Lohan gets 90 days

down and out in Beverly Hills

Lindsay Lohan has flouted the law for some time. She got on the wrong side of the law back when she had some reckless driving charges. Now she was given every break. Her judges sentenced her to alcohol awareness classes. Lohan was already aware of alcohol. She’s had some problems putting on the breaks.

Now in Lohan’s defense it’s not easy to juggle an acting career and court ordered rehab and alcohol classes. Add ongoing substance issues and you’ve jsut got too many balls in the air. Sooner or later they had to fall, and fall they did!

Lohan defiantly skipped out on the alcohol awareness classes. That lead to some more court appearances, and more flagrant disregard of judges’ orders. Well it seems like the law has finally caught up with Lindsay. In her most recent court appearance the judge decided that Ms. Lohan had to face the music. Lindsay was sentenced to 90 days: jail time and court enforced rehab. Naturally that left Lindsay in tears, and gave gossip sites a field day. Here’s the lowdown on Lohan:

http://www.viddler.com/player/3c58f52f/

Love the way Lohan & co. had the box of tissues ready on stand by, just in case the judge needed to be swayed by a sudden fit of teary eyed remorse. She is a pro actress, & the right props can help a performance. The judge had seen the act before, so didn’t buy it. On the bright side, it could’ve turned out worse – 5150.

IN other news Michael Lohan has taken the opportunity presented by his daughter’s misfortune to once again thrust himself into the public eye. I’d say that he’s probably the one who should be getting the jail time – but knowing Mickey L, that’s gonna happen soon enough. That is unless his career as his daughter’s unofficial spokesperson picks up with her imprisonment.

Sure Lindsay did lots of bad stuff. She boozed up & drugged up like Jerri Blank on a bender. Still, it’s good to remember that anyone can make a missteps here or there. Even Alicia Keys!

George Michael goes wham in car – gets arrested.

Oh boy, George

While George Michael may be no Boy George, but he’s no stranger to trouble either. For instance he got busted performing a lewd action in a public washroom. He’s just lucky that happened before Twitter come on line!

idling trouble

Georgie has also had his share of car trouble. It’s usually the Lindsay Lohan type technical problems like “I temporarily lost track of the road while I was trying to figure out which steering wheel to focus on!” Those troubles have been pretty well documented, even the time that the cops hauled him off after finding him sitting up asleep behind the wheels of his parked but idling car. George may have got a reduced sentenced based on his “I wasn’t asleep; I was just resting my eyes!” defense.

“The car did it!”

Well the former Wham front man is gonna have to go digging deep into his bag of tricks for another clever story because George has had yet more trouble with cars and cops. Here’s the official story about that.

That report leaves a lot to be inferred. That’s what you call talking between the lines.

Shannon Price Round 2!

sole beneficiary

Shannon Price has taken her conniving and money grubbing to the next level. Gary Coleman’s ex has submitted an addendum to Coleman’s will, purported hand writen by the late actor himself. The addendum makes Ms. Price the sole heir to Coleman’s. The document states that “all and any monies, properties, bank accounts, earnings, model trains, vehicles, cars, toys, games, electronics, homes, other inheritances…,” should be left to Ms. Price exclusively. The document goes on to say that “This I have done because of my personal selfishness and weakness and I love her with all my heart.“, supposedly in Gary’s words.

where’s there’s a will…

While it is still being debated whether or not Shannon had the right to disconnect Gary’s life support, the merry widow is claiming that she was still Gary’s common law wife despite their 2008 divorce. Shannon claims that they were still living together and that in fact they were continuing to have sexual relations right up to the bitter end. Well not the very end. She was too busy arranging photo ops of Gary’s corpse. Still that answers a question that was on people’s minds since Gary announced that he had married her. Though the pair were tight lipped over the sex question during Coleman’s life, it only took the promise of a possible windfall to get Price to own up about the sex thing. If there are any lingering doubts about the sex thing don’t worry; I’m sure that Ms. Price would even be willing to release a sex tape, supposing that suich a thing exists.

still in the will or grasping at straws?

The one fly in the ointment is the the document is dated 2007. Their divorce was in 2008. Shannon claims that they were still man and wife in all but name only. She further maintains that they continued to hold joint bank accounts and file joint returns together, but only up till 2008. They did file submit an extension for 2009 as “filing jointly”, but since that may have been filed as the relationship was disintegrating, it might not hold weight. Meanwhile yet another will has surfaced leaving Gary’s estate to a mystery woman. That could put a monkey wrench in Price’s plans for a return to Caesar’s Palace for more pampering! It also brings the Gary Coleman Will Fiasco to the Howard Hughes level of complexity. If too many of these documents surface the estate will be hung up for years, with no one benefiting.

Whoever said that you can’t blame someone for trying never ran into this bitch! If she keeps this shit up some one will be tempted to run into her, with a truck!

For the gory details hit the link to a copy of the purported will addendum – Price Coleman will.


On a side note I would like to say that I met Gary once briefly about a year back. It was @ the Yonge & Bloor Starbucks. I told him that I loved his work and thought he was way better than Different Strokes. He said I was the only one who truly understood him. He then quickly scribbled out a will on a napkin, leaving everything to me. I will be submitting this shortly. Why should I be the only one not in on a piece of the action?

January Jones – Drunk at the wheel

More Celebrity Fail

Looks like the other shoe is dropping in the January Jones case. JJ is the Mad Men actress who recently got herself involved in a 4 car crash. 3 of the cars were parked at the time. Jones fled the scene and returned a short while later claiming that she couldn’t deal with the paparazzi. People thought that was a strange thing to do, especially since she’s not a paparazzi target, unless she was drunk and wanted to avoid the breathalyzer.

what’s cookin’?

Well now the Food Network’s Bobby Flay has come forward claiming that Jones had been drinking. Flay says that he saw Jones have one beer at least, but wasn’t really monitoring her alcohol intake. He was much more interested in getting to redo her kitchen. They exchanged numbers on that point of business.

fast lane to celeb rehab

According to witnesses, and IDon’tLikeYouInThatWay, Jones smelled of alcohol at the scene. After Flay arrived Jones left her drivers license and then fled the scene, She returned 45 minutes later with a change of clothes and chewing gum. She asked cops if they were gonna drunk test her, but they replied that there would be no point. It would be impossible to prove that she hadn’t had a drink after leaving the scene. The loophole in the drunk driving laws is that there’s no way to bust some one for DUI if they leave the scene, unless there are witnesses! Also there were no pesky paparazzi anywhere near the scene of the crime, though Jones may become a popular target of the celebrity pests now. You didn’t need to be the Amazing Kreskin to figure this one out.

No word yet on whether or not Dr. Drew wants tog et his hands on her.

Coming soon to Wondertrash: Does Angelina Jolie use secret voodoo rituals to steal her co stars mojo? Rumors have been coming out the Jolie is a voodoo practitioner. In fact it’s been a point of contention between her and long time partner Brad Pitt. Now some are questioning whether Jolie might’ve put the whammy on some of her co stars. Girl Interruppted Wynonna Ryder was riding high until she crossed paths with Jolie. Then Jolie got an Oscar and Ryder got busted for shop lifting. Jolie also co starred with former husband and Oscar winner Billie Bob Thornton in Pushing Tin. BB was fresh off of Slingblade and seemed to have an unlimited future as the next James Coburn. After his run in with Jolie his career has been permanently staled.

Wrongful Death

Gary Coleman – more opportunities than ever before & this time nothing to complain about!

Wrongful death is the theme as Gary Coleman’s parents take it to the next level. They started asking all sorts of questions following their estranged son’s suspicious death. Now Coleman’s parents made it clear that they weren’t blaming Gary’s ex wife Shannon Price. Explicitly not blaming a person is the sneaky way of blaming them – as if by pointing out that suspecting the person would be the reasonable thing to do but your not going to do it in spite of that. Besides they merely want closure.

Well spite aside, Gary’s parents now are suing for custody of the remains. That sounds a little odd since they were to interested in Gary while he was still alive and among us. In fact their had been a 25 year separation between them. Now that he’s gone they seem making up for lost time.

So what interest could they have in Gary Coleman’s body (besides releasing the autopsy video for cash?). Perhaps they wanted it tested to see if Shannon was poisoning him or something. That is unless they actually planned to have Coleman’s corpse stuffed and then taken on tour, in a last ditch effort to wring more money out of the hapless fellow. I will say this – fighting over the body is a poor way of getting closure. Another thing, this is something that Sophocles never anticipated in Antigone. Then again for clear portrayal of human nature inaction you have to resort to the Bible.

In other news David Carradine’s widow is suing over his death. Carradine was found in a Thai hotel hung by the neck in what appeared to have been a sex stunt gone wrong. Carradine had a history of sex related weirdness including trying to shoot him self in the groin with a blank cartridge. Carradine later commented on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson that he’d screwed up a perfectly good tattoo over that stunt.

History didn’t stop the conspiracy theories from growing. Soon kung fu message boards were posting that Carradine was a rogue shaolin master gone to Hong Kong to crush the Chinese mafia. He had been assignation on the way by black hand Taoists masters as Bruce Lee had been when he tried the same stunt decades earlier. Or so the story goes.

Well no his widow is getting in on the act. She’s suing the production company over wrongful death. I’m not sure what the basis for the suit is but it doesn’t seem to have anything to do with Kung fu conspiracies. It may not even have much to do with hotels letting in underage hookers – but the production company has more cash than the hookers. I guess the Widow Carradine has been in Hollywood too long to believe in conspiracies, & especially when there’s a buck to be made (to which she may even be entitled). There’s no people like show people, you know!

truths, half truths, and utter bull shit:

Wondertrash would like to confirm that the rumors are in fact true: Mel Gibson did briefly work in Australia under the screen name Randy Gibb!

“Bridge on the captain!“

—William Shatner, after filming his death scene in Star Trek Generations.

Allegedly. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/3673712/William-Shatner-The-man-who-fell-to-Earth.html

Blogged with the Flock Browser

Wonder

Lindsay Lohan takes it to the limit one more time

Cannes Goes Follywood Like Never Before

http://www.viddler.com/player/5169d45b/

Follywood Fugitive

moving violation

Drama Queen Lindsay Lohan is in the middle of another crisis. She’s due for a court appearance Monday over a DUI related parole violation. She was sentenced to alcohol awareness class but only showed up for every other class about half the time. The other half of the time she didn’t bother showing up at all. Lindsay is already acutely alcohol aware. It’s abstinence that she’s got issues with. Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder like absinthe makes the wits go yonder!

prying eyes are watching you

So that lead to a court date for sometime tomorrow. That’s when the judge has to decide exactly what to do about that naughty naughty young woman. He might have had to decide without her cause Lindsay was until recently over @ Cannes. It’s film festival time of the year again, and so celebrities have descended on the poor benighted French village like a swarm of locusts. At first it might seem a little careless of Lindz to go gallivanting around while she has unresolved legal issues. Still her career has been in and out of free fall ever since Lindz has been in and out of the tabloids. So it might pay to network. Besides it must be such a relief to get out from under Dr Drew’s watchful eye for 3 days or so.

wondertrash & the locusts

don’t leave home without it – if you’re planning on coming back that is

So that brinks us to Lindz current game of brinkmanship. Lindz claimed that she couldn’t make tomorrow’s court date because she’s lost her pass port. Shit happens, especially when you’re permanently befuddled. She could’ve left it jammed in the ATM by mistake, while trying to get a withdrawal for an extra round of partying. It could be lying around any night club in Cannes. Then again, going by the above photo, she might have even left it in her other toga! Mom supported her on the pass port – telling the media “I told her to say that so she wouldn’t get into trouble“. Dina might mean well but her idea of a cover story is awful. If you’re gonna pull something like that then don’t blow your cover story by fessing up on video – especially before the court date! After years as Michael Lohan’s better half she should have learned a thing or two.

The Celebrity Police

Anyway with the possibility of jail time immanent, and dour – & hung over Lindsay has made her way from sunny Cannes and back to the USA. Matter of fact Lindsay came back through LAX about 7 PM yesterday. So I guess that the pass port turned up or something. That means Lindsay had an entire trans Atlantic flight to think up something to tell the judge manana! She’d better make it good too. She can’t afford anymore sloppiness. For instance if she’d only said that she couldn’t make court because Homeland Security has her on a no fly list as a possible terrorist – no one would have questioned it. In fact if Homeland Security could only be harnessed to protect us against the ‘cultural threat’ of modern celebrity, then the house that Bush built will have found honest work for themselves!

http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/v/ASNOP2r2Y7w&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x006699&color2=0x54abd6&hd=1&border=1

Keep on rockin’ us baby!

Little Miss Backslider

BTW – there’s a new player in the game. She’s Lou Taylor – a Tennessee financial guru/evangelical mentor. She took over Britney’s affairs and then frightened the shit out of her by playing on Spears’ Southern Christian roots. “You’re going straight to hell young lady!” Now the mind games and shock tactics would’ve only gone so far except that Taylor (and how fortunate that her last name isn’t Grant) delivered the goods. She managed Britney’s recent tour to a financially successful conclusion. Well word has it – by ‘word’ I mean TMZ – that LT is now in on the Lohan case, and even wired her over some money to get her affairs straightened out!

Sorry Oprah

Makes you stop and think – if there was anything to New Age Spirituality then desperate celebrities wouldn’t be turning back to an already discredited path like Christian fundamentalism. The Hollywood Yogis figured that they were much image savvier than the Bible Thumpers, and so could look forward to a much longer career. However the Fundies have learned something from their time in exile – “You can only string people a long so far, but you can string them along a lot farther if you deliver the goods!” Nothing helps credibility like a pay off!

credibility for credit – buying your faith with your own money!

Come on, even politicians know that – it’s why they make free with the hand outs 6 months prior to an election (or at least they did back when they knew what they were doing. Nowadays they just arrange photo ops – like Steven Harper’s’ on going jam sessions with prominent musicians. Get with it Steve-O, a chicken in every pot remember?).

http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/v/3iJUOhr7RHs&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x006699&color2=0x54abd6&hd=1&border=1

Wondertrash boguszen: When you reach a point in your career when you walk off the stage thinking “It’s over – YES!”, then you’re headed in the right direction. Ego tripping can make you a glutton for punishment, especially if the little devil on your shoulder is telling you that it’s worth it. That pushy little weenie can become a monkey on your back before you know it!

the shiny guy

http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/v/bOdHx4h67nE&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x006699&color2=0x54abd6&hd=1&border=1

Wondertrash: image’s collision course with reality!

Ian Anderson is the patron saint of wondertrash! Sorry sir that didn’t come out right 😉

TV cook in hot water over wife murder plot

TV Chef Cooks Up Trouble

[redlasso id=’3920e644-a8de-43c2-91d2-062ff9522e88′]

TV Chef Juan Carlos Cruz has more than a successful TV show. He has a marriage he wants out of. His wife is 47 and unable to reproduce. This was a cause of dissension in the marriage since both are pretty staunch Catholics. Normally a situation like this would be resolved by a divorce of even an annulment. Juan Carlos had other ideas. He thought that he might save lawyer fees and alimony if his wife died. Since he was too much of a gentleman to do the deed himself he thought that he could take care of the situation by recruiting some accomplices, and in the process throw some money to the less fortunate. It should’ve been a win win situation, but the police through differently.

JC went over to the wrong side of the tracks to recruit some guys. These homeless types really ought’a get off of their ass and pull their weight. JC even had an assignment that wouldn’t require an update resume full of current job experience. He found some likely prospects soon enough and a working arrangement was reached.

Things went wrong when one of the guys got busted for vagrancy. While he was being rousted by a friendly neighborhood cop, who was also an acquaintance of his, the homeless dude thought he could make an even better deal for himself. He told the cop about the dirty deal and offered to do the right thing, for some consideration in return. The police put the trio up in a hotel for a week, while the deal with Cruz was ironed out. Meanwhile the Trailer Park Boys dined on naught but pizza and beer, and enjoyed unaccustomed amenities like cable TV and indoor plumbing. Who says that the homeless have no hustle? Cruz went through with the pay off all unsuspecting. Since the cops were in on the act that meant he was quickly arrested and the whole case became public knowledge. There’s also a court case developing, something to due with conspiracy to commit murder.

So that leaves the principles in the case where they are now: The Trailer Park Boys are approaching TMZ to see what they can get out of this. The wife has avoided getting murdered. Plus she get’s to keep everything now, instead of the property and asset division that would’ve resulted from a divorcee. The lawyers haven’t been left out; they got something really meaty to get their fangs into now. There’s one less annoying cooking show on TV so the public should be happy. If they’re not happy about that then at least they have a trial and scandal to follow on TV, and through sites such as this! Now how could a bad situation have worked out better? If it’s not win win, then it’s practically a happy ending – minus that fairy tale bullshit. So even the cynics are happy!

There are some interesting twists int his case that put it beyond the usual 48 Hours Mystery. For one thing Mrs Cruz, alias Jennifer Campell, had been depressed about her infertility for years. She even wanted to kill herself. This leads to Juan Carlos defense, which is just as cunning as his murder plan. JC says that he wanted to help his wife and honor her wishes. Since suicide is a mortal sin he though that he could get her through this ordeal with her immortal soul in tact. He even promised to kill himself immediately after, and follow her off of the mortal coil – to encourage her. That kind of moral support is admirable, except that then he’d have committed the mortal sin and I don’t know what kind of consolation it could be for Ms. Campell to know that so concerned a husband was in hell while she was only in purgatory. That is unless he just said that, perhaps to make her feel better. Juan Carlos has better hope that his lawyer is better at his job than Mr Cruz was at picking out bargain basement hit men.

Freaky Friday

livin’ la vida Lohan