Jerri Blank 101: Go With What You Know

Now for those unfamiliar with Amy Sedaris the last post might need some clarification by way of background. Amy is the younger sister of humouritst David Sedaris. She is also an American comedienne and actress. She got her start doing skectch comedy and improve witht he Second City group, where she met Stephen Colbert and Paul Dinello. Together they devised the character of Jerri Blank.

Jerri Blank is Phyllis Diller on meth

Blank is heavily based on anti drug spokes person Florrie Fischer. Fischer appeared in a number of film reels in which she shared her drug experiences with high school students in an attempt to scare them straight! Though her talks were graphic the films became popular with educators and were show in high schools through out America in the 60’s & early 70’s.

Sedaris, Colbert, and Dinello used their adaption of the Fischer character in their sketch comedy. Eventually they devised a series for Comedy Central based on the Jerri Blank character called Strangers With Candy. It features the Fischer spoof pinking up her life exactly where she had left it off when she went off the rails on drugs. That meant she had to return to high school (Flatpoint High – home of the Concrete Donkey) and once again live at home with her parents as a 46 year old adolescent. The absurdity of the situation lent it’s self to some pretty strong social satire, and Sedaris began to get national notice.

I like Candy!

Strangers With Candy lasted 3 years. It was so popular among it’s fan base that it was eventually adapted as a movie in 2006, staring Colbert, Dinello, and Sedaris reprising their roles. For those unfamiliar with Jerri Blank, here’s is Sedaris as her best known character in an abridged version of episode one of Strangers With Candy, called Old Habits and New Beginnings! It will allow you to get a sense of Sedaris comedic capabilities, and give you a glimpse at Stephen Colbert in action before he became a household name. Enjoy!

Boozer User & Loser is Amongst ‘The Best and the Brightest’

TV Nostalgia – Theme From The Paperchase

Xenia Seeberg Spousal Abuse?

A couple of posts ago Wondertrash reported on the separation of Lexx actress Xenia Seeberg from her husband Sven Martinek. Thought he couple had gone the separate ways both were still professing love for each other, and Martinek was still insisting that he was not single. They were even photographed together as recently as early this month, often attending movie premiers together. This lead some to question how serious the separation was, even though Seeberg had given some interviews stating categorically that it was over.

LEXX knock out & husband come to blows?

Well it appears that the marriage is indeed over and that the problems ran deeper than anyone suspected. Both Seeberg and Martinek attended the recent Inglourious Basterds premier in Germany. This time however Martinek appeared with a new date. Whats more his appearance has triggered talk that his relationship with his estranged wife has reached the point of physical abuse.

It’s Clobberin’ Time!

Now I’d better clarify this. According to the Berlin Morning Post Sven showed up to the premier not only escorting a new friend but wearing an eyepatch. You might think that this was a fashion statement, or even a gesture of tribute to Tarantino. Some of the characters in his movies wear eye patches. This was not the case. When asked aboutt he patch, Martinek admitted that he had a black eye. He claimed that it was from an accident. However some in the know are claiming that in fact he got the shiner as a going away present from Seeberg. It seems that the lady hauled off and nailed him in the side of the face. Now if you doubt that Seeberg could do that kind of damage you should know that she is trained in Tai Kwon Do. So it looks like he’s got something to remember he by!

PS For the many fans of LEXX, here’s the latest picture of Zev 1 (before her regeneration into Xev/Xenia), the lovely and talented Eva Habermann.

Purple really is her colour. Incidentally Eva, Xenia, and Sven all worked together in German TV series Der Clown. Now a parting shot of Xenia.

Ain’t she sweet? BTW Xenia’s real/birth name is Anke Wesenberg.

Skank in NYC

Now when your Lindsay Lohan you can lose track of things. For instance she’s had a lot of lost time and memory lapses. This time however Lindsay lost something more tangible in the form of her cell phone! Linz was a Mott Street deli in NYC to make one of her infrequent food stops. After ordering her grub and exiting from the premises she noticed that her self phone had gone missing.

Phone Freaking

Lindz did an immediate about face and high tailed it back to the deli retrieve the missing cell. You can’t be too careful with those things and especially when you’re a celeb. The info contained in that cell in the form of text messages (like her recent message to Slash in which she offer oral sex in exchange for guitar lessons), pix, and VIP phone #’s mean that it would be a major problem if it fell into the wrong hands!

Lindsay gets her panic button pushed!

So Lindz goes back into the deli and asks the server for her phone back. This is where the story ‘goes Lohan’. The server doesn’t hand the phone over, but instead insists on reviewing the security cam tapes, just to be on the safe side. Now Lindz must’ve had some kind of bad experience with security tapes somewhere along the way (I can only imagine) because that makes her freak out completely. Now when I say that Lindz freaked out I mean that police got summoned to the scene to diffuse the situation. As it turned out the employee wasn’t being difficult. She just had no clue who Lindsay was. That’s understandable. it’s been a while since Lindsay has done any serious work. If she’d only ordered delivery instead of going for take out this would’ve been avoided: she’d have gotten her grub and kept track of her phone!

PS The recently outed SkanksInNYC writer isn’t the only entertainment blogger who’s just gotten in trouble.

busted!

Ryan Jenkins Update

Skanks in NYC

Bloggers vs models: it’s becoming a worse rivalry than cats and dogs!

“the greater the truth, the greater the libel”

So it seems that the mystery blogger who was harassing Liskula Cohen (rhymes with Dracula) is no longer a mystery. That’s good too since the mystery blogger said lots of bad stuff about Liskula like: she smells bad, is promiscuous, is mental, has cooties in her underpants, and that her name sounds like an Iron Curtain mouthwash from back before the fall of the Berlin Wall (OK I made those last 2 up).

Psychotic is in the eye of the beholder? Here’s looking at you, kid!

Mind you Liskula comes off a little psychotic to me. I’m not saying that she is psychotic, or that she acts psychotic, or has any remotely psychotic. It’s just my subjective impression (now that SkanksInNYC’s cover has got blown we all have to be more careful about what we post, & remember where the line has been drawn, allegedly!).

Speaking out of both sides of her mouth? She doesn’t have a one track mind!

Now why would I get that impression? Maybe it’s all those rapid lane changes her train of thought seems to take. Changes like ‘the blogger is a pathetic girl who has nothing better to do than obsess about me’, but on the other hand ‘why should I let this go?’. Then there’s ‘I’ve forgiven her so that I can get onto the next stage of pursuing legal options against her, maybe’ (I’ve paraphrased these statements). Being able to see both sides of an issue doesn’t make her dishonest.

Model is in a swinging mood – hysterical or just histrionic?

Then there was her crying jag at the end of the interview.Of course being in touch with your meotions doesn’t make you crazy; unless you emotions are of the up & down mood swing variety, or they make you do strange stuff like laugh and cry on national TV in the course of one 10 minute interview, allegedly. In fact I can’t even say that Liskula was crying on camera. There were know tears or sniffles. Maybe she made that face because she was holding back a fart or something. I’m sure that Skankblog’s cruel teasing about her body odor and personal hygiene issues (and we all have them in one form or another) has her a little self conscious about such things.

Rogue celebs are vindicated by the system: the wheel is crooked but it’s the only game in town!

Besides a psychotic skank couldn’t have won a land mark legal case. Well that is unless there were one of those types who use the system or exploit loopholes – generally speaking. Or if they were Paris Hilton. She’s legal Teflon most of the time. Of course some of those famous substances abusing emotional basket cases like Naomi Campbell, Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, etc., seem to routinely get the better of the legal system. I’m not implying that our legal system doesn’t quite know what to do with rogue celebs such as OJ Simpson for instance. You may infer that if you wish to so construe.

The glass is half full

Besides, this verdict is really a win win win scenario:

• Bloggers will probably be a lot more cautious about what we post now. So that’s bound to make our writing a lot more vague and incoherent as we hedge in an attempt to protect ourselves against possible legal retribution from people with nothing better to do than obsesses about what we post (Which wouldn’t make them sad and pathetic or anything). Just like the legitimate mainstream press (By incoherent writing I mean have you read TIME or Newsweek lately? Of course for the sake of precision, and lest those illustrious journals take issue, i should say ‘alleged’ writing. I don’t want to commit myself on that!).

• Liskula also got a lot of attention out of that, which she may or may not enjoy. Before SkanksInNYC no one knew who she was! Now she’s sitting down with Diane Sawyer! I fear that she might be getting even more attention in the near furutre since she doesn’t seem like the type to let things go. Why should she?

• Finally this couldn’t have come at a worse time for Kirstie Alley. She recently tweeted that National Enquirer reporter Sarah Cordes has anal leakage. She has also been leading people to believe that Cordes is the one who wrote her “4 Years To Live” cover story for the NE. Since both claims are unsubstantiated, that might give Cordes a liable case against Alley! Alley isn’t the only celeb to let her fingers to the talking. Verbal diarrhea is an epidemic on Twitter (and reaching global pandemic proportions fast!), though I can’t say whether celebs are generally afflicted by anal leakage or not! So this new litigious attitude engendered by Ms. Cohen could become an alleged double edged sword! Like Liskula herself says “why should anyone let this kind of thing go?”

The National Enquirer is half baked. Kirstie Alley goes off half cocked!

Now Kirstie Alley admits to not doing any kind of fact check on the stuff she posts (which even the NE would do, or might do, allegedly. I want o be careful about committing myself to any of these statements). Whether or not Cordes & co have a basis for a libel suite, there might be clear grounds here for a harassment case!

Julia Voth Engaged, Maybe

For a chick who’s done some modeling in Japan and starred in a limited release low budget B flack (Bitchslap) Julia Voth has been stirring up significant buzz. Maybe that’s because at 5’8″ with blue eyes, flawless white skin, and the kind of a face sculptors immortalize in marble, she’s like Milla Jovovich 2.0 (she was the model Resident Evil game designers used for Jill Valentine). Since she was posted on Wondertrash a little while ago (as a possible candidate for Wonder Woman) she’s been pulling in a lot of traffic via websearches. Not bad for a Prairie girl who’s not so sure about this whole acting thing yet (Julia has a book in the works that she’s very excited about!).

A lot of guys want to know whether Voth is single and looking or already taken. Like you’d have to ask! Her Myspace page lists her as “in a relationship” (Mood: optimistic ) . Now before you stalker types start thinking that it’s just something she posts to deter the other stalkers while waiting chastely for you, let me warn you – that’s just the voices in your head talking. Rumour has it that Julia is not only seeing someone seriously, but that they are engaged! Who might that lucky fellow be? According to unfounded web rumours (which are way more reliable than those ‘voices’), the dude is Yoshiki of X Japan.

Now this isn’t only unfounded web rumour. The Japanese media are going with it too. Julia & Yoshiki have been spotted out and about together frequently (most recently she accompanied him to an anime convention in California). There’s other evidence too. Julia list’s Japan as her favourite place on her Myspace page, along with the Praires and LA. Now I can hear you all thinking “That’s a bit circumstantial” (my voices have been eaves dropping on your voices!). So let my present my final piece of evidence to cinch the argument.

See that thing circled in red on Julia’s hand? That’s called a ring. It’s new, shiny, and of the engagement variety. Is a shiny new ring evidence of an engagement? Well Jennifer Love Hewitt was recently placated with a ‘commitment bracelet’ (God bless her little heart, she’s so easy to believe. Maybe she’s just desperate & deluded!). Bright, shiny, expensive rocks require alot of commitment. So case closed (for now anyway). Don’t say that I don’t dig this stuff up for you, instead of just cut and pasting stories like some of those other famous celebrity blogger whom I won’t mention ahem *perezhilton*. Whether his juice is fresh or concentrate, he’s been squeezed so dry his pips are starting to squeak!

Megan Fox Is Really a Man!

Food For Thought – Megan Fox PSA

Now a public service announcement from a celebrity who cares, the lovely and talented Megan Fox!

Nothing is more important than being who you are, and nothing is more natural then killing and eating. That’s called the food chain and I believe such lofty intellects as Charles Darwin, among others, had something to say on it. Though in fairness to Ole Chuck I doubt he ever envisioned natural selection/survival of the fittest as involving possessed cheerleaders or killer robots from space. That’s what sets Hollywood apart from science – vision & imagination! Besides, you can’t really argue with Ms. Fox’s ruthless logic (except with biting sarcasm?)! Now here’s some one else with something to say on the survival of the fittest!

If we know anything we know that man has survived and dominated this world because of his godlike intellect for which the sky is the limit! Okay, I admit that I’m being a bit facetious on that score. If intelligence determined survival, we’d have gone extinct as a species long ago. Let’s face it, for most of our colourful history it seems like our think tanks have been running on empty. Thank God there’s a little grace in the survival equation.