Love is a many splendored thing

Now a lot has broken over the past 24 hours. Enough to make everyone say “Tiger who?” So lets try to get you up to speed with all the shit that’s fit to print.

It’s not good for Wood

Ron Wood – of the Rolling Stones (although these days their rolling is done with the assistance of wheelchairs) – has been arrested or something for assaulting his twenty year old Russian Barmaid girlfriend Ekaterina Ivanova (not even she can pronounce her own name after a few drinks, & usually introduces herself as “I’m with Ronnie”). At his age and in his condition (his condition is only slightly healthier than that of Mr. Burns on the Simpsons) I doubt he could’ve done any real damage. Still it looks like Ekaterina won’t have to hump that withered old cadaver much longer. She don’t need to screw when she got leverage. Besides, ever since Chris Brown celebs are very nervous about getting caught slapping the shit out of their significant others.

Rapper accused of diddling

Rapper Pleasure P has been arrested for sexually molesting a 4 year old. That juicy little tidbit was broken by a site called Word On The Streets. When police arrived Marcus had just finished with one 4 year old and was about to start on another! If it’s any consolation Marcus did keep it in the family. The boy molested was his nephew. Now lest you think that this is just talk on the streets, here’s some of the paper work courtesy of Straight From The A.

Pleasure P arrest documents

Fergie is going Aniston

Fergie has turned from romance to alcohol and self pity after learning that her hubby Josh Dummell had steamy sex with an Atlanta stripper/hooker Nicole Forrester. The shock of learning that her marriage wasn’t everything that she deluded herself into thinking that it was has sent her out on a pity party of Jennifer Aniston proportions with close friend Kate Hudson. Fergie cried, complained, and drank while Kate tried to look interested and supportive. What a wing ding that must’ve been! BTW here a picture of ‘not your average stripper” Nic Forrester courtesy of TheHollywoodGossip.

Fergie stripper Nicole Forrester
Just because there has been a recent explosion of celebrity smut doesn’t mean that Tiger is gonna get off of the hook. Here’s an amusing little remix of some of his voicemails courtesy of halfoftoday on youtube!

Now on to the fine print and America’s favourite sham marriage

Now as for Tiger and the heroic gold digging wife Elin – do you think that they can work through this? The following picture shows some very promising signs.

Tiger and Elin Woods have it out

“Heroic” Elin renegotiates for a raise – like any good team player!

Communication is the key to any doomed relationship. By the looks of that picture they’re communicating at decibel levels unsafe for military installations. Besides they are currently working hard on renegotiating Elin’s prenup (think of a prenuptial agreement as “marriage insurance”, and a very sensible precaution nowadays). If she can stick it out 2 more years she’s gets a whopping 55 mill! Good luck you two crazy kids, & remember, whatever your problems try not to break the scenery.

Silence is golden

BTW considering the number of people who are denying they screwed Tiger but do have text messages from him saying how great they were in the sack, it looks like lots of people are being paid to shut the fuck up. Whether or not love is a many splendored thing, silence might well be golden!


Wondertrash: the Mission Statement

Behind the facade of everyday life a battle is being waged!

Remember that Hollywood has a greater incidence of deals with darkness than anywhere else on earth. Entertainment industry morlocks are a plague that must be stopped!