @ pseudo occult media. You probably would’a though that this mind control stuff was crazy, before Charlie Sheen that is.

http://www.youtube.com/get_player

wondertrash

Bad Grammer



Kelsey Frasier Grammer had been married to Real Housewives Camille Donatacci for 13 and had 2 kids: Jude and Mason. Then their marriage exploded in allegations of cheating and cross dressing. The cheating allegations proved true, we can only guess about the cross dressing.

We know that the cheating stories were true because Kelsey side piece came out fo the wood work claiming to be knocked up by the TV star. The sides piece was a British airline hostess fresh from the friendly skies and named Kayte Walsh. She was 30 and Grammer was 56.

Kayte miscarried, but Frasier claimed that he wanted to marry the woman anyway, causing some to wonder whether he had alcohol related brain damage or something. So some nuptials got planned. Before they could get followed through on a divorce had to be planned – it’s just like a fairy tale! So Frasier and the missus went at it. Housewives fan saw that play pout on Camille’s reality TV show!

Lawyers were hired and blame was assigned. It could’ve dragged on and on and on, but Kelsey was eager for the beaver, so he coughed up 50 mill to get it over and done with quickly, if not painlessly. The ideas was that Camille would take the hefty windfall and go off to do what ever Hollywood ex wives do: live happily ever after in a wold of plastic surgery, colonic therapy, and New Age self exploration. Maybe she’d write a book about reinventing herself.

This is where the hangover starts. Seems that Kelsey’s plans to get everything clued up quick hit a snag when he and Camille started bickering over the kids. According to Camille, who has given her side to the National Enquirer, she was only too happy to share joint custody with Kelsey. But then Grammer got greedy and demanded total sole custody of the kids. That would’ve cut Mom out of the picture. So the pair went to war – funny how unavoidable war is even in our present enlightened age. Must be a human nature thing I guess.

According to Camille Grammar has no right to full custody. After all he’s the one who selfishness ruined his marriage by knocking up a stewardess. That left the children confused and traumatized. He abandoned his parental rights when he abandoned his parental duties, and you can’t have it both ways, even if you’re Dr Frasier Crane!

Frasier did some other bad suff to. Frasier has been introducing the kids to the new Mrs Grammar. That’s awkward but unavoidable. However something he might have avoided doing was introducing her to the kids as “your other mother”. I guess that makes Camille “the starter mom”. Naturally Camille saw red, hit the roof, and then went ballistic, after hearing about Kelsey’s grammar! Now any farm boy fresh off the back of the pick up could’a told him that was a bad idea. Maybe he was being spiteful. You know how adversity brings out the best in people, unless adversity is a divorce, in which case the devil might go running for shelter.

“Just say ‘yes!’ – If we can separate image from self, then we can get rid of awareness, and that will make reality obsolete!”

Kelsey Grammar’s sleazy antics once again raise the question of “Why do the beautiful people engage in self destructive behavior?” That’s a question at least as old as the self help movement. So we can date it as far back as the 60’s. It’s lead to the whole self awareness movement, which evolved into New Age, and eventually Oprah Winfrey! Now self awareness is a long involved process and that takes both time and effort. Why make a long haul commitment when you can fly now and pay later? That’s the $64 000 question that helped self help evolve into what it’s become today – what ever that is.

Now it shouldn’t surprise you to know that the whole self help movement was invented back in the early 60’s by a plastic surgeon named Maxwell Maltz. He’s reputed to have done way more than 60 000 nose jobs before he got wise. He discovered somewhere in the process of bobbing those noses that you could make a woman look like a princess but she’d still feel like a loser.

So Maltz decided that the problem was self image. That’s when he made the switch from plastic surgery to pop psychology! He decided that what you had to do to make people whole healthy and successful was to do some reconstructive surgery on their self image. Then you could crack out winners as if by assembly line. He called it working on the person from the circumference in, instead of from the center out! So you can tell it was invented by a plastic surgeon. In a way you could say that he invented the make over – which is what self help has become (though that’s not a 64 000 question, or at least I ain’t gonna get anything for that answer!).

hear now!

Here now is an audio of the book that made Maltz an obscure household name. So set your servo mechanism towards personal growth and tune into Psycho-cybernetics! Your self image will thank you for it! Actually it won’t. That shallow selfish nob will move on and lose your phone number!

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Oksana Grigorieva makes nice


Oksanity!

Oksana Grigorieva was a troublesome woman who caused all sorts of unnecessary anguish. Then she met Mel Gibson! Not that her life began with Gibson. She’d been around, and for a while. She’d been some sort of musician, though people who know her laugh at the claim to anything serious. She’d gotten knocked up by Timothy “The Spy Who Shagged Me” Dalton. She had a kid by him, named Alexander, and that kept her in walking around money for a few years. It didn’t do much for Dalton since his career went into a death spiral after getting his dose of Grigorieva. There are somethings that even James Bond can’t survive. Still it might be unfair to give Oksie too mucgh credit. Dalton’s career was also undermined by his habit of walking around hot Hollywood eateries with his fly down and no underwear on!

she’s silly putty purty!

Anyhow Momma’s Little Dividend kept Oksie livin’ the lifestyles of the rich and famous Hollywood style for a few years. That was convenient since she wasn’t getting any younger and had to pay for the up keep on her face, which was how she made her living. So that left her living it up, getting silly putty injected into her head, and sizing up her next victim! For awhile that looked like record producer David Foster. She was staying in his guest house and putting a lot of pressure on the poor man’s marriage when some one better came along in the form of Mel Gibson. So she latched onto him, but not before trashing Foster’s marriage.

the poor man’s rich girl, or vice versa

Part of what ruined Foster’s marriage was that Oksany was knocked up in the family way with a child that might or might not have been Super Dave’s. That takes infidelity beyond the level of keeping some stray Russian tramp in the pool house (which would be much more fun if the Russian in question was Milla Jovovich, and not some down market blow jobber who looks like she pay off her lips on the installment plan). Mrs Foster need not have jumped the gun since Oksany was busy reconsidered her child’s paternity! She decided that the father might actually be Mel, and not the guy she’d been slutting it up win the pool house with for awhile. That might sound revisionist, but Oksany is a big believer in convenience – her own if not any one else’s.

from Russia with love & C.O.D.!

So that lead to the explosion of Mel’s marriage. Illegitimate kids by Russian sluts will do that. Mel insisted that he left his wife because they lacked common spiritual ground – and finding common ground with Mello these days might require a tinfoil hat – but since she was the one who filed you can use your imaginations. That left poor Mel showing off his new *ahem* prize in public, and in a serious of embarrassing music videos. Maybe they were mucus videos – who knows.

love or a cold war

The relationship seemed happy, if embarrassing, for awhile. Yet the course of true love never runs smooth. That’s to say nothing about whatever Mel and Oksany shared. So soon enough things took one of those strange turns that characterize Mel’s life lately. Some how the love birds turned on each other. Mel made a lot of bad remarks about Oksany publicly – like she was a drunken smutty pig. Or he would have if he hadn’t thought that might be an insult to drunken smutty pigs.

love is never having to speak up for the tape recorder

He said a lot of other stuff too, and didn’t mind who felt insulted by that. We know because Oksany had taken to taping their heated phone conversations. Perhaps it was out of sentiment, and a desire to preserve the memory of what they had after Braveheart had moved on. You know how soft heart money grubbing whores can be. She wasn’t shy about sharing Mel’s special feelings with the world either – & the tapes found their way onto TMZ, or Radaronline, on one of these trash sites (heh heh). When you a woman who’s well and truly loved then you just want the whole world to know about it and envy you, so who can blame her!

hand puppet theater – sock it to me!

Now that didn’t do Mel’s career any good, not that there was anything left of it to worry about; beside that sock puppet film he had cooked up with Jodie Foster (who may or may not be related to David Foster, depending on how paranoid you are about nepotism in Hollywood). Since Mel was kind of hanging on by a shred of a thread he kind of took it personally. So the gloves were off and the lawyers were in on the act. Tempers boiled and rhetoric became inflammatory, while onlookers feared that the situation might go OJ if participants didn’t watch their step, or if Mello got too liquored up and had a bad day. He did make those rose garden comments!

things come fool circle

Just when it seemed that the shit would hit the fan things calmed down. Part of this was because Oksany had to take it instead of just dishing it. Mel got some friends in the Malibu Police Dept – he’s still got a few – to look into extortion charges and possible deportation. Exile from the land of opportunity seemed to put the fear of God into her godless commie soul. Plus she’d become part of the story and the paparazzi were hounding her in public. She was easier to get to than Mel, but her shit backfiring on her wasn’t anything she’d planned on, and seemed to take some of the fun out of it for her. Meanwhile Mel had gone back to his wife Robin, and that seemed to be a stabilizing influence on him. So the only thing left was for the dust to settle.

The Tabloid Narc

That seemed to have happened. Some time last week the Enquirer, unless it was the Examiner, The Globe, or some other shit mag, reported that Mel and Oksany had been spotted out in public together walking calmly and talking softly without any broken teeth or enraged screaming. Perhaps the absence of a tape recorder helped to keep thing on the level. Anyway the tabloid narc, who knew Mel in some capacity, said that he looked at him with a ‘what the fuck’ expression on his face. Mel just nodded and looked back, unless he looked back first and then nodded. There may or may not have been a wink involved.

Mel less psychotic than usual

So while anyone who was still interested was busy asking “what the fuck is going on with Gibson” it comes out that Oksany has just dropped her domestic assault charges. Those charges stemmed from the tape recording period. Oksany claimed that an enraged and psychotic Mel had fucked up her face while out of his mind. She mentioned that again and again during the recordings. Most figured that it was a life time of bad plastic surgery that left her worse for wear, but that was a matter for the courts to decide.Or it was before Oksany dropped the charges.

hit me baby one more time

Now Oksany had been all worked up what with being abused and all. Apparently getting smacked in the gov, allegedly, by Gibson was some great matter of principle that everyone was required to support her on by backing her to the hilt like she was Rihanna or something. Once she actually sat down and thought about it, though, she seemed to feel more like Tila Tequila, as in “Let’s put the whole Merriman mess behind us so I can get on with my career“. Oksany doesn’t pout it so cynically. She spins it a little more sympathetically, which is what you do if you want people to support you, or at least not try and take your head off for continuing to waste their time.

round 2?

Oksany version, which she gave to E via her lawyer through a “source” claims that Mrs. G dropped her case because she wanted to be free to contact Gibson in relation to their daughter Lucia. So she’s basically putting the well being of her daughter first, and wasn’t using the charges as leverage in a low down and dirty custody battle. That means the man that she swore on a stack was a danger to life and limb is now free to once again be an active participant in the life of both her and her daughter. So this is the part where something in her story just doesn’t add up, like “were you shitting us then, or are you shitting us now?” Maybe she was shitting us all along. Maybe, like Jodie Foster and the movie going public, she’s decided that Mel ain’t so bad, only a bit misunderstood stood. It’s a lady’s prerogative to change her mind, but honesty ain’t required.

Wonder Woman sez – “Don’t be a victim!”

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Brat Pack

gotten rotten

If you read the last Wondertrash post you might have gotten the feeling that I’m just not trying anymore. Maybe the word ‘apathetic’ in the title was a give away. Trying leads to so much mischief in life – if our celebrities are any indication – that sometimes not trying is worth a try. The less effort the less trouble gets made. However if everyone thought like that then the history books would be empty, and school boys would have nothing to trouble them. We can’t all be buddhas, right away anyway. So in the spirit of wholesome mischief, here’s some fresh shit.

Justin TV

It seems that no one is bigger these days then Justin Bieber; not since Charlie Sheen went back on his meds and recovered from that case of Sheenius. It seems that when ever this kid breaks wind it becomes an over publicized non event of the kind that might get 24 hour on going “developing story” type coverage on CNN. So if you so sick of this kid that you want to punch out random mop topped teen on the street, then skip over this part. It’s gonna send you over.

breaking Bieber

The latest out break of Bieber fever has the Beeb on CSI. He was already killed off on Law & Order, but like Jesus the death didn’t take and so he back to haunt us. As said his latest appearance was on CSI, though it might have been easier to take if he’d appeared in a grilled cheese sandwich or bowling alley lane – Jesus style. Anyway Justy keeps his cheesy mainstream so he got on CSI where he met Marge Helgenberger.

Justy & Busty

Now this musty been a big deal in the life of a growing boy. Margy, you’ll recall, is the gal who acts in CSI and whose boobs are prominently feature, often hoist up into a firing position. So Justy must’ve been keen to make a real good impression on her. Maybe that’s why Margy says that he seemed like a real nice guy when she met him. Her exact words, as quoted by Radaronline, were “He was nice to me.” See, I said he was nice!

Everyone can’t have big boobs, so Justy can’t be nice to everyone

Thing was that it didn’t stop there. Seems that Justy wasn’t quite so nice with his other, non mammary endowed castmates. In fact Boobs, I mean Margy, goes on to say that, and once again I quote by way of Radaronline, that “I shouldn’t be saying this but he was kind of a brat.” Actually that part got said on a French radio interview, but Radaronline got wind of it and repeated it! Busty goes on to say that “He was nice to me but he locked one of the producers in a closet and he put his fist through a cake that was one the cast’s table!

the moral of the story

So what can we draw from this? Well for one thing Justy is a real swell guy, if you happen to be a hot chick with great big boobs that stick up at a 45 degree angle. Other wise watch you’re step, cause he can be a rotten little jerk. Also we’ve learned that you have to watch what you say, cause what you say can get around. Even if it’s said over seas and in a foreign language. If it’s about Bieber then the world is gonna know about it and more sooner than later. That probably has something to do with the Internet! Finally we’ve learned that the mass media hasn’t gotten tired of talking about Bieber yet, not matter how sick of him everyone else is. That probably has something to do with his appeal to teenage girls and middle aged “Herbert the Pervert” types. So we’re probably gonna keep hearing too much about him in the future, even if you dearly wish that he and Miley Ray Cyrus would run away together and never be seen or heard from again.

Now something in the spirit of big boobs sticking up on a 45 degree angle!


dirty ditties – every doggerel has it’s day

Some people wonder what’s gotten into celebrities today. I think that it’s the age we live in. The whole sad sorry mess can probably summed up in the following little ditty!

So you real can’t blame the Biebs for being as rotten little jerk when thing are rotten, like the song says! Even a Robin Hood might fall victim to his own vanity.

So when other legends are forgotten, just remember back when things were rotten. It’s a Wondertrash thing!

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Future Queen of England knocked up out of wedlock


In the Royal Family way!

For those of you worried about Kate Middleton’s plunging weight fear no more. She could be packing on the pounds in no time flat. That’s because – if rumours are to be believed – the future Queen is already in the family way. “Family way” is a delicate way of saying that she’s already knocked up!

The Royal Shenanigans

Now this little piece of scuttlebutt was broken by none other than Star Magazine. They’ve they’ve published these “Middleton preggers” stories before. Most notably was a piece they released back in June 2010. Back then they announced that Kate and William had been up to conduct unbecoming. No to give ’em a break it has been an awfully long engagement. So I think that we can rule out the idea that they’ve been saving themselves for the wedding night. Anyway Star reported that the usual shenanigans had gotten out of hand and that Kate had gotten herself into a right state. They went on to claim that the Palace was on high alert – what ever their equivalent to defcon 1 is they were on it. So they were all scrambling around like mad hatters (they do that anyway) trying to avoid another royal scandal.

Don’t believe everything you read – you read that here!

Not surprisingly Clarence House – HQ for the Prince of Wales alias The Man Who Would Be King – issued a terse statement called the scandalous tabloid story “a load of rubbish“. Some o f us might have hoped for something like “balderdash” or even “poppycock“, but times have changed. The story was further discredited when a Mississippi University professor, Samir Husni – who may or may not be an expert on either royalty, rumour, or single mothers (actually he’s a journalism prof so that kind of makes him an expert on all three with a greater than average knowledge of alcoholism and cigarette addiction!) reminded everyone that “Be wary, very wary, of what you read in the ‘gossip’ magazines. Proceed with caution and pretend you are watching a soap opera.” Since Kate didn’t expand and issue forth, the story was quickly forgotten as people moved on to more pressing issues like Suri Cruise and American Idol!

“Predicting the future ain’t much of a talent, to be sure.”
~ Al Capp

Now the secret of tabloid predictions is that if some thing doesn’t happen wait about a year and then say the same thing again. Sooner or later it’s bound to happen and then you get the satisfaction of saying “I told you so!” This is how the National Enquirer accurately predicted Michael Jackson’s death, and how they are currently working on getting rid of Kirstie Alley and Oprah Winfrey! Now with the Royal Wedding moving into hi gear I guess that Star Mag figured that the time was right to trot this one out again. Everyone will be interesting in anything royal. Besides if the happy couple make a post honey moon announcement then the story looks legitimate – so to speak. If not then the whole sorry business will probably get lost in the Royal Wedding Mania Shuffle!

absurd is not necessarily untrue

Now for those of you interested, and let’s face it who isn’t, the Star is claiming that Kate is already pregnant. In fact she’s so far along that she”s afraid an attack of morning sicknesses gonna screw up her special day! This is also why Kate is off her head with nerves as the day of days approaches. Further more things are so far advanced that the sex of the child is already determined. it’s a girl and William as decided to name her Diana! Not surprisingly Buckingham Palace – that’s one step up the pecking order from Clarence House – has called the whole thing absurd” and “certainly not true. That’s disappointing for those of us still waiting for “poppycock!” As for the Star, they claim that they got the story fair and square, and from one of those underpaid, over worked, and notoriously disgruntled Palace workers that decided to break their confidentiality contracts. The Palace makes everyone who has the honour of serving them sign one of those, just like the Church of Scientology and the Jolie-Pitts!

… and Elvis is the father!

Could the story be true? Probably not. Kate certainly isn’t showing. In fact her weight has been plunging. She used to be a healthy young lady, once upon a time. As she got more and more involved with the Reptilians – as Brit conspiracist David Icke colourfully refers to the Royals, her weight started to drop. She currently down to Posh Spice – Beckham proportions (hyphenated names are just so classy – as least some things don’t change!). If she gets any thinner then she will be able to turn invisible by standing sideways. Now that’s a trick that will come in handy in her future profession, and once the paparazzi gets hot on her tail! However her ever shrinking frame just isn’t consistent with a woman ready to pop right there in Westminster Abbey! So I think that you can probably file this one under “more shocking revelations!“, like “Britney Spears Pregnant with Space Baby“, and “Wynonna Judd Secret Affair with Bigfoot Revealed!” – that last one is covered in half sis Ashley’s new autobio “Naomi & Wynonna can kiss my ass!“; another disgruntled ‘source’. as for the tabs, if they want a real royal story then they ought to get on Prince Willie’s future mother in lawe, cause that chick is warming up to be Britain’s answer to Billy Carter (member him?). Otherwise they’re gonna have to go back to those “Valerie Bertinelli Bikini Diet” stories to regain their *ahem* credibility.

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The Girl Most Likely

Mouthy Megan

Remember when Megan Fox used to be the next Angelina Jolie. That was back int hose heady days when her puss was on every magazine cover, her bizarre comments covered in every entertainment column, Michael Bay was still her friend & mentor, and she had a lucrative serial deal in the ongoing Transformers franchise. Then Megan opened her yap and said a thing or two that pissed Bay off. Whether or not he took the comments of a 23 year old actress with a hair trigger mouth seriously or not, he decided that she was an aggravation that he didn’t need in his life and career. So he cut her loose. Now officially Bay was concerned about Megan’s weight lose and general health. There were some rumours about her & BAG being into meth or something – they fight like cats and dogs, so much so that the police have been called in by neighbors a few times to break the lovers up. So maybe Bay was afraid that she was going Charlie Sheen or something. Well the first thing you know Meggers is at lose ends, and every movie she’s in tanks out harder than the Tourist! I’m sure that Al Gore could’ve explained to her what being the next something leads to. Megan had to find out for herself.

sex sells unless you’re box office poison

Now saying that every movie she was in tanked out harder than the Tourist is a little unfair. For one thing it creates the impression of a long string of consistent failure. That would be a false impression since the string isn’t that long, although its’ very consistent. You see poor pretty Megan hasn’t had her chance to ruin many films since Jennifer’s Body & Jonah Hex. That’s because directors aren’t lining up to work with a bitchy young actress with attitude and only one thing going for her. Especially considering the way she runs her mouth. So Meggers options have been kind of limited.

WTF? You gotta be kiddin’!

Her newest flick to be released is called Passion Play. You probably haven’t heard about it cause it’s a stinker, and it stars Megan. So no one is going to going out of their way to promote, even though it also stars Mickey Rouke. Now the flick is kind of like Moulin Rouge on acid and if you want a brief synopsis here it is:

Megan plays a girl who’s a little different. For one thing she’s a circus freak. For another she has a set of wings (I hear that the writer ot the idea while watching Victoria Secret clips on youtube!). So she might be an angel, or merely a tragic freak of nature. That parts left open for audience interpretation. Anyway the Mickster plays a boozy burned out jazz trumpet player. So his role is pretty close to life, or would be if he could play jazz on the trumpet. He some how manages to fall in love with Megan by overlooking her over powering beauty to see the wings sticking out of her back. So naturally he decides to do something foolish about it – like trying to save her. To that end he seduces her away from a gangster played by Bill Murray, and resolves to cut the wings off of her back.

Justin Bieber is a pussy!

If you’re laughing then you’re having the same reaction as viewers at the Toronto Film Festival – except that they also walked out of the theater! Since these highly hyped international film festivals are an important marketing vehicle for new films, and almost on par with Comiccon, that reaction hurt. It hurt so bad that the flick got pulled out of general distribution, and released straight to DVD. You know, the same way that Lindsay Lohan’s work did after she turned rogue and went on a drug and alcohol fueled public rampage! That has observers asking when Meggers plans to try and reinvent herself by flipping the fuck out, going on a bender, and checking into rehab. Perhaps she’ll go for the less extreme Justin Bieber route and cut off her hair or something.

winning friends and influencing people

Some might say that putting another nail in the career coffin was a waste of time. Other might ask “What career?” and then point out hat in her position it was a good move as long as the check cleared. I’m of the opinion that no life experience, no matter how painful or humiliating, is a waste. For one thing Meggers made a new friend along the way in the person of Mickey Rouke.

what drug is this guy on?

Mickey’s a fine actor who faced his own personal demons and struggle back to get real respect as a character actor. He’s earned critical acclaim and real fan affection too. As a guy who’s been around the block backwards and forwards, and then made it back again his opinion carries weight (that is unless those trips around the block have left lingering side effects). He has some pretty strong opinions on Meggers too, like:

“I think the pleasant surprise was this girl who’s a world-class beauty turned out to be probably the best young actress I’ve ever worked with,” Rourke said. “I don’t know if a lot of her films have showcased her acting ability more than, say, being action-oriented, but she really stepped up the plate with this one and was very consistent and professional, beyond her years. At 23, I couldn’t do half of what she’s doing.”

anything to get out of these pants!

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but not even Charlie Sheen has said anything that unbelievable! The reason that’s unbelievable is because most people figure that Megan would find it challenging to play a tree in an elementary school play.That has people asking what the fuck has gotten into him? Well if there’s anything suspicious in his pockets remember – “Those aren’t my pants! I borrowed them from Tom Sizemore!

Optimists see the glass as half full while cynics wonder what it’s full of

However once again the optimistic side of my nature has won out (can’t you tell?). I believe that Mickey really believes what he’s saying and more so he means it. Meaning what you say is a big deal for a prop actor. Not that Megan’s “alleged” talent – and I use the world alleged because I want to avoid being libelous (she’s hard to slander!) – but maybe because she actually made a good impression on him. I’m sure that the young lady can be very charming and agreeable when she wants to be. Now that her career is going down in flames she probably wants to be more than ever. So I’m sure she sweet talked the soft soaped the old boy like she was basting a Thanksgiving Turkey.

playground politics and schoolyard strategies – one day you’ll be ready for high school mind games!

That’s a stupid & transparent good strategy. By good I mean that every desperate on the way out actress gets around to it. Like Sienna Miller after she got canned off of Sherwood (I won’t bore you with details but she managed to alienate both Russell Crowe and Ridley Scott with her stupid lies and scheming. Russ knows when a girl has got to go, and he knows what kind of games Miller plays because he’s played them too – Meg Ryan.). After it became clear that her future was history – from GI Joe she went straight to Broadway and on to nowhere -she started making friendly with Jude Law again. He was on the way back up with his Robb Downey jr connection. So why not hitch your wagon to a rising star? Jude was silly enough to fall for it, but was saved at teh last minute when Sienna realized that the job offers and magazine covers still weren’t pouring in yet!

what next?

Mickey Rouke is kind of on the way back up too (even though his career is basically in it’s Lifetime Achievement Award stage). So getting on his good side may pay off in real dividends – not just friendship. If he likes you well enough he might want you to *ahem* act in one of his real films. At least that’s what you might think if you’re a young actress who’s long on ambition and short on gray matter! So you see the experience wasn’t wasted. Megan has learned from her experiences – like Michael Vick did during his time in the doghouse. He came back to be an even better football player and the hardest working QB in the whole damned NFL! Now Megan is showing a whole new professional attitude too! I just hope that she’s learned not to say anything in interviews that will try the less patient among us! Here’s lookin’ at you, kid!

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