Jessica Simpson hits rock bottom

Romo leaves Jessica flatter than a pancake

Jessica Simpson was unceremoniously dumped by her ex Tony Romo on the eve of her 29th birthday. He left her in the parking lotof an IHOP deep in the heart of Texas, & in the middle of nowhere. She had to phone for rescue, and then spent the next 2 hours bawling her eyes out and waiting for help to arrive. It totally spoiled the Barbie & Ken themed birthday party that she had planned for the next day (though it was a narrow escape for Tony!). So that left people (with nothing better to do) asking “what next?” Feeding frenzy, booze binge, rehab, or the 5150 route to the nuthouse were all possibilities.

Jessica weighs her options

It turns out that something much worse has happened to poor Jessica. She’s hooked back up with her former boyfriend, & Jennifer Aniston ex John Mayer. An insider reveals to In Touch (unless it was some one in touch to the Insider):

An insider reveals that, in a state of desperation and loneliness, she’s been secretly hooking up with her ex John Mayer, who unceremoniously dumped her in 2007 after they dated for a year. “They’ve always had an amazing connection,” a business associate of Jessica’s tells In Touch. Ignoring her friends’ warnings that the notorious player will just use her and then break up with her again, Jessica has jumped headfirst into a relationship with the singer now that she and Tony, 29, split. “Jessica is kidding herself that her and John stand a chance,” says a source.

Desperate times call for desperate measures, but why go that low?

Now many people may be shocked that Jessica was that desperate. However I think that there may be more to it. Like a lot of self destructive behavior it could be a desperate cry for help. Worse, hooking up with Mayer could be pure self loathing. The girl’s self esteem has never been at par. She always seemed to derive a sense of self worth from her partners, like Nick Lechay; or rely on others to do her thinking for her, like her creepy daddy Joe Simpson. Watching her younger plainer sister Ashley settle into a marriage, have a kid, and blossom into an attractive woman while her own career and personal life spiraled downward couldn’t have been easy either. So now in the wake of her traumatic dumping she’s basically jumped under a speeding bus. Take a look at the following picture of Ms. Simpson and judge for yourself whether or not she’s a woman at the end of her rope. She seems on the verge of tears.

photo courtesy of the Superficial

Jennifer Aniston, and Jessica Simpson twice! It seems like John Mayer is the guy girls go to when they’ve given up on themselves. Even Pamela Anderson has more self respect than that!

Pamela Anderson dating an erection

Pamela Anderson goes back to tools

Actually that should read “Pamela Anderson Dating an Electrician“. It works out practically the same. Tool Girl Pam has found new love and Home Improvement in the form of boyfriend Jamie Padgett. Padgett is the electrician in question & just guess where they met. If you said “trailer park” then you guessed right. Pammy was staying in the park while her house was being repaired (Or fumigated. Considering her colourful personal life that place must have creepy crawlies in every nook and cranny!). Padgett had to come over to hook something up and bingo! – lightening struck!

Tool Time: Pam goes Larry Fortensky

Now just cause they met in a trailer park doesn’t mean that they’re keeping it their. The pair, and Padgett, are moving their act up town in style. By that I mean Anderson was recently spotted with her tool boy in Malibu! Here are the pix to prove it!

Alas CJ Parker has seen better days. Pamela Anderson is still taking a stand against animal cruelty and this time in a video that looks like it could’ve been directed by David Lee Roth, or even Howard Stern!

‘Cruelty Doesn’t Fly’—Learn More at PETA.org.

Celebrities and "Gum Lifts"

Demi Moore is a natural beauty, what’s more she doesn’t know it, which makes her even more beautiful! But seriously folks, Demi’s rumoured to have ahd a ton of work done in the form of head to toe plastic surgery. All this was supposedly to help her hang on to her man Ashton Kutcher. The price tag for this is said to be about $500 000.

In a recent Marie Claire interview however Demi has denied having anything done, and insists that she’s all natural! “It’s completely false. I’ve never had it done. But I would never judge those who have. If it’s the best thing for them, then I don’t see a problem. I don’t like the idea of having an operation to hold up the ageing process – it’s a way to combat your neurosis. The scalpel won’t make you happy.” Some interesting before and after photos seem to tell a different story. Let’s take a look!

Now that doesn’t necessarily mean anything. Maybe she was having a ‘bad face day’. In fact not only has Demi had extensive ‘reworking’ done, but according to everydaysurgery.com she’s even had her gums lifted (as well as her teeth capped) to give her a toothier smile. Here’s their before and after.

The beofre shot does look much more like that childhood photo she uses on her Twitter page. Now before you go beating up on Demi for being fake and full of it there’s something you oughta know. She ain’t the only celeb to get her gums lifted. It seems some other famous faces have had a little help with their million dollar smiles. For instance LeAnn Rimes.

Who’s this handsome fellow? Why it’s Ben Affleck!

Lip injections might’ve have been the real finishing touch there. His career ain’t doing so good since Bennifer, and Matt Damon distancing himself, but at least his gums stayed up. Sagging gums in addition to everything else would just be too much! Well at least he didn’t waste him money on drama classes or anything. Hollywood don’t hire you to make out with Kate Hudson in a movie because of the way you can deliver Hamlet’s soliloquy! To nip, or to tuck? That is the question!

Entertainment Update Video

It’s Chris Brown vs. Oprah, Rolling Stone film critic Peter Travers at the movies (he doesn’t like Twilight – surprised?), Sesame Street on the recession, and Jerry Lewis sexually assault by Charo on the Jerry Lewis Labor Day Telethon. How’s that for running the gamut?

Mila & Milla

You might know Mila Kunis as the self absorbed Jackie Burkhart on That 70’s Show, or as Macaulay Culkin’s partner. She’s less well known for her work on Family Guy, where Mila is the voice of Meg, the Griffith’s ignored middle child. Here’s Mila talking about the auditioning process that lead up to her becoming the voice of Meg.

An interesting fact about Mila is that she was born in Kiev, Ukraine. This is interesting because it is that same place as other “Milla”, Milla Jovovich was born. Speaking of Milla this is your chance to see more of her, by way of some tasteful and artistic nudes she did a kid and a marriage ago.

These pics come courtesy of Celebnewswire, where they’ve got plenty more of Momma Milla! So feel free to head on over.

Merriman denies Tequila assault

So what’s the latest on Shawne Merriman and Tila Tequila Nguyen? Well Merriman has made an official statement regarding the incident. Nguyen accused Merriman of physical assault, claiming that the San Diego defensive line backer choked her. So she charged him with physical abuse and unlawful confinement, by way of a citizen’s arrest. Now Merriman wants to clear the air.

“On September 6, 2009, the San Diego Sheriff’s Department responded to a citizen’s complaint that was initiated by Tila Nguyen (a.k.a. Tila Tequila),” Merriman’s statement read. “I was taken into custody based upon that complaint. At the time, I was concerned about her welfare given the intoxicated state she appeared to be in, and I encouraged her to stay until safe transportation could be provided. We would all do our best to help a friend if we considered their actions to be detrimental to their personal safety. I in no way caused any harm to Ms. Nguyen, however, paramedics were called, and she was examined, but no injuries were reported. She was released and has since returned to Los Angeles, California.”

Merriman claims that Tequila was basically shit faced drunk when she tried to leave his home in the wee hours of the morning. Out of concern for her safety, and prompted by tens of thousands of hours of public service TV spots, Merriman tried to dissuaded her. He asked her to remain at his home until she either sobered up, or until transportation could be arranged. Tila can be a headstrong whench, and would have none of it, so Merriman physically restrained her from going to the car. Tila flipped out and called the cops. Paramedics were called to the scene who examined Ms. Nguyen, and found no indication of any physical abuse. Given Merriman’s size that would be unusual, if Nguyen’s story was true.

While Nguyan has made no official statement, she has been active on Twitter. She claims to have been abused, that anyone who knows off any abuse should immediately call the police, and basically that she is another Rihanna. Now the world saw the mess Chris Brown made of Rihanna, and Brown is no Shawne Merriman (6-foot-4, 265-pounds). Plus Rihanna is twice the 4′ 11″ 93 pound Tequila’s size.

Tila also claims that should could not possibly have been drunk like Merriman claims because everyone knows she’s allergic to alcohol. Everyone knows because she’s just recently tweeted about it. She explains that she got the name Tequila “I am allergic to alcohol. It has been publicly known for years. That is how I got the name Tila ‘Tequila’ cuz the irony. I can’t drink.” However Sheriff’s Deputies at the scene determined that Tequila had in fact been drinking. Further more James Brennan, the owner of a club Nguyen and Merriman visited on Saturday says that Tequila drank shots of both tequila and vodka. Merriman stuck with bottled water.

So it seems that Ms. Tequila-Nguyen’s story is starting to unravel. The attention must’ve been fun while it lasted. I’m sure that Ms Tequila-Nguyen will land on her feet too. She seems like the type. Really the only thing she has to worry about at his point, besides the public backlash, would be Merriman charging her with false arrest and suing her for defamation.

Shawne and Tila aren’t the only couple having relationship issues at the moment. Let’s take a brief look at the top 5 celeb break ups!

PS. Merriman had more reason than genuine concern to prevent Nguyen from leaving his home. Had he allowed a visibly intoxicated person to drive and away, and had they gotten into an accident, he could’ve been legally liable. That means a lawsuit by either Tequila or her victim.

"I♥PHIL!"

Spector is in shit, wife smells like sweet success

Some one once said that success is like climbing a mountain of shit to reach one perfect rose only to find that when you’ve reached the top you’ve lost your sense of smell. It gets worse, the rose is plastic. Now Real Wife of Hollywood Rachelle Spector isn’t lamenting some illusory rose, She’s pining for the lose of husband Phil Spector – if her recent press statements are to be believed.

Spector was convicted for killing aging B actress Lana Clarkson in a messy murder and well publicized couple of trials (Covering them was among the final work done by Dominick Dunne for Vanity Fair. That had to have caused conflicted feelings for Dunne since Spector was a personal friend and his own daughter was a murdered actress.). Spector was found guilty of blowing Clarkson’s face off after a sex act got out of hand. Witness after witness testifying to Spector’s gun play as foreplay cinched it (Even his 2 oldest sons Louis and Gary testified against him!).

Though the world and the law sees Spector as guilty, Rachelle is still proclaiming his innocence. She even invited a journalist , Caroline Graham of the Sunday Mail, into the Spector inner sanctum – his 6 million dollar Alhambra ‘castle’ – recently for a 4 hour tour and to present the case for her husband’s innocence. During that visit Mrs. Spector made her arguments.

To be clear Rachelle not only maintains that her husband is not guilty, but that he didn’t shoot the woman (separate issues from a legal standpoint, since you can shoot some one and technically be not guilty, as in the case of an accident in which negligence plays no part for instance). She backs up Phil Spector’s story that Lana Clarkson accidentally killed herself, while playing around with Colt 45 pistol. Says Rachelle: “His prints were not on the gun, there was no gun residue on his hands, he had only one tiny fleck of blood on his shirt and he was wearing white. There was no way he could have done it.”

That’s a remarkable degree of commitment from a woman who met Spector after the killing (She claims that she didn’t know who he was but once she found out had complete faith in his innocence “He told me he didn’t do it and I believed him!”). She might even be expected to have some sympathy for Clarkson. Rachelle herself was a failed B movie actress (she did some extra work in Pirates of the Caribbean and of course has posed for Playboy. She’s also worked in the fast food industry.) and cocktail waitress who was picked up in the same manner. Spector left her a 400 dollar tip on a 20 dollar bar bill at the House Of Blues. A month after they were married he was charged.

So that leaves Rachelle puttering around her empty mansion and the world wondering how full of shit she is. Though Rachelle has kept his private office pretty much the same, she’s distracted herself by redecorating. That’s understandable, because as Rachelle herself says ‘I ripped up the carpet. It was red and had stains I couldn’t get out. I’m doing up the castle. Phillip hadn’t done much to this place for years. I’m giving it a more feminine feel.’ As Lady MacBeth might have observed, blood stains are really hard to budge. She also feeds Spector’s favorite pet iguanas – Godzilla, Laurel and Hardy, no doubt a reminder of her husband’s presence in the house. Says Rachelle of the lizards ‘He’d sit in here for hours and just watch them. I still feed them – but they are not my favourite animals’.

As for the world, it will have to go on wondering. Rachelle admits that she and Phil are very different people with very different tastes. ‘Phillip and I don’t like the same music. He always listened to classical stuff or his Sixties music, while I prefer Lady Gaga,’ she explains. However they did have some things in common. Phil’s generosity for instance. Rachelle still wears her monster 9 carat engagement ring. Perhaps it’s a more pleasant reminder of her husband than Laurel & Hardy. She also keeps her hand in the music business, when she’s not sorting out her husband’s estate (Like the 2 mill legal fee, not counting the cost of the appeal.). Says Rachelle ‘At the moment, I want to get my own music career off the ground.’ It’s just as well that she has her little projects, since Phil isn’t allowed conjugal visits (besides I doubt the penal institution enforced ‘safe sex would be to his taste.). ‘I know people question my motives in marrying Phillip and they call me a gold-digger. Well, let them. He and I know the truth.’ she says of the relationship which ironically might have been the plot of a film noir movie, another of their shared interests. Besides I wouldn’t worry too much about the world if I were Rachelle. I don’t think that the world minds very much if Phil wound up with the wife that he deserves.

Just like visiting day!

On a lighter note, everybody is aware that there is a new Sex And The City movie in the works. So everybody is probably curious about what Carrie Bradshaw and her girlfriend’s are up to. Well Wondertrash is proud to have scored a special sneak peak into the script (friends in low places), which is reprinted here. Enjoy:

The scene is Carrie and Samantha having cocktails at a fashionable New York City establishment. The girls are talking excitedly about their plans for the near future.

Carrie: Sam, a turkey baster? Are you serious?!

Samantha: Oh Carrie, stop being so uptight. It’s only a sperm delivery system. Just like men, only with zero relationship baggage! In a way it’s what I’ve been seeking in my many brief, meaningless liaisons. Can’t you be happy for me?

There now, wasn’t that a treat? Once science perfects the battery operated turkey baster she’ll never have to leave the house. On a side note, stay away from Kim Catrell’s place around Thanksgiving! I’m told the food has a funky flavor.

Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting: Katie Price involved in brawl

Katie Price was knocked to the ground by a gang of gipsy bare-knuckle boxers on Saturday night

Now you just couldn’t make up a headline like that if your tried. If you’re Katie Jordan Price it’s just one of the many improbable situations you find yourself in as you go around stirring up trouble and trying to get attention. Seems that Katie was out and about Saturday night with her cage fighter boyfriend Alex Reid. They were taking in a mixed martial arts event at the Heathrow Radison when a group of drunken gypsy bare knuckle brawlers took acception to Ried’s attitude.

According to one of the pack – Tony Giles – the group took exception to Reid. They felt he was putting on airs. Says Giles to The Sun: “He wound me up. He’s an arrogant wanker who was walking around like he owned the place. We had a problem with him and were going to sort it out but he chickened out.” Now what Giles means by take care of it is that some punches got thrown. The first knocked Jordan on the floor. Now Jordan is pretty well protected against almost any calamity since her massive fake boobage not only doubles as a personal flotation device when at sea, but can serve as air bags during an auto crash. They’re also easy to spot from the air should her plane go down. So she’s practically impervious behind those silicone mountains.

Reid’s friend’s didn’t see it that way. So one thing led to another. That lead to the riot squad getting called out. When I say riot squad it isn’t a humorous exaggeration (like Jordan’s breasts). 10 police cars and an actual riot squad arrived on the scene! It ended well enough though. There were no arrests, and neither Jordan nor her street fightin’ man were injured. Like I say, she’s impervious!

Remember to keep reading Wondertrash, ’cause Megan Fox is still talking and that means there’ll be plenty to report on!

Happy Labor Day from Wondertrash

Michael Jackson Still Alive?

Inquiring minds – won’t let the dead rest

Attention conspiracy theorists! The following video purports to show Michael Jackson making his own way out of a corner’s van after his supposed death!

So when he said he’d wind up like Elvis did he mean dying of a pill overdose, or faking his own death to escape mounting financial difficulties? Of course there is a third possibility, and that is the video is some ridiculous fake.

However, if I may be facetious for a moment, why would anyone want to fake a video of Michael Jackson jumping out of a coroner’s van? Doesn’t it make much less sense to believe that this is some kind of elaborate scheme? Therefore based on a fundamental principal of paranoid thinking – if it makes less sense then it’s more likely to be true! Michael Jackson’s still out there people, I’d bet my tin foil hat on it!

Of course there is a forth and even more bizarre possibility. Maybe, like the character in the Douglas Adams Hitchhiker’s trilogy, he’s spending a year dead for tax purposes.