When Bunnies Attack

Bunny Bummer

https://i2.wp.com/images.eonline.com/eol_images/Entire_Site/2010920//300.victoria.cm.102010.jpgAt 66 Angela Dorian has had a long and varied career int he entertainment industry. You may remember her from bit parts and guest roles on series like Hogan’s Heroes, Star Trek, Perry Mason and Bonanza. She was also in Rosemary’s Baby (man the RB curse has claimed so many!). She perhaps best known as a former Playboy Bunny.

It’s been a while since Dorian the Bunny has been anything like a celebrity, but that doesn’t mean that she still doesn’t have it in her! For one thing she ain’t some blue haired granny playing bingo and settling into a Momma’s Family existence of crusty impatience and falling stockings. This broad has still got herself a man! More than that she still got what it takes to keep him in line too. Maybe she’s even got a bit too much!

By a bit too much I mean that Dorian went from laying down the lay to facing the music herself. On Saturday at about 7PM it became evident that Dorian was a bad bunny when she got hauled off to jail for shooting her unnamed boyfriend. That poor man wound up with a hole in his chest that crafty Dorian – that wascally wabbit! – claimed was put there by drug dealers.

However it later emerged that drug dealer had nothing to do with it. Dorian herself had shot the hapless man. That lead to a charge of attempted murder, and a million dollar bail. It also lead to her being incarcerated in Century Regional Detention Facility, in Lynnewood. That’s housed such hi profile ne’er do wells as Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Ritchie. So after a long hiatus from fame it looks like Dorian has finally made it into the winner’s circle and the exalted company therein! It just goes to show that it’s never to late, if you’ve still got some life in you! Naturally Dorian has pleaded not guilty.

wondertrash

A meme is born

Every so often an idea catches on and goes viral. When it does it’s called a meme, and it’s usually a picture or gif, maybe even a short video clip like Keyboard Cat. The latest such meme involves Matrix actor Keanu Reeves.

Like many successful celebrities Keanu’s had a rough life. His long term girlfriend drove her car off a cliff while under the influence of cocaine. This happened shortly after their child was delivered still born (Marylin Manson was implicated in the death of Keanu’s girlfriend since he is believed to have been the one to supply her with the cocaine. According to some reports he then either sent her home in her car, or called her to come back to his place after she’d successfully made it home.). That’s a terrible blow but it didn’t stop Keanu from being one of the nicest guys in the business. He bought crew members on the Matrix their own motor bike, for one thing. Still those kind of tragedies have to leave a mark.

Whether or not they left an imprint, the hunky actor has been seen looking sad quite a bit lately. The recent pictures of Keanu on his birthday, shown wandering the streets of New York City looking lost and disheveled, and stopping for a solitary snack of a cupcake, made therounds of the Internet. Since Reeves is one of the genuinely best liked of Hollywood actors, the actor’s apparent angst made his many fans uncomfortable. As often happened they responded to the discomfort with black humour. By black humour I mean that a whole bunch of “Sad Kenau” photmanips began showing up on message boards. Here are a few such photomanips that popped up on the Internet’s premier celebrity gossip message board Gossiprocks:



Now all y’all can have a portable Sad Keanu!












































So what are we to make of this? Making a game out of some one’s sadness seems cruel, but it might not be personal. It might just be an attempt to understand the phenomenon by re contextualizing it: putting it in combination after combination after combination in an attempt to gain some feel or insight. It might also be an attempt to deal with our own awkwardness in the presence of that kind of low key “I’d ask ‘what’s the point is I still gave a damn” malaise (Keanu does seem surreally detached in the original photos and the copies seem to emphasize that). If we can say one thing with relative certainty, it could give birth to new and more dangerous memes, like Prancing Michael Sera or Silly Leo Dicaprio!

Incidentally this whole thing got started with an article reporting that “Sad Keanu talks to himself alone on birthday“. So that started people speculating on how rough things were for him. Now it should be pointed out that talking to yourself isn’t unusual for people in that profession. Even some of the most grounded Hollywood actors have been known to have an ‘off moment’, like this!

wondertrash

Black Pastor calls for whites to rise up against Obama

Believe it or not President Barack Obama isn’t universally beloved. Despite the fact hat only 2 years have passed since America was teetering precariously over the edge of the abyss, some people think that Pres Obama is what’s wrong with the world today. Their not who you’d think either – half cocked FOX News firebrands or racist wing nuts like Rick Sanchez. Some of them are far out religious types, like Pastor James David Manning.

Pastor Manning is a man of the cloth and a self styled PhD who has a weekly webcast. His latest was a hum dinger. He spent about 5 minutes of air time in a mind blow anti Obama rant. Manning is a man as frightening as he is frightened. What frightens him? According to the internet rant he’s afraid that Obama is pushin’ the white folks too far. That means they’re eventually gonna rise up in arms against him. To that point Manning draws up apocalyptic images of pick up trucks with gun racks, NRA bumper stickers, and Oklahoma license plates invading the inner cities to run amok on a racially charged anti Obama rampage! He also points out that if Dick Cheney ain’t in on this, he certainly knows about it!

You might think that I’m exaggerating. No one could be that crazy on air in this day and age – unless they’re an established public personality looking to commit career suicide. Well you’ll find that I’m not exaggerating one bit. In fact I’m understating the pastor’s inflammatory commentary! Just have a listen for yourself, while viewing the following video.

http://www.viddler.com/player/ca344a21/

Wow! He says things that only occur to Don Imus in his wet dreams (or while he’s not on his medications)! The pastor clearly doesn’t care what he says or who’s toes he steps on. So he certainly has a place here @ wondertrash. To keep track, what Pastor Manning says is that the President is a Muslim, homosexual, half breeded, non citizen! To listen to Manning you’d think that Obama was the kind of man who’d steal out of the church collection plate to buy drugs for school children (typical democrat!) if he weren’t to damned heathen to attend a service.

Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds” as HL Mencken said. It’s a hobgoblin that Pastor Manning isn’t troubled with. He probably frightened it away with his hi decibel hollering. If you want to catch more of his act than check out his website. He has a daily program starting at 10 AM called the Manning Report, and we can only hope he’s always so lively on the air! He should just consider himself lucky that he doesn’t work for CNN! Although I’m sure that FOX News might have a place for him.

wondertrash

The Odd Couple

catch as catch can

If you’re disgraced former celebrity looking out for a hook up you’ve got limited options. However if you’re Jesse James some one will come along. For one thing Jesse has well defined tastes. Fortunately, or unfortunately, there are plenty of available women. Now Jesse has a thing for tattooed white power stripper types. Many of the young women recently featured in scandal fall into that category. Tiger Woods alone has about a dozen cast offs any one of whom could be a good match for JJ.

Jesse has managed to find someone. The former Mr. Bullock was seen out and about with none other than Kat von D. Now if you’ll recall Ms. von D has her fair share of tattoos. Not only that but she is rumored to have a casual interest in white supremacy. With so many people out there who wouldn’t be caught dead with either of them. So that made them a natural pair up.

According to People the pair were seen chowing down at Palms Casino Resort’s N9NE. They did more than eat too. The pair worked their way up to holding hands and eventually left together in a Black Mercedes. Now we can only imagine what happened after that, but it’s safe to assume that some sort of reality TV scheme was in the works.

BTW the picture say it all: she’s grinning like a soulless whore and he looks like he got hit by lightening. Remember – get rich & famous and that could be you, too.

wondertrash

Love, crazy, & Tila Tequila

fame means being the last one to know


“Love can be crazy sometimes” according to Vivica Fox. Vivica should know since she’s dating club promoter Slimm. Not that Slimm sounds particular crazy. In fact he can be oddly business like in affairs of the heart, which may sounds crazy to the romantics out there.

“don’t take this personally – but get lost”

The odd business like part is Slimm’s recent dumping of Vivica by memo. Slimm recently publication released a memo announcing that he and Vivica were no longer together. Trouble is that this was the first Viv had heard about it. So basically she got dumped by general release memo. Maybe it would be less humiliating if she tried thinking of it as a ‘romantic cut back’.

love is never having to say you’re sorry by a memo

Anyway Slimm releases another memo the next day taking back the dumping. In other words he announced that he and Viv were back together. No word on what was behind the sudden flip flop. Perhaps the memo wasn’t supposed to go out until next week? Love is never being the last one to know – though fame usually means that.

celebrity nuisance attacked by enraged mob

In other news Tila Tequila got the shit beat out of her. Tila was playing at some event called A Gathering of Juggaloos – which sounds like some kind of low end Lalapalooza. AS soon as Tila went out on stage to perform the shit hit – literally. Tila claims that fans got enraged and started pulling portapotties apart so that they could heave shit at her. Then they started throwing bottles, bricks, and anything they could lift and hurl in her general direction.

Here’s Tila’s account of the Battle at Faygo:

“I went onstage and immediately, before I even got on stage, DUDES were throwing HUGE STONE ROCKS in my face, beer bottles that slit my eye open, almost burnt my hair on fire cuz they threw fire crackers on stage, and they even took the shit out of the port-0-potty and threw shit and piss at me when I was onstage.”

These people were trying to kill me. So then after the last blow to my head with the firecracker they threw at me exploded, my bodygaurd and the other security grabbed me and ran as fast as they could to the shitty trailor. Since their security SUCKS, the 2 thousand people ran after us, trying to kill me. They almost got me so they finally reach the trailor, blood all over myself, cant stop bleeding, then all of a sudden, all 2 thousand people surround the trailor and busts the windows!!! Even the guys INSIDE with me were shaking! Their hands were shaking cuz they were so scared! So 3 guys inside the trailor had to grab a table and push it over the broken windows and grabbed all the chairs they could find so hold the people from outside back. It was scary as hell!”

The security – which Tila describes as “shitty” – finally got it together and hustled her off the stage Then, in a – “I swear I thought turkeys could fly” moment, a crowd of 2000 pursued Tila and her 3 security guards to a trailer they had sought refuge in. The enraged mob then started smashing windows and trying to push the walls in. Meanwhile Team Tila sat shaking inside. Now that’s more or less the first hand story that Tequila gave to TMZ, and other celebrity web sites. Police are confirming that something bad nearly went down – but won’t give details. This does give Tila something to blog about over @ OMGMissTila. Like PerezHilton, Tila not only brings you the news but is often actively involved in the story.

wondertrash

Celebrity Fuckery

It’s been a busy time for celebs. For one thing Chelsea Clinton has gotten , or is getting, married or something. That’s the event President Barack Obama wasn’t invited to – according to the President on the View.

Now it never hurts to suck up to the boss, even if you’re a Hilary Clinton caliber bitch. Besides it couldn’t hurt to have another Nobel Prize winner at the festivities – assuming that disgraced environmentalist Al Gore was invited. Maybe the Prez’ RSVP got lost in the mail or something. Anyhow the main thing is that l’il Chelsea has the guts to go through with this, and not let her parents loveless arrangement, or her father’s sleazy shenanigans (I hear that Big Bill is desperate for an introduction to Oksana Grigorieva. He might have heard that she’s a manipulative gold digging whore, but when Bill hears blow job everything else gets blocked out!) sour her on the institution of marriage. You have to admire that kind of crazy optimism!

The full Monty

Speaking of crazy sex shenanigans, that brings us to CSI star Lawrence Fishburne. Now it’s not Larry that’s gotten into sex related scandal, though working along side the latex clad Carrie Ann Moss in 3 Matrix films would pout a strain on any man. His daughter Montana has decided to break into show business by way of pornography. Now that might sound like the back door into the business, and in more ways than one, but young Montana (Larry was originally gonna call the girl Karma Amethyst Fishburne but wasn’t famous enough for an outlandish celebrity offspring name at the time.) claims she knows what she’s doing. Monty says that she’s been a close observer of Kim Kardashian and couldn’t help noticing that KK’s sex tape was a career breakthrough! Look for Monty’s sex video to be released this very month!

Celebrity Zombies & Hollywood Undead

janice dickinson loves her body enough to want it to be the best looking corpse on the planet - no kidding, unless she's kiddingFrom the ridiculous to the obscene: former supermodel and current rehabbing bitch Janice Dickinson claims that she loves her body. Now that sounds like a tall tale (or a creepy adult film) since most people would be hard pressed to find anything lovable about Dickinson’s weather beaten, booze pickled, plasticized body these days. In fact it would be hard to find much even vaguely human about it.

Dickinson says, however, that she’s put in too much work and invested too much money to be indifferent to it. She’s had enough botox injected into her to blight proof crops in the entire 3 world. Plus she’s had a lot of drastic plastic surgery. Her mouth keeps varying in size and shape each time she’s photographed. In fact when you look at her photographs together they come off a little like one of those police Identikits where the features can be randomly changed.

However Dix attachment to her bod goes deeper then time and money wasted. She confesses that there’s an obsessive compulsive element to it to. For instance she’s going beyond plastic surgery and into flaky New Age techniques like yoga and meditation. Says Ms Dickie: ‘I have to make sure I exercise and that the ingredients that go into my body are completely organic.
‘I relax, meditate and do 80 minutes of yoga every day. I hike and make sure everything I eat is organic. I eat steamed fish, chicken and turkey, plus salads, carrot juice and supplements.’

Besides, Dickie has a goal in mind. As to what possesses her to go through the grim ordeal of age defying, Dickie replies: “I’m going to be the best looking corpse on the planet!’ If that’s the plan then she can relax. Some of us think that she already is. Well she’s got the corpse thing down anyway!

wondertrash

Red Hot Celebrity Pepper Poppers

Devil Pepper – the celebrity of the pepper world!

Every once and a while, but not too often, Wondertrash likes to perform a public service announcement. This time I’m taking some time out from Lindsay Lohan’s scram bracelet and Paris Hilton’s pot bust to warn the public about a disturbing new trend: ordinary people going celebrity by pushing the outer limits of human endurance and defying better judgment. They do this for extreme experience, and to get some easy attention via youtube. What they do is eat, raw, the hottest pepper in the world – the Bhut Jolokia or Naga Jolokia pepper!

fame: if you can’t have a devil in you then have a devil pepper

The Naga (devil) Jolokia is the A Lister of the pepper world. To put this in perspective the Jolokia is about 1.5 million units on the Scoville scale. in comparison the jalapeno is only about 2500 units. The dreaded habanero pepper is about 250 000 units. People who can swallow habenero’s raw and remain unphased are totaled by the jolokia. Worse still there is a delayed reaction. Swallow the pepper and it’s hot. It quickly gets hotter. The build up continues for about 30 minutes, after which the victim is in a world of pain.

Doctor Pepper

Now why would otherwise intelligent & sensible people do such a thing? There are the usual reasons: playing with fire, testing their endurance, quest for experience. Then there’s the prime reason: taping it and posted it to youtube! One of the original jolokia tapes was by a grower of the world’s most dangerous pepper. He upped the ante by growing them in the rich soils of Hawaii, in an extra hot & humid climate. The result is an even hotter jolokia that in the course of one hour completely knocked out our fool hardy pepper adventurer! Let’s have a look see at that:

It’s like there’s an award show in you mouth and everyone’s invited

That particular video got over 750 000 views. That’s almost as much as than cute cat videos! Like cute cat video’s it’s spawned a host of imitators – young and eager attention seekers who want to see if they can handle the world’s most dangerous pepper. Now that works out about like you’d think, but there’s nothing like seeing for yourselves. So here we go for a mad journey into jolokia chili land!

celebrities & other elite idiots

If you have the guts to try this then you’re in an elite class of idiots! You might also get a guaranteed audience of 100 000 + via youtube. Apart from the embarrassment of freaking out in front of the world while your friends video tape you and laugh, you will have demonstrated the entire celebrity life cycle in under one hour: the desire for a challenge, and opportunity to test yourself, the bad decision, the chain reaction – once the insidious pepper has been swallowed, and then the meltdown. The chain reaction stage follows the ‘bad decision‘ stage – that is swallowing the pepper. Once that sucker gets into you the train has left he stage and there’s no way off except ride it out. 45 minutes into your pepper trip you’ll be crying “Sweet Jesus” and you’ll be more fucked up than Lindsay Lohan x Britney Spears.

the naga jolokia pepper is the world's most dangerous pepper, and has driven more than one youtuber to the edge of madness and their local emergence ward

appetite for fame, but can you stomach it?

So if you have a burning desire to get attention by doing something that no one in their right mind would do, then you might have a stomach for this home grown celebrity trip. You might even learn a few important celebrity lessons like – it’s hard to stay hungry when your guts are disintegrating, and when you’re about to burst into flames you’re fellow men will be more inclined to stand by, laugh, and start video recording your plight then to offer any genuine assistance.

celebrity: don’t try this at home

So I wouldn’t recommend eating the Jolokia any more than I would recommend some one do reality TV, or jump Springfield Gorge on a skateboard. However if you actually try this then hopefully you might get enough food for thought to dissuade you from nay further ventures into the crazy world of celebrity!

Now this might be a bit of a departure from our usual celebrity shit slinging, but sometimes it pays to play it a little low key, for awhile.


Damn it Lindsay Lohan sure does have some friends in high places! Besides, it can’t hurt to be careful. You know what happened to Erin Esurance when she got carried away and went too far. Some heavy assholes shut that little tramp down and good! I hear that it went bad for her sometime after Esurance tried to break into the health insurance racket.

hot tramp erin esurance got shut down good after running afoul for some heavy assholes
I just hope that she can wriggle out of there before the bomb goes off, or she’ll never be able to thwart that insurance shake down at the formula one rally! I hear that an army of Erin-like fembots are involved in that one, but maybe that’s just something you pick up on the Internet. If not then fanboys will always have the fond memories of those entertaining Kim Possible type Esurance commercials!

wondertrash
  • Calendar

    • May 2020
      M T W T F S S
       123
      45678910
      11121314151617
      18192021222324
      25262728293031
  • Search